Chapter 18 Emotions
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A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I ran into a large brick wall called writers block. LOL.
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"They're not going to stop me," Seifer said softly, moving away from Quistis after a moment. "I will go after Perry."
Quistis sighed as she watched him move across the dark room. "Seifer," she said, "you should have stayed this morning." She saw his body stiffen at her words.
"Why? You heard Cid. He's only sending experienced SeeD's to handle this mission, and I bet I can guess who that'll be," Seifer said bitterness edging his voice "so that would leave me out."
Quistis saw him stop, his dark silhouette framed in the lighter rectangle of the window as he looked out. "This isn't just a mission to me. I have to do this or it'll never end," he said in a strained voice.
Quistis got up from the bed and went to him. Laying her cheek against the middle of Seifer's back, she wrapped her arms around him. "I know. It's why you have the nightmares, isn't it?" Seifer stiffened once again at her words but didn't answer her.
They stood lost in their separate thoughts for a few minutes before Quistis broke the silence "Ian is on your side." She felt his surprise. "He told Cid he would like you along on this mission."
"What. Why?" Seifer said turning around. Quistis dropped her arms and just stood there in front of him.
"He told us what he knew." She paused "From being in the prison." She started to get nervous as Seifer frowned at her without commenting. "About Perry...and what he wanted."
"So then you know?" He asked callously. He still hadn't moved.
Quistis nodded "some of it." She put her hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry." She said softly. "We didn't know what Perry wanted. No one ever thought something like this could happen. That anybody would..."
Seifer cut her off "Would what? Think I had knowledge about the Sorceress's power and try to get it." Seifer shoved past her and Quistis's hand dropped to her side. "Well I don't," he finished as he walked across the room.
He stopped without turning. "I was her fucking toy. Not a knight. Not a consort. Just a tool to use as long as it benefited her plans, so why can't they just leave me alone?" he said, ragged emotion lacing his voice, then paused, "The funny thing is I didn't have any choice when it happened then or when it happened this time."
"Seifer, I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. Not to have any control over this situation." She said with a sigh.
"I don't want your pity," Seifer snarled as he bent down and swiped his coat up off the floor.
"I don't pity you Seifer, I..." she watched Seifer slam the door as he walked out. "I... love you," she whispered to the empty room. Her heart ached for him.
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The next morning Selphie bounced up to Quistis the minute she walked into the cafeteria.
"Hiya Quisty," she said grinning. "You don't look so good." Selphie said looking at her friend with concern.
"I'm fine. I just need coffee. I didn't sleep well last night," Quistis answered with a sigh. She'd tossed and turned all night thinking about Seifer. She was confused by his sudden anger. All she wanted to do was help him.
Quistis moved through the line, leaving Selphie trailing behind her chatting to other people she knew. When she was done filling her tray Quistis headed towards the table she had seen her friends occupying. As she slid into an empty seat she heard snatches of the conversation they were having "...to meet in his office at 10:00," she heard Squall say.
"What do you think this is about?" Zell asked.
"I don't know," Squall shrugged, playing with the saltshaker, on the table. "But he sounded pretty serious."
"Well if it's about that asshole Seifer again I'm not gonna be too happy. I mean why is he even here? I thought we were rid of him for good." Zell said leaning his chair back on two legs and staring at the ceiling. "It's not like anybody wants him here, anyway." He missed the look of sadness that passed over Quistis's face at his callous words.
But another person at the table had seen it. "Hey Quistis, you're being awful quiet this morning," Irvine said smiling at her when she looked up from her tray.
Irvine had a habit of sitting back and observing the things that went on around him. That's what made him so good at what he did. Observation. He'd watched her the morning their group had first confronted Seifer. The way she'd stepped in. Most people would have said it was just because she was an instructor and had the authority, but he saw something else.
Then he noticed she wasn't around much since she'd gotten back from her mission. The same mission that had involved Seifer. Now he saw how Zell's careless words affected her.
Quistis looked at Irvine with a wan smile "I'm just tired." She shrugged "I guess I'm still recovering from my mission." She dropped her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.
Zell, seeming to notice her for the first time asked "So Quistis, do you know why Cid wants to see us in his office this morning?"
"Wants to see who?" She asked.
"Us. You, me, Squall, Irvine, Selphie. Us." Zell said.
"Uh, I don't know." She evaded answering, turning back to her breakfast. She had an idea why Cid wanted to see them but wasn't going to tell Zell that.
Zell's attention wandered to something one of the others said at that moment leaving Quistis in peace to finish eating.
Irvine got up a moment later and wandered away. `Probably looking for Selphie' Quistis thought.
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Seifer stormed into the cafeteria with a scowl on his face. He was in a dangerous mood this morning. He'd just spent a long sleepless night wondering why he'd left Quistis the way he did. All she wanted to do was talk about it. But he couldn't. Not right now.
"Damn it" he swore under his breath as he thought for the hundredth time `why did I have to take it out on her.' He hadn't wanted anyone to know how easy it was for Perry to take him. How vulnerable and weak it made him feel to be a pawn yet again. `God Quistis, I'm sorry' he sighed, thinking to himself.
Seifer shook his head `pride...it was that pride raising it's ugly head again.'
People hurried out of Seifer's way seeing the threatening look on his face and not wanting trouble with the notorious man. Seifer shrugged to himself seeing the line disappear in front of him.
"Hey Mabel" Seifer said stepping up to the counter "you got any coffee?"
The cafeteria lady looked up with a smile "Just put on a fresh pot. It'll be done in a few minutes, Hon, if you'd care to wait."
"Thanks, I will" Seifer answered. Moving over to lean against the wall. He scanned the crowded room while he waited until his eyes landed on a crown of upswept golden hair. `Quistis' His heart beat picked up slightly, seeing her. She had her back to him so he could observe her unnoticed. His eyes traveled from her golden hair down the delicate curve of her neck as she leaned over the table.
He was so lost in thought watching her he didn't notice that he was no longer alone as another man stopped beside him, until the man spoke.
"She is beautiful, aint she?" drawled Irvine as his eyes followed where Seifer was looking.
"What?" Seifer said, his eyes snapping toward Irvine.
"Quistis. She's beautiful," Irvine repeated. "I mean for the right man," he added seeing something threatening in Seifer's eyes.
"I don't know what you mean. She looks the same to me. Same Ice Queen as always," Seifer lied. He didn't want Irvine to see how he really felt.
"Coffee's ready, Hon," Mabel called from behind the counter.
"Uh huh. You got it bad, don't ya," Irvine said seeing Seifer's expression soften as he looked back at her.
"Bite me, cowboy," Seifer growled pushing away from the wall. "And you'd better not go around saying things to anybody else either," he added with a stony look in his eyes.
"I wouldn't do that. I care about Quistis too," Irvine said seriously. A silent understanding passed between the two men as they looked at one another. Seifer nodded to Irvine before turning away.
"Well, guess I'd better go find my Selphie" Irvine said. With that he started across the room towards the last spot he'd seen her.
Seifer stood watching the other man disappear into the crowd wondering how he knew about them. It was obvious Irvine wasn't as air headed as Seifer had always assumed.
Seifer strode out of the cafeteria with his coffee. Now he had to get ready for another meeting with Cid. `I wonder what it's about this time,' he thought. `Does that man do anything but have meetings' he wondered with a short laugh. `At least I'll get a chance to talk to him alone.'
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Quistis turned just in time to see a patch of gray and red going out the door. She sighed. `He didn't even say anything to me,' but then realized he wouldn't come over to the table with Squall and Zell there.
"Well I guess I'd better get ready for this meeting with Cid" Quistis said standing up. "I'll see you all there," she added with a smile at the two remaining men at the table then grabbed her stuff and left.
Zell watched her walking across the room before turning to Squall. "Do you think there was something wrong with Quistis this morning?"
Squall shrugged "Dunno. Who can figure out women anyways." He stood up seeing Rinoa waving to him across the room "Gotta go."
Zell nodded and waved at Rinoa. "See ya at the meeting."
Squall was already moving towards his girlfriend "Yeah. Whatever."
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A/N: You know the drill R & R would be appreciated.
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............................................................................................................
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I ran into a large brick wall called writers block. LOL.
............................................................................................................
"They're not going to stop me," Seifer said softly, moving away from Quistis after a moment. "I will go after Perry."
Quistis sighed as she watched him move across the dark room. "Seifer," she said, "you should have stayed this morning." She saw his body stiffen at her words.
"Why? You heard Cid. He's only sending experienced SeeD's to handle this mission, and I bet I can guess who that'll be," Seifer said bitterness edging his voice "so that would leave me out."
Quistis saw him stop, his dark silhouette framed in the lighter rectangle of the window as he looked out. "This isn't just a mission to me. I have to do this or it'll never end," he said in a strained voice.
Quistis got up from the bed and went to him. Laying her cheek against the middle of Seifer's back, she wrapped her arms around him. "I know. It's why you have the nightmares, isn't it?" Seifer stiffened once again at her words but didn't answer her.
They stood lost in their separate thoughts for a few minutes before Quistis broke the silence "Ian is on your side." She felt his surprise. "He told Cid he would like you along on this mission."
"What. Why?" Seifer said turning around. Quistis dropped her arms and just stood there in front of him.
"He told us what he knew." She paused "From being in the prison." She started to get nervous as Seifer frowned at her without commenting. "About Perry...and what he wanted."
"So then you know?" He asked callously. He still hadn't moved.
Quistis nodded "some of it." She put her hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry." She said softly. "We didn't know what Perry wanted. No one ever thought something like this could happen. That anybody would..."
Seifer cut her off "Would what? Think I had knowledge about the Sorceress's power and try to get it." Seifer shoved past her and Quistis's hand dropped to her side. "Well I don't," he finished as he walked across the room.
He stopped without turning. "I was her fucking toy. Not a knight. Not a consort. Just a tool to use as long as it benefited her plans, so why can't they just leave me alone?" he said, ragged emotion lacing his voice, then paused, "The funny thing is I didn't have any choice when it happened then or when it happened this time."
"Seifer, I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. Not to have any control over this situation." She said with a sigh.
"I don't want your pity," Seifer snarled as he bent down and swiped his coat up off the floor.
"I don't pity you Seifer, I..." she watched Seifer slam the door as he walked out. "I... love you," she whispered to the empty room. Her heart ached for him.
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The next morning Selphie bounced up to Quistis the minute she walked into the cafeteria.
"Hiya Quisty," she said grinning. "You don't look so good." Selphie said looking at her friend with concern.
"I'm fine. I just need coffee. I didn't sleep well last night," Quistis answered with a sigh. She'd tossed and turned all night thinking about Seifer. She was confused by his sudden anger. All she wanted to do was help him.
Quistis moved through the line, leaving Selphie trailing behind her chatting to other people she knew. When she was done filling her tray Quistis headed towards the table she had seen her friends occupying. As she slid into an empty seat she heard snatches of the conversation they were having "...to meet in his office at 10:00," she heard Squall say.
"What do you think this is about?" Zell asked.
"I don't know," Squall shrugged, playing with the saltshaker, on the table. "But he sounded pretty serious."
"Well if it's about that asshole Seifer again I'm not gonna be too happy. I mean why is he even here? I thought we were rid of him for good." Zell said leaning his chair back on two legs and staring at the ceiling. "It's not like anybody wants him here, anyway." He missed the look of sadness that passed over Quistis's face at his callous words.
But another person at the table had seen it. "Hey Quistis, you're being awful quiet this morning," Irvine said smiling at her when she looked up from her tray.
Irvine had a habit of sitting back and observing the things that went on around him. That's what made him so good at what he did. Observation. He'd watched her the morning their group had first confronted Seifer. The way she'd stepped in. Most people would have said it was just because she was an instructor and had the authority, but he saw something else.
Then he noticed she wasn't around much since she'd gotten back from her mission. The same mission that had involved Seifer. Now he saw how Zell's careless words affected her.
Quistis looked at Irvine with a wan smile "I'm just tired." She shrugged "I guess I'm still recovering from my mission." She dropped her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.
Zell, seeming to notice her for the first time asked "So Quistis, do you know why Cid wants to see us in his office this morning?"
"Wants to see who?" She asked.
"Us. You, me, Squall, Irvine, Selphie. Us." Zell said.
"Uh, I don't know." She evaded answering, turning back to her breakfast. She had an idea why Cid wanted to see them but wasn't going to tell Zell that.
Zell's attention wandered to something one of the others said at that moment leaving Quistis in peace to finish eating.
Irvine got up a moment later and wandered away. `Probably looking for Selphie' Quistis thought.
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Seifer stormed into the cafeteria with a scowl on his face. He was in a dangerous mood this morning. He'd just spent a long sleepless night wondering why he'd left Quistis the way he did. All she wanted to do was talk about it. But he couldn't. Not right now.
"Damn it" he swore under his breath as he thought for the hundredth time `why did I have to take it out on her.' He hadn't wanted anyone to know how easy it was for Perry to take him. How vulnerable and weak it made him feel to be a pawn yet again. `God Quistis, I'm sorry' he sighed, thinking to himself.
Seifer shook his head `pride...it was that pride raising it's ugly head again.'
People hurried out of Seifer's way seeing the threatening look on his face and not wanting trouble with the notorious man. Seifer shrugged to himself seeing the line disappear in front of him.
"Hey Mabel" Seifer said stepping up to the counter "you got any coffee?"
The cafeteria lady looked up with a smile "Just put on a fresh pot. It'll be done in a few minutes, Hon, if you'd care to wait."
"Thanks, I will" Seifer answered. Moving over to lean against the wall. He scanned the crowded room while he waited until his eyes landed on a crown of upswept golden hair. `Quistis' His heart beat picked up slightly, seeing her. She had her back to him so he could observe her unnoticed. His eyes traveled from her golden hair down the delicate curve of her neck as she leaned over the table.
He was so lost in thought watching her he didn't notice that he was no longer alone as another man stopped beside him, until the man spoke.
"She is beautiful, aint she?" drawled Irvine as his eyes followed where Seifer was looking.
"What?" Seifer said, his eyes snapping toward Irvine.
"Quistis. She's beautiful," Irvine repeated. "I mean for the right man," he added seeing something threatening in Seifer's eyes.
"I don't know what you mean. She looks the same to me. Same Ice Queen as always," Seifer lied. He didn't want Irvine to see how he really felt.
"Coffee's ready, Hon," Mabel called from behind the counter.
"Uh huh. You got it bad, don't ya," Irvine said seeing Seifer's expression soften as he looked back at her.
"Bite me, cowboy," Seifer growled pushing away from the wall. "And you'd better not go around saying things to anybody else either," he added with a stony look in his eyes.
"I wouldn't do that. I care about Quistis too," Irvine said seriously. A silent understanding passed between the two men as they looked at one another. Seifer nodded to Irvine before turning away.
"Well, guess I'd better go find my Selphie" Irvine said. With that he started across the room towards the last spot he'd seen her.
Seifer stood watching the other man disappear into the crowd wondering how he knew about them. It was obvious Irvine wasn't as air headed as Seifer had always assumed.
Seifer strode out of the cafeteria with his coffee. Now he had to get ready for another meeting with Cid. `I wonder what it's about this time,' he thought. `Does that man do anything but have meetings' he wondered with a short laugh. `At least I'll get a chance to talk to him alone.'
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Quistis turned just in time to see a patch of gray and red going out the door. She sighed. `He didn't even say anything to me,' but then realized he wouldn't come over to the table with Squall and Zell there.
"Well I guess I'd better get ready for this meeting with Cid" Quistis said standing up. "I'll see you all there," she added with a smile at the two remaining men at the table then grabbed her stuff and left.
Zell watched her walking across the room before turning to Squall. "Do you think there was something wrong with Quistis this morning?"
Squall shrugged "Dunno. Who can figure out women anyways." He stood up seeing Rinoa waving to him across the room "Gotta go."
Zell nodded and waved at Rinoa. "See ya at the meeting."
Squall was already moving towards his girlfriend "Yeah. Whatever."
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A/N: You know the drill R & R would be appreciated.
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