Chapter Three: Keep Her Distance

Irina scheduled a meeting with Sydney and Sark for the day after she had spoken to Sydney about taking over the Organization. Sydney got the message loud and clear: You will get out of bed, Sydney. You will start your life again. And Sydney she was right, that it was time to enter the world again. Even if it was a world that didn't include Michael.

It was just so hard.

"Wake up, Sydney," her mother said, so softly that Sydney could almost ignore it. Stay in her dreams, stay with Michael in happier times.

"Rise and shine, baby."

"Mmm. Five more minutes, sweetheart."

"If you spend the next five minutes in bed, you're not going to be sleeping."

Only days before he'd died. God, if she'd only known. Would she have done anything differently?

At least she could say no with some degree of confidence. Michael had died knowing she loved him. At least she could say that much.

"Sydney," Irina said again, a bit more loudly this time. "You must get up. Sark will be here for our meeting soon."

That got Sydney's attention. "He's coming here?"

"Yes, darling." Irina said with a thin-lipped smile. "I thought it would be nice if the three of us had breakfast. Mrs. Patterson is here to cook for us, and Mrs. Simmons is watching the children."

Sydney nodded. "I'll shower." She forced herself out of bed, pausing at the door to her bathroom. "I think I might have to move, Mom."

Irina raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"I--" Sydney took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry. No tears today. Today, she began her life again. "I don't think I can keep sleeping in Michael's bed without him."

"Oh, honey," Irina said with a sympathetic smile. "Maybe you and the children should come stay at Headquarters for awhile."

Sydney paused. She'd been so thrilled when she and Michael had moved out of Headquarters into their own home, so thrilled not to have to live and breathe the Organization like her mother did. Now, though, what else did she have? "I'll think about it," Sydney said uncertainly. "It would be nice for the kids and I to get our own place."

Irina smiled. "Whatever you wish, my darling. Now, do hurry, Sydney. Sark will be here within the hour."

Sydney did as she was told and showered, wrapping herself in a fluffy white robe. She stood in her walk-in closet, willing herself not to look at Michael's side. Of course she hadn't been able to force herself to clean it out yet; his dress shirts hung in a perfect row, just waiting to be worn.

She focused her attention on her own clothes, wondering what to wear for her first day back in the land of the living. Her hand fluttered across her business suits, dark and severe. No. Not today. Her first day back called for something more cheerful. She opted for a sleeveless lavender dress with a flirty neckline and strappy black shoes; she then blow dried her hair, curled it, and clipped it back with a silver barette. She carefully applied lipstick, blush, and eye makeup before daring to look in the mirror.

She would have looked perfect, if not for her eyes. No amount of makeup could have disguised her sadness.

Still, her mother was kind when Sydney made her way down the stairs. "You look lovely, darling," she said, planting a kiss on her cheek."

"Thank you, Mother," Sydney said demurely, trying for a reasonable facsimile of a smile.

"Yes, Sydney." Sydney turned her fabricated smile toward Sark, who stood with his hands folded in front of him. "It's nice to see you up and about."

"Thank you, Sark." Sydney studied him, biting her lower lip in consideration. "I feel like I should apologize for the way I've treated you the past couple of years."

"Think nothing of it, darling." Sydney winced, wishing he wouldn't use such endearments with her.

His doing so only reminded her of why she'd wanted to keep her distance from him in the first place.