Jess had taken a step or two back, distancing himself from the scene and uncomfortably stuffing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He wanted to die. He quickly turned around. He didn't need to see this. The only thing he wanted to do at that moment was to get the hell out of there. He started walking faster and faster each time.
"Jess! Wait!". Rory tried to run after him but Dean stopped her by grabbing her arm.
"Where are you going?".
"I have to- I just- Jess wait!",
Jess just kept walking and ignored her. All he could hear at that moment was the voices in his head. Suddenly he felt so alone and … left out.
"What are you doing Rory? The hell with Jess!!".
"But,"
Rory sounded almost in tears.
"Let's go." Dean took her hands in his.
Rory watched as Jess slowly disappeared from her sight. "I'm sorry…", She mumbled.
*******************
[Luke's…. later that night…]
Luke was wiping the counter when Jess entered the diner. He frowned when he saw Jess. He could see that Jess' eyes were red and bloodshot. His hair was sticking out from all directions. He looked so pale and clammy. Luke walked over to him.
"Are you feeling all right Jess?". Luke sounded worried.
"I'm fine". He mumbled. As he started walking, he stumbled, somehow tripping from his own foot.
"Jess have you been drinking??!".
"No".
Jess' head was spinning around. He couldn't think straight. He felt so much pain. Inside. Outside. It's just too much PAIN. Water. He thought. I just need water. He walked aimlessly. Luke was so worried seeing him like that. But he knew what had caused him. Rory. Though Jess didn't really tell him everything but he knew his nephew too well. He walked behind the counter and poured him a glass of water.
"Here", Luke offered Jess the water.
"Thanks", Jess took it and Luke watched him with concern as he slowly took a sip.
"Drinking is not a solution of your problem Jess",
Right. Like you know what my problem is.
"huh".
"ya' know….", Luke walked over to him. He placed his right hand on his shoulder. " Sometimes… crying is not a bad thing…", He tapped his shoulder a couple of times and then he headed upstairs.
Luke was right. Crying is good sometimes. But Jess just didn't want to. He didn't wanna cry just because of a girl. A GIRL who didn't give a damn about him. It's not worth it. But right now … it seemed like it was the only way. Maybe it will work. Maybe it would heal.
Suddenly the glass he was holding fell to the ground. He got on his knees and tried to pick it up, carefully, but it was really hard. His head was pounding so he fell. Luke heard something.
"Jess is that you? Are you okay?", He yelled from upstairs.
Jess tried his best to get up but he can't.
"I'm fine…", he said a little louder so Luke can hear him.
"Are you sure??".
"I am..!", he sounded more convincing. "I am….", he murmured softly. He crawled a little so he could lean against the wall.
"I am…", He murmured again. He, somehow … tried to convince himself that he's fine… but he's not! Unexpected tears instantly sprang to Jess' eyes. They were the kind of tears he got when he lost someone that used to be close to him. Someone like, his dad.
They were the uncontrollable tears. He brought his knees up to his chest. He wiped his tears with his shoulders and buried his face in his hands.
He couldn't believe the day when Rory Gilmore, the last person he ever thought could break his heart, would be so fucked up!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I
need you to feel exactly like I do inside
But I feel so alone again
I try to find a better life
Somewhere far away from here
But I need you to believe in me
But I won't be afraid
Just because you don't need me
I will not be ashamed
Just because you don't believe in anything that I say
Now I turn and I walk away from you