The next day wasn't all that great for Commander Chakotay. The crew was beginning to notice the physical change and the ones going on inside of him and the questions were flying, although few were actually answered. He had lost more weight and his uniform now hung from his body like it were many sizes to big. His face was pale and gaunt while dark circles under each of his eyes. His rich, tanned, skin had turned an unhealthy shade of gray and even his tattoo was fading away. Whereas before the look of an emotionless void had cracked once in a while and he would make a semi-normal expression, he had furthur retreated into himself and now his conversations consisted of little more than two word answers. The dimples of his smile where gone and what replaced them was a barren wasteland of skin. Women from across the ship had taken to grieving at the death of the man that most of them wanted.
Sitting in the middle of these women was Kathryn Janeway. Chakotay had deteriorated much since their talk in his quarters just the other night. He now walked with a noticeable limp and his answers to questions took much longer and what did came out was nothing of any substance. In an attempt to find out more about what was going on in his mind, how far he sunk into obscurity, Kathryn asking him a personal question about New Earth but that had done little but garner her a blank look of ignorance. Tears burned her eyes at the concept he could no longer remember that which he had most loved before. He was determined to leave the ship, and wasn't going to wait for an M-Class planet to do so.
After a physically painful duty session, Chakotay had wanted to do little but just give in and die, but forced himself to remain in good enough condition to beam down to a new home. Basically crawling into the Turbolift to go home, the Commander felt his mind cloud over. He had already given Tuvok most of his logs and notes about things that were going to need to be done, but not soon enough to for him. Leaving the lift and heading towards his living space, he never noticed Kashyk step out of the Captain's quarters. Typing his command code for entry, Chakotay heard someone behind him clear his throat in an obvious attempt to get attention.
Turning around, the First Officer found himself face to face with his Captain's lover. Kashyk spoke first.
"You're the Kathryn's second in command, right?" Seeing the man nod his head slowly, Kashyk continued. "Kathryn's mine, do you hear me? You might be in love with her, but she's in love with me and that's all that matters. If I ever hear about you even talking to her about something that isn't ship related, I will kill you. Stay away from her after duty and if she tries to talk to you, tell her to leave. Do you understand?" Seeing his blank expression, Kashyk stepped forward in a threatening manner. "I said 'do you understand.'"
Chakotay honestly didn't know what the man wanted him to say. Nothing that was being said was getting though the fog. Looking down in an attempt to search his mind once more, he suddenly saw a flash of light and promptly found himself on the floor of his quarters with his nose bleeding and Kashyk entering the door way. He looked up as Kashyk started to kick him in the ribs as hard as he could, smiling as he heard a crack in the fallen mans chest. The pain entered Chakotay's mind, but his arms and legs refused to work for him. When the kicking stopped, he felt his body start responding again and tried to get up and defend himself.
"You should have listened to me. Maybe you would have lived a little bit longer. It's nothing personal, but Kathryn Janeway is my property and you are not helping." Kashyk was mildly surprised when the bloody man rose to his feet, yet for some reason the officer didn't attempt to strike. Thinking it a temporary occurrence, Kashyk grabbed Chakotay's arm and used it to throw him head first into a table.
Chakotay hit his kitchen table and felt it crumble beneath him as he heard the glass shatter and faintly felt parts of him be cut up in the process. He saw more blood, but never even tried to help himself. He never called for help as Kashyk started to kick him harder in the face than he did his chest just moments before. He looked on as his attacker lifted one of the chairs and processed to bash it over his body. Chakotay's ability to care at these recent turn of events failed him just as his body did. Maybe he was destined to die on Voyager at the hands of a jealous maniac. He never tried to deflect the blows, even as he slipped into oblivion.
****
Kathryn Janeway stepped into the turbo lift at the end of her shift, just thankful to have be over with. Everybody the attention of most on board seemed to be drawn to the look of death that their First Officer exuded. The announcement of her and Kashyk's relationship had been confirmed earlier today to the rest of the crew and while some were happy about her new found love, nearly everybody seemed in grieving mood on behalf of her second in command, even Harry Kim seemed a bit morose at the concept of promotion. They all knew that while she had someone, he didn't and that it had tore him apart. News about their First Officer's walking catatonia had reached most also and Neelix was reporting moral being lower than he had ever seen it before. Fights were beginning to break out between one time friends, and this time, the divisions weren't healing. She had actually heard that there were more than a few people who talked of quitting right along side Chakotay. Tuvok had even noted after the daily briefing that the name 'Kashyk' was being treated like a swear word across the ship.
The sadistic part of her mind kept bombarding her with thoughts like her decision was what was killing him and tearing the crew apart and turning the ship's morale into… this. The worst part was that it wasn't far from the truth and she knew it. She had always had some idea as too how much he had invested into her, and she had known that he would be hurt to know it was all in vain, but this was like nothing imaginable.
How could she put on an air of contentment knowing that she had chosen a lover over her best friend? In an ideal world, she wouldn't have to choose. In an ideal world, Chakotay and her lover would be one and the same, but this is the Delta Quadrant (aka, as far from ideal as you can hope to get). Shaking her head at that, Janeway scolded herself. How could she hope for Chakotay to get over her if part of her wasn't yet over him?
Exiting the lift, she walked toward her cabin, but found herself pausing. She knew that his shift and hers had ended at about the same time and that, given his condition, he wouldn't have worked overtime (she silently thanked Tuvok for doing so). Maybe she should just check up on him too see how he was doing, he wasn't well after all. Glancing at her own door once again, Janeway remembered her conversation with Kashyk from the night before and didn't really want a repeat performance of that. She needed that warmth that he was offering her and the comfort at knowing he loved her. Even if her mind was with someone else. Calmly opening her door, she wondered why it was a major part of her mind seemed to be screaming to check up on Chakotay.
****
Meanwhile, the subject of Kathryn Janeway's thought's awoke in the wreckage of his kitchen table. Looking around in confusion, Chakotay attempted to get up, but for some reason his legs didn't seem to want to work. Using his arms, he slowly crawled toward his bathroom, never once calling sickbay or any person for help. Through the wall, he could hear a faint conversation between his Captain and her lover, but it held no meaning to him so he continued onwards.
Upon entering, Chakotay had no sooner gotten to the toilet before he found himself vomiting up some of his own blood. Looking at the red contents without interest, he used the bowl as leverage to get to his feet finally.
Once he achieved that initial objective, the Commander limped over to his mirror to look at himself. His right eye was nearly swollen shut, lip bleeding, nose visibly broken and there were black and blue patches all over his face. His entire complexion was gray rather than red and his tattoo seemed to have faded from deep indigo to baby blue. Looking at the rest of his body, Chakotay noticed with detachment that his uniform hung off his body and that the one eye that hadn't been hit hard dark lines under and that his face looked emaciated in the undamaged area.
Walking out of the bathroom, he slowly made his way over to the door leading into the hallway. He had a bridge duty to attend to. Going through the corridors of Voyager, Chakotay bumped into no one and the lift was empty as well. Trying to order the deck he wanted, he Commander found himself unable to speak, so rather he punched the necessary buttons. Going up, he felt his body start to give under his own weight, but balanced his body out with the help of the railing. When the doors opened, he pushed himself toward the newly formed opening. He could see that Tuvok was currently in the Captain's chair and wondered briefly if his shift was already starting. Tuvok he remembered worked with him before he was attacked, maybe he laid there all night.
The Ensign at Harry Kim's usual station of Ops heard the lift doors open and instinctively looked to see who the new occupant was. She saw a man stumble through and found herself screaming when she realized who it was and what his condition was.
Tuvok quickly got up and turned around, prepared to give her lecture about screaming on duty, but then followed her line of sight. He could see Commander Chakotay staggering out of the turbo lift looking like hell. Although some of the blood was dry, the cuts seemed new and the blood flowed from them freely. Tuvok continued to watch in paralyzed fascination as Chakotay stopped abruptly and looked up toward the ceiling. While everyone on the bridge watched in horror, the First Officer of Voyager suddenly looked like a volcano as blood exploded out of his mouth like lava.
When it stopped, Chakotay lowered his head again and saw that everyone was looking at him in speechless horror, the Vulcan included. He once more started in the direction of his command chair.
Remembering who he was and what he just witnessed, Tuvok bound over to his comrade, thankful he had chosen to work a double shift. "Commander Chakotay, what happened?" Tuvok looked on as the wounded man raised his head with an expression of confusion on his face. Seeing that the Commander's condition of blankness and that he obviously had no idea himself, Tuvok swiftly called for an emergency transport for himself and Chakotay to sickbay.
Rematerializing in sickbay, the doctor was immediately activated and shocked to see Voyager's second and third commanding officers before him, with the former looking so horrible. "Oh my God, what happened to him?" Jumping right into his work, the EMH along with Tuvok lifted the nearly unconscious man onto a biobed. After the… incident… a few nights ago, the Doctor had discreetly set up an alarm which would sound if the Commander had gone into a holodeck so he knew that this wasn't another case of holo-boxing gone awry.
"I do not know Doctor. He simply walked onto the bridge in this condition. I attempted to ask him that question myself, but he never answered. I will notify the Captain of these events." Stepping back a few paces, Tuvok rose his hand to call the Captain to apprise her of the First Officer's condition. Suddenly, Chakotay's torso rose off the table and grabbed Tuvok and brought him in close.
All through the transport and in sickbay so far, Chakotay had remained silent. He hadn't fought either Tuvok or the EMH when they lifted him, but when he heard that Janeway was going to be called, something deep within Chakotay snapped and took control of him long enough to grab Tuvok and speak to him. "No, no Captain. Promise me. Not until you have proof about who did this. Please, Tuvok." Whatever had possessed him long enough to say that, let go suddenly and the aimless man he had been returned once more.
Tuvok had seen the change come over him briefly and then the return of the nothingness Chakotay had become. Nodding his head, Tuvok silently agreed to obey the wishes of his friend. "Doctor, monitor his condition, but do not report any of this to the Captain yet. I shall notify the Captain personally after I have investigated the Commanders attack." Seeing the EMH nod quickly while still running a dermal generator over Chakotay's eye, Tuvok slapped him com badge and ordered a security team to meet him outside Commander Chakotay's cabin immediately.
****
Janeway was lying in bed with Kashyk who was fast asleep. He tended to be tired after their nightly workouts, but she was just the opposite and this one of those times that she wished she could just talk to him. She really wasn't in the mood for… that tonight, but she knew that if she had refused him a second time, he may misunderstand it. Looking at the bulkhead nearest to her, she wondered what Chakotay was doing at this moment. Knowing the 'new' Chakotay, he probably was just sitting down waiting to go back on duty or just coping with the pain that had become his constant companion, but the old Chakotay… he would probably be on a vision quest or reading a book of poetry or philosophy. It was so horrible to think that she and he couldn't be friends like that anymore, but the decision had been made and they both had to live with it.
The sad part was that Janeway knew that if he was permanently sick, she helped caused it. He was his old self until she lied to him that night in her Ready Room and then he just… changed. She knew that saying to him that she didn't love him and then to flaunt her living with Kashyk was cruel, but it wasn't suppose to affect him like this. He was suppose to realize that his life had to go on. He wasn't suppose to just stop being. She pushed him too far this time, and now he was… a stranger. She had broken him and now the very faith that he had used to go on countless times in the past was being used against him and eating him alive. She knew that Chakotay loved her and she knew that she loved him, but the ship, Kashyk, all of it was against her… against them.
'Well, you got what you wanted, Kathryn. He no longer looks at you like a woman, and he will most likely die alone because even if he manages to recover, he will no doubt never fall in love again. Who would want to feel that sort of pain ever again?' Kathryn tried to erase the thoughts from her mind, but she couldn't. She wanted Chakotay to stop with his romantic pursuits, but never had she believed it would get this far. 'Chakotay found a way to give me what I want and used his sanity and maybe his life to do it. He doesn't love me anymore.' Just the thought brought tears to her eyes.
****
Commander Tuvok exited the lift on Command Quarter's deck. Seeing a detail waiting for him, Tuvok found himself watching his Captain's door to make sure that no one disturbed her or her… guest. Forced to admit it, Tuvok would have to say didn't like Kashyk anymore than Chakotay had when it thought his sojourn on Voyager was temporary, and now that he looked like he would stay, it wasn't hard to see why the Commander might lose his bearing. Tuvok had learned quite awhile ago that Captain Janeway was the other part to Commander Chakotay, too lose that was no doubt akin to getting his soul ripped in half. Even Vulcan's aren't completely immune to the effects of their bond mates.
Pushing all thought from his mind, Tuvok entered Chakotay's quarters and immediately saw the destruction. The glass kitchen table was destroyed and it looked as if one of the chairs had been used as a weapon. Ordering no one be allowed in, even the Captain, Tuvok and one other person walked into the room and started scanning for evidence. Overall, there wasn't much, but what they did find was significant. A few trace elements DNA elements were found on a chair that was obviously used in the beating of the First Officer. Running his tricorder of the markings, Tuvok was mildly surprised when the readings came up as 'unknown' in the computer database, which meant that whoever did this, wasn't a member of the known crew as Tuvok had entered all of the DNA patterns into his tricorder just in case of this exact sort of occurrence. This was perplexing to say the least.
Going to Chakotay's terminal, Tuvok swiftly assessed that no one had used it since Chakotay, which ruled out someone attempting to hack into his logs for whatever reason and simply had been surprised when the occupant had returned. It was becoming more and more obvious that whomever did this had only the Commanders destruction in mind. Logging in under his own name, Tuvok checked the computer logs and found while it said nobody had entered his cabin with him, Chakotay lost conscious shortly after the end of the Alpha shift. Checking all people who were in the hallway during that time, Tuvok discovered something interesting. It appeared that something just appeared in the hallway directly in front of Captain Janeway's quarters mere seconds before Commander Chakotay's doors opened, this ghost person who seemed to conjure out of nowhere then vanished for 3.4 minutes only to reappear in the hallway, go to the Captain's domicile and vanish once more. Calling up this persons location at the time the Commander lost consciousness and the surrounding time that the Commander was no doubt being beaten, he found the information didn't exist. Very few people knew that Tuvok had secondary security sensors added in the corridors of Voyager that only he and a few select others had access too.
Suddenly, Tuvok remembered Chakotay's words: 'No Captain. Not until you have proof about who did this.' Logging off, Tuvok stood up and left the room leaving the other person who had been taking pictures. He let the detail outside know that no one was too know about what happened or be allowed inside and that included Captain Janeway.