Yuki and the Beast
(Aladdin/Shallow Hal/CCS/Dumbo/Cinderella)
Once upon a time, there lived a handsome man, in a very nice Japanese house named Toya. Of course, that was the guy's name, not the house's. He was very greedy and selfish.
"Stop what?!" he asked.
Anyway, one night he went out with his girlfriend who was a bazillion years older than him. They had trashed a restaurant and were running from the police.
"You go Home Toya!" the old lady Kaho, said. "I am going to leave now and hope that the police don't trace your fingerprints or the description that the restaurant owner gives." And with that, she hopped onto her broom and flew away with her magical bell, cackling.
"Okay." Toya walked into his mansion and kicked his dog for no reason.
"I do say, Toya! You should stop beating me!" the dog said, and hopped onto h is broom and flew away.
"So, he _was_ Kaho after all!" Toya said, and then went to verbally abuse his sister.
"You are a disgrace!" his father said to Sakura. Toya walked into the kitchen and frowned.
"Hey! You beat me to it!" he said. Fujitaka turned around.
"Sorry Son, you can have your turn now."
"Okay, thanks Dad- you're the greatest!" Toya said as Fujitaka went off to make some food. With his magical apron on, he flew away to make food with his wife.
"Monster!!" he yelled out. Sakura started to frown.
"Toya! I will grow tall one day and squish the life out of you!" she said, and then hopped onto her Clow-stick and flew away.
Toya shook his fist at her. 'I'm not supposed to know about that thing!!" he said. "Clow rhymes with glow! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!"
Then, it started to rain and thunder and such. Toya became frightened that his hair would get wet (even though he was inside). Then, there was a knock at his door, and he opened it (cautiously). There, standing on his front porch was Yamazaki dressed as an old woman. In his hand was a bouquet of dandelions and peach blossoms.
"Hello, dear. Would you like purchase some quality flowers to help a poor old woman?" he said feebly. Toya scrunched his nose.
"No way man!"
"How did you know that I was a man!?" Yamazaki shook his head. "Never mind! You refuse to help the poor, and you date your maths teacher!" A bright light shone about Yamazaki and he transformed back into his normal-geeky-self. "Because of this, I, Yamazaki Takashi, sentence you to a life of misery until you find your true love!" he snapped his fingers and Toya transformed into a dark pinto quarter horse. He frowned at Yamazaki who hopped onto his broomstick with a special rhinestone glove. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!!" he said and started to cackle and flew awee.
And so, for days, Toya locked himself into house, and drew the blinds. He received numerious post-cards from Kaho, Fujitaka, Sakura, and his dog. There was one from Yamazaki that said "Wish You Were Here in Santa Monica California!"
* * *
Yuki ran through the marketplace with a line of sausages in his mouth, trailing behind him. The butcher was chasing him down the street.
"Come-a back-a here-a you-a scumball!" the butcher yelled. Yuki swallowed the sausages and kept running.
"Now I will-a have to cut you-a open and-a take them out-a!!" the butcher brandished his knife.
Yuki jumped into the gutter until the guy had lost him. Then he went back to his home, which was the rafters of Sakura's great-grandfather's barn. While he was walking, he started to sing.
"There goes the baker with his bread like always. The same old bread loaves to sell!" someone threw a can of canned mackerel at him so that he would shut up. He caught it and waved. "Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!" He ran home, eating the mackerel, "I will call you Abu!" he told the empty can, and drew a face onto the fish on the label. Abu smiled at him. "Right on little buddy!" Yuki said, and hugged Abu.
He climbed up to the rafters, but they broke because he is so heavy and he fell onto his face. He fastened his belt and coasted down into a safety net. "What now, Abu?" he asked. "Where will I live?" Abu smiled. "Good thinking! Toya Kinomoto can buy me new rafters!" he kissed the can and started to run to Toya's house.
Yuki knocked the shave and a haircut beat onto the door. "Haircut man! For all of your haircutting needs!" he yelled into the door.
"We didn't order any haircuts!" Toya neighed through the door.
"Toya! Is that you?" Yuki yelled and leant onto the door. It broke because he was so heavy and knocked Yuki unconscious. Toya took Abu to his secret jail and locked him there.
An hour later Yukito woke up in a tree with a squirrel on his face. "Boy! That was coldhearted! Are you okay, Abu?" Yuki looked around, but there was no Abu.
"Abu?! ABUUU?!" he glanced at his watch. "Toya must have taken him prisoner! Fell!" he jumped out of the tree and ran into Toya's house because he hadn't managed to fix the door.
"Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" Yuki screamed and sang the Easy Come Easy Go song, which is the theme for this story. He tried to find the jail, and the pillows and drapes tried to attack him, but he was ready for it.
"Who dares to enter, the house of Toya!?" Toya's voice boomed. Yuki didn't flinch.
"I do! The door was open!" he took a deep breath. "I want Abu back!" he whined.
Toya clip-clopped into the room. "Then you must stay in his place!" he said.
Yuki agreed and Abu was freed, and Yuki was placed into the jail. One day, Toya went downstairs to feed his prisoner, who was costing him more money than an empty can of mackerel would have. Yuki was singing to himself.
"You can do it at a trot- you can do it at a gallop! You can do it real slow so your heart don't palpitate! Just don't be late! Do the Puyallup!" he said, and stopped when he saw Toya's horsie-frown at the words he was using. "Sorry Toya!
Say, can I call you Blackie? I always wanted a horse named Blackie! First I wanted to name my horsie Brownie, but then I would probably end up eating it!" he said. Toya walked right up to him and stared him in the eye.
"No, you may not call me Blackie. END OF DICUSSION!" then he rode away into the night.
Yuki wiped his eyebrow. "Wow, what a day." Then, a bit louder, he said. "I THINK I'LL JUST HIT THE HAY!" and then he fell asleep with a steamed rice package as a pillow.
The next day, when Toya came to Yuki's cage to feed him, Yuki stood up. "Say, Toya. I think I'm in love with you!" he started to tap dance. Toya reared on his hind-legs. "Silence mole face! You can't fall in love with me- I already have a girlfriend!" he said.
"Kaho Mizuki!" Yuki skrinkled his nose. "She is a bazillion years older than you! That is just wrong!"
"Be that as it may, I have a Belgian Waffle here for you!" Toya said, and handed Yuki the Belgian Waffle.
Yuki tried the waffle, and his face turned red. "AHH! THESE WAFFLES ARE GIVING ME HIVES!" he ran around, smacking his face, trying to get the rash off.
From that day on, Toya would feed Yuki nothing but Belgian Waffles, and Yuki wouldn't eat them. One day, Toya came down with the noon supply of Belgian waffles when he saw Yuki rocking back and forth in his cell, saying to himself. "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." Toya dropped the waffle platter in surprise and Yuki looked up at him. "I could eat a horse!" he said and rammed himself against the bars, frothing at the mouth. Toya scream-neighed and slid up the stairs. Yuki's weight was too much for the bars of the cell, originally designed for a can of mackerel, and an empty one at that, that they broke and he was free. He picked up a spare butter knife and started to sneak up the stairs. When he didn't see Toya anywhere, he grinned.
"Tooya. come out, come out, wherever you are." he said in a sing-spongy voice. He saw Toya running up the stairs and followed him, silently. Toya, not knowing any other way to save himself, dropped a Beef Wellington on the stairs. Yuki stopped, as predicted, and started to eat it. It gave Toya only about three seconds, because Yuki had already finished it. Toya dropped a pita plate, and it gave him a minute, because Yuki had to make his own fajitas.
"Tooya. I'm still hungry." he said, and started to stalk him again. Toya ran into his sister's abandoned room and pretended to be a stuffed horse. Yuki opened the door.
"Tooooya." he turned to face Toya, and started to advance towards him. Toya was cornered, and there was nothing he could do.
Just then, something flew in from the window and landed in between them. Yuki stopped to pick it up. Abu smiled at him.
"Abu! I thought I had lost you!" he said and Abu smiled at him. "Oh, Abu, I was wrong to try and eat Toya! Very wrong!" he said and started to cry. Then, because he is a stupid idiot, he tried to eat a Belgian Waffle again. This time he got welts on his neck and it gave him very bad gas. Abu was so disgusted that he rolled away from Yuki and down the stairs.
"Yuki, does this mean that you aren't going to eat me?" Toya asked. Yuki nodded and helped Toya up.
"Friends?" he said. Kaho flew into the room and when Toya saw her he screamed. To him, she looked even UGLIER than ever.
"AAAAHHHHH!" He scream-neighed "WHYYY DO YOU LOOK SO UGLY???"
Suddenly Kaho started to cry "I thought you loooooved me Toyaaaaaa!?!?!" she wailed.
Yuki blinked a few times and stared at Kaho "What's wrong Toya-kun, she looks exactly the same.." He said confusedly. Abu smiled and nodded knowingly.
Toya ran around the room screaming and flailing his hoofs. "GEDDITAWAYYYYY!" he said as he smacked into Kaho and threw her out the window.
"That wasn't very nice Toya." Yukito said as he watched Kaho fall to her doom.
Toya collapsed on the floor sobbing "Now I'll never get back home to Kansas!!!!!!"
"Don't you mean Alabama?" Yuki asked and started to dance around singing Sweet Home Alabama. Toya sobbed even louder. Suddenly, YAMAZAKI appeared!
Yamazaki put up his magical index finger and said, "Did you know that, along with the ugliness cures I put on you, I added another thing?"
Yuki gasped and screamed like a little girl "NOOOOOOOOoooooo...!"
"YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSsssssss..." Yamazaki said, attempting to be cool.
((Sinead: Attempting, and failing!))
"Whaaaat did you add then, you horrible child!" Toya whinnied.
"I added, the..dunn dunn dunnn..Curse that makes ugly people look pretty and pretty people look hideous." Yamazaki shouted.
Toya's horse eyes widened "*GASP*That's why Yuki suddenly became so appealing and pretty and un-fat!"
Yuki started to cry "He thinks I'm fat Abu!" he said to Abu. Abu smiled. "Yes, you are right Abu! He also thinks I'm pretty now! It's my lucky day!!!!!"
"Heh heh, I think I'm going to leave you two love birds alone now!" Yamazaki said, then flew away on his magical broomstick.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP DOING THAT!!!!" Toya yelled.
Yuki patted Toya "It's okay, honey. We'll be all right as long as we're together..forever!" he said, grinning in his evil Yuki way.
Toya stared at him scaredly "AAAHHHH! Not shounen-ai!!!!" He scream-neighed and started to gallop awee.
Yuki started off after him, like pepe la pue, the skunk man. "You cannot deny your heart!" he said with a cheesy French accent.
"OH YES I CAN!" Toya said as he galloped clumsily down the stairs.
Abu joined in the chase, grinning just as evilly as Yuki.
Toya screamed again as he jumped into the kitchen, forgetting his way around his own house! Yamazaki was crouched under the table eating all the chocolates in the house. He was making lots of smucking sounds, and he looked very disgusting. Even more disgusting than usual!
"I can still remember!" Yamazaki yelled, spraying chocolate everywhere. Toya slipped on the chocolate and slid into the cupboard. The pots and pans fell out onto his head. Yuki ran into the room.
"My, my Toya! You look radishing!" he really likes radishes. And Toya. Ew.
Suddenly, there was a Loch Ness Monster at their window. Toya became so frightened that Yamazaki fell over.
"TOOOOOYAAA!" it said creepily.
Toya stood up shakily. "Y-yes?" he asked. The Loch Ness Monster climbed into his window, and then at a closer look Toya realized that it wasn't Nessie, but it was BIG FOOT!
"UNCLE SASQUATCH!" Toya said and tried to give his uncle a hug.
"I'm not Big Foot you shmoo! I'M YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND!!"
Yamazaki cowered under the table, cradling his choclates. Abu smiled bravely.
Toya stared at her. "Kaho! I thought you were incoserated!" Toya said, even though he had no idea that the word meant that she was in jail.
Kaho tied them all up and made them wear funny hats. Then she robbed Toya's house, and flew away with her new boyfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist. That is when her tragic sunglass-wearing began.
Abu untied them all, and Yamazaki started to cry and ran away with his rageddy ann doll.
Toya sighed and leaned against the counter. "You know Yuki?" Yuki looked up at him, petting Mr. Abu. "When I saw that Loch Ness Monster, and I thought that I was going to die, the person I thought about was... Nessie- but then I thought about you." he said.
Yuki sighed and then Toya turned back into his own self, except his hair was a new colour that no one had ever discovered.
Suddenly, they saw Yamazaki walking by the window with a volcano in his hand. Yuki remembered that, while he was robbing Le Chateau the week before, he had overheard Yamazaki talking about his purple volcano that spurts pink lava. Yuki resolved to steal it from Yamzaki and win the science fair.
Yuki ran out of the door, wrecking the awkward moment.
Toya's eyes started to water and there was a lump in his throught "Yuki! Don't leave me now!!! I love you!!!" He wailed and started to run after Yuki, who was running after Yamazaki, who was running after the gingerbread man.
"Run, run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" The evil gingerbread man yelled.
Then, Yamazaki made his fateful mistake. He.set the volcano down! He did this so that he could run faster to catch that pesky gingerbread man. But, much to Yamazaki's horror, Yuki apprehended the volcano and started to do a victory dance.
"OH yeah, oh yeah! It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" he crowed. Abu jumped onto his shoulder and smiled. Yuki turned to look at Abu "What's that you say, old chap? Toya.loves me?" he asked. Abu smiled even more.
"I do say, there is going to be a happy ending to this tale!" Yamazaki said happily.
Toya walked over to Yuki, panting, he had a small velvety black box in his hand. Yuki fluttered his eyelashes, er, flirtily?
"Oh, Toya! What is that you have there?" he asked.
Toya turned all red and kneeled down on one knee, "Yukito, will you marry me?" he asked.
Yuki squealed "OH TOYA! I THOUGHT YOU"D NEVER ASK!" he said happily.
"That means yes then?" Toya asked stupidly. Abu smiled.
"Of course, you silly boi!" Yamazaki said, suddenly wearing a southern bell dress. He had a lovely pink handkerchief in one hand. "Yoo-hoo!" he called to a blonde girl wearing glasses, several blocks away. (You can find out about her in other stories!)
"Wedding time!" Yuki said happily, Sakura waved her clow-stick from her floating cloud in the sky and the wedding was all set up.
The priest, who just happens to be me, coughs to get everyone's attention.
"AHEM! Excuse me! But this is going to have to be fast! I have another story that I am in that needs attending, and priesting!" I said rudely.
"But, this is before that story!" Yamazaki whined.
"I know, but that's okay. I don't like shounen-ai stories, so I have to finish this quick!" I said impatiently, tapping my foot loudly.
Toya frowned offendedly "Well, if you are going to be like that, I don't want you to be our priest!" he said snobbily.
"That is really just too bad. I am the only one crazy enough to join you two in holy matrimony!" I said snappishly.
"I would!!!!!" Yamazaki screamed.
"NO! I WANT TO WEAR THE PRIESTLY GARB!!!!" I said, flailing about.
Everyone else blinked confusedly as Sinead (the co-author) cheered me on "FLAIL ALEX! FLAIL!"
I immediately stopped "What are you doing here?" I asked Sinead.
"I think that you _know_ the answer to that!" She said then ran awee.
"BACK TO USSSSSSS!" Yuki whined.
"Yes! Us!" Toya said greedily.
"OH yes," I said, "Do you take this Toya to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I want to be the wife!" Yuki screeched.
I sighed exasperatedly "Fine! Do you take this YUKI to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I soitainly do!" Toya said in an odd accent that I am, to this day, unable to place.
"GOOD! And do you, take this ~icky~ Toya to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I'm not icky!" Toya pouted.
"Yes, yes I do!" Yuki said rapturously.
"And now, by the power ~vested~ within me, I now pronounce you man and fife." I said proudly.
"Don'tcha mean wife?" Yamazaki asked me.
"NO!" I yelled and did the oekaki dance.
Abu smiled proudly as he looked upon his child, Yukito on this proud, proud day.
Yuki stared at Abu "I-I-I-I..." he stammered.
"YESSSSS" Said a deep booming voice, that could only be Abu's "YOU ARE MY CHILLLDDDDDDD."
"Now you talk!" Yamazaki whined loudly, and I smacked him on the head. Suddenly, some of the pink volcano goop spilled on him, and me and we were transported to another dimension, that could only be MIDDLE EARTH! But, really, that is another story. Unfortunately, we got separated on the way there and I went to live in Norsar and had a happy life, until I went on a quest and got the GLOVE OF POWER! Yuki and Toya smacked me for telling too much of the FANGIRLITUS story.
"We're happily married!" Toya squealed, ignoring my rights as a narrator completely.
Suddenly, Sinead drove up in a pumpkin carriage, forgetting for once that she abhors shounen-ai (Shounen-ai, I forgot to say, is boy+boy love :S)! Yuki and Toya hopped in and they rode awee, with birds flying behind and twittering joyfully.
And they lived happily ever after in a castle in the sky.
FIN.
A/N: Fangirlitus, is a long story that will never be posted anywhere for it contains references to real life famous people (A.K.A. Elijah wood and several other LoTH actors). There will be more stories featuring myself, Sinead and.YAMAZAKI posted on FF.net so look out for them! HAVE FUN AND REVIEW!!!!!
Also! This is a comedy, and if you are offended by anything in this story, feel free to flame me, but it is supposed to be funny!
Once upon a time, there lived a handsome man, in a very nice Japanese house named Toya. Of course, that was the guy's name, not the house's. He was very greedy and selfish.
"Stop what?!" he asked.
Anyway, one night he went out with his girlfriend who was a bazillion years older than him. They had trashed a restaurant and were running from the police.
"You go Home Toya!" the old lady Kaho, said. "I am going to leave now and hope that the police don't trace your fingerprints or the description that the restaurant owner gives." And with that, she hopped onto her broom and flew away with her magical bell, cackling.
"Okay." Toya walked into his mansion and kicked his dog for no reason.
"I do say, Toya! You should stop beating me!" the dog said, and hopped onto h is broom and flew away.
"So, he _was_ Kaho after all!" Toya said, and then went to verbally abuse his sister.
"You are a disgrace!" his father said to Sakura. Toya walked into the kitchen and frowned.
"Hey! You beat me to it!" he said. Fujitaka turned around.
"Sorry Son, you can have your turn now."
"Okay, thanks Dad- you're the greatest!" Toya said as Fujitaka went off to make some food. With his magical apron on, he flew away to make food with his wife.
"Monster!!" he yelled out. Sakura started to frown.
"Toya! I will grow tall one day and squish the life out of you!" she said, and then hopped onto her Clow-stick and flew away.
Toya shook his fist at her. 'I'm not supposed to know about that thing!!" he said. "Clow rhymes with glow! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!"
Then, it started to rain and thunder and such. Toya became frightened that his hair would get wet (even though he was inside). Then, there was a knock at his door, and he opened it (cautiously). There, standing on his front porch was Yamazaki dressed as an old woman. In his hand was a bouquet of dandelions and peach blossoms.
"Hello, dear. Would you like purchase some quality flowers to help a poor old woman?" he said feebly. Toya scrunched his nose.
"No way man!"
"How did you know that I was a man!?" Yamazaki shook his head. "Never mind! You refuse to help the poor, and you date your maths teacher!" A bright light shone about Yamazaki and he transformed back into his normal-geeky-self. "Because of this, I, Yamazaki Takashi, sentence you to a life of misery until you find your true love!" he snapped his fingers and Toya transformed into a dark pinto quarter horse. He frowned at Yamazaki who hopped onto his broomstick with a special rhinestone glove. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!!" he said and started to cackle and flew awee.
And so, for days, Toya locked himself into house, and drew the blinds. He received numerious post-cards from Kaho, Fujitaka, Sakura, and his dog. There was one from Yamazaki that said "Wish You Were Here in Santa Monica California!"
* * *
Yuki ran through the marketplace with a line of sausages in his mouth, trailing behind him. The butcher was chasing him down the street.
"Come-a back-a here-a you-a scumball!" the butcher yelled. Yuki swallowed the sausages and kept running.
"Now I will-a have to cut you-a open and-a take them out-a!!" the butcher brandished his knife.
Yuki jumped into the gutter until the guy had lost him. Then he went back to his home, which was the rafters of Sakura's great-grandfather's barn. While he was walking, he started to sing.
"There goes the baker with his bread like always. The same old bread loaves to sell!" someone threw a can of canned mackerel at him so that he would shut up. He caught it and waved. "Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!" He ran home, eating the mackerel, "I will call you Abu!" he told the empty can, and drew a face onto the fish on the label. Abu smiled at him. "Right on little buddy!" Yuki said, and hugged Abu.
He climbed up to the rafters, but they broke because he is so heavy and he fell onto his face. He fastened his belt and coasted down into a safety net. "What now, Abu?" he asked. "Where will I live?" Abu smiled. "Good thinking! Toya Kinomoto can buy me new rafters!" he kissed the can and started to run to Toya's house.
Yuki knocked the shave and a haircut beat onto the door. "Haircut man! For all of your haircutting needs!" he yelled into the door.
"We didn't order any haircuts!" Toya neighed through the door.
"Toya! Is that you?" Yuki yelled and leant onto the door. It broke because he was so heavy and knocked Yuki unconscious. Toya took Abu to his secret jail and locked him there.
An hour later Yukito woke up in a tree with a squirrel on his face. "Boy! That was coldhearted! Are you okay, Abu?" Yuki looked around, but there was no Abu.
"Abu?! ABUUU?!" he glanced at his watch. "Toya must have taken him prisoner! Fell!" he jumped out of the tree and ran into Toya's house because he hadn't managed to fix the door.
"Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" Yuki screamed and sang the Easy Come Easy Go song, which is the theme for this story. He tried to find the jail, and the pillows and drapes tried to attack him, but he was ready for it.
"Who dares to enter, the house of Toya!?" Toya's voice boomed. Yuki didn't flinch.
"I do! The door was open!" he took a deep breath. "I want Abu back!" he whined.
Toya clip-clopped into the room. "Then you must stay in his place!" he said.
Yuki agreed and Abu was freed, and Yuki was placed into the jail. One day, Toya went downstairs to feed his prisoner, who was costing him more money than an empty can of mackerel would have. Yuki was singing to himself.
"You can do it at a trot- you can do it at a gallop! You can do it real slow so your heart don't palpitate! Just don't be late! Do the Puyallup!" he said, and stopped when he saw Toya's horsie-frown at the words he was using. "Sorry Toya!
Say, can I call you Blackie? I always wanted a horse named Blackie! First I wanted to name my horsie Brownie, but then I would probably end up eating it!" he said. Toya walked right up to him and stared him in the eye.
"No, you may not call me Blackie. END OF DICUSSION!" then he rode away into the night.
Yuki wiped his eyebrow. "Wow, what a day." Then, a bit louder, he said. "I THINK I'LL JUST HIT THE HAY!" and then he fell asleep with a steamed rice package as a pillow.
The next day, when Toya came to Yuki's cage to feed him, Yuki stood up. "Say, Toya. I think I'm in love with you!" he started to tap dance. Toya reared on his hind-legs. "Silence mole face! You can't fall in love with me- I already have a girlfriend!" he said.
"Kaho Mizuki!" Yuki skrinkled his nose. "She is a bazillion years older than you! That is just wrong!"
"Be that as it may, I have a Belgian Waffle here for you!" Toya said, and handed Yuki the Belgian Waffle.
Yuki tried the waffle, and his face turned red. "AHH! THESE WAFFLES ARE GIVING ME HIVES!" he ran around, smacking his face, trying to get the rash off.
From that day on, Toya would feed Yuki nothing but Belgian Waffles, and Yuki wouldn't eat them. One day, Toya came down with the noon supply of Belgian waffles when he saw Yuki rocking back and forth in his cell, saying to himself. "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." Toya dropped the waffle platter in surprise and Yuki looked up at him. "I could eat a horse!" he said and rammed himself against the bars, frothing at the mouth. Toya scream-neighed and slid up the stairs. Yuki's weight was too much for the bars of the cell, originally designed for a can of mackerel, and an empty one at that, that they broke and he was free. He picked up a spare butter knife and started to sneak up the stairs. When he didn't see Toya anywhere, he grinned.
"Tooya. come out, come out, wherever you are." he said in a sing-spongy voice. He saw Toya running up the stairs and followed him, silently. Toya, not knowing any other way to save himself, dropped a Beef Wellington on the stairs. Yuki stopped, as predicted, and started to eat it. It gave Toya only about three seconds, because Yuki had already finished it. Toya dropped a pita plate, and it gave him a minute, because Yuki had to make his own fajitas.
"Tooya. I'm still hungry." he said, and started to stalk him again. Toya ran into his sister's abandoned room and pretended to be a stuffed horse. Yuki opened the door.
"Tooooya." he turned to face Toya, and started to advance towards him. Toya was cornered, and there was nothing he could do.
Just then, something flew in from the window and landed in between them. Yuki stopped to pick it up. Abu smiled at him.
"Abu! I thought I had lost you!" he said and Abu smiled at him. "Oh, Abu, I was wrong to try and eat Toya! Very wrong!" he said and started to cry. Then, because he is a stupid idiot, he tried to eat a Belgian Waffle again. This time he got welts on his neck and it gave him very bad gas. Abu was so disgusted that he rolled away from Yuki and down the stairs.
"Yuki, does this mean that you aren't going to eat me?" Toya asked. Yuki nodded and helped Toya up.
"Friends?" he said. Kaho flew into the room and when Toya saw her he screamed. To him, she looked even UGLIER than ever.
"AAAAHHHHH!" He scream-neighed "WHYYY DO YOU LOOK SO UGLY???"
Suddenly Kaho started to cry "I thought you loooooved me Toyaaaaaa!?!?!" she wailed.
Yuki blinked a few times and stared at Kaho "What's wrong Toya-kun, she looks exactly the same.." He said confusedly. Abu smiled and nodded knowingly.
Toya ran around the room screaming and flailing his hoofs. "GEDDITAWAYYYYY!" he said as he smacked into Kaho and threw her out the window.
"That wasn't very nice Toya." Yukito said as he watched Kaho fall to her doom.
Toya collapsed on the floor sobbing "Now I'll never get back home to Kansas!!!!!!"
"Don't you mean Alabama?" Yuki asked and started to dance around singing Sweet Home Alabama. Toya sobbed even louder. Suddenly, YAMAZAKI appeared!
Yamazaki put up his magical index finger and said, "Did you know that, along with the ugliness cures I put on you, I added another thing?"
Yuki gasped and screamed like a little girl "NOOOOOOOOoooooo...!"
"YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSsssssss..." Yamazaki said, attempting to be cool.
((Sinead: Attempting, and failing!))
"Whaaaat did you add then, you horrible child!" Toya whinnied.
"I added, the..dunn dunn dunnn..Curse that makes ugly people look pretty and pretty people look hideous." Yamazaki shouted.
Toya's horse eyes widened "*GASP*That's why Yuki suddenly became so appealing and pretty and un-fat!"
Yuki started to cry "He thinks I'm fat Abu!" he said to Abu. Abu smiled. "Yes, you are right Abu! He also thinks I'm pretty now! It's my lucky day!!!!!"
"Heh heh, I think I'm going to leave you two love birds alone now!" Yamazaki said, then flew away on his magical broomstick.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP DOING THAT!!!!" Toya yelled.
Yuki patted Toya "It's okay, honey. We'll be all right as long as we're together..forever!" he said, grinning in his evil Yuki way.
Toya stared at him scaredly "AAAHHHH! Not shounen-ai!!!!" He scream-neighed and started to gallop awee.
Yuki started off after him, like pepe la pue, the skunk man. "You cannot deny your heart!" he said with a cheesy French accent.
"OH YES I CAN!" Toya said as he galloped clumsily down the stairs.
Abu joined in the chase, grinning just as evilly as Yuki.
Toya screamed again as he jumped into the kitchen, forgetting his way around his own house! Yamazaki was crouched under the table eating all the chocolates in the house. He was making lots of smucking sounds, and he looked very disgusting. Even more disgusting than usual!
"I can still remember!" Yamazaki yelled, spraying chocolate everywhere. Toya slipped on the chocolate and slid into the cupboard. The pots and pans fell out onto his head. Yuki ran into the room.
"My, my Toya! You look radishing!" he really likes radishes. And Toya. Ew.
Suddenly, there was a Loch Ness Monster at their window. Toya became so frightened that Yamazaki fell over.
"TOOOOOYAAA!" it said creepily.
Toya stood up shakily. "Y-yes?" he asked. The Loch Ness Monster climbed into his window, and then at a closer look Toya realized that it wasn't Nessie, but it was BIG FOOT!
"UNCLE SASQUATCH!" Toya said and tried to give his uncle a hug.
"I'm not Big Foot you shmoo! I'M YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND!!"
Yamazaki cowered under the table, cradling his choclates. Abu smiled bravely.
Toya stared at her. "Kaho! I thought you were incoserated!" Toya said, even though he had no idea that the word meant that she was in jail.
Kaho tied them all up and made them wear funny hats. Then she robbed Toya's house, and flew away with her new boyfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist. That is when her tragic sunglass-wearing began.
Abu untied them all, and Yamazaki started to cry and ran away with his rageddy ann doll.
Toya sighed and leaned against the counter. "You know Yuki?" Yuki looked up at him, petting Mr. Abu. "When I saw that Loch Ness Monster, and I thought that I was going to die, the person I thought about was... Nessie- but then I thought about you." he said.
Yuki sighed and then Toya turned back into his own self, except his hair was a new colour that no one had ever discovered.
Suddenly, they saw Yamazaki walking by the window with a volcano in his hand. Yuki remembered that, while he was robbing Le Chateau the week before, he had overheard Yamazaki talking about his purple volcano that spurts pink lava. Yuki resolved to steal it from Yamzaki and win the science fair.
Yuki ran out of the door, wrecking the awkward moment.
Toya's eyes started to water and there was a lump in his throught "Yuki! Don't leave me now!!! I love you!!!" He wailed and started to run after Yuki, who was running after Yamazaki, who was running after the gingerbread man.
"Run, run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" The evil gingerbread man yelled.
Then, Yamazaki made his fateful mistake. He.set the volcano down! He did this so that he could run faster to catch that pesky gingerbread man. But, much to Yamazaki's horror, Yuki apprehended the volcano and started to do a victory dance.
"OH yeah, oh yeah! It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" he crowed. Abu jumped onto his shoulder and smiled. Yuki turned to look at Abu "What's that you say, old chap? Toya.loves me?" he asked. Abu smiled even more.
"I do say, there is going to be a happy ending to this tale!" Yamazaki said happily.
Toya walked over to Yuki, panting, he had a small velvety black box in his hand. Yuki fluttered his eyelashes, er, flirtily?
"Oh, Toya! What is that you have there?" he asked.
Toya turned all red and kneeled down on one knee, "Yukito, will you marry me?" he asked.
Yuki squealed "OH TOYA! I THOUGHT YOU"D NEVER ASK!" he said happily.
"That means yes then?" Toya asked stupidly. Abu smiled.
"Of course, you silly boi!" Yamazaki said, suddenly wearing a southern bell dress. He had a lovely pink handkerchief in one hand. "Yoo-hoo!" he called to a blonde girl wearing glasses, several blocks away. (You can find out about her in other stories!)
"Wedding time!" Yuki said happily, Sakura waved her clow-stick from her floating cloud in the sky and the wedding was all set up.
The priest, who just happens to be me, coughs to get everyone's attention.
"AHEM! Excuse me! But this is going to have to be fast! I have another story that I am in that needs attending, and priesting!" I said rudely.
"But, this is before that story!" Yamazaki whined.
"I know, but that's okay. I don't like shounen-ai stories, so I have to finish this quick!" I said impatiently, tapping my foot loudly.
Toya frowned offendedly "Well, if you are going to be like that, I don't want you to be our priest!" he said snobbily.
"That is really just too bad. I am the only one crazy enough to join you two in holy matrimony!" I said snappishly.
"I would!!!!!" Yamazaki screamed.
"NO! I WANT TO WEAR THE PRIESTLY GARB!!!!" I said, flailing about.
Everyone else blinked confusedly as Sinead (the co-author) cheered me on "FLAIL ALEX! FLAIL!"
I immediately stopped "What are you doing here?" I asked Sinead.
"I think that you _know_ the answer to that!" She said then ran awee.
"BACK TO USSSSSSS!" Yuki whined.
"Yes! Us!" Toya said greedily.
"OH yes," I said, "Do you take this Toya to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I want to be the wife!" Yuki screeched.
I sighed exasperatedly "Fine! Do you take this YUKI to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I soitainly do!" Toya said in an odd accent that I am, to this day, unable to place.
"GOOD! And do you, take this ~icky~ Toya to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I'm not icky!" Toya pouted.
"Yes, yes I do!" Yuki said rapturously.
"And now, by the power ~vested~ within me, I now pronounce you man and fife." I said proudly.
"Don'tcha mean wife?" Yamazaki asked me.
"NO!" I yelled and did the oekaki dance.
Abu smiled proudly as he looked upon his child, Yukito on this proud, proud day.
Yuki stared at Abu "I-I-I-I..." he stammered.
"YESSSSS" Said a deep booming voice, that could only be Abu's "YOU ARE MY CHILLLDDDDDDD."
"Now you talk!" Yamazaki whined loudly, and I smacked him on the head. Suddenly, some of the pink volcano goop spilled on him, and me and we were transported to another dimension, that could only be MIDDLE EARTH! But, really, that is another story. Unfortunately, we got separated on the way there and I went to live in Norsar and had a happy life, until I went on a quest and got the GLOVE OF POWER! Yuki and Toya smacked me for telling too much of the FANGIRLITUS story.
"We're happily married!" Toya squealed, ignoring my rights as a narrator completely.
Suddenly, Sinead drove up in a pumpkin carriage, forgetting for once that she abhors shounen-ai (Shounen-ai, I forgot to say, is boy+boy love :S)! Yuki and Toya hopped in and they rode awee, with birds flying behind and twittering joyfully.
And they lived happily ever after in a castle in the sky.
FIN.
A/N: Fangirlitus, is a long story that will never be posted anywhere for it contains references to real life famous people (A.K.A. Elijah wood and several other LoTH actors). There will be more stories featuring myself, Sinead and.YAMAZAKI posted on FF.net so look out for them! HAVE FUN AND REVIEW!!!!!
Also! This is a comedy, and if you are offended by anything in this story, feel free to flame me, but it is supposed to be funny!