Disclaimer: It all belongs to Frank Herbert and Camilla Sandman. Arrakis
and Official Fanfiction University belongs to them, not me.
Mara sat in her dorm room, like she had been for the past hour. Juno had shown them each where they would be staying and with whom. All their rooms had been decorated just like at home, well their half of the room at least. The good news was that Mara would be rooming with Meg, who, as it turned out, had actually read the books as well except she had read all of them, not just the first two like Mara. The bad news though was that Juno's assistant, who stayed with the students every so often to keep an eye on them, would stay across the hall. As it turned out Juno loved to be involved with student relations, it just so happened the students looked on it more like being unusually cruel to them. Well, Mara didn't know for certain, but after overhearing that Juno's assistant, Harmony, "loved to put the harm in Harmony," she was pretty sure.
They had been given two hours to get "settled in," which sounded more like having fun with the airlocks by running in and out of them as fast as you can to hear the sound they make. All the dorm rooms had airlock's in them to help keep in moisture. A few thumps on the floor later and all of the noises stopped suddenly, their creators scared out of their wits by a short woman with long brown hair and lips pulled in as thin a tight line as she could make it since she appeared to have full lips. She held herself in a way that added a sort of native look to her, but she looked more like she'd only lived there a while, not been born there. 'Of course she wasn't born here,' Mara told herself, 'Juno probably brought her along with her.' There was no doubt in anyone's mind that this was the dreaded Harmony.
"Hello, kiddies," she said in a venomous tone that didn't match the flippant words, "and welcome to OFUA." The last she added after a slight pause which Mara wasn't sure whether it was added for effect or if she just forgot she was supposed to be nice to them on the first day. Mara swore she saw a smirk and twinkle in her eyes, which was even more terrifying than the one they saw in Juno's. She wasn't sure if all the staff members loved to smirk evilly and look like they were fantasizing about torturing the students, but Mara sure hoped they didn't because if Juno and Harmony together didn't creep you out enough, well then, Alia sure would.
"Hello Harmony. I did not expect you to be getting acquainted with the students so soon, or have they committed some minor infraction you have yet to inform me of?" said a tall woman with long, sleek black hair who's height was only more obvious by the fact that she stood stiffly next to the rather short Harmony. Mara and Meg glanced at each other through the corners of their eyes with a look that said something along the lines of "she's the strangest one yet". Alia glared at them so quickly, they were sure no one else knew she had done it, but her point was made, she had caught them and didn't appreciate the gesture.
"Good day Alia. I didn't expect to see you here either," she said squirming a little like she was uncomfortable being in Alia's presence, which made everyone else uncomfortable because Harmony looked anything but natural around Alia. It looked more like Harmony was a student and Alia was Harmony. Alia did seem kind of creepy, but they were all very careful not to mention anything in front of her, she didn't seem to enjoy that kind of stuff.
The clanking sound of high heels against marble informed the students as well as the two staff members that Juno was on her way. "I guess it's time for them to meet for their.breaking in," Harmony said with a sneer.
"Yes, yes," Alia said with no less evil. The two seemed to have a joint effort against the students. "I wouldn't want them trying to steal my Duncan, no matter how.attractive he may be." Mara wasn't 100% positive, but it sure seemed like they loved to use dramatic pauses around the students. She also swore that Harmony scoffed at Alia's last comment, but then again, she seemed to scoff at almost everything that had been said anyway.
"Alright, follow me. There's a meeting in the main lecture hall," Juno said. The few people who hadn't peeked out of their room when Harmony walked up, so came out of their rooms to join the growing crowd of new OFUA students in the hallway. As the doors opened and closed, quick glances of pictures of Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Matt Damon, and even a few of Elijiah Wood and Orlando Bloom. They followed Juno out the doors of the dormitories and into the well-worn sandy path again, but this time they simply went straight across it and into the similarly large building that Juno had previously pointed out as one of the lecture halls.
It too had a huge series of steps leading up to it, which took out what little energy Mara had, unfortunately all of the bouncy people who seemed to think this was all fun in games, did not find this at all tiring. Why was it that the people you want to lose energy never did? When they finally reached the huge open doors, they stepped onto the tiled designs of seas and oceans that were on the floor. Directly in front of them were two smaller, but still large doors and to their sides even smaller doors and staircases branched off from the main entrance way.
They trooped through those doors into a huge, elegant room, whose sheer size was intimidating let alone the rich decorations that covered the walls and high ceiling. There were no seats, but it was doubtful anyone would have used them had they been there. A strange mystical voice came from the slightly raised platform at the end of the room. It didn't need to be any higher than a foot or so because the person up on it looked so almighty and powerfully in this room that anything more would be overwhelming. Along with the ornately dressed man who Mara assumed to be Paul Muad'Dib was.Ben Affleck?
"Wait a second, this can't be right?" Mara said to Meg.
"Yea, that can't be Ben Affleck. Besides, what would he be doing on Arrakis?" Mara and Meg's first instinct was to back away towards the doors, which turned out to be a good one. Unfortunately for PixieStix, her first instinct was to run up towards him and embrace him in a close hug. Strangely enough, he didn't back away.
"That's odd." When he didn't react to the hug, PixieStix decided to kiss him passionately on the lips and once again they were all surprised when he appeared to be returning it. "Unless." Mara and Meg turned to each other not wanting to see what was happening on the stage.
"Isn't that a." A shriek from PixieStix confirmed it.
"Face dancer!" They said at the same time, not even noticing they shouted it until the sound ricocheted off the walls magnifying the volume. They turned to see standing holding on to a struggling PixieStix, the unmistakable form of Fat Bastard.
"Very good, Ms. Ellis and Ms. Gentry. Esisa is a face dancer," Paul said turning his blind eyes towards them in a way that made chills run down their spines since he seemed to be staring a hole through them even though those eyes couldn't see.
"And yes," Juno added, "we did get the.inspiration from your rooms. Didn't you find it at all suspicious that your dorm rooms were decorated exactly like they were at home? Of course we knew all about your celebrities in your world, Ms. Gentry. I thought it would be especially.interesting if the Face Dancers were to take on forms more recognizable to you, ones you would.trust more. The Face Dancers loved the idea as well. I have you to thank really, Ms. Gentry, for this one," she said pointing to Esisa, still looking like Fat Bastard, but apparently she/he didn't like being fat so was slowly reducing their weight to where it would be almost unnoticeable. Mara's mind raced back to her room. It was covered in Austin Powers pictures, unfortunately for her, this did not go exactly her way.
"I did love your Arrakeen version of Austin Powers," Harmony said in a malicious tone. Mara couldn't even remember that one; it was probably some time when she was on a sugar high. 'Oh no, Oh no! Not that one!' She remembered it; the hastily and badly written story, which was, covered in more grammar errors than there were grains of sand on Arrakis. "Although I did disagree with your version of Bijaz being Mini Me." I short man in the corner gave her an evil smile. "I thought he should be a little more malevolent with a little sharper teeth."
A sharp pain from her leg made Mara cry out in pain. She looked down to find a very malevolent Mini Me biting her leg with very sharp teeth. The pain was like over two dozen tiny daggers digging and sticking in her skin, ripping through her jeans. She tried to shake him off her leg in her panic, screaming like a banshee all as she did it. All the attention in the room was not directed at her though, even when she was acting as wild as she was in her pain. Hufflepuff (no one quite understood why she was here instead of at Hogwarts) was being attacked by Harry Potter; Kristi was being kicked in the stomach by Elrond, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer was apparently confused with what to do with her stake, so was beating a frightened student that Mara didn't know the name of over the head.
"Stop!" cried a commanding voice over the noise that was unmistakably Paul's. Silence filled the hall as all of the faces turned to face him. Mini Me's teeth were still gripping Mara's leg, just not as tightly anymore.
"And that is why you never take anything for face value here on Arrakis," Juno informed everyone with what was unmistakably pleasure in her eyes. "Or write a cross-over. You might give us, or rather them." pointing at the Face Dancers who now looked like normal guards, well normal for Arrakis, they still looked strange to the students, "ideas. Dismissed!"
Mara groaned and limped back to the dormitories leaning on Meg who luckily for her was unhurt. Mara promised herself she would never ever write a cross-over fanfic again, or at least hurl a javelin through Legolas if she ever saw him on Arrakis, whether he was a Face Dancer or not; after the evening she had, you could never be too sure.
Mara sat in her dorm room, like she had been for the past hour. Juno had shown them each where they would be staying and with whom. All their rooms had been decorated just like at home, well their half of the room at least. The good news was that Mara would be rooming with Meg, who, as it turned out, had actually read the books as well except she had read all of them, not just the first two like Mara. The bad news though was that Juno's assistant, who stayed with the students every so often to keep an eye on them, would stay across the hall. As it turned out Juno loved to be involved with student relations, it just so happened the students looked on it more like being unusually cruel to them. Well, Mara didn't know for certain, but after overhearing that Juno's assistant, Harmony, "loved to put the harm in Harmony," she was pretty sure.
They had been given two hours to get "settled in," which sounded more like having fun with the airlocks by running in and out of them as fast as you can to hear the sound they make. All the dorm rooms had airlock's in them to help keep in moisture. A few thumps on the floor later and all of the noises stopped suddenly, their creators scared out of their wits by a short woman with long brown hair and lips pulled in as thin a tight line as she could make it since she appeared to have full lips. She held herself in a way that added a sort of native look to her, but she looked more like she'd only lived there a while, not been born there. 'Of course she wasn't born here,' Mara told herself, 'Juno probably brought her along with her.' There was no doubt in anyone's mind that this was the dreaded Harmony.
"Hello, kiddies," she said in a venomous tone that didn't match the flippant words, "and welcome to OFUA." The last she added after a slight pause which Mara wasn't sure whether it was added for effect or if she just forgot she was supposed to be nice to them on the first day. Mara swore she saw a smirk and twinkle in her eyes, which was even more terrifying than the one they saw in Juno's. She wasn't sure if all the staff members loved to smirk evilly and look like they were fantasizing about torturing the students, but Mara sure hoped they didn't because if Juno and Harmony together didn't creep you out enough, well then, Alia sure would.
"Hello Harmony. I did not expect you to be getting acquainted with the students so soon, or have they committed some minor infraction you have yet to inform me of?" said a tall woman with long, sleek black hair who's height was only more obvious by the fact that she stood stiffly next to the rather short Harmony. Mara and Meg glanced at each other through the corners of their eyes with a look that said something along the lines of "she's the strangest one yet". Alia glared at them so quickly, they were sure no one else knew she had done it, but her point was made, she had caught them and didn't appreciate the gesture.
"Good day Alia. I didn't expect to see you here either," she said squirming a little like she was uncomfortable being in Alia's presence, which made everyone else uncomfortable because Harmony looked anything but natural around Alia. It looked more like Harmony was a student and Alia was Harmony. Alia did seem kind of creepy, but they were all very careful not to mention anything in front of her, she didn't seem to enjoy that kind of stuff.
The clanking sound of high heels against marble informed the students as well as the two staff members that Juno was on her way. "I guess it's time for them to meet for their.breaking in," Harmony said with a sneer.
"Yes, yes," Alia said with no less evil. The two seemed to have a joint effort against the students. "I wouldn't want them trying to steal my Duncan, no matter how.attractive he may be." Mara wasn't 100% positive, but it sure seemed like they loved to use dramatic pauses around the students. She also swore that Harmony scoffed at Alia's last comment, but then again, she seemed to scoff at almost everything that had been said anyway.
"Alright, follow me. There's a meeting in the main lecture hall," Juno said. The few people who hadn't peeked out of their room when Harmony walked up, so came out of their rooms to join the growing crowd of new OFUA students in the hallway. As the doors opened and closed, quick glances of pictures of Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Matt Damon, and even a few of Elijiah Wood and Orlando Bloom. They followed Juno out the doors of the dormitories and into the well-worn sandy path again, but this time they simply went straight across it and into the similarly large building that Juno had previously pointed out as one of the lecture halls.
It too had a huge series of steps leading up to it, which took out what little energy Mara had, unfortunately all of the bouncy people who seemed to think this was all fun in games, did not find this at all tiring. Why was it that the people you want to lose energy never did? When they finally reached the huge open doors, they stepped onto the tiled designs of seas and oceans that were on the floor. Directly in front of them were two smaller, but still large doors and to their sides even smaller doors and staircases branched off from the main entrance way.
They trooped through those doors into a huge, elegant room, whose sheer size was intimidating let alone the rich decorations that covered the walls and high ceiling. There were no seats, but it was doubtful anyone would have used them had they been there. A strange mystical voice came from the slightly raised platform at the end of the room. It didn't need to be any higher than a foot or so because the person up on it looked so almighty and powerfully in this room that anything more would be overwhelming. Along with the ornately dressed man who Mara assumed to be Paul Muad'Dib was.Ben Affleck?
"Wait a second, this can't be right?" Mara said to Meg.
"Yea, that can't be Ben Affleck. Besides, what would he be doing on Arrakis?" Mara and Meg's first instinct was to back away towards the doors, which turned out to be a good one. Unfortunately for PixieStix, her first instinct was to run up towards him and embrace him in a close hug. Strangely enough, he didn't back away.
"That's odd." When he didn't react to the hug, PixieStix decided to kiss him passionately on the lips and once again they were all surprised when he appeared to be returning it. "Unless." Mara and Meg turned to each other not wanting to see what was happening on the stage.
"Isn't that a." A shriek from PixieStix confirmed it.
"Face dancer!" They said at the same time, not even noticing they shouted it until the sound ricocheted off the walls magnifying the volume. They turned to see standing holding on to a struggling PixieStix, the unmistakable form of Fat Bastard.
"Very good, Ms. Ellis and Ms. Gentry. Esisa is a face dancer," Paul said turning his blind eyes towards them in a way that made chills run down their spines since he seemed to be staring a hole through them even though those eyes couldn't see.
"And yes," Juno added, "we did get the.inspiration from your rooms. Didn't you find it at all suspicious that your dorm rooms were decorated exactly like they were at home? Of course we knew all about your celebrities in your world, Ms. Gentry. I thought it would be especially.interesting if the Face Dancers were to take on forms more recognizable to you, ones you would.trust more. The Face Dancers loved the idea as well. I have you to thank really, Ms. Gentry, for this one," she said pointing to Esisa, still looking like Fat Bastard, but apparently she/he didn't like being fat so was slowly reducing their weight to where it would be almost unnoticeable. Mara's mind raced back to her room. It was covered in Austin Powers pictures, unfortunately for her, this did not go exactly her way.
"I did love your Arrakeen version of Austin Powers," Harmony said in a malicious tone. Mara couldn't even remember that one; it was probably some time when she was on a sugar high. 'Oh no, Oh no! Not that one!' She remembered it; the hastily and badly written story, which was, covered in more grammar errors than there were grains of sand on Arrakis. "Although I did disagree with your version of Bijaz being Mini Me." I short man in the corner gave her an evil smile. "I thought he should be a little more malevolent with a little sharper teeth."
A sharp pain from her leg made Mara cry out in pain. She looked down to find a very malevolent Mini Me biting her leg with very sharp teeth. The pain was like over two dozen tiny daggers digging and sticking in her skin, ripping through her jeans. She tried to shake him off her leg in her panic, screaming like a banshee all as she did it. All the attention in the room was not directed at her though, even when she was acting as wild as she was in her pain. Hufflepuff (no one quite understood why she was here instead of at Hogwarts) was being attacked by Harry Potter; Kristi was being kicked in the stomach by Elrond, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer was apparently confused with what to do with her stake, so was beating a frightened student that Mara didn't know the name of over the head.
"Stop!" cried a commanding voice over the noise that was unmistakably Paul's. Silence filled the hall as all of the faces turned to face him. Mini Me's teeth were still gripping Mara's leg, just not as tightly anymore.
"And that is why you never take anything for face value here on Arrakis," Juno informed everyone with what was unmistakably pleasure in her eyes. "Or write a cross-over. You might give us, or rather them." pointing at the Face Dancers who now looked like normal guards, well normal for Arrakis, they still looked strange to the students, "ideas. Dismissed!"
Mara groaned and limped back to the dormitories leaning on Meg who luckily for her was unhurt. Mara promised herself she would never ever write a cross-over fanfic again, or at least hurl a javelin through Legolas if she ever saw him on Arrakis, whether he was a Face Dancer or not; after the evening she had, you could never be too sure.