Chapter Four

Morning rose, with Indefatigable limping toward home, battered and bruised, but still proud, beautiful and seaworthy. With fair winds and calm seas, she should reach Portsmouth within the week, thought Horatio as he paced her deck in the warm sunshine. She'd suffered some internal damage, and would put to for more extensive repairs once they arrived.

He was anxious to reach Portsmouth. Perhaps there would be a doctor who would be able to help Archie. Although he had been impressed and a bit astounded by the gentle care that Dr. Hepplewhite was giving his friend, Horatio hoped that there would be someone with more experience in something of this order. Hepplewhite clearly did not know how to aid Archie in recovering his memory.

"Fair morning, Mr. Hornblower," commented Bracegirdle, meeting Horatio upon the deck.

"Indeed it is, sir," said Horatio with a smile. "It bodes well for our voyage home."

"Anxious to see olde England again, are you?" teased Bracegirdle. "Have you a new sweetheart awaiting you, perhaps?"

Horatio blushed. "No, sir. It is just that I am concerned for Mr. Kennedy, and I would like to see him receive some treatment for his condition."

Bracegirdle sobered. "Yes, that was most unusual. Captain Pellew informed me of the poor lad's problem. How fares he?"

"He was well enough last night, although his head is paining him, of course. Other than the memory loss, there seems to be no other injury."

"It must be very difficult," sympathized Bracegirdle. "For both of you."

"Both of us?" said Horatio in surprise. "I suffered no injury."

"No, but still, it must be very hard for you, seeing your friend like that, and not having him recognize you. Do you think…" his voice trailed off, and his eyes widened a bit as he looked across the deck. "It appears, sir, that our Mr. Kennedy is doing better than you thought."

Horatio turned around, following Bracegirdle's gaze across the deck. Archie, fully dressed, had just arrived topside, and he hesitated a moment, glancing around at all the men. Several of them stopped work, some of them gaping at the acting lieutenant as if he had suddenly grown a horn out of his forehead. Spying Horatio, he made his way across the deck.

"Mr. Kennedy!" Horatio greeted him. "Dr. Hepplewhite has released you?"

Archie made a face, a typical Kennedy grimace. "No, he refused, so I waited until he went to get some breakfast, and left by myself. There was no need for me to remain there - I am perfectly healthy."

"I don't believe that is your decision, Mr. Kennedy," scolded Horatio. "The doctor knows better than you what will best speed your healing."

"The doctor doesn't have the least idea," grumbled Archie. "He'd be perfectly happy if I were to just lie upon my bed and not breathe until we reach shore." He looked defiantly at both lieutenants. "I'll not remain there another moment. I need to work."

Horatio and Bracegirdle exchanged grins. Archie certainly seemed to be all right. Still, he wasn't quite himself, so Horatio thought it not prudent to simply loose him upon the ship.

"Mr. Bracegirdle?" he queried.

"Oh, you're not serious," Archie said, his mouth dropping open. "I truly am serving aboard the Ship of Silly Surnames."

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Kennedy!" exclaimed Bracegirdle, pretending indignation. "That is no way to speak to your superior officer. You are but an Acting Lieutenant, or did you not realize that?"

"My apologies, sir," Archie said, inclining his head. "I meant no disrespect." He grinned at the two of them. "Perhaps we can blame it on my memory loss."

"This time, Mr. Kennedy," Bracegirdle said with false severity. "This time." He turned to Horatio. "Mr. Hornblower, I believe it best if Mr. Kennedy were to remain with you for now. You can show him around the ship, so he becomes familiar with her once again."

"Aye, sir," agreed Horatio. He glanced over at Archie. "I beg your indulgence for a few moments, Mr. Kennedy, as Mr. Bracegirdle and I have not yet had a chance to discuss the watch change and course corrections. We shan't take long."

"Oh, very fine," Archie said easily. "Do not hurry on my account. I'll just stand over here like a good little acting lieutenant, and mind my manners." Flashing an impish grin at them, he stood off to one side, watching the men as they went about their duties. Horatio kept an eye on him while he and Bracegirdle discussed their business, but Archie pretty much stayed in the general area, so Horatio eventually stopped paying attention to him and concentrated on discussing the Indy's wounds.

"…do you think that best, sir?" Horatio inquired. "The carpenter should be able to fix that with no problem, if he…"

"You there!" came Archie's voice across the deck, and Horatio and Bracegirdle both swung around to find him. He was headed across the deck, toward several men working at one of the cannons. Horatio's heart dropped. What did Archie think he was doing?

"You cannot do that," Archie said. "See, if you rig the cannon tackle and breech in that manner, as soon as there is any kind of pitch, you'll have cannon chasing you across the deck. Have you ever seen a man run down by one of these guns?"

The chagrined seaman, probably all of 19 years old and on his first voyage, shook his head. "No, sir."

"Well, it is not a pretty sight. Most likely, IF he lives, he'll have lost the use of both his legs, and what kind of sailor would he be then?"

"Er, not a very good un, sir, I'd wager," the seaman answered.

"Precisely, sailor," answered Archie. "Here. Do this," he said as he began demonstrating how to tie the line securely, passing the strong hemp rope through a thimble and quickly strapping it to the pomelion of the gun, "and you'll not risk harm to the ship or the men." Skillfully, he secured it to the ring-bolts on the side of Indefatigable.

The sailor watched intently, nodding his head. "Aye, sir, I understand. Thankee."

Archie nodded as he watched the sailor finish securing the gun with another line, then turned around. Bracegirdle and Horatio stood there watching him, both with equally raised eyebrows. Archie looked at them warily.

"What?"

"Mr. Kennedy," said Horatio in wonder. "Do you know what you just did?"

"Of course I do," Archie said with exasperation. "I showed a young seaman the best way to secure a cannon."

"No, Archie. You remembered how to secure a cannon."

"Oh," Archie said, his mouth dropping open yet again. "I did, didn't I."

"Indeed you did, sir," Horatio said, a wide grin on his face. What a wondrous development this was! He looked up as Bracegirdle put a gentle hand on his arm.

"Mr. Kennedy," said Bracegirdle. "What else can you tell us about this gun?"

"She's a 24 pounder," Archie said, his voice quickening with excitement. "The Indy carries 26 of them on her main gun deck, with eight 12 pounders and four 42 pounder carronades on her quarterdeck. The forecastle also holds four 42 pounder carronades as well as four long 12 pounder chase guns. She's built for war."

"That's excellent, Mr. Kennedy," Bracegirdle said, taking Archie's arm and leading him down the quarterdeck. "Now what can you tell me about her sails?"

Archie studied the majestic masts, then launched into a detailed description of each sail and its function, when to reef or unfurl, what lines should be used and what knots should be tied. It was an impressive demonstration of nautical knowledge, and Horatio felt his hope rising again. Archie really knew what he was talking about.

"Well done, sir," said Bracegirdle, and Archie beamed. They were now amidships, standing by Horatio's division. Bracegirdle pointed to Matthews.

"And do you recognize that man?"

Archie looked over at Matthews, who was working hard at shoring up the main mast. His smile fading, he looked back to Bracegirdle.

"No."

Bracegirdle sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Kennedy, but I had to be certain. Your knowledge of seamanship appears to be intact, but it seems that your memory still has not completely returned."

Archie's shoulders slumped dejectedly, and Bracegirdle put a comforting hand on his arm. "Do not despair, Mr. Kennedy. You must be patient, and wait for it to come to you. I have no doubt that it will."

"But when?" Archie said, quietly desperate. "What use am I to be, if I cannot recall the names of my shipmates, if I do not know anything of my own past? For all I know, I am a murderer, or a buggerer of children, or a thief...."

"Easy, Mr. Kennedy," Horatio broke in. "Trust me when I say you are none of those things. You are a fine man."

"But I don't know that!" Archie cried. Turning away from the officers, he stared out to sea, gripping the railing and fighting back tears of anger and frustration. "You tell me these things about me, about my life, but I don't know what you are speaking of!" He turned back to Horatio and Bracegirdle, unhappiness shining from his blue eyes. "I do not know who I am."

Horatio exchanged a concerned look with Bracegirdle, who shook his head slightly.

"Mr. Hornblower," said Bracegirdle. "Perhaps you should show Mr. Kennedy the lower decks. Show him his cabin, and where he messes." Reaching out, he patted Archie lightly on the shoulder. "Do not despair, Mr. Kennedy. All will be well."

"Aye, sir," said Archie quietly. He followed Horatio down below, not speaking at all. What good am I, he thought sadly. I am of no use to anyone like this.

"So," said Horatio, with forced cheerfulness. "Shall we find you something to eat?"

"No, thank you, Mr. Hornblower," Archie said. "I really am not hungry."

Despite himself and Archie's obvious mood, Horatio grinned. "But Mr. Kennedy - you are going to drink, you're going to eat, and you're going to get better!"

Archie didn't react at all to the familiar phrase, instead just looking blankly at Horatio. "Am I, Mr. Hornblower? Am I going to 'get better'? I am not so certain of that."

"Well, I am," Horatio said firmly. "You may not know yourself, Archie, but I do. And I know what kind of man you are, I know your strength. You will overcome this, as you have overcome so much worse in your life."

"Worse?" said Archie, a touch of bitterness creeping into his voice. "What could possibly be worse than knowing nothing about yourself, about what makes up who you are? I cannot imagine anything worse besetting me."

For the first time, Horatio really stopped and thought about this. He'd not considered that not only did Archie have no memory of himself or any of the men, he had no memory of his entire life. His family would be unknown, his sweethearts forgotten. He would have no recollection of his new life aboard Indefatigable, or his old, horrid, wretched existence aboard Justinian.

He would have no memory of Jack Simpson.

How long, thought Horatio as he watched Archie look around. How long have I wished for him to be able to forget Simpson, when have I not longed to see no shadows of fear behind those brilliant eyes? I would have given anything to take those years back for him, would have done anything if it meant that he would not have been forced to submit to that bastard for so long, but now that it has happened - in a sense, anyway - is it truly what I would wish for him? Is the price not too high?

I don't know, thought Horatio helplessly. I just don't know.

"Come, Archie," he said gently, putting a hand on his friend's arm. "How about I show you to your cabin?"

Archie nodded and followed him down the passageway, his shoulders still bowed and his head lowered. As they made their way through the ship, though, he began to raise his head. This wouldn't finish him. He had just proven that he still retained knowledge of the ship and how to sail her, still knew how to instruct the men in her care. That was all he needed to do his job. He would learn the names and faces of his crewmates, and he would have the advantage of having no preconceived ideas of who they were or what they were like. And if his memory didn't come back to him, then by God, he'd just move on without it.

Horatio opened the door to his cabin, and stood aside while Archie went inside. As Horatio closed the door behind them, Archie looked around.

It was a tiny space, to be sure, but then that was to be expected. When they cleared for action, it wouldn't be hard to tear down and rebuild, and as only an acting lieutenant, he was fortunate to have his own quarters at all. As Horatio sat on the bed, Archie wandered over to his sea chest and opened the lid. A few shirts, recently cleaned and pressed, lay neatly folded on top, with other articles of clothing beneath. Archie pushed them aside, and found a well-worn leather volume of Shakespeare. He picked it up and leafed through it, and then looked up at Horatio, who was lounging very comfortably on the bed, his back against the bulkhead behind him. Archie felt a little twinge of unease. Hornblower looked very comfortable there, as if he spent a great deal of time in this room.

"I read Shakespeare?" he said, a little awkwardly. He still didn't know why the two of them seemed to spend so much time together.

Horatio grinned. "Read it? You practically have every word he wrote memorized. You used to drive me mad, quoting him all the time. No matter what the circumstance, you always had some blasted line to spout at me."

"I assume he is not to your taste."

"No, I fear I have never been able to comprehend the attraction. I much prefer the language of mathematics - it's much simpler to understand. You were always the more romantic of the two of us."

"I see," Archie said noncommittally. He leafed back to the inside cover of the book and read the inscription there.

To Archie on his fifteenth birthday

With all my love,

Cecily

He looked at Horatio. "Cecily?"

Another smile lit Horatio's face. "Your sister."

"Sister," Archie said slowly. "I had not thought of family." He closed the book and turned his attention back to his sea chest, placing the volume on top of his clothing. The next item was a miniature of a beautiful woman with red-blond hair, and a sweet smile. "Is this her?"

"No," Horatio said. "That is your mother."

Archie felt a stab in his heart. He could not even recognize the woman who had given him life? He stared at the picture, trying to feel something - anything- but his mind and heart were empty.

"Dammit," he said softly, dropping the picture back into the sea chest and closing the lid. "I don't even know my own mother."

Horatio rose to his feet and stood beside Archie, placing a hand on his shoulder. Archie tensed at the unfamiliar contact, and Horatio dropped his hand to his side. He must remember that Archie was unaware of their friendship, that he simply thought of Horatio as his shipmate. He must be careful not to push him too much.

"In fact, you didn't really ever know her," he said quietly. "She died when you were very young."

Archie sighed. So much lost. "Is Cecily my only sibling?"

Dangerous territory, thought Horatio. Archie and his family had been estranged for many a year now, and it had been a long time before he had even been able to speak to Horatio about them. It was only when they were confined in the dingy prison of El Ferrol, locked together for so long, that he had finally begun to speak of them. Never had Archie's father even attempted to find out if his son was still alive after disappearing during the Papillion raid. Archie had tried to see his father upon his return to England, but had been summarily dismissed after a brief meeting with the family. They'd not spoken since.

"No," he said, deciding he would not hide this part of Archie's life from him. "You have two older brothers, and your father."

"Brothers," said Archie. "Are we near in age?"

"No, they are both much older than you. Cecily was four years older."

"Was?"

Horatio nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry, Archie. She died the day after she gave you that book. It was a riding accident."

"And my brothers?"

"They are both alive and well. Andrew, the eldest, helps to manage your father's estate, and Basil is a barrister in London."

"My father's estate? It is a wealthy family?"

Sighing, Horatio sat back down. "Archie, I am not sure this is a conversation we should have yet."

"Why not?"

Dammit, thought Horatio. He always has to push. "Because you are not close to your family. You and your father did not get along, and your brothers were not kind to you. You were closest to Cecily, and it was very difficult for you when she died, at least from what you have told me. You loved her very much."

"Why was I not close to the others of my family? Is there something wrong with me?"

Horatio felt a tiny stab of panic. He would not tell Archie of his fits, or the hatred and torment by his brothers. And he certainly would not tell him that his father hated him because of those fits, and because he had found out about Jack Simpson. Lord Kennedy had been all too willing to believe that Archie had been a willing participant in Jack's evil games, and Horatio would never forgive the man for that.

"The problem was not with you, Archie. It was, and is, with them. They simply have nothing in common with you, and you are better for having them out of your life."

"Am I?" Archie said, a note of sadness coloring his tone as he lowered his eyes to the deck beneath his feet. "Am I better for being all alone?"

"You're not alone," Horatio said firmly. "The crew of the Indy is your family. You are one of us, and it is here that you belong." He rose again to his feet. "Come, Archie. I think it is time we left this behind for now, and found you something to eat. Will you come with me?"

Archie raised his eyes to meet Horatio's. "As you wish, Mr. Hornblower. But will you tell me one more thing?"

"If I am able."

"Is shipboard food any good? I'm starving."

"Oh, Mr. Kennedy," Horatio said sadly, shaking his head. "I fear that you are in for an unpleasant surprise."