Chapter Sixteen

"You cannot be serious."

"I am, Archie. Now, what would you do in that situation?"

The two men were firmly ensconced in the wardroom, Archie's books piled in front of them. Long-forgotten cups of coffee sat cooling on the table between them, while loose papers, covered with near-illegible scrawling lay across the table. A pen rested atop the papers, its nub stained with ink which dribbled onto the nearest piece of paper, rendering the words there even more indistinguishable. Plates of food lay largely ignored, and soft lantern light painted the walls a glowing gold.

Archie raked a hand through his hair, the golden strands loosening from his already unkempt queue and curling around his face. His eyes were focused on the table as he thought furiously.

"All right. Let's see. I am close-hauled on the port tack beating up channel, with a nor'east wind blowing strong."

"Right. Dover bears north two miles."

Archie glared at him. "I got that, I'm just thinking. Now, you say the wind veered six points - "

"Four points."

That earned him another glare. "Very well. Four points. Let's see, that takes me flat aback, Dover is under my lee, and, and...."

"You are now dismasted, sir. What are your orders?"

"Quiet, Horatio," Archie said irritably. "How the devil do you expect me to get this right if you keep speaking at me? I need silence to think this through without you constantly distracting me."

"It won't exactly be quiet aboard your ship, sir, what with your ship dismasted and such. What are your orders?"

"I don't have any!" Archie shouted. "Horatio, that is not a fair scenario. There are no correct ways to answer that!"

"But it is the question posed to you, Mr. Kennedy and you are required to answer. What are your orders?"

"Blast it, quit saying that! I don't know, I would, well, first I would....wait." Archie stared suspiciously at Horatio. "This is it, isn't it? This is the question they asked you at your examination - the one you couldn't answer. Hah! You still can't answer it, can you?"

"Archie, this is not about me, it is about you passing your lieutenant's exam in two days. Now, what is your answer?"

Archie leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, staring belligerently at Horatio. "I'm not giving you one."

"I beg your pardon?"

"No, I'm not giving you one," Archie said determinedly. "I'll not solve your problem for you."

"Then you'll fail, Mr. Kennedy."

"Perhaps. But you still won't have that answer, will you?"

"Archie," Horatio said with exasperation, slamming the book that he held in his hands shut, a small puff of dust flying up from the book and floating lazily to the ceiling. "Stop being so stubborn. This is not an attempt to find out the correct answer to that problem. It is to see if you know the correct answer."

"No," Archie said smugly. "Even if I did answer, you wouldn't tell me if it was right, because you don't know the right answer."

"Archie!"

Archie leaned forward, his arms on the table, and regarded Horatio intently. "You can't stand it, can you? You cannot bear not knowing the answer to that problem, even after all this time. The mighty Horatio Hornblower failed at one thing in his life, and it will haunt him to his dying day."

"Very well, Mr. Kennedy," Horatio said as he stood up, pushing his chair behind him. "I only wished to help you prepare for your exam, but if you do not wish my assistance, then I shall leave. Good day to you, sir."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Horatio, would you please sit down? Will you never be able to take a joke?"

Horatio turned back to look at him, looking down his nose at the man he had been calling friend. "That was not a joke, Mr. Kennedy, it was insulting."

Archie shrugged. "The truth often is."

"It is not the truth, Mr. Kennedy," Horatio said hotly. "I do not dwell on that particular mistake. It is past."

"Is it?" Archie asked, and then he sighed. "Look, Horatio, I think that one of the best things about our friendship - and I mean our current one, though I am quite certain it also applies to the one before my accident - is that we are honest with each other. I tell you things that you do not want to hear, even if you are thinking or feeling the same thing. And you have a tendency of trying to keep me quiet."

Horatio grinned slightly, his temper cooling down. "Yes, Mr. Kennedy, you do have a very bad habit of speaking your mind. Someday, it is going to be the death of you, or at least cause you a great deal of distress."

Archie grinned back, the smile lighting up his sapphire eyes. "But not for many a long year, I pray. Now, Horatio, will you please sit back down? I very much appreciate all of the assistance you are giving me."

Horatio regarded him warily. "Will you answer the question?"

"No, I will not."

"Then we have nothing more to say."

"Blast it, Horatio!" Archie yelled, startling Horatio. "Sit down! I'm not going to answer your damn question, because there is no right answer. My ship is lost, the men are dead. There. That is my answer. Are you happy?"

"I should imagine you are not at all happy, Archie. You just sank your ship."

"Well, at least it's only a pretend ship," Archie grumbled. "How many ships have you lost now?"

He stopped, and their eyes met across the table. Carefully, Horatio said, "Another memory, Archie?"

"Yes," Archie nodded, pushing at the black veil in his mind. "I remember the Marie Galante. You sank her."

"I didn't really sink her," Horatio corrected him. "Actually, it was the crew of the Indy who - "

" - who fired into her hull," finished Archie, grinning at him. "But you were in command when she went down."

Horatio sat down again, drawing his chair near to the table and looking at Archie. "You really do enjoy reminding me of my failures, don't you. I am not so sure that I am fond of that particular characteristic of yours."

Archie ignored him, his eyes unfocused as he continued. "I remember Pellew putting you in charge of her. As soon as he called your name, I knew what he was going to say. It hurt, Horatio, just for a moment - I was senior, it should have been me. But Pellew had taken you on as his special project, I could see that then, and I knew at that instant that you were going to leave me behind."

"Archie, you know that there was no need for two midshipmen aboard the Marie Galante. She was only - "

"No, Horatio," Archie said softly, a smile tugging at his lips but not reaching his eyes. "I mean, you were leaving me behind in our careers. I'd been aboard ship for six years before you came, but in such a short time, you had surpassed me in everything put before us. You breezed through the navigation problems, the men respected you - it was hard, Horatio."

Horatio sat looking at his friend for a moment. Strange that they should be discussing this now, when their friendship was new again, when they had never talked about this in all the time they had been friends before the accident. He'd never known that Archie had felt any resentment or jealousy toward him - his friend had always been so happy and supportive of him, that he'd never stopped to consider how his actions were hurting the other man. He'd always put his career ahead of his friendship, while Archie had done the exact opposite.

"Archie," he said slowly, not meeting the other man's eyes. "Now that these particular memories are coming back, there is something I have always wondered, but never found the right time, or maybe the courage, to ask."

"So ask."

Horatio raised his eyes to Archie's. "Your memories of Justinian are coming back, in bits and pieces, right?" As Archie nodded, he continued, "This has always bothered me a little bit, and I did not know if I was imagining things or not. During one of our first classes in navigation together, all the midshipmen were given a certain longitudinal problem by Mr. Bowles. When the captain came around to see how we were doing, he checked all of our work, beginning with Simpson, who had completely gotten the answer wrong. Do you remember what I am speaking of?"

Archie nodded slowly, then rose to his feet and walked slowly around the wardroom. "Yes, I believe I do. We all got the answer wrong, except for you. The captain made some comment about you alone being successful among the rest of the intellectual giants, or something like that."

"Yes," Horatio said, relieved that Archie remembered. "The thing is, I could have sworn that you also had the correct answer, but the captain said no. Am I mistaken?"

Archie stopped his pacing and rested against the table, staring at the place where the wall met the floor, memories beginning to pierce the black curtain in his mind. "No," he finally said, very quietly. "I had it right. But I changed it."

"Why?"

"Because he got it wrong."

"Simpson," Horatio said softly.

Archie nodded. "I knew what awaited anyone who got it right when he had gotten it wrong, and been humiliated by the captain in front of us, on top of it. I should have warned you, Horatio, what he would do, but there just wasn't time, and besides, I doubt whether you would have changed it anyway."

"No," Horatio agreed. "I would not have."

"And I did not have your strength," Archie said, his back still to Horatio. "Because I knew if I had gotten it right, he would have come after me, he would have..GOD!!" The cry burst from Archie, and he bent over, arms wrapped around his middle.

Horatio, concerned, jumped to his feet and rushed to his side. "Archie? What is it? Are you all right?"

Archie was rocking back and forth, his arms still gripping his stomach, his eyes growing wide and frightened. His words tumbled out of him, a river of pain and grief flowing faster than he could keep up with. "Oh, god, Horatio, I knew what he would do, I knew he would drag me into the cable tiers again, that he'd put his hands over my mouth, oh, god, I knew that he would hurt me in - that - way, I had to protect myself somehow, but I never wanted him to hurt you, if I had known you had it right, I would have left mine alone, so that he would come after me instead of you, oh, god, Horatio, I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry...."

"Easy, Archie," Horatio soothed, cursing himself for bringing forth this memory. If only he had kept quiet, Archie would not be reliving the things Jack had done to him, he would not have slid back into his nightmarish past. "It's all right," he said, placing a hand gently on Archie's back. "It's all in the past, Archie, Jack's dead, he can't hurt you." He gently rubbed his friend's back, trying to ease away the pain.

After a long time, Archie's rocking ceased, and he was quiet and still under Horatio's hand. "I never wanted it, Horatio, I swear I didn't."

Horatio eased Archie into one of the chairs, drawing up another and sitting beside him. "Of course you didn't, Archie. No one would ever have wanted to go through what you did at his hands."

Archie was still bent over, his gaze fixed upon the wall. "It started when I was so young - I just didn't have the strength to fight him off, and then when I was older, I was just too scared, too beaten down - I couldn't keep him away." His head dropped down, and he hunched over, as if trying to hide himself away from the memory. "I was so weak."

"No," Horatio said firmly. "You were not weak, Archie. You forget that I was there, I saw what he was like, I know how he treated everyone. He was near obsessed with you, Archie, with having and controlling you, and I curse myself every day for not seeing it sooner, for not being able to help you."

His voice still muffled, his head buried upon his drawn-up knees, Archie said, "I was so afraid that he would do the same to you, Horatio. You made him so angry - I knew what he was capable of when he was like that. I couldn't let that happen to you, so there were times when I, I..." his voice trailed off as he sat up, putting his feet upon the floor, and he looked at Horatio. "I didn't try to fight him off."

It was as if a knife was stabbed into Horatio's heart. "No, Archie," he breathed. "Tell me you did not do that. Not for me."

Archie nodded, no longer able to look at Horatio. "I thought that if I just gave Jack what he wanted, he wouldn't come after you, he wouldn't hurt you like that. I never stopped to consider that you were stronger than I was, that you would have fought him off, probably because I'd never been able to do that myself. It was the only thing I knew how to do, Horatio, the only way I knew to help you."

Horatio felt sick to his stomach, worse than any seasickness he had ever experienced at Spithead or anywhere else. Archie had sacrificed himself so that Horatio would not be exposed to Jack's darkness, so that he would not be forced to endure what Archie had for years. And he had never said a word about it.

"Archie," he said helplessly. "I do not know what to say."

Shaking his head, Archie sat up a little straighter in his chair. "You do not have to say anything, Horatio. You would have done the same for me, in my place."

"You overestimate me," Horatio said quietly. "I am not so certain I could have. I would have broken."

Archie's smile was brief and sad. "I never overestimate you, Horatio. Never. I know you too well."

"But you do underestimate yourself. You have a great strength within you, Archie, one that even I was not aware of. I do not know how you bore it for so long. But it's over now. You have nothing more to fear from Simpson, nothing more to be ashamed of." He put a hand once more on Archie's shoulder. "You are free, Archie."

Free. The word rang with so many possibilities. For a moment, Archie just sat there, consoled by the warmth on his shoulder where Horatio's hand lay, and in the knowledge that Horatio was right, that he was forever safe now from Jack Simpson and his unwanted attentions. Taking a deep breath, he rose to his feet, Horatio's hand falling away, and he faced his friend and spoke simply.

"Thank you. I still don't recall everything he did, not every detail, but you are right. It is a part of my past that I can now lay to rest, for he has no hold on me. I think I can be free of Jack now."

Horatio smiled at him. "I am truly glad to hear that. I'm sorry you had to remember, Archie. I wish you could have back all of your memories except those of him."

Archie smiled softly. "It doesn't appear to work that way. But he's lost, Horatio. He may have beaten me before, but this time around, I'm putting him to rest forever. I won't let him win. I won't let him rule me from the grave."

Horatio smiled at the determination in Archie's voice. "I am very pleased to hear that, Archie. I always knew that you had the strength to move beyond him - you just had to find it within yourself. Too bad it took such a hard knock on your head to do it."

Archie gaped at him. "Horatio? Was that an attempt at a joke? I can't believe it!"

"Well, it appears that I have learned something from you, too, Mr. Kennedy. Now how about we get back to these books, and make certain sure that you know everything they could possibly ask. How about you define the use of a rhumb line?"

"Rum line? Is that like splicing the main brace?"

Horatio shook his head. "Not 'rum' like the drink, sir. A rhumb line."

"It's a navigational line on the - wait, Horatio! Now I understand! That comment you made to me before the captain began testing me - the bit about the Nile, and central Africa! Keene said that to Simpson, didn't he? I remember it. I would have laughed, except Jack would have, well, you know." He leaned back, wide eyes focused on Horatio. "I'll be damned. Two jokes from you. This calls for a celebration."

"No, Archie," Horatio said, sitting back down at the table and opening up one of the books. "Study first, celebrate later."

Archie sighed as he also sat back down. "You are a hard taskmaster, Mr. Hornblower. I only hope that all this hard work is worth it."

"You'll thank me, Archie. Someday, you will find a way to repay me."

*****

Horatio once again paced the deck of Indefatigable, his mind completely focused on what was happening ashore. Archie, dressed in a clean and pressed uniform, his hat perched smartly on top of his head, had departed that morning for the Admiralty in London, to appear for his lieutenant's exam, exuding a confidence that no longer surprised Horatio. Archie was a different man now, no longer insecure and uncertain, but confident and steadfast. He'd become the officer - the man - that both Horatio and Pellew had known he could be, if the demons of his past could ever be laid to rest. He now possessed a quiet maturity and leadership, a willingness to step in where needed and do whatever was required of him. His knowledge of all things nautical was strong, and he'd studied hard. He was ready for this exam.

Still, Horatio worried. Anything could happen at these events. A momentary flash of panic, and all could be lost. It had happened to older men than Archie, men who should have breezed through the exam and received their commission, but had faltered for one instant and thus been refused. What would happen to Archie if that were to befall him? Sent back to the midshipman's berth for six months, disrated in the eyes of the men...how would he react?

"He'll be fine, Mr. Hornblower."

Horatio turned, to find the sailing master at his side. "I certainly hope so, Mr. Bowles. He's worked very hard for this."

"Yes," Bowles nodded, "he has. But in the eyes of many, he's already earned it. This is a mere formality."

Horatio smiled, thinking of a bridge in France, and a mad dash by a friend with wings on his feet. "Aye, that he has. I only hope that all three of the captains who are testing him will see the same."

"They will, Mr. Hornblower. Our young friend is not to be denied." At a call from below, Bowles turned toward shore. "And you may now find out for yourself, sir. Mr. Kennedy approaches."

Horatio turned to the rail. The shore boat was just coming alongside, but he couldn't read anything in Archie's expression or demeanor that gave any indication of the outcome. Impatient, he stood at the side while Archie came aboard.

"Well, Mr. Kennedy?"

Archie looked around. The men of his division had followed Horatio and Bowles over to the side, with Matthews, Styles and Oldroyd also crowding in to hear the news from him. He flashed a grin at Horatio.

"So, Lieutenant Hornblower, it appears that all of our hard work bore fruit. You may now all address me as Lieutenant Kennedy, if you please."

Horatio smiled widely, reaching out to shake Archie's hand. Walters called, "Three cheers for Lieutenant Kennedy," and the men cheered him enthusiastically.

"My heartiest congratulations, Lieutenant Kennedy," Horatio said. "I had the utmost faith in you."

"Yes, you did," Archie said softly. "And I thank you for it."

Horatio, still grinning, nodded at him, then stepped back as Archie was surrounded by the men, accepting their congratulations and several hearty back-slaps. Eventually, the men all moved off, back to their duties, and Archie turned back to Horatio.

"Is the captain aboard? I should like to share this with him as soon as possible. After all, when a post presents itself, I shall leave Indefatigable and become a true lieutenant, not just a passed midshipman as I am now."

"No, he went ashore shortly after you did. He said he had some business he had to take care of before we set sail. Come, let me get you a cup of grog. We should celebrate!"

As the two men moved off, two pairs of eyes watched them go, bitterness clouding their vision.

"Damn Kennedy got 'is commission," Malley growled. "Ain't gonna be no livin' with 'im now."

"Was there ever?" asked Fuller.

"No, but now he's gonna be worse. Damn soddin' bastard. I ain't gonna put up with 'im, Fuller, I ain't."

"What ya gonna do?"

"Don't know yet, but it'll be somethin' that'll crack 'im. He don't deserve to be no lieutenant, an' I can jus' 'magine 'ow 'e got promoted. Sure ain't cuz 'e knows 'ow to be no sailor."

"No," agreed the taciturn Fuller.

Malley was fuming as he stared aft. "Can't you jus' see 'im 'n' 'is prissy 'Ornblower, paradin' 'round in their matchin' lieutenant uniforms, orderin' us to do their duty? Makes me sick, Fuller, sick to me stomach. We gotta take care of 'em."

"How?"

Malley didn't answer, but looked at the place where the circle of men had earlier been congratulating Archie. A sly smile spread across his face.

"I don't rightly know 'ow yet, but I does know when. They's gonna be in town celebratin' tonight. And you 'n' me is gonna be waitin' fer 'em."