It was Xu's satisfied grin that had set him off. She stood there on the other side of the bars, and she didn't even bother to hide her pleasure at seeing him trapped. Seifer had picked up the small chair and hurled it at her, and he'd screamed every obscenity he knew as she'd laughed when the chair hit the bars and fell to the floor.
Seifer proceeded to ransack the room, pitching everything he could in a fiery rage. The bed crashed to the floor, spilling it's stained mattress onto the bare concrete. The desk too was tipped over, and the pencils and paper scattered around his feet. And all Xu could do was stand there and grin, while Nida and Squall watched with a shocked fascination.
Once he'd calmed down, they'd drugged him, then taken everything but his boxer shorts. It was Squall's decision to leave him with that little shred of dignity, and Seifer couldn't help but feel a little grateful, though he'd never admit it. But now, he was freezing as he lay against the concrete, and he couldn't fall asleep with nothing between his skin and the icy floor. At least when he'd been on the streets, he'd had a couple layers of clothing between his body and whatever place he chose to sleep.
After a while, he sat up and leaned back against the wall. It too was cold, but at least it didn't hurt as the floor had.
He thought of Quistis, then, and he grew angry once more. Why had she done this to him? Why hadn't she just left him alone in the first place? He could understand the others and their motivation, but not hers. Quistis had always been the one to stick up for him when he'd screwed up, and no matter how many times he'd failed, she still managed to have faith in him.
Except for that last Field Exam. He remembered the look of disappointment in her eyes as she'd stared across the room at him as the names were read off. His hadn't been one of them, and she'd merely shook her head and turned away, unable to find anything encouraging to say for the first time. She had thought him beyond hope. He heard it in her voice later, as she locked him in a cell much like the one he sat in now, and he'd seen it in her eyes, too.
He dozed, but was soon awoken by the sound of voices arguing in the
corridor near by. He listened close and he found he could hear both
speakers. He listened with interest when he recognized the voices.
"What do you mean there's not going to be a trial?" Quistis asked Squall as they stood at the entrance to the detention center, where Seifer was being held until he would be transported to Deling City for execution.
"Just what I said. There's no trial." Squall said.
"That's not fair!" Quistis cried and she grabbed him by the arm. "You can not let them do this, Squall. You can't! It's not right."
"What do you expect me to do, Quistis? My hands are tied here. I wish there was something we could do, but we can't."
Quistis felt her heart breaking. She couldn't let this happen. She'd finally been given a chance to find true love, and it had been taken from her before she'd even realized how much she'd cared. It wasn't fair! There must be something that could be done. At least with the benefit of a trial, there would be a chance he'd be set free. A slim one, but at least there was a chance. To execute a man without hearing his side of the story was criminal in itself, for even a guilty man was entitled to a trial. A trial at least gave hope to a hopeless situation, and she'd put up a fight if she had to.
"So you're just going to hand him over and let him be killed. You're just going to let them execute him without giving him a chance to tell them what happened." Her voice was bitter, and tears sprang to her eyes.
Squall hesitated before speaking, and his eyes softened a little as he stepped closer to her. "Why does this matter so much to you?"
"Why doesn't it matter to you?" she fired back and she gave him a rough shove, pushing him back against the wall. "Are you really that heartless? He deserves a fair hearing, and you know it, Squall Leonhart!"
"Damn it, Quistis, I agree with you! He deserves to be heard, but they're not going to listen to a word he says! Why can't you understand that?"
"If they won't listen, then we make them listen!" she yelled. "Now, get your ass upstairs and start making some phone calls or I swear to Hyne, I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life!" Quistis meant what she said. If Squall sat back and did nothing about this, then he would have to pay for letting it happen.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Squall asked softly. His piercing blue eyes searched her face as they never had before.
"Give me the keys I want to see him." she demanded and held out her hand.
"Quistis?" he asked. "Are you in love with him?"
"I said give me the keys." She turned her face away from his gaze so that he could see how deeply she cared. She didn't want Squall to know the truth, for he would never understand.
Quistis herself didn't fully understand why her heart had chosen Seifer and not another. Seifer had hardly been back two weeks, and Quistis couldn't quite explain how it had happened. When she'd imagined herself in love, she'd always pictured herself with a man like Squall, brave, honest and strong, but more sensitive. She wanted a man who could speak his mind, but not use words to hurt her. She wanted a man who was well educated, and could appreciate literature and the sciences as she did.
Seifer was not that man, and Quistis knew it. He was educated, but she doubted that he cared about physics or poetry. Just the same, she couldn't shake the certainty that he was the only man for her, whether they made sense or not. Sometimes, what you want, and what you need are completely different things.
"Hyne Almighty, Quistis, please don't tell me you're in love with him," Squall said in a quiet, pleading voice that was on the ragged edge of tears. "Please say it's not true."
"I'm in love with him!" Quistis screamed back at him, unable to hold it in. Her whole demeanor collapsed and she pressed her hands to her face to cover her tears. "I love him, Squall. I don't want him to die."
Squall sighed and pulled her into a tight embrace. "How could
you be so stupid?!" he whispered as he let her sob into his chest.
"Of all things, you go and fall in love with a doomed man."
Seifer had heard her say it. He'd heard every single word, and it had brought him momentary joy to know that his feelings were returned. Then he realized, he could never reciprocate, he would never be able to spend his life with her, because he would die in the next week or so. He felt more cheated now than he had when he'd thought she'd tricked him into coming back. Cheated, because it was his chance too. It had been his chance to have someone care about him, something he'd never had before, and now, when someone did, he wouldn't be able to reap the benefits.
He knew, also, that if Quistis knew his feelings, it would break her heart when they took him away. As strong as his feelings for her, he couldn't let this be. He couldn't let her be hurt more than she already would by his death. He didn't have the heart to do that too her. It seemed cruel.
So when he heard her turn the key in the lock, he resolved that he'd be indifferent towards her, caustic even. He could only drive her away so that maybe, he'd take away some of the hurt she'd feel later. "Go away, Instructor," he said as she approached.
"I can't do that, Seifer," she said and she sat down beside him.
"Did you come to gloat?" he asked. "I'm not in the mood to hear it if you did."
She shook her head and placed her hand on his arm. "Hyne, Seifer, you're freezing!"
"I'll be fine."
"No," she said indignantly. "This isn't right. You could get sick."
"Who cares? I'm about to die anyway."
"I care," she said and got to her feet. Her heels clicked against the concrete floor as she stomped towards the door. "You should at least have a blanket!"
When she returned a few moments later, she held in her hands two thick woolen blankets and a flat pillow. "Here," she said and handed the bundle to him.
He took them, but instead of covering up, he merely set them down beside him and stared at the wall across from him. This was harder than he thought. "I don't need your pity, Instructor."
"Seifer, stop it," she hissed. "You're upset with me, fine, but don't be a jerk! I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to get you a hearing, Seifer, a fair chance!"
"You're wasting your time, then. I don't want your help. It was your help that got me into this in the first place! If you'd just left me alone, none of this would have happened!"
Quistis stared at him with a mixture of anger and hurt in her eyes, and Seifer felt guilty, but he couldn't relent, or he'd end up confessing his feelings. No, he had to piss her off, push her buttons in order to save her from going down with him, for he knew that's what would happen. As strong as she seemed, she would be easily broken if he told her the truth. If she knew, she'd shut down and then, she really would be alone for the rest of her life. He couldn't be responsible for that. He couldn't be the one to blame for her spending the rest of her life all alone. She deserved better than that.
And, in a way, he was protecting himself, too. It would be torture to have her touch him in a loving way, to have her look at him with affection in her lovely aqua eyes. If she were to put her arms around him right now, he would do something rash and stupid when the time came for him to go. If he was to die, then he'd die like a man, not some love sick fool begging for salvation. He would accept his punishment with dignity, and he'd do it without breaking Quistis' heart.
"You'll die without my help."
"Maybe I will," he said, "but I'm not going to be your charity case, so leave me the hell alone!"
"Why is it so hard for you to accept my help?!" she cried. "I know you want it. I know you don't want to die."
What she said was the truth, but whether he liked it or not, that was his fate. "Whether or not I have a trial, everyone still thinks I'm guilty. No matter what I say to them, they're still going to convict me, and I'm still going to die. It doesn't matter what I want. Not a damn thing matters!"
"You're wrong, Seifer!" Quistis screamed at him. "YOU matter! You matter to me, and I'm not going to let you die!"
"And how do you plan to keep that from happening?" he fired back. "Tell, me Instructor? What do you plan to do? Hide me away from the world? Plan my escape? How the hell are you going to stop this? The whole fucking world is after me! There's nowhere for me to run to, and there's nowhere for me to hide. Take your head out of your ass and face it!"
When Quistis began to sob, Seifer had to force himself not to pull her to him and apologize for everything he'd said. But, he knew if he did that, there'd be no turning back. He knew if he touched her, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from taking her right there if she let him. Instead, he let her cry while he sat silently against the wall doing absolutely nothing to comfort her.
He didn't know why it was he needed her so badly. Quistis wasn't the kind of girl he typically went after, from what he remembered anyhow. He'd always preferred a girl with flair, spunk and a sense of spontaneity. Girls like Rinoa. Quistis was none of those things. Her life was orderly, prepared in advance, and damned boring. She was uptight, and even a bit rigid most of the time, but Seifer had sensed a deep, underlying passion inside her that had gone untapped the night she'd lain in the bed with him.
Finally, after her sobs had turned into sniffles, Seifer asked, "Why do you want to help me?"
Quistis turned her face away from him and wiped her tears away. "Because I . . ."
"Because you what?"
"Because you need it."
Seifer was disappointed that she didn't say it to his face. He
didn't know why he'd asked, for it would only make this harder to hear
it from her in person. Maybe he was looking for a reason to believe
that things would be all right. "I don't need, or want anything from
you," he said coldly. "So please. Leave me the fuck alone."
Quistis ran to her room, tears streaming down her face. She ignored the concerned and shocked stares she received as she went. All she wanted to do was throw herself onto her bed and cry. She'd been sobbing off and on all day, and it made her eyes ache and burn as the tears once again slid down her cheeks. This time, though, her tears were not for Seifer, but for herself. She was angry at herself for caring so much, when he obviously didn't care about her. Hyne, she hated him for making her think he might have feelings for her!
She almost went so far as to think that she didn't care if he lived or died, but she did care. She cared more than she wanted to about Seifer and what awaited him. She didn't want to feel so strongly, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling that way, try as she might.
She unlocked her door and made for her bedroom as soon as she closed her door. However, a knock at the door interrupted her and she paused, uncertain as to whether or not she should answer. After a moment, she turned for her room but the knock came again.
"Quistis, open up. I know you're in there," Rinoa's voice called from the other side.
Quistis didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't want to see anyone, and she didn't want anyone to see her in this state, especially not Rinoa, who wouldn't understand even if she tried.
"Quisty?" Rinoa called again and she knocked louder. "I just saw you go in, so I know you're there. Please, open the door."
Rinoa knocked three more times before Quistis decided to answer. She pulled the door open a crack and stared out into the hallway at her friend.
"Are you ok?" Rinoa asked, and there was real concern in her voice.
"I'm fine," Quistis replied and she opened the door a little wider, letting Rinoa enter, despite her desire to be alone. It was obvious that Rinoa wouldn't have given up anyway. As always, duty came before personal matters. That was Quistis' life.
How sad and pathetic.
"You don't look fine," Rinoa said and she bit her lip. "Have you been crying?"
Despite her reluctance to admit it, Quistis nodded and turned towards the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.
"You want to talk about it?" Rinoa asked as she followed Quistis into the kitchen.
"Not really. I've had enough of Seifer Almasy for one day, thanks."
"Well, if you do need to talk, just remember, I'm right next door, ok?" Rinoa asked hopefully. "You can come to me any time."
Quistis nodded, and she burst into tears as her friend pulled her into a comforting embrace.
"Squall's working on it," Rinoa said in her ear. "He's doing everything he can."
Quistis didn't know how much difference it would make if Squall did. Seifer was right. There wasn't much chance of him being found innocent of his crimes, though she didn't say this to Rinoa. Even if Seifer told them everything, Quistis doubted he would be believed. It was like a plea of insanity. No one ever believed that, unless there was proof, and as far as Quistis knew, there wouldn't be any way to prove his actions were forced.
"It's going to be all right, Quisty," Rinoa said as Quistis pulled away and turned her back. "Whatever happens was meant to be."
Quistis took no comfort in Rinoa's words. It wouldn't be all right if Seifer died. She wouldn't be all right. As angry as she was at him, she didn't think he was mean to die. She could only hope that Squall could convince the powers that be to relent and give the man a fair trial. She could only hope that upon hearing his story, the judge and jury would have sympathy and set him free. It was a long shot, and maybe it was foolish to even hope for these things, but Quistis couldn't help it.
"Have you talked to him at all, Rinoa?" Quistis asked as she poured a mug full of coffee for herself, and then one for Rinoa.
"Seifer? Yeah, while you were sick, we talked a lot. He even apologized for handing me over to Adel," Rinoa replied as she accepted the coffee. "He wouldn't talk about Ultimecia, though. Said it was best if he didn't."
Quistis nodded and looked at the floor. "Do you think he's changed?"
"Definitely," Rinoa said in a firm voice. "He's not the big, bad meanie he used to be."
Quistis had to laugh at this. In Rinoa's book, a big, bad meanie was the worst thing a person could be, and Quistis remembered a certain commander had been called that on a number of occasions. She sipped her coffee and heaved a deep sigh from her lungs. "I can't believe how screwed up all this is."
"Quisty, you had to know when you brought him back here, there was a chance they'd take him, right? I mean, you knew it might happen."
"I suppose I did, I just didn't think . . . "
"You didn't think you'd care this much," Rinoa finished for her.
"I'm stupid, hunh?"
Rinoa shook her head and placed her hand on Quistis' arm. "It's
never stupid to care about someone else. Maybe it will end up badly,
but at least your heart is in the right place."
"Fithos . . . . Lusec . . . .Wecos . . . Vinosec . . . ."
They were all around him, his sorceresses. Sweet Matron. Hideous Adel. Innocent Rinoa . . . Ultimecia . . .
Their hands caressed his body as he lay upon a bed of soft down feathers. This was nice, this touching. It was erotic in a way, yet not sexual. It was just a gentle, relaxing sensation with the potential of something more. He didn't want it to stop, but he knew it would. They always stopped.
Soft hands twined in his hair, and he opened his eyes to see Quistis above him. Her hair fell down across his bare chest and tickled his skin ever so gently. There was an ethereal quality to her face, as that of an angel, and he pulled her closer. His lips met hers, and he found he was filled with a hot desire to have her, a great need to satisfy what he could not have in reality. Her hands touched him intimately as his own hands sought to touch her.
"Quis," he whispered as she had her way with him, and he closed his eyes against the pleasure of letting her take him.
After a moment, he opened his eyes. Screamed. It was not Quistis above him, but Ultimecia, and he tried in vain to push her away. This was not what he wanted!
"Don't you love me, Seifer?" Ultimecia asked, though it was Quistis' voice that spoke.
"Leave me alone! Hyne, just leave me alone!" He screamed over and over as he climbed from the bed.
"You are kursed," Ultimecia told him, and she pointed to the left, where Quistis sat on the floor with her arms wrapped around herself and she sobbed into her knees. "You will only bring pain and sorrow to those who kare about you."
Quistis looked up at him, and in her eyes, something had shattered. There was nothing sane behind them, nothing left of the woman he knew and loved, and Seifer knew it was his own doing. "Quis!" he screamed as he fought his way to her, but the harder he tried, the further away she became. "QUIS!"
Rinoa stepped in front of him, blocking his path to Quistis. She held up something metallic and shiny.
A razor blade.
"Fithos . . . Lusec . . ."
"Wecos . . . Vinosec . . ."
He pushed Rinoa out of the way and saw Quistis washed in blood.
In his own hand was the razor blade.
"Quistis!" Zell's voice called, waking her from sleep. "Damn it, Quistis, wake up!"
Quistis sat up and glanced at the clock and then at her dark bedroom window. It was the middle of the night. She'd lay down to take a short nap after Rinoa left, and was startled to find that she'd slept away most of the afternoon, and part of the night.
"Quistis!" Zell called again, and he began to pound on the door hard enough to make her window rattle.
Alarmed, she pulled on her robe and hurried to the door. Zell, who appeared near panic, took her by the hand and pulled her into the hallway. "It's Seifer. He's flipping out! Squall sent me to get you."
Quistis rubbed her eyes, which were sore and swollen from crying, and followed Zell to the basement. She knew it had to be something major for Zell to get involved. Zell, for all Quistis knew, hated Seifer. "What's he doing?" she asked as they stepped into the elevator.
"Screaming. He won't stop," Zell told her as he punched the button for the MD level.
"How long's this been going on?"
Zell shrugged. "Half an hour or so. The guards called Squall when they couldn't calm him down, but that didn't work either."
Quistis' heart pounded in her chest and she suddenly felt chilled. She pulled the robe tighter around her body and waited impatiently for the elevator to reach it's destination. "Do you still hate him?"
"I thought I did," Zell said thoughtfully, "but now . . . I don't know. I feel bad for the guy, but don't tell him I said that."
Quistis nodded and she stepped forward as the elevator came to a halt. It seemed as if the doors were taking an abnormally long time to open and she groaned in frustration. "Open, damn it!" she cried. As if on cue, they slid open and she hurried out into the corridor, her bare feet protesting the cold of the floor.
She could hear him screaming all the way there, and she felt like screaming along with him. Whatever it was he was experiencing, it was agonizing, and Quistis would do anything to make that pain go away. She knew, long after he stopped, she would still her his voice inside her head, for the rage and pain in it stabbed at her heart.
Quistis was not prepared for the way he paced his cell, or the way his face contorted in what appeared to be considerable anguish. His skin was flushed, but he shivered as if he were cold. In his eyes was a fiery rage, a madness that concerned her greatly. He gritted his teeth and rubbed his arms, and the screams still jerked from his throat, though he was growing hoarse.
Squall stood in front of the cell door, looking helpless and concerned. "Quistis, thank Hyne you're here."
"Let me in," she said flatly, and she never took her eyes off the pacing madman behind the steel bars.
"You don't want to go in there," he told her. "We tried to bring him down, but he wouldn't let us near him."
Quistis noticed there were four long scratches on the side of his face, and she knew what Squall said was true. "I said let me in," she demanded in a quiet voice.
Reluctantly, Squall fit a key into the lock and opened the door for her.
She stepped inside and then turned back to her friends. "Leave us."
"Not until he calms down a little," Squall replied.
"If I need your help, I'll call," she said, but she could see Squall was not going to back down. "Please, Squall. He's already been humiliated enough, don't you think? Let us be."
After a moment of hesitation, Squall nodded and took Zell by the arm. "Come on."
Once they'd gone from her sight, Quistis sighed and closed her eyes. How to calm down a crazed beast locked in a cage? She didn't know, but she was going to have to figure it out. "Seifer," she whispered and took a step in his direction. His head turned to her and he paused in mid scream.
"Seifer, It's me. Quistis," she said as she took another step closer. "You're all right."
All the rage drained out of him, and he stumbled to the wall, where he slid slowly down to his knees, panting heavily with his hands pressed to his face. "Why won't she leave me alone?" he pleaded. "Why won't she go away?"
Quistis went to him then, and hesitantly placed her hand on his head, afraid that he might attack her. "Shh," she said as she stroked his hair, which was damp with perspiration despite the chilly temperature in the room. "It was just a nightmare."
She felt so conflicted as she sat there beside him. She knew she should be distancing herself from him to save herself, but she couldn't in good conscience leave him to deal with this alone. If anything, she owed it to him to be there. If these were to be his last days, shouldn't she do anything in her power to make them easier? But then, once he was gone, who would make her days easier to bear? Who would calm her in the middle of the night, when the night terrors she was sure to have would wake her in a panic?
Her friends all had someone to turn to, while Quistis did not.
Once this was all over, there would be no one there to comfort her in her
loneliness and grief. Still, she didn't want to leave him alone.
If these were to be his last moments to live, then she wanted to spend
every single minute of it with him.
"Quistis?"
She opened her eyes and looked up to see Squall standing on the other side of the bars. She'd fallen asleep sitting up against the wall, while Seifer lay on the floor beneath a blanket, sleeping soundly. She got to her feet and went to the door as she rubbed the grit from her eyes.
"Is he all right?"
"For now," Quistis whispered as she stepped out into the hallway.
"We need to talk," Squall said as he paused and looked at her.
Quistis couldn't read his expression and she was worried. "Fine, but not here. I don't want to wake him."
"In my office, then."
In silence, they rode the elevator up to the third floor and in his office, she took a seat by the window, where the pair usually discussed work. Squall rarely wanted to sit at his desk, preferring the view by the window because he said it helped him think. It was already mid-morning, and the sun shone in, burning her sensitive eyes. On that particular day, she did not enjoy the view as she had in the past.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I've got good news and bad news," Squall said as he handed her a cup of coffee and took a seat across from her.
"Tell me."
"He's getting a trial," Squall said and he gave her a weak smile. "I had Laguna pull a few strings. He owed me a favor anyhow."
Quistis was overjoyed. She felt like hugging him, but she merely smiled and closed her eyes. Then, she remembered there was bad news too. "Tell me the rest."
Squall sighed and looked out the window. "The bad news is, we
only have three days to prepare a defense," he said. "And I have
no choice but to put you in charge."
***notes***
Mwaaa ha ha ha! I just want you to know this thing has turned into a BEAST of a story. *bangs head against keyboard* Oh why oh why did I get myself into this?! *L*
So many reviews! :) Thank you guys so much for reviewing....24 reviews is A LOT of reviews for one story....I never dreamed I'd get that kind of response in writing this.....so thanks!
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