Largo
(Camera zooms in on Katie and Emilee with more beer.)
Katie: And now, back to the show.
Emilee: Zazie…
(Zazie twitches and whimpers.)
Katie: When are we gonna talk about Largo?
Emilee: Fine…
Katie: When Largo was five…
(A picture of five-year-old Largo comes on screen. Hotaru screams and falls over twitching.)
Emilee: Can we get a medic in here?
(Two beavers in doctor's outfits carry Hotaru out of the
room on a stretcher.)
Katie: When Largo was five years old, he got a present. A speial little gift-
Emilee: Just tell them!
(Katie takes a long swig of beer.)
Katie: Named Legato.
(Emilee shakes her head sadly.)
Emilee: Poor child…
Katie: Yes…
Emilee: The night Legato was brought home was the happiest day in Largo's life.
Katie: The first thing Largo did when he saw his baby brother was poke him.
Emilee: To see if he would sing like his Barbie dolls!
Katie: Barbies?
Emilee: And Ken dolls.
(Katie hides under the news desk.)
Emilee: When Legato wouldn't sing, Largo soon found another use for him.
(A picture of Largo sitting on Legato lights up the
background. Zazie points and
laughs. Katie stands up with an evil
gleam in her eye.)
Katie: Does Zazie sing when you poke him?
Emilee: Let's see!
(Zazie starts to run, but the cords on his headphones yank
him back to the sound booth.)
Emilee: Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke!
Katie: He's not singing.
Emilee: Then on to step two. Zazie
sitting!
Michiru: CUT! As the director of this show,
I say no Zazie sitting!
Emilee: Aww…
Zazie: Get… Emilee… AWAY!
(Emilee ties Zazie to his chair.)
Zazie: What did I do to her?
(Katie drags Emilee back to the stage.)
Katie: Now, as I was saying, this abuse went on for many years.
(A home movie is shown. It shows Largo and Legato playing a game called "Master and
Slave.")
Largo: Must have piggyback ride, slave!
(Emilee stops the video.)
Emilee: This goes on for an hour or so. He never does pick him up.
Katie: Legato spent all the time he could away from Largo. He has been known to spend many hours in the
shower singing "I've got the urge."
(Emilee jumps up and down.)
Emilee: Do we have a sound clip of that?
Katie: Well… we did. He sort of took it
from me at gunpoint.
Emilee: Darn…
Katie: There were three major times when Legato fought his older brother.
Emilee: The first time was when Legato was ten and Largo ate the last of his
rice pudding.
Katie: Pudding…
(Katie finishes her beer, in memory of pudding, and tosses
it off stage, hitting Dr. Beaver.)
Dr. Beaver: Ow.
(Zazie points and laughs. Michiru hits him over the head.)
Emilee: You… you… HOW DARE YOU ABUSE THE GREAT ONE?!?!
(Michiru raises an eyebrow.)
Emilee: DIEEEEEEEEE!!!
(Emilee lunges at Michiru, hissing and clawing. Katie rushes to stop the fight, but decides
instead to open another beer and watch.)
AND NOW, A
WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.
(Knives and Wolfwood are standing in the middle of a grassy
field.)
Knives: …
Wolfwood: …
Knives: …
Wolfwood: …
Knives: So…
Wolfwood: Are we on?
Knives: I dunno.
Wolfwood: So…
Knives: Um…
Wolfwood: …
Knives: Have you ever seen Animal Farm?
Wolfwood: Yeah…
Knives: That's one scary movie…
(Wolfwood pulls out a tape dispenser and starts playing with
it. Knives pulls out a Snoopy PEZ
dispenser and shoves it in Wolfwood's face.)
Knives: Snoopy likes you…
(Wolfwood screams.)