Ok, here we go. Chapter 4! Took me a while to get it up. Got a little busy with Christmas and all…  got SOCOM: US Navy Seals and that game is soooo addictive and I've been playing it 24/7….  Not to mention my new year's resolution is to drink NO pop…which, if you knew me, you would realize is next to impossible so wish me luck! Well anyways, I hope you enjoy this ^_^  And I'd just like to thank Kristina who reviewed every chapter, and Negaprion too!  And to Crystal L. Tillman and Foxey and everyone else who reviewed, you've been a big inspiration!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

"Errrr…. I'd rather not." Ratchet said nervously.

"Come on! Don't be such a spoil-sport!" Optimus said earnestly. He was practically jumping up and down in excitement.

"I don't think it's such a good idea. It's pretty cruel."

"True, it's pretty cruel. But it's also funny as hell, and that counts for something."

Ratchet shifted nervously. "Are you sure this wont get traced back to me?" He looked nervous. Probably didn't want the crap beaten out of him. He's paranoid like that.

Optimus nodded. "Positive."

Ratchet sighed. "I'm going to regret this, but ok."

"Great! Call me when you're done." Optimus said, grinning. He's scary when he grins like that.

Ratchet flashed him a weary smile. I'm getting too old for this Optimus nodded and left the room. Ratchet stared after him, a thoughtful look on his face. I wonder where he gets it from... he never used to be so devious

Ratchet stared down at the prone form of Rodimus. I'm really going to regret doing this. Oh well, at least I'm getting paid He picked up some sort of medical tool (A/N: I'm not in the creative mood today) and poked at Rodimus' optics. Nodding to himself, he pulled a long wire out of a drawer. He hooked one end up to Rodimus and the other to his computer.

Sitting down in his computer chair, he turned on his PC. He opened up the programming for Rodimus' optics and stared at it for a moment. Then he opened Arcee's file.

"This is a piece of cake." Ratchet muttered to himself. "Almost too easy… maybe it's a sign from Primus! I'm destined to make Rodimus' life a living hell. Maybe I should make it a profession. I'd certainly be making more money. Being a mechanic sucks. Too many dead guys and people insisting they're fine. Ha! Like getting an arm chopped off is fine." Ratchet shook his head. "Kids nowadays…."

He glanced over Arcee's file. All it was was a detailed picture of Arcee with just her name under it. He deleted the text under Arcee's picture and carefully typed in 'ULTRA MAGNUS'. Then he opened up Magnus' file and deleted the text under his picture, this time typing in 'ARCEE'.

Ratchet grinned wickedly to himself. As much as he hated to do this, it'd be great to catch something like this on camera! Opening another drawer, he pulled out a tiny camera. "This should do the trick." He quickly installed the camera onto a part of Rodimus' body that we shall not identify here, seeing as it would be incriminating evidence. That done he picked up his phone and paged Optimus.

~~~Somewhere Else~~~

Feeling his pager beep, he unclipped it from his side and glanced at the text message that rode across the tiny screen.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" It read.

"What the hell!? Ratchet has been spending way too much time around Megatron." Optimus said, shaking his head. Putting his pager back in place he hurriedly walked down to Ultra's Magnus' office.

He raised his hand to knock on the door, then realized that there WAS no door. Shrugging, he stepped through the doorframe. 

"Still haven't fixed your door yet?" Optimus asked.

I whirled around in my chair. "Why on Cybertron would I bother getting a new door?! You'd just find another reason to blow it up! It's a waste of money I DON'T HAVE!" I yelled shrilly

Optimus held his hands up protectively. "Woah, down boy! It was a joke."

I didn't smile.

Optimus frowned at me. "I think you need a vacation."

I made a noise the sounded suspiciously like 'no shit Sherlock'. Optimus chose to ignore it. "Since you seem so eager to work, run down to the medical bay and pick up Rodimus."

I looked at him suspiciously. "What's Rodimus doing at the medical bay?"

Optimus coughed nervously. "Well, um, you see Rodimus was found trying to jump off the Headquarters roof."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Why on Cybertron would he do that!?"

Optimus stared fixedly at the wall behind my head. "Apparently, as far as we could figure out since his vocals seemed to be somewhat damaged-"

"Oh?" I inquired, trying really hard not to laugh.

Optimus glared. "-he said that he was being chased my rabid Earth chickens bent on universal domination or something like that."

I nodded knowingly. "Yeah, it happens."

"Indeed… well anyways, run down and pick him up. And tell him I said he has the day off to recover."

I nodded and Optimus turned around and walked out. A second later he poked his head back into the office and said. "Oh by the way, you may also take the day off with Rodimus. I want you to watch him and make sure he's ok."

"Yes sir." I said, pleased to have the day off. "I won't let him out of my sight."

"Y-You do that." Optimus, having a very hard time keeping his face strait. He quickly ducked his head back out. I was staring at the spot where Optimus' head had been when I suddenly heard Optimus running down the hallway, laughing his dainty little head off. I shook my head. "And he said I needed a vacation. Ha! I haven't had a vacation in centuries! Kids nowadays…"

~~~Medical Bay~~~

Rodimus felt someone knocking loudly on his head, and he forced his optics open. He found himself staring up at the beautiful form of Arcee.

"Hey there beautiful." He said slyly. Slowly getting up and stretching his body out, he looked very openly up and down Arcee's slender form. Arcee just looked at him in astonishment, her mouth hanging open.

"I always knew you had a thing for me. It's so nice of you to come by and pay me a visit." Rodimus said, and winked. Then suddenly remembering something, he jumped forward, grabbed Arcee by the shoulders, and asked frantically. "What time is it?!"

Arcee, who had been standing there staring at him in shock, glared "You have an internal clock you idiot, what kind of stupid question it that?!" she snapped.

"Oh right, my bad. Thanks for the help babe!" Rodimus said brightly and spanked Arcee before running out the door muttering something like, "I'm missing Sailor Moon!"

~~~Same place, same time~~~

I stared after Rodimus, my jaw practically dropping to the floor. Did he.... just.... spank me? Please Primus, tell me that didn't just happen. I replayed the entire episode in my head. I had walked into the medical bay to pick up Rodimus, just like Optimus told me to and… I paused as a sudden thought struck me. Optimus! This was his doing! I gasped out loud in astonishment. He made Rodimus gay! And now he likes me! Oh man, this week just keeps getting worse and worse. Please please Primus, tell me this isn't happening… I walked over to the wall and started to bang  my head against it.

Thud. This isn't happening.

Thud. This isn't happening.

Thud. This…isn't happening.

Thud. This…isn't happening?

Thud… this… is happening.

I groaned. Aghhhh, damnit, it's happening. I think I'm going to be scarred for life. I can just imagine the conversation I'll have with my psychiatrist...

Doctor: Magnus, what seems to be the problem?
Magnus: Well doctor, it seems my leader is sexually interested in me.
Doctor: I see.... what led you to believe this?
Magnus: Well doctor, he.... spanked me.
Doctor: He.... spanked you?
Magnus: Yes, he spanked me.
Doctor: I see.... well, sucks to be you
Magnus: ....

Yup, I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to be. Excuse me while I go throw up… I'm serious! I don't think I'll ever be the same again. And I want you, the reader, to think VERY hard about what just happened. I want you to imagine the whole thing in your head. Rodimus Prime, the Autobot second in command, just spanked me. SPANKED ME GOD DAMNIT!! I'm getting to old for this….

I turned around and looked in the mirror hanging on the wall. Critically I scan over myself, my eyes roaming up and down my body. Rodimus said I was beautiful.... what the hell was he talking about?! I'm dead ugly! I've battle scars in places you wouldn't dream of!! Plus, I'm way taller than him. He's puny! He's like a little midget compared to me! And I mean that in more than one way if you catch my drift…. AGH!! I gotta stop thinking like that! It's…warping my mind! I just gotta keep telling myself. Magnus, you're strait. Magnus, you're strait. Magnus, you're strait....

I must have been standing there zoning out telling myself that for quite some time because the next thing I knew, Optimus was banging on my chest screaming at me. So of course, I freaked. I'm sure you would have too. So don't give me that look.

"AHHHHH!! STOP TOUCHING ME!!" I shrieked.

Optimus jumped back alarmed. "Down boy! I was just trying to get your attention. It looked like you were drugged or something. What did you do with Rodimus?"

I was still breathing heavily at this point, so I didn't comment. That, and I was too embarrassed to say anything. Did I just think Optimus was sexually assaulting me or something? Stop it Magnus! You shouldn't even be thinking things like that! This isn't some hentai!

…. Is it? 'Cause I'm going to be seriously pissed if it is. And why the hell does Optimus keeps saying 'Down boy!'?! I'm not a dog!

I glanced in the mirror really quick. Nope, definitely not a dog.