A/N: READ THIS!!! I will be gone, with no computer access, until at least the 14th of October. Don't email me or expect more chapters from me until then. Bon voyage, me! See you all in... about two weeks!
Chapter 5 - Bes Pelargic No Baka
"Iiiiiyaaaaaaaaaa," Roberta moaned, her voice echoing in the bucket.
Louisa patted her on the back absent-mindedly. "Get hit hall hout, dear," she said.
"Blergh."
Someone pounded on the door. Roberta groaned.
"Ai'm coming, Ai'm coming," Louisa trilled, checking her curls in the large mirror. She opened the door.
"SHE'S A WOMAN?!" Theodora yelled, grasping Wilhelmina by the upper arm. Wilhelmina giggled.
"hWhat are hyou carrying hon habout?" Louisa sniffed, the warm waves of dread creeping up her throat.
"WE WERE-" Theodora paused, her eyes unfocused for a second. "What we were doing is unimportant. But... SHE'S A WOMAN?! A WOMAN IN THE BLUE CAT CLUB?!?"
"Grey hwas female," Louisa pointed out.
Theodora went a little red. "Only TECHNICALLY! Grey was as masculine as Wil... helm..." Theodora stopped, paled, and looked down.
"Purple wuffle-bangers are after me," Wilhelmina sobbed, her face buried in Theodora's skirt.
Theodora looked back at Louisa, her eyes wild. "CONTINUING," she squeaked, "did she think no one would NOTICE?"
"hWe saved on padding, thats for sure," Louisa said dismissively, glancing nervously back into the darkened state room. Roberta was making noises again.
"You mean you KNEW?!?!? How COULD you?!"
"Theodore hArthur Schmittenheimer!!!" Louisa roared. "Ai found hyou beaten to hwithin an inch of hyour hlife in the strrrreets hof Quirm! Don't hyou think that hperhaps OTHERS have shared hyour misfortune?!"
"You called me Theodore," Theodora whispered, aghast.
"And so Ai did! Ai think Ai am hALLOWED, considering hit is hyour NAME!"
"I used to know a Theodore," Wilhelmina said from the floor. "He wore chickens on his head."
"hWilhelmina was denied hentrance to hall of the other clubs in hAnkh-Morpork because her build hmade her hless hATTRACTIVE-" she spat the word, "to hmen. She couldn't DO anything else! The only thing she has a head for is drink, hand hyou can't get drunk for a hliving."
"More's the pity," Wilhelmina commented.
"Well, I'M not sharing a room with her," Theodora sniffed. "My father always told me that women were sex-crazed wolves."
"That's hmen, dear."
"Not according to HIM."
"And he probably hwondered hwhat he did hwrong."
Theodora sighed, and stared down at Wilhelmina giggling on the floor. "I'll... I'll... I'll just pretend that nothing happened," she said finally, looking guilty.
"Good hman," Louisa said, beaming.
"But then of course there's the cabin boy," Theodora reflected.
Louisa stared at her.
"Oh," said Tokidoki. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
The evening had ended rather abruptly. His head hurt. He felt nauseous. His toenails ached.
He sat up, and pain crashed over his temples in great throbbing waves. He let loose the only word that was suitable for a situation like this.
"Oi," said Tokidoki, with feeling.
The door opened. He looked up into the face of Louisa, and immediately wished for new underwear.
"Good hnews," she hissed, pulling him up off the floor by his collar. "hYou've been hrecruited."
"Wheeee!" Wilhelmina said.
Chapter 5 - Bes Pelargic No Baka
"Iiiiiyaaaaaaaaaa," Roberta moaned, her voice echoing in the bucket.
Louisa patted her on the back absent-mindedly. "Get hit hall hout, dear," she said.
"Blergh."
Someone pounded on the door. Roberta groaned.
"Ai'm coming, Ai'm coming," Louisa trilled, checking her curls in the large mirror. She opened the door.
"SHE'S A WOMAN?!" Theodora yelled, grasping Wilhelmina by the upper arm. Wilhelmina giggled.
"hWhat are hyou carrying hon habout?" Louisa sniffed, the warm waves of dread creeping up her throat.
"WE WERE-" Theodora paused, her eyes unfocused for a second. "What we were doing is unimportant. But... SHE'S A WOMAN?! A WOMAN IN THE BLUE CAT CLUB?!?"
"Grey hwas female," Louisa pointed out.
Theodora went a little red. "Only TECHNICALLY! Grey was as masculine as Wil... helm..." Theodora stopped, paled, and looked down.
"Purple wuffle-bangers are after me," Wilhelmina sobbed, her face buried in Theodora's skirt.
Theodora looked back at Louisa, her eyes wild. "CONTINUING," she squeaked, "did she think no one would NOTICE?"
"hWe saved on padding, thats for sure," Louisa said dismissively, glancing nervously back into the darkened state room. Roberta was making noises again.
"You mean you KNEW?!?!? How COULD you?!"
"Theodore hArthur Schmittenheimer!!!" Louisa roared. "Ai found hyou beaten to hwithin an inch of hyour hlife in the strrrreets hof Quirm! Don't hyou think that hperhaps OTHERS have shared hyour misfortune?!"
"You called me Theodore," Theodora whispered, aghast.
"And so Ai did! Ai think Ai am hALLOWED, considering hit is hyour NAME!"
"I used to know a Theodore," Wilhelmina said from the floor. "He wore chickens on his head."
"hWilhelmina was denied hentrance to hall of the other clubs in hAnkh-Morpork because her build hmade her hless hATTRACTIVE-" she spat the word, "to hmen. She couldn't DO anything else! The only thing she has a head for is drink, hand hyou can't get drunk for a hliving."
"More's the pity," Wilhelmina commented.
"Well, I'M not sharing a room with her," Theodora sniffed. "My father always told me that women were sex-crazed wolves."
"That's hmen, dear."
"Not according to HIM."
"And he probably hwondered hwhat he did hwrong."
Theodora sighed, and stared down at Wilhelmina giggling on the floor. "I'll... I'll... I'll just pretend that nothing happened," she said finally, looking guilty.
"Good hman," Louisa said, beaming.
"But then of course there's the cabin boy," Theodora reflected.
Louisa stared at her.
"Oh," said Tokidoki. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
The evening had ended rather abruptly. His head hurt. He felt nauseous. His toenails ached.
He sat up, and pain crashed over his temples in great throbbing waves. He let loose the only word that was suitable for a situation like this.
"Oi," said Tokidoki, with feeling.
The door opened. He looked up into the face of Louisa, and immediately wished for new underwear.
"Good hnews," she hissed, pulling him up off the floor by his collar. "hYou've been hrecruited."
"Wheeee!" Wilhelmina said.