Largo
(Katie and Emilee are sitting in big pink comfy armchairs…
with MORE BEER!!!.)
Katie: Sadly, Michiru is no longer with us.
Emilee: She's been taken by the beavers…
(A happy trumpet-blaring noise is heard in the
background. Everyone but Emilee glares
at Zazie, the sound guy.)
Katie: Anyway, this means that we need a new director. And someone to replace Hotaru-chan.
Emilee: Bring out our available choices!
(A disco ball comes out of the ceiling, and snappy disco
music starts playing.)
Katie: Director number ONE!!!
Emilee: Regis Philbin!!!
(Everyone sweatdrops as Regis walks on stage. The room is silent, then Zazie starts
clapping slowly.)
Katie: Um… Director number TWO!
(The music starts playing again.)
Emilee: WUFEI!!!
(Everyone claps as Wufei walks on screen wearing a disco
suit and sunglasses.)
Wufei: BOOYAH!!!
Katie: Director number three…
(A drumroll starts.)
Emilee: BARNEY!!!
(Barney walks on screen, and is immediately descended upon
by Kata-chan. Three seconds later,
there is no more Barney. Well, just
some puffy fabric.)
Katie: Okay… never mind.
Emilee: Cast your vote!
(The Jeopardy theme song plays.)
Katie: Who will be the new director? Wufei? Or Regis?
(Regis stares cockily at Wufei. Wufei gives him the finger. Regis scratches his butt. Wufei
picks his nose.)
Katie: And the votes are in!
Emilee: Who voted?
Katie: Our crew.
Emilee: Oh.
Katie: And the winner is…
(Drumroll starts up.)
Katie: Regis? What? WHO VOTED FOR REGIS?!
(Everyone looks down sheepishly.)
Wufei: This is an injustice! I demand a
recount!
(Wufei pulls out an Uzi and shoots Regis.)
Katie: It seems that Wufei wins by default.
("Stayin' Alive" starts playing.)
Sasami: Zazie!
Zazie: Sorry.
(The music stops. Wufei
sits down in his… well, Michiru's director's chair.)
Wufei: I'd like a Mountain Dew on the rocks!
(Nobody moves.)
Wufei: Come on, chop chop, the director can't wait all day!
Kata-chan: YES YOU CAN!!!
(Wufei sweatdrops.)
Wufei: Exactly what I was saying…
Katie: Good. Now, back to the
auditions.
Wufei: Hey! Wait! Son't I give the orders?!
Emilee: No, you're just here for comic relief.
Zazie: Like me. I just sit here and
annoy them.
(Emilee glomps Zazie.)
Emilee: Yes, but you're so CUTE!!!
Zazie: GET HER OFF ME!!!
Katie: Excuse us while we… um… restrain Emilee.
AND NOW, A
WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.
(Knives and Wolfwood are standing on a golf course.)
Knives: Oh, MAN!
Wolfwood: What's wrong, Knives? Masculine
itching?
Knives: How'd ya know?
Wolfwood: It's a guy thing. But
thankfully, there's a way to stop it.
Knives: Really?
Wolfwood: When your body heats up, enzymes can cause unsightly itching.
Knives: Boy howdy!
Wolfwood: But thankfully, there's new Itch-B-Gone!
Knives: Wow!
Wolfwood: And with just one scoop applied to the affected area…
(Knives starts unbuttoning his pants.)