[AN/Disclaimer: Awright! This is my first published InuYasha fanfic, and we all know what that means. I really try not to give people a reason to flame me, but if you somehow feel the need to, I'll be dousing your flames with laughter. This _very_ slight Ranma ½ crossover was brought to my mind with the help of a certain friend (*cough* Lynomi*cough*). I don't own any of these characters, except for the ones you don't recognize from the manga. Don't sue me…or I'll sic my pet Fluffy-sama on you! Oh…and P.S…. use your imagination; they all can go into the well in this story because all of them are either tied to InuYasha or Kagome and they can both go into the well. So that's why it works. =P]
By Aki-sama & Lynomi-hime
"WHAT?!" The resounding yell echoed throughout the forest. Birds, frightened by the sound, fluttered out of the trees and into the blue-gray sky.
"Didn't I say last night? I'm going back for two weeks and nothing you say or do is going to stop me!" Kagome hefted her now rather empty bag and slung the straps onto her shoulders.
"You can't go back! We need to go find the shards!" InuYasha yelled back.
"Look, every time I try to leave we always have this argument. Why can't you understand that I need a break!? It's almost the end of the school year! I need to leave this place and go home." She sighed, suddenly lost in a trance of happiness, "I need hot showers, running water, oden, heated rooms, rooms in general…"she snapped out of it and pointed an accusing finger at InuYasha, "so I think it's time I go back. And don't you try to stop me!" As she was climbing into the well, she could hear InuYasha trying to sneak up behind her. Just as he was about to grab her, she screamed, "OSUWARI!!!"
SPLAT.
"B-biiiiitchh…." InuYasha said into the dirt.
"Hmph…serves you right." Kagome said haughtily and jumped into the well. After she had left, a small rustling came from the bushes nearby. Out of the rustling stepped five familiar figures, one of which couldn't be seen (if you were standing five feet away).
"So. Looks like dog-boy dug himself another hole huh?" asked Shippo, who looked like he had seen this kind of thing before. Many times.
"I suppose. You wonder when he's going to get a clue." Miroku said with a flat stare in InuYasha's direction.
"*sigh* Does this happen almost every time she leaves?" asked Sango wearily.
"Yes," came the collective reply, "every time."
"Hey…I'm still here y'know." An annoyed muffle came from the pile that was InuYasha.
"Lord InuYasha, don't you think that when she says 'Don't try to stop me!' that would mean to not try to stop her?" asked Myouga from atop Shippo's head. A loud and rather pissed off growl came from InuYasha and Myouga swiftly shut up. Miroku walked over to InuYasha and sat down next to him.
"You know, we could use a break as well InuYasha." Miroku said this with great care.
"What?" came the disbelieved reply, "You, have a break? I thought you were already having one!"
"No, we were waiting. Now we want a break. There is a difference you know." Miroku clarified. InuYasha sat up and crossed his arms.
"So, what do you want to do for a break any how?" InuYasha asked them irritably. The rest of the group looked at each other, wondering what on earth they could do, until Shippo slapped small fist into his palm and said,
"Why don't we go and stay with Kagome?" Everybody looked at Shippo as if he were a genius.
"That's a great idea Shippo! I don't know why I didn't think about it before!" exclaimed Sango. Kirara purred next her, agreeing. Everyone seemed content with that idea, but InuYasha was the only one left scowling.
"I'm not going." Miroku turned to look at InuYasha incredulously.
"Why on earth not?" he asked. InuYasha growled.
"She'd probably think I was trying to force her to come back and get all mad at me again." Miroku sighed.
"Then why would you bring us with you if you were trying to make her come back?" he asked reasonably, trying to make InuYasha use his brains (if he had any).
"oh," came the embarrassed reply, "right."
"Well, can we go? I want to catch up to Kagome as soon as possible." Said a quickly walking Sango, Kirara right on her heels. Miroku looked at InuYasha and asked,
"Still don't want to go?" Miroku smirked at InuYasha with a sardonic grin. InuYasha suddenly realized that he would be the only one left here. He straightened up and said with as much dignity as he could muster,
"Yeah…stupid monk, why wouldn't I?" InuYasha whisked past Miroku and joined Sango by the well. The peculiar monk sighed and shook his head. Shippo and Myouga (who on top of Shippo) looked in his direction.
"Alright then, let's go!" Miroku jumped into the well. Shippo (with Myouga), Sango, and Kirara after him. Then lastly, InuYasha, who sportingly (yeah right….) followed after. Little did any of them know they were all being watched.
~***
"Sesshomaru-sama? What exactly are we doing here?" Jaken looked up at his Lord with his usual look of…well, bug-eyedness. Sesshomaru looked at the well in which his bastard half-brother and his companions had just jumped into with great interest. Something he never usually did.
"We will follow them." Monotonous as usual, he stood up out of the bushes and walked over to the well, gracefully jumping in. A completely blissful Rin skipped after, followed sullenly by a confused Jaken. Once again, right after they left, another rustle came from the bushes beside the well. Kouga looked out from behind the tree and cautiously sniffed the air. He smirked.
"So, looks like dog-turd decided to go after Kagome, eh?" He stepped up to the well and looked in. He surprised to find no one inside. "Where did they all go? Well, there's only one way to find out….", and with that he hopped into the well. Now we think that this is the end of them. Not exactly.
"Hmm, they use the Bone-Eaters well? Why did they all jump in? Does the well have other powers that I do not know of?" Kikyo stood up from her kneeling position inside the bushes to walk towards the well. She looked inside to see…nobody (surprise, surprise). A look of great interest came upon her face, which actually made her look slightly evil (ye Gods…). Smiling slightly to herself, she jumped into the well.
.... Now yet another person was watching this group of poor, unfortunate souls. He looked in Kanna's mirror, and saw the object of his lust jump in after many different people. Including InuYasha, the bane of his existence. Naraku smiled and decided that since he had only been hurting other people and destroying their lives lately (not nearly as fun as torture, but just as good), he wanted to do something that might help…himself. He got up out of his sitting position and flew out of his castle. As the well came into sight, he landed down next to it and looked in. He saw that the well must have taken them elsewhere. But where? This puzzled him for a while, as he was trying to get to where they went. He was thinking about where and how when another wonderfully evil idea popped into his head. An evil smile spread slowly across his face as he cast a sealing spell across the mouth of the well. Feeling victorious in his evil ways, he left back to his castle. The bushes rustled yet again and Kaede poked her head out.
"This…does NOT bode well…."
Far, far away, the fates laughed.
Kagome looked up from her breakfast and felt chills run down her spine. Her line of eyesight went toward the well. 'Uh oh…' she looked up to see if her mother was watching her, then slipped out of the kitchen to the door. She could hear curses and calm soothing voices on the other side. A sudden fear of foreboding encompassed her. A too-too familiar voice yelled, "I can't believe we're actually doing this!!! Why can't the wench come and find us!?" 'Oh nooo….' Kagome looked around for someplace to hide when the doorbell rang. 'Crap. Uhh…oh…the closet! Right!' As she climbed into the closet, she watched her mom come up and open the door. She heard Miroku's voice float through.
"Um, hello! We are friends of Kagome and we were wondering where she was so we could speak to her." Kagome's mother looked puzzled for a moment before she smiled welcomingly.
"Of course you can speak to her! But I would like your names if you don't-" Kagome reached out a hand to tug on her mother's dress and interrupt. Mrs. Higurashi looked down at her daughter in surprise.
"Why Kagome, what are you doing there?" she whispered. Kagome shook her head furiously as if trying to say 'Don't tell them I'm here!!!' Mrs. Higurashi just smiled and turned toward the puzzled group at the door.
"Oh, and Kagome's in the closet." Kagome slapped her forehead and sunk deeper into the coats. She heard her mother walk away and new footsteps entered the hallway. Kagome practically dived into the back of the closet so that she couldn't be seen. Another voice entered her ears and this was one she didn't want hear.
"Kagome? Are you really in here? Do you actually live in here?" InuYasha's voice trailed in through the doors. Kagome thought desperately of a way to get out of this situation.
"Oh no, just an old woman." she croaked out, trying to sound old. For a brief moment of bliss, she thought it had actually worked until….
"Kagome," he said flatly, "I can smell you." Damn his keen sense of smell! She thought it had worked.
"Well, since the cat's out of the bag…." She mumbled as she climbed out the pile of clothes she had used to hide herself. She was welcomed to the site of the entire gang standing in her living room. "What, if you don't mind me asking, are you doing here?" They kind of stared at her blankly before Shippo spoke up.
"We wanted to take a break and come visit you!" Kagome thought suddenly about strangling the poor kitsune then realized that it was morning. She had to go to school.
"ACK! SCHOOL! TODAY! FORGOT!!!AAAH!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs causing InuYasha to flinch. She raced down the hall completely forgetting about the fact that people from the past were lounging in her living room. Grabbing her lunch, school supplies, and coat she raced out the door. Without her shoes. She raced back to put them on only to disappear again.
As she sped out the door, she yelled, "Bye, Mom! Love you lots!" and kissed InuYasha on the cheek, who just happened to be standing near the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her mom wave from the kitchen.
Slowly she appeared in the doorway again. She stared at the dumbfounded InuYasha for a second. Then, "You're…you're not my Mom, are you?"
InuYasha, mouth agape, shook his head.
Miroku looked on with a slightly bemused expression. "You've got better luck than me, InuYasha, I'll give you that."
InuYasha wandered to the kitchen. There had to be alcohol in here somewhere.
Kagome blushed. "Forget it! I really got to go, and Hojo is probably leaving without me now."
InuYasha slammed the kitchen door open.
"WHO?" he asked venomously.
Kagome stuttered. "I said…uh…that probably sounded like Hojo, but it really wasn't… I meant… KOKO! That's my very dear GIRL friend! Heh…heh heh…pretty funny, eh?" She backed out slowly and hauled ass to the corner, where Hojo, naïve as ever, waited with a smile on his face.
It took all Miroku, Shippo, and Sango had to hold the dog demon back.
Mrs. Higurashi looked at Kagome's friends with an all-knowing smile, they really wanted to talk to her, and Kagome would be leaving for China in just two days. Suddenly, a very good idea popped into her head. She smiled, thinking about how she would have fun carrying out her plans.
As she walked into the living room, she coughed politely to get their attention.
"Well, I think it's a waste that you should come so far only to see Kagome for a few minutes. But I think I know the solution to your problem! Have you ever been to school?"
A blank look made itself apparent over everybody's faces.
Mrs. Higurashi smiled. "Well, then, I suppose not. Here is how it works…" and she described all that she knew of school, having a brief moment of nostalgia (school was slightly different "back then"), and how to "blend in."
InuYasha was a bit confused at the blending part. "What's wrong with my hair?" he demanded, grabbing his hair protectively.
Mrs. Higurashi laughed nervously and held out her hands to ward off any not-so-good emotions coming from the hanyou. "Nothing dear, nothing! Just, if you really want to fit in, then maybe…black hair would be better? And, although adoring as they are, something to cover your ears…" she gasped. "A wig!! No, wait… bandana? Do they allow those at Kagome's school? Well, let's try it. They are supposed to be foreigners, after all." She giggled with excitement. This would be so much fun!
Nobody liked the slight edge of perverse pleasure accompanying her laughter.
She rushed to and fro for the next ten minutes, and, as most mothers mysteriously can, gathered up all the supplies needed. After all, her previous job was a costume designer/make-up artist. Dying InuYasha's hair, she wondered how InuYasha would look with fake eyelashes. No, not entirely right….
As the end product, she had a black colored bandana covering black hair and absolutely adorable violet contacts to make his eyes…not so… stand-outish.
InuYasha looked at his reflection…and screamed. Yes, like a little girl. In case you were wondering.
"I. LOOK. HUMAN!"
"Well, that was the point, dearie."
Sango barely managed to stifle a laugh that would have made the Buddha proud. The boys, however, did not bother.
Mrs. Higurashi turned a steely gaze towards the offensive males. They abruptly stopped, and Miroku's ending chuckle was accentuated with a polite cough. Myouga, not before then noticed by the mother, kept laughing, causing Mrs. Higurashi to turn around curiously.
"What was that?"
Sango smashed Myouga between her thumb and her forefinger. "Nothing!" she said innocently.
Shippo looked beseechingly at Mrs. Higurashi. "Can I go to school, too? I can make myself look real human… promise!"
Mrs. Higurashi smiled. How could she resist the cuteness that was Shippo? "Of course, sweetie-poo!"
InuYasha rolled his eyes. How sickening.
"So, who do you want to be? How to make you look human…" she pondered. Oh! A magazine! 'Higurashi, you're a genius!' she thought to herself.
She grabbed a fashion magazine with many pictures of models modeling perfect examples of schoolchildren. "Now," she told them, "Imagine the girl's outfits green here," pointing at the skirt, "and here," pointing at the collar, "and…oh, wait, that's it…."
Sango looked at the extremely short, revealing, and absolutely degrading outfit she had seen Kagome wear countless amounts of times.
"…Do we…are we required to wear that? I mean, it's pretty and all, but…" She stammered, not wanting to offend Mrs. Higurashi.
Miroku slapped her back. "C'mon, Sango, it'll be FUN!"
"Easy for you to say…" Sango muttered angrily, glaring. "YOU'RE wearing a nice little black suit, that covers EVERYTHING."
"Pity, isn't it?"
Sango's first instinct was to grab her hiraikotsu and whack his head off. Literally. But then realizing that Kagome's mother was standing next to her, she forcefully put a smile on her face and pulled her hand down to her side. Miroku, already realizing that Mrs. Higurashi was his temporary sanctuary, smirked. Sango growled and her eye twitched spasmodically.
"You're cruisin' for a bruisin' lecher." She muttered this in his general direction. This made him smirk wider. Sango clenched and unclenched her hand. Many, many times. All of this went completely unnoticed by Mrs. Higurashi.
"Well then, lets get you all fitted and ready for you uniforms!" And the horror began, starting with InuYasha.
Anybody standing outside, on the street, during that tempestuous half-hour would have heard quite a few things, but there was one voice in particular that was prominent.
"AAAHHH! WHAT IS THAT THING? IT'S WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS A BRUSH??" This was followed by much screaming. Of pain.
Also, "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A HAIR DRYER THING! IT'S HOT!! I DON'T LIKE IT!"
"OH MY GOOOOOODDDDD!!! SCISS…SCISSORS? WHAT THE HELL? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NO! NO TRIM! NO TRIM!!!"
Another half-hour later, after…InuYasha, Sango came out in her uniform just waiting to be teased. As she stepped out of the room where she had changed into the uniform from hell, the room filled with wolf-whistles. Most of them were from Miroku. Scratch that, all of them were from Miroku. She glared and picked up her hiraikotsu from where it was sitting on the couch, and regardless of Mrs. Higurashi, whacked Miroku upside the head. Good and hard. Anybody who happened to be watching the incident would have told you that Miroku hadn't even felt it. He was unconscious too quickly.
Sango felt much better, and didn't even join InuYasha where he was moping…two inches of his hair lying on the ground. He gingerly picked up a silvery-black strand and whimpered. Sango looked at him blandly.
"You, InuYasha, are absolutely pathetic. At least you don't have to wear THIS." She tugged experimentally at her skirt, half expecting it to come right off and half praying it didn't.
"She…she made it…she made it EVEN!!" InuYasha wailed.
"Oh, don't be such a BABY! I bet Sesshomaru wouldn't have sobbed this hard."
InuYasha's sobs lightened considerably. He stood, glaring at Shippo, who was trying out various celebrities.
"You." InuYasha said venomously, "This is all YOUR fault! No, we shouldn't stay in our OWN time; we have to go stay with KAGOME! We want a BREAK, InuYasha! A BREAK! Well, if this is your idea of a break, I'd love to see hell! In fact, here's a nice broken SPINE for you!" InuYasha started chasing the copycat of Justin Timberlake (I hate him. –Lynomi) around the room. In his rage he tripped over a coffee table, rainbow-painted curses flowing without care from his mouth. Shippo stuck his (or should I say Justin's, the little fruit) tongue out. Mrs. Higurashi looked rather shocked. More so at the language that had come from InuYasha than Shippo's tongue exposure.
"InuYasha! That is no way to speak in front of ladies!" she reprimanded vocally. InuYasha looked up at Kagome's mother and said stupidly,
"What ladies?" He immediately regretted saying that as two hands from two "ladies" rose at the same time.
SMACK.
"…Pretty colors…." InuYasha gurgled as he went to meet Mr. Hardwood Floor. Miroku looked up from his wounded position near the T.V.
"Now you know how I feel…." He grumbled. And with saying so, he attracted Sango's (now labeled 'unwanted') attention. He, therefore, quickly resumed his (supposedly) unconscious position on the floor.
Mrs. Higurashi clapped her hands together. "Welp, Miroku, you're the last one!"
Miroku looked up from his position and glanced fearfully at the puddle of tears mixed with artificially blackened hair InuYasha had left in the corner. He gulped, and bravely stepped toward his doom.
Seeing the look on his face, Mrs. Higurashi laughed. "Don't worry, I won't cut your hair! It looks fine. It looks combed as well! Do you take of it?"
Miroku smiled nervously. "Heh…yeah…"
Since Miroku didn't make much fuss over the make-over (he actually thought the suit very dashing), he only took about five minutes rather than the half-hour it took for the stubborn dog demon and reluctant demon hunter…ess.
Shippo couldn't decide between a random model and George Bush (he should die! – Lynomi. Evil laughter encompasses the room. Followed by lots of innocent coughs. Did we say anything? Nooo. –Aki and Lyn). Sango looked over his shoulder.
"Welp, if you want my opinion…my HONEST opinion, I would choose…the random model."
Mrs. Higurashi nodded in agreement. "Yes, I think Mr. Bush is a mite…old…for high school, I mean."
InuYasha could only think of how Kagome was with Hojo…somewhere. "Yeah, yeah, so can we go now?"
"Well, I doubt you'll be able to catch up…oh my. Time sure does fly! School started already! Its almost third period, if my calculations are correct." (As it turns out, they weren't. Second period had just started.)
InuYasha growled at the prospect of what this "Hojo" could be DOING to Kagome…he'd bet his Tetsusaiga that it wasn't anything good. His eyes narrowed dangerously. Having already figured out what Hojo did, in his mind (which was entirely incorrect… Hojo didn't do that at all, in fact), he stretched his claws and prepared to kill this annoying…rival. While he was doing that, Mrs. Higurashi called the school to inform them of the new arrivals.
# Hello? #, said a school secretary in a very nasally voice.
"Yes? Hello! This is Mrs. Higurashi! Umm, there will be a few new…foreign exchange students coming in today."
# Will they be attending the China field trip? #, asked the secretary in a stern voice.
"Oh…oh yes! Indeed they will." Mrs. Higurashi beamed to herself. Her smile disappeared when the secretary asked her second question.
# Who will be paying for this ma'am? #
"Oh…do you have any extra tickets available?" she asked nervously.
# Yes of course! We have about seven tickets available, but the students themselves have to figure out the accommodations. # answered the secretary. Mrs. Higurashi sighed with relief.
"Thank you very much. I'll be sending them down during the day, if you don't mind, and put their schedules in alignment with Higurashi, Kagome's."
Mrs. Higurashi hung up the phone and turned towards the group, smiling broadly. "It's all set! We'll just send you on your way! Um…InuYasha? InuYasha?"
InuYasha's head snapped up. He had been devising a plan to rip out Hojo's innards and strangle him with them. "Hnh? What?"
"Are you okay? By the way, your nails are a tad long. Have you ever heard of manicures?"
InuYasha raised an eyebrow. "A what? Mani-huh?"
Mrs. Higurashi sighed. So much work to do…
About three mangled nail clippers and a few broken nail files later…
"I give up!" Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed, exhausted. "I just can't do it! Mothers are supposed to be able to do anything, including clipping and evening out a few nails."
"For the last time, they are CLAWS," InuYasha said, having just barely escaped with his life as Kagome's demon mother attacked him with nail polish a few minutes earlier. "And they do not come off. They cannot be cut. They can certainly not be 'filed.' So bugger off."
Miroku shook his head meaningfully. A look that clearly said, 'No! Don't anger the mother! What kind of an idiot are you?' InuYasha, however, perceived it as 'Why not try the nail polish? It had nice sparkles in it.' InuYasha growled at him. Miroku slapped his forehead and dragged his hand down his face, muttering, "Oh dear Lordy-lord-lord…."
Mrs. Higurashi frowned but, with great maturity, decided to overlook it this once. She pursed her lips and ushered them out of the house…InuYasha none too gently. She shoved them into the car and hopped into the driver's seat.
As the car started with a roar, all the members, excluding Mrs. Higurashi screamed and dove towards the floor of the car. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!"
Mrs. Higurashi covered her ears, which, by the way, had a nice little ring in them now.
"What's wrong?"
Sango pointed at the engine. "We are…why did you put us inside a beast? Is your secret motive murder?"
Puzzlement. "Um, no, this is a car. It takes you places…like an…automatic carriage…without horses."
Slowly, they all sat up, saying knowingly, "Oooooohhhhhhhhh…."
InuYasha huffed.
"I knew it wasn't going to kill us all along. You guys are all cowards." He crossed his arms, eyes closed in that haughty way of his.
Miroku looked at him flatly.
"I saw you screaming and huddling with the rest of us, don't you deny it."
This brought on a series of: grumble-grumble-growl-grumble-grumble-grumble-curse-grumble-grumble-mutter…and so forth.
Mrs. Higurashi started the car once again. They all flinched, but none, thankfully, dove out any windows. Mrs. Higurashi drove happily to Kagome's school. Wouldn't she be nicely surprised!
Kagome sat in Math class, staring blankly out the window as she fretted over the mornings…er…events. She saw her mom's van pull up next to the gate, and watched as Miroku, Sango, and two people she didn't recognize step out. What were they doing here? And wearing school clothes, no less. Gasp of realization. Nooo. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening. When she woke up, she would be in her bed, and everybody would be in the past where they belonged. InuYasha would be at her window any minute now to drag her back. She pinched herself.
Damn.
All of a sudden, the student with the bandana became all too familiar to her…. She half stood in her desk.
"…the hell?" she murmured.
"Ms. Higurashi! Would you please remain seated and stop staring out the window, especially considering your grade in this particular class," her teacher, Mr. Swanker, told her irritably.
"Yes ma'am…sir! I meant sir! No, was it ma'am? NO! It was sir! Heh heh…" seeing the whole class turn in unison and stare at her, she said meekly, "Sorry," and sat down.
After a grueling five minutes of suspense, the moment of reckoning arrived. The door slammed open with a resounding "Fwak!" all eyes turned to the new hunk on the block, InuYasha. He stomped in, followed more quietly by Miroku, Sango, and some…other guy…from Kagome's MAGAZINE? What the…?
She said it aloud, too. And also, with realization hitting her hard on the head with a thunderbolt-like hammer, she said as well, "Shippo!"
At the sound of his name, the model-magazine-Shippo-guy turned and waved at her. Everyone stared, at her specifically.
InuYasha finally spotted her. He pointed at her, eyes narrowed. "This…all this…"he waved vaguely around, "is your fault, wench!"
Kagome sat speechless. What in the world had her mother been thinking? His…oh, god, his hair! It was…EVEN! Oh…yes…it was black too.
Yuki, a friend of hers, leaned over and whispered, "You know him? You are sooo lucky! You have Hojo, the new guy, and the model guy waving at you! Do you know that one guy looks EXACTLY like this guy in my magazine? So cool." Yuki smiled. Kagome looked at her like she was insane.
"I think…" Kagome started, "I think…I feel extremely sick…all of a sudden…ergh…."
InuYasha stomped over to her and sat at a desk next to her, which was, conveniently enough, vacant. Shippo and Sango sat near her as well, but Miroku, well, he was off to the more female-dominated side of the room. Sango looked at him in disgust as she watched him eye many legs. And chests. And…other sorts of things. Like that.
InuYasha scowled at the back of Kagome's head the entire time, Kagome sweating profusely all the way. She snapped quite a few pencils in her tenseness, especially when the teacher called on her.
For example:
InuYasha growled at her. "I can't believe you dragged me into this. Look at my HAIR!" he said it quietly, so the teacher wouldn't hear.
Tension mounted on her pencil. The pencil formed a sweat drop. She snarled, "I didn't drag you into this! It was completely your choice!" she said loudly.
"Ms. Higurashi!"
"WHAT?!?!" the pencil snapped. In half. Kagome sat, half a pencil in each hand, foaming at the mouth, looking wild-eyed at the teacher.
"Um…erm…never mind…." The teacher, Mr. Swanker, eyed Kagome warily. He half-expected for her to jump out at him, rabid with rabies. Luckily, for him, Kagome tried killing the new kid…who fended her off without even looking at her. The new girl and model boy rolled their eyes. The other boy, who was sitting across the room, didn't seem to notice anything at all. In fact, that boy was not looking at the black board at all, but instead…other places that shouldn't be mentioned.
"Mr! … What is your last name anyway?" asked Mr. Swanker. The boy looked up with surprise and a cheerful,
"Hm?" Mr. Swanker looked at him, annoyed.
"Ahem…I said 'What is your last name anyway?"
"Well, my first name is Miroku…but my last name was lost during my monastery training." As he said this, half the girls (not including Sango or the now hysterical Kagome) swooned.
"Ooooh…he's a monk! *giggle*" Miroku tilted his head and looked at the ceiling in heavenly praise (for the first time since he entered the room). If this was a break, he'd love to see paradise. Sango, sitting on the opposite corner of the room turned slightly green and blanched.
"Ugh! I think I'm going to be sick…." She muttered under her breath and turned so that she didn't have to see Miroku, the Priest of…perversity. Only Shippo noticed, in his all-knowing foxy way, the underlying tone of jealousy in her voice. By now (thankfully) he knew that mentioning it in any way, shape or form, would result in a quick trip to the afterlife. One-way express. No rest stops. No snack breaks. The ultimate hell.
InuYasha, on the other hand, was blissfully oblivious of everything, as usual. Thank God for stupidity and ignorance. (Let me hear you say "Amen!") He was more interested in scanning the room for his new archrival, Duke Hojo of Hellsville. What did he look like anyway?
Kagome was on the verge of insanity. She could feel the mental breakdown around the corner. With complimentary peanuts. Not a good sign.
She thought desperately to herself, 'I am okay. Nothing's wrong. InuYasha isn't here, muttering at me and calling me names. Miroku is not checking out that stupid blonde ditz, and Sango is not looking jealous about it. Shippo is not decked out in school clothes in the guise of a male supermodel, and Myouga…was Myouga even here? Doesn't matter. Nobody was here. I am not going insane. I am not hyperventilating. I am not hallucinating. I am not dreaming, am I? Ye gods, ye gods; what did I do to deserve this? Whatever it is, I'm incredibly, terribly, horrifyingly sorry! SORRY! No, Kagome, it's okay…as long as nothing else happens, life won't be that different…
She finally snapped as she cast one last look out the window. Somebody took out her brain and kicked it skywards, and stars exploded in front of her eyes.
Sesshomaru got out of her mother's car, wearing a black uniform. He looked around and sniffed the air.
Kagome didn't have time to think as black closed in around her.
Mrs. Higurashi, who had spent the last twenty minutes cleaning up the black dye that, when InuYasha fussed and moaned and thrashed wildly around, had splattered itself across the bathroom, got up and looked at the door curiously. She could hear somebody there, behind it.
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at the door. Why didn't it slide open like normal doors? What was that stupid little button on the side of it? He decided to see what it would do.
Mrs. Higurashi sighed in relief. She was wondering when whoever was there would realize that there was a doorbell. She opened it, smiling.
"Hello! Welcome to my shrine! How are you today? The actual temple is over there, so have a nice day!" She slammed it shut in Sesshomaru's face.
He stared in shock. This door…it was weird, but that had to be a sign of disrespect. Jaken sputtered angrily on behalf of his Lordship and pounded on the door.
Rin danced about happily on the porch. "La La La! No flowers growing on this weird rock for Rin!" she said cheerfully as she spun around on the cement. "Weird, weird rock!" She poked at it. "Hard, hard funny looking rock!"
Sesshomaru resisted the oncoming threat of a migraine. This world smelled of horribleness. And another thing, demons do not get migraines. No. No migraines. That's better. Must stop talking to myself. A raging metal beast roared by, leaving a trail of dislikable fumes. Rin coughed, but Sesshomaru managed to stifle it. Coughing was below him.
The door, and the idiotic woman behind it, answered Jaken's impolite poundings.
"I've already told you, the temple is over—"
Sesshomaru raised a hand to silence her.
"Where is my bastard—" Mrs. Higurashi coughed at the language "—half brother? His trail ends here."
"Well. What does he look like?"
Sesshomaru stared at her in disbelief. "Let's see, he's my half brother. He looks somewhat like me." Then he added as an afterthought, "Except uglier."
"Like how so?"
No, no, no. No migraines. "White hair."
"Yes?"
"Golden eyes."
"And…?"
"Dog ears?" his voice started to strain with impatience. Rin stopped and stared at him.
Mrs. Higurashi gave him a blank look. On purpose, of course. It's not every day you see something walk by with white hair. And adorable dog-ears.
"HIS NAME IS INUYASHA." Sesshomaru practically screamed through clenched teeth.
"Oh, him! Why didn't you say so? Come on in!"
Jaken said soothingly, "Focus on the breathing, Sesshomaru-sama. The breathing. The brea—AGHCK!"
Sesshomaru's hand had clamped itself to Jaken's head, squeezing it with all his might. After a few seconds of this, he breathed deeply, let go, and said,
"Much better."
Calmly as possible, he glided in behind Mrs. Higurashi.
Mrs. Higurashi knew exactly what to do with HIM.
The screams echoing on the street for the next five minutes caused nearby windows to shatter and fall to the ground. The coherent ones included:
"WHAT IS THAT? I KNOW WHAT THAT IS! THOSE ARE SCISSORS, AREN'T THEY! DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME WITH THOSE! WHAT ARE YOU—AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL—*blurble*"
Kagome's mother had doused him with a nearby teapot.
Later, about five minutes or so, the forest was completely cleared of all living things. The cause? Well:
"IF THAT DYE TOUCHES ME, I'LL PULL OUT YOUR INNARDS AND HANG YOU FROM YOUR OWN RAFTERS! I'LL KILL THIS ADORABLE KID! No, no Rin I won't kill you! THE OTHER KID! WHAT? THAT'S A CAT? MY GOD, IT'S FAT!"
Kagome's mother: "He is not fat. He is big-boned."
"BIG BONED MY ASS! THAT CAT ENGULFS THE WHOLE ROOM! IT NEEDS A DIET, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"
"He does not need a diet. He is just fine, thank you very much."
"THAT IS THE FATTEST CAT I'VE EVER SEEN!" In this slight pause in the conversation (conversation my cute lil' arse), Buyo made, to what normal humans heard, a cat-like sound. To Sesshomaru, it sounded like something from the deepest bowels of the lowest levels of hell.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL HELLS WAS THAT? WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE THE CAT?! HOLY SHIT!!!" As he screamed 'shit', his voice raised another octave, "PUT THAT THING IN A HOLE SOMEWHERE AND LET IT DIE!!!" The aforementioned yelling did not stop Mrs. Higurashi from trying to apply contacts.
Sesshomaru calmed himself down enough to ask, "What in the name of everything unholy are those?"
Mrs. Higurashi held out the contact container threateningly.
"They are contacts. And if seeing your half brother is of any importance to you, you WILL wear them," she said, "no questions asked."
Sesshomaru thought for a second. "…rrgh, fine…"
Mrs. Higurashi advanced menacingly, holding a blue contact on her outstretched finger. She started to put it in his eye when he backed away suddenly, in fear for his life.
"What are you doing? I know what you're trying to do! I've been through this with that bastard—" cough from Mrs. Higurashi "—brother of mine before! If I have any graves in my eye, you can't have them! They're mine!"
"What? What the hell…oops, I mean heck are you talking about? I'm just putting those contacts in your eye!"
"I won't fall for your tricks, mortal witch!"
Something inside Mrs. Higurashi fell loose and clattered to the bottom of her mind, rolling in circles lazily like a coin. Her eye twitched and she, in a fit of strength and madness, pinned the demon against the wall and shoved the contacts in.
Sesshomaru blinked experimentally. His eyes were still there. Good.
"There, done!" Mrs. Higurashi said cheerfully. She flitted to the room that held, magically, an endless supply of school uniforms. For boys and girls alike. Now, you may be wondering what she was doing with boy's clothing, and, well, her motto is "Always be prepared for the inevitable…no, wait, the unthinkable." Right. She pushed him into the bathroom with the suit.
"Now, put this on like a good little demon…boy, and tell me how it fits!" With her mother's intuition, she knew exactly how it would fit. Just perfect, of course.
Sesshomaru, in the bathroom, didn't know exactly how to put it on. This, as Kaede would say, did not bode well.
More screaming. Yes, I know, repetitive, but entertaining, nonetheless.
"LOOK, YOU STUPID WITCH WENCH! I CAN DRESS MYSELF! I DON'T NEED A MORTAL'S HELP! ACK! WHY DID YOU PULL DOWN MY PANTS, YOU LITTLE--!"
And, as well:
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK OF NATURE! I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE, YOU, CAT, OR THE EVIL WITCH! Hey, I put it on! Now, to look at my beautiful self—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! WITCH! GET OVER HERE! WHAT SORT OF EVIL SORCERY DID YOU PERFORM ON MY EYES?"
"Dearie, those are the contacts."
"GET THEM OFF!"
"Don't rub at them! They'll get stuck and roll under your eyes!"
Silence for a while. Then,
"AAAAAHHH! GET THAT STUPID CAT AWAY FROM ME! WHAT THE HELL IS IT'S PROBLEM?"
Buyo, purring with all the charm of a diseased motorcycle, rubbed against Sesshomaru's poor, defenseless leg.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! THAT'S IT! THE NEXT TIME THAT CAT COMES IN CONTACT WITH ME, I WILL KICK THE DAMNED THING TO THE MOON!"
Followed, of course, by Buyo jumping onto his head. Kneading and purring and lots and lots of claws.
The next segment was said quickly and in rapid succession. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! A HA! GOT YOU NOW, YOU INSIPID FURRY UGLY BEANBAG! FEEL MY WRATH!"
Buyo was next seen flying out of the bathroom window, giving a confused "Roowr?"
Ka-chunk. Buyo was now stuck in a fork of a not-so-nearby tree.
"Nweeerrrwww!" He growled/meowed/purred/moaned. (*shrug* We couldn't figure it out, either. –Aki and Lyn)
"Oh dear. I wonder…yes, that is the fourth time I've called the fire department this month. *sigh*" Mrs. Higurashi called the fire department, and left Sesshomaru to watch the painful procedure of pulling the damned thing out of the tree. Still making that…that…SOUND! His sensitive ears couldn't stand it, so; luckily for him (and all the unsuspecting people of the neighborhood who would have witnessed his rampage in a few moments) Mrs. Higurashi offered to drive him to "school," as she called it.
"Of course, the child will have to stay."
Sesshomaru looked at her with weary eyes. This had been a very trying experience. "Rin goes."
"But she's just a child! She doesn't belong in a highschool environment!"
"Rin GOES."
"Right, then! So, hop in!"
Sesshomaru hesitated at the car door. This looked suspiciously like the metal beast he had had the displeasure of smelling earlier.
"Oh, right, you past people and your fear of cars. This is a car, it takes you places. Now get in," she said forcefully. "And don't be startled by the 'loud growl' it makes."
As the car started, Sesshomaru jumped and looked around crazily.
"AAH! THE CAT'S HERE THE CAT'S HERE! GET ITAWAY!"
Mrs. Higurashi's gears started to fall apart, clunking quite loudly at the base of her head. She turned. "THE CAT IS NOT HERE! THAT IS THE CAR!"
Sesshomaru looked at her calmly. "I take it that most cats don't sound like that, then? Or is it the car that's strange?"
Mrs. Higurashi's hand clenched on the steering wheel with much, according to the car's view, unneeded force.
"It's the car, okay?"
With that, they drove off into the sunrise, Rin singing, Mrs. Higurashi snarling, and Sesshomaru suddenly realizing he didn't know where Jaken was.
Jaken lay unconscious in the toilet. Never get into a small room with an angry demon being attacked by a fat cat.
InuYasha, who had just begun to comprehend this "gee-ah-moh-tree," yelped when Kagome slumped against him.
"Dammit, wench, what are you—" he started before realizing she was unconscious. "Stupid wench. Probably couldn't handle the excitement of gee-ah-moh-tree. Mortals." He sniffed contemptuously, and was suddenly hit quite blatantly with a familiar and definitely unwanted scent. He looked at Kagome in curiosity. How had she known?
His answer came in the form of a bunch of girls swarming and squealing towards the window.
He looked out. And gaped.
"I don't believe it." How'd he get here? And, more importantly, how did that wench of a mother get him into a school uniform? And…was he…YES! He was wearing blue contacts! And his hair was as even as his own! "Ah HAH!"
Mr. Swanker took one look at the girls crowding the window, Ms. Higurashi on the floor, Miroku wondering where all his attention went, Sango looking out in disbelief, Shippo looking confused, and InuYasha looking triumphant. He shrugged, took out a cigarette and a magazine, and scattered his class plan to the four winds.
Hojo looked about curiously. What had happened? He shrugged mentally and looked adoringly at the ignored unconscious Kagome, who was lying on the floor. She looked so cute when she fainted.
InuYasha noticed this glance, having turned around just at the right moment. His eyes narrowed. Hojo. The word alone made him retch with hatred. His blood boiled and spotted his eyesight with red. 'Ooh, bloodbath,' he thought with relish.
"So, you are Hojo!" InuYasha yelled, leaping into the center of the room and pointing accusingly at the boy.
"Hm? Oh yes, that's me! Who are you?"
InuYasha picked him up by the collar. "Your worst nightmare," he growled, smirking.
Actually, if Sesshomaru hadn't chosen that particular time to waltz in, Hojo probably would have died. But, as the fates would have it (more evil cackling), he did.
"Well, half brother, you certainly don't waste any—GACK!" he concluded as his vision filled rapidly with girls. They clung to his clothing, saying, "WILL YOU BEAR MY CHILD?" (Miroku frowned, "…hey….") "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" and "DON'T MARRY HER; SHE'S A WHORE! MARRY ME!" Resounding slap. Catfights broke out. Sesshomaru, not fond of cats in particular, crept around cautiously.
'Look at what I am reduced to!' he thought forlornly, making the fates almost feel sorry for him. But…not quite. (Evil cackles echo again) Buyo's extremely, and for lack of a better way to say this, screwed up meow, haunted his memories. It echoed throughout his mind like a horrible nightmare. A rusty chain being dragged across a chainsaw…that was on.
'Nweeeoorrrwww…nweeeoorrrwww…nweeeoorrrwww…eeeoorrrwww…eorrrwww….'
He shuddered delicately, reminding himself that the cat was very far, far away. Not near him. Relief washed over him like a warm blanket. He sighed.
InuYasha, noticing his brother's change of expressions, edged over to him cautiously.
"Oi! You there? What's the matter with you!?" InuYasha expected to be insulted, maybe even swiped at, but not pushed over onto the ground. After that, he could distinctly hear him say, "I don't have time to talk to you." Sesshomaru walked over to where Kagome lay. He shook her awake, straightened up and said with disdain,
"Your cat is the filthiest, ugliest, fattest horror of a cat I've ever had the misfortune to have graced my presence in My. Entire. Life." With that, he dropped a puzzled Kagome and sulked off to what he hoped was an inconspicuous corner.
It wasn't. The girls immediately flocked over to him. He was quickly growing tired of these mortals. In a flash so quick that Mr. Swanker didn't even notice anything had happened (he was engulfed in his porn), the girls lay scattered, and, hopefully, alive, about Sesshomaru's feet.
Kagome ran over, disbelief etched clearly across her already delirious face. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!"
He looked at her with a carefully stoic expression. "I can."
"Rrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!" with that final war cry, Kagome lost it. Completely. A picture showing her fuse was placed beside her head to show what was really going on. Ssssssssssssssssssssssssss*tp*--BOOM. She started pulling out her hair.
"Wait, why am I pulling out MY hair! Ooh! You have pretty hair! Let's pull! Out! Yours!!!" she gripped a handful of Sesshomaru's glossy white locks. And pulled. Hard.
It took Sesshomaru a few seconds to register the pain.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!" he howled painfully, watching Kagome hold the fist of hair in front of her.
"Look at me! I'm Yura of the Hair!" giggling all sorts of insanity, she started dancing around flicking the hairs about her. She flicked some at InuYasha, who stood agape. "Look! I control you!" She flicked some at Miroku. "And you!" and Sango. "And you!" and Shippo, who was scared to death. And beyond. "And you!" and, of course, Sesshomaru, who was staring at her with a disbelieving wide-eyed expression. "And you!"
As she pranced about flicking bits of hair at people, Sesshomaru, clutching his scalp, turned to InuYasha.
"Your woman's gone mad."
"Gee, you think? Wait a second…she is not my woman!"
Sesshomaru stared with wide-eyed horror at the girl.
"Well, woman or not, she must be stopped." He looked at InuYasha expectantly. "Well, get to it."
InuYasha looked at him like he was the insane one, dancing about and flicking hairs.
"ME? It's your…It's your hair!"
"IT'S YOUR WOMAN!" Sesshomaru bellowed.
"IT'S YOUR HAIR!" InuYasha yelled back. Miroku stepped in,
"LOOK, IT'S YOUR WOMAN AND YOUR HAIR, SO WHY DON'T YOU BOTH GO STOP HER!" Silence followed that statement before…
"YOU'RE THE PRIEST! YOU GO STOP HER!" The two brothers yelled in unison. Miroku looked thoroughly lost.
"What the hell am I supposed to do!?" he exclaimed. InuYasha's very witty (well, that's 'witty' in the broadest state of mind possible) reply was cut off by a blood curdling, 'Nweeeoorrrwww!'
…Sesshomaru screamed. Yes…once again like a little girl.
[An after story note-type-thing: Welp that concludes chapter ONE! Mwahaha! The next one will probably be as insane and funny, we hope, as this one…with a bit more plot. Slightly. I mean, too much plot and you get to thinking too much. That's not good. Nooo. ~Lynomi-hime …….. I hope you enjoyed this strange collaboration. This particular story may last a loooooooong time. Hope you don't mind, eh heh. ~Aki-sama
….
One last note from your very own Lynomi-hime: yippee! Who wants to see how long we can drag this out without actually making a lick of sense or getting to the actual point or…dare I say it…getting a PLOT??? *Cue suspenseful music* *cue gets screwed and laugh track comes on* Dammit, I told that mechanic to fix that stupid thing! Of all the insolent insipid stupid things to do! Rattle, rattle, yadayada… and so forth, until the multiverse collapses on our ugly little heads.