Walking Away from Trust
by: Eyes-of-Pearl
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Third Watch belongs to its respective owners.
Author's Note & Synopsis: My first TW posting reposted and revised as it was formerly a songfic. This takes places after Faith told Bosco that maybe they should get new partners. I don't remember which season it is from though. Very mild swearing is involved and but I try writing them out with asterisks (). This is written in the form of a stream of consciousness.
Walking Away from Trust
"You know what? I don't give a damn what you think anymore."
"Then, I guess you better find yourself a new partner."
"Done!"
After what Faith said about me finding a new partner, I was surprised even at myself for agreeing with her so quickly. Maybe it was moment of anger, the heat of the situation. I've been told that I let my mouth run off on me during the worst of times. Heck, half the time it's Faith who is telling me to watch what I say. No, this time was different. This time, it was Faith that I was yelling at.
You know, the day already started off with Anti-Crime taking our collar. Plus, I gotta deal with the sht load of paperwork that is waiting for me afterwards. Now, some jag-off is getting all comfortable with Cruz. F#! it you know, but whatever ...
With everything that was said between us, it doesn't even look like Faith is putting up much of a fight either. I kept starring at her back. I guess a part of me wanted her to come back and just
talk about it, at least argue. Anything, I don't care what but she didn't though. What is said can't be unsaid, what is done is done.
--oo–oo--
Whatever happened to us, us being partners. We have survived so much in the span of what seven, eight years. Yet, all that we ever built has come tumbling down because of simply one word, trust.
Sure, I haven't been the most honest of people, with my abortion and the cancer, but that was personal. Maybe it's the female maternal instincts, something that I can't really talk about with Bosco. Deep down, I know it's a bunch of bull. I do regret not telling him sooner, because it put his life on the line.
Then again, at least I did own up to it afterwards. That is my only justification because Bosco didn't. Even when it was between us, he starred into my eyes and lied to me in my face just so he could protect himself and that woman, Cruz.
What ever happened to the Bosco that I know and trust? Perhaps, I never truly understood him. I mean we never see eye-to-eye on certain things, his tastes for women, his macho attitude when it comes to policing, our reasons for joining the force. We lived different lives, with different obligations. It took years to build whatever we had but only one woman to tear it down to pieces.
--oo–oo--
I looked back down at the desk, whatever papers or reports that I'm supposed to be working on didn't matter so much at that moment. I just kept on replaying the scene in my mind and all the stuff that I said before. Despite everything, I realize that I do care what Faith thinks. She's the only person whose opinion I remotely give any sht about. I might not agree with it 90 of the time but I still listen.
I have insomnia at nights, just trying to think of ways to get her to forgive me. I even went to her apartment just so we can talk, for me to apologize. I remember staying up nights afterwards, after she shut the door in my face because she no longer cared. But doesn't she realize that I still cared? She said that trust is not given, but it has to be earned. Well Faith, how am I supposed to earn your trust when you won't even give the chance?
--oo–oo--
If there is one thing that I learned about Bosco is that we are able to talk anything. Even though, Bosco is not the one to give advice about family or whatever, I can always count on him to listen. When you spend the better part of the day with someone, often in the front seat of a RMP, you better be able to trust the person you are seating with. Your thoughts and instincts have to be on the same plane or else ...
Bosco and I, even today, argued over judgmental calls whether to chase after the perp, where to hide the money, what to tell Lieu after losing the money and the suspect to Anti-Crime. There are consequences with every action. I guess I just emphasised the laws of physics because for every action that we've made, there is an equal but opposite reaction.
Of course, I told Lieu the truth at the expense of my job, while Bosco on the other hand thought it would be easier to just 'bend the corners a bit'. If he had only been willing to just tell the boss what happened but well, he's bending enough corners already without dragging me with him. His only concern is himself and the next guy that his girl friend would hook up with. Every time he tries to talk, I have to question whether or not he is telling me the truth.
Just now, Bosco agreed that we should get new partners. I guess that was proclamation that this friendship no longer wanted saving. I was hoping that maybe we would vent our anger about it, and get everything back into perspective. No, in a heated moment, I lost a partner, my closest friend.
'Bosco, trust is hard to come by, but until you are ready to regain it, I guess it is less complicated if we both just walk away from it.'
The End