Here's Ch.5!! I'm amazed! You guys love my story!! All the reviews I get really help me keep going, so thanks again to everyone who reviewed!! The idea for this chapter jumped into my head, so I had to write it and get it out. I'm sure you're screaming at me to skip the BS and get on wit the story, so onward I go! ;)

Seated in my beloved swivel chair, I sat at my desk, my fingers drumming repeatedly on its surface. I had no work that didn't involve leaving my office, something that I really didn't want to do. Rodimus could be anywhere and I really don't want to talk to him. Somehow the entire headquarters found out what had happened with me and Rodimus, and now I can't leave my office without someone sniggering at me or congratulating me. I can't decide which is worse... oh man, I hate my life. Maybe I should get a new job as a janitor or something. Less political intrigue.

Hearing my pager beep, I unclipped it from my side at stared at the fluorescent text that flew across the screen.

"Cart your ass down to my office. We need to talk."

No need to ask who the message was from. Only Optimus would say something like that. He seems to enjoy the role as the tough-take-no-crap-or-I'll-break-your-head-open leader. For some reason I can't fathom, he only practices this on me. I think the whole universe is in on a massive conspiracy to make my life miserable. Maybe I should be flattered to get so much attention… or not.

Heaving myself up out of my chair I walked towards my door…er…doorframe. The last thing I wasn't to do was leave my office, but Optimus specifically told me to 'cart my ass to his office'. Hmmm… loopholes…loopholes… come on Magnus, think!! …Aha! I got it! He never said all of me, he just said my ass!

Patting myself on the back for having such a great idea I waltzed over to my copy machine. Humming to myself, I flipped open the cover and sat myself down on the scanner. With a flourish, I pressed the copy button and waited patiently as the scanner made a perfect copy of my ass. As the line on white light slowly moved across the scanner, I zoned out, staring at it intensely. In the back of my mind I seemed to hear a voice telling me that wasn't such a good idea. But it was so pretty….ohhhhh shiny object…. I stared transfixed at it before tearing my eyes away as the scan finished and pronounced itself done with a low beep.

I hopped off the copy machined and grabbed the picture of my ass. Ultra Magnus, you are a genius! I gave the picture a big kiss. Optimus is going to serious beat the crap out of me, but it was worth it! Just imagine the look on his face… I'm sure I can bribe one of the surveillance camera guys to let my have a picture of it. Then I'll make hundreds of copies and sell them! Muahahahahaha! At least that way I'll get some cash.

I waltzed back over to my desk and pressed the button labeled 'Blurr' on my intercom. I have the great honor of having Blurr as my secretary. He types fast. Very fast. After a moment, Blurr's high-pitched voice screamed out at me.

"ThisisBlurrwhatdoyouneed?" It took me a second to translate that. Why does he talk like that? It's really annoying. Maybe he has some kind of compulsive disorder. Heh, I should look that up.

"Errr Blurr this is Magnus. I need you to deliver something to Optimus for me." I said lazily into the intercom.

"OkI'llbedownthererightaway." He answered quickly. "Isthereanythingelseyouwouldlikemetodo?"

"Actually yeah, bring a cart with you."

"Acart?" he asked

"Yeah a cart."

"Okthenyourtheboss." He answered and shut off the intercom.

I know what your thinking. Hasn't Blurr been through enough? Can't I just leave the poor guy in peace? I suppose I could. It would be the nice thing to do. But look at it this way. I've got a black and seriously pissed off leader, a gay second in command who has just recently spanked me, I have no door to my office, I've got a Rodimus sized dent in my wall that's going to cost a fortune to fix not to mention the looks I'm going to get for having it there in the first place, and I've got the entire Autobot population coming by to either laugh at me or tell me what I lucky guy I am. So in case you can't tell, I'm not in the 'nice' mood today.

As I waited for Blurr to show up, I grabbed a piece of paper and spent the time trying to make a paper swan. Do you know how they do it? I can never seem to figure it out. I don't think paper was meant to be a swan. Who would even think of making a swan by folding a piece of paper? Obviously someone with a lot of free time on their hands. I should look that up too.

Distantly I could hear the squeak of rusty wheels as Blurr came down the hall, pushing a cart in front of him. I waited as the annoying noise got closer and closer until Blurr appeared in my doorway. He paused, confused as to why there was no door, only charred and blackened steel. Shrugging, he continued into my office.

"Igotthecartyourequested." He said, snapping off a salute. I love it when he does that. Makes me feel important.

"Thanks. Now hold on a second." I grabbed a pen off my desk. Hurriedly I scrawled something on the back of the picture and grinned. I walked over to the cart and Blurr, who was looking at me in puzzlement, started to slowly edge away like I had some sort of disease. I put the picture of my ass to the bottom of the cart and turned to Blurr.

"SirIdon'tmeantoberudebutwhyareyousendingapictureofyourasstoOptimus?"

I shook my head and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about that. Just make sure you deliver this to Optimus' office and that he gets it personally. Understand?" At this point, I'm dying to laugh. Man oh man I'm good. The idea in the first place was hilarious, but pinning it on Blurr? Pure genius.

"Yessir." Blurr said and saluted me again before turning the cart around and wheeling it back out of my office."

As soon as he's gone, I was on the floor, laughing. Maybe I'm over exaggerating the greatness of this, but I think I'm entitled to a little time in the spot light. And I don't get out much.

            ~~~Optimus' Office~~~

Blurr reluctantly knocked on the office door of Optimus Prime. He didn't know what was going on, but he sure as hell knew he didn't want any part of it.

"Enter." Came Optimus' voice through the door. Seriously doubting that this was worth it, Blurr opened the door and wheeled the cart inside. He stopped in front of Optimus' desk.

"DeliveryfromMagnussir." He said and stepped away from the cart.

Optimus stood up from his chair behind his desk and walked over to examine the cart. Reaching down inside, he pulled out the picture Magnus had put in.

He stared at the picture of Magnus' ass in consternation. "What the hell is this supposed to be?!" he roared, turning on Blurr.

Blurr stepped away and cringed. "Idon'tknowsirI'mjustthedeliveryboy."

Optimus snarled and turned the picture over. Scrawled on the back of it was a short message.

As per your orders, I had my ass carted to your office. Unfortunately, the rest of my body couldn't make it. Have a nice day.

Ultra Magnus

…

…

… Hehe

Optimus' optics narrowed and began to glow a dangerous red. Without warning, he reached into subspace and grabbed his blaster. Fingers clenched around the gun, he turned the knob on the back of it all the way up, causing the gun to emit a loud hum and spark with energy. It was at this time Blurr decided to speak up.

"ErrrOptimussirIdon'tthinkyoushouldturnyourgunupthathigh. It'sratherdangerous."

Optimus growled, pointed his extremely powered up gun at the cart, and fired.

"Oh shiiii--"

~~~Magnus' Office~~~

A thunderous boom shook the entire headquarters, causing the cup of energon in my hand to spill all over the reports I was looking over.

"What the--" I whirled around in my swivel chair and stared out the window. Located directly where Optimus' office was, a gigantic plum of smoke rose upwards.

I stared at it in consternation. "Sheesh I didn't think he'd react like that." Shaking my head, I turned back to my work. Several minutes later I paused, hearing someone stomp down the hallway outside my door. Thinking it was Optimus, I looked frantically around for a weapon or some means of defense.

"Oh man oh man I'm screwed." The only thing that could be a considered a weapon was the pen on my desk. I shrugged and picked it up. If worse comes to worse, I could always poke his optics out.

The figure entered my office. At first I thought it was indeed Optimus, because the figure was, from head to toe, completely black.

"Magnus" It snarled at me. It was then I realized that this bot was much shorter than Optimus. In fact, it kind of reminded me of…

"Blurr?!" I looked at him in astonishment. "What happened to you?" I wanted to say that he looked like Optimus' mini-me, but I think that was a little too cruel. "It looks like someone dumped a container of ink on you.

Blurr marched up to me, glared at me, and punched me dead in the face.

… I guess that was the wrong thing to say.

I flew backwards and slammed into the wall, leaving a nice Magnus sized dent next to the Rodimus sized dent. My wall is turning into a regular piece of art.

I don't remember much after that.