This was a chapter I just had to write. It was kind of a joke, but it's not too bad. I assure you I will add more characters you recognize in the next chapter, and some more cool-er stuff. Sooo…here goes. And I still need reviews for cryin' out loud!
DISCLAIMER: The material herein, is, undoubtedly, inarguably, most obviously content owned by the sole or many owners, in part or in whole, of Inuyasha and all rights therein. These rights are in no way connected to myself, and if I violate upon them, let it be known that I, the writer of this document, do not, in any way, in part or in whole, own, posess, or claim to own or posess, rights to Inuyasha and all related materials in content.
IN OTHER WORDS: I'm poor, and I own a bagel, and my Eagles tickets. My Led Zeppelin CDs were repossessed by the government. I bought a bagel with the change I found on the street but I STILL don't own Inuyasha. ^_^
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Ziggy Stardust^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Inuyasha Takagami woke up in the middle of a David Bowie CD.
"Holy crap! I set that alarm to start at the beginning of the CD!"
Another day, another alarm to sleep in on.
Half an hour later, Inuyasha was ready to go. Today was Saturday, which meant instead of getting a day off, he tried to make extra money. Today, he had a Battle of the Bands to perform in, and the grand prize was $5,000 and a year's supply of Ramen. God, how he wanted that Ramen.
The Battle started at 11:00, but he wasn't playing till 4:00. He got there at 11, signed in, and then went back to his house to get his stuff and call Miroku, who had beaten the living hell out of yet another alarm clock just last Thursday. He couldn't afford the clock in the first place, never mind a new one. Miroku got Ed, the drummer, and they all met Inuyasha at The Place. Yeah, some idiot had named the place The Place. Which place you ask? Well, the place (or was it The Place?) that was hosting the Battle of the Bands.
They got there just as a band finished their set.
"Dude, Them is up now. And after them, is Us." Miroku said.
"What?! We're not supposed to play until 4!" Inuyasha practically yelled.
"We aren't. But Them is gonna play, then Us, and after Us is Surreptitious Fabric, then a few more bands, and THEN we play."
"Hold on. I'm getting a headache. Time for some Artificial Ramen Substitute*"
Miroku started "mingling" with the crowd. He did an awful lot of "mingling" with the female population, and it earned him a few smacks. Okay, a LOT of smacks. Okay, so he was beaten senseless and left on the floor, nearly unconscious staring up a girl's skirt with an innocent look on his face.
They waited until the band finished. Then the announcer came on.
"That was Them, and this…is Us!"
Half the crowd got confused and tripped over a small gopher. The other half the crowd got a headache and tried to eat the small gopher. The other half of the crowd and the gopher said "What the hell is a gopher doing in this fic?!" and then proceeded to write an intellectually stimulating thesis on the social power of gophers in the Feudal Age.
Surprisingly, no form of conflagration interrupted the concert until The Whom played, in which case the audience was showered with bass drum confetti. Many people cheered, and many went deaf. In any case, it was a grand display of what happens when stupid people get their hands on gunpowder.
"Hey, there's that guy who I crashed into on the highway and has been showing up in the story ever since. What's his band called?" Said Inuyasha.
"Uhh…here it is. The what?"
"What is it??"
"Err…oh my God. Here, you look."
"Meep!"
"Yeah. Is that legal?"
"I dunno. What does it say for his name in the profile?"
"Aladdin Sane. But it says that he
changed his name to Ziggy after the release of his fifth album.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"At any rate…"
Just then they saw Kagome in the crowd. When Inuyasha caught her staring at him she flushed and immediately looked away. Inuyasha walked over to her.
"So, came to see the Battle?" He said.
"Yeah. Actually, I came to see someone certain play…"
"Who? Is it that guy over there by the bar?"
Kagome sighed exasperatedly.
"Yeah. That must be it."
"Oh! I get it. I never thought..."
"What?" Kagome said, a little too quickly, and a little embarrassed.
"You came to see Miroku play. I can see right through you. You can't keep secrets from me."
Once again, Kagome sighed a mix of a lot exasperation and a little relief. She looked over at Miroku, and caught him putting his hand farther and farther down some girl's back. The girl turned around, and looked at him in angry surprise. She took one look at his innocent smile, and looked around for another culprit. Then she decked him.
"Whatever." Kagome said.
The battle continued. The audience voted. It came time for Inuyasha's
band. They got up onstage and the blindingly blinding light blindly blinded them. So their first song was a cover of Manfred Mann's cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Blinded By The Light."
The fact that Inuyasha (who sung) even knew the words to that mumbo-jumbo got them extra points.
Then they did a cover of Stillwater's "You Had To Be There." After that they played a few of their own songs and got offstage. About here the dialog went like this:
"Dude (OW!!) I can't see any-(OW!!)-thing!"
"Yeah. Hold on-" (trips over cables) "Jeez!" (kicks amplifier in) "Ouch, that's gonna cost some Raman money…"
"They need to turn those lights down…hey! I didn't hit anything this-" (BAM!) "Holy CRAP! Run like hell!"
"What was it?"
"I dunno, but it was loud and big, and it blew up! ….Hell, it might have even exploded!!"
"We're off the stage…but we're like five-"
"Three, sir"
"Yes, three blocks away."
"No…there's the door."
"Oh. Ok."
"Well that was…interesting."
"Yeah. Let's go see how well we did."
They re-entered The Place, and they looked at the scoreboard. A shot of boos went around. No, scratch that, a shot of booze went around. They had tied for first…50 points above everyone else! They looked at the scoreboard to see who they had tied with.
"Ahh! Shield your eyes!"
"It's…it's…I can't bring myself to say it!!"
"Get the women and children out! Bar the doors! Don't wait for me, I might not come out!"
"It's…let's just say…Ziggy's band…"
"Oh, the horror! The eeevil, terrible horror!"
"God save us!"
Several men took their own life. Other men took the life of other people. Some of the men held up a corner store for a box of Life. One man even had the novel idea to eat it. All in all, when they were done 7 local corner stores and supermarkets had been held up and raided by a Life-hungering crowd with pitchforks.
Then the announcer came on.
"Due to recent events and circumstances beyond our control, I'm afraid there is no Life cereal left in the country."
This was met with an angry crowd screaming words that I'd rather not repeat.
"But tomorrow, the Battle Of The Bands will continue! The top five-"
"Three, sir."
"-yes, three bands will compete tomorrow, playing five-"
"Three, sir."
"-yes, three cover songs of their choice, and five-"
"Three, sir."
"-yes, three original songs."
Inuyasha's band left, and Inuyasha went with Miroku to a bar.
I assure you, they were over 21.
No, really, I mean it.
They went to the Cosmo A Go-Go. Upon entering, the waitress screamed, and they were forcefully taught a lesson on the Unabridged English Dictionary's definition of the word "banned" by the security guards.
They ambled down the road, as much as you can amble in a car, and found a bar by the name of (????).
Sitting down at on a friendly bar stool never felt so good. They found themselves next to Ziggy.
"Hey man! Nice job at the battle!" Miroku said, energetically.
"Yeah. You guys did well yourselves."
"Have you been a musician all your life? Cuz, you're kinda old to be starting now." Inuyasha said.
"Yeah, I've had some experience. You could say I made a living."
"Cool! Us, too. This is so great! We keep getting more popular, and now our second album is starting to sell."
"Yeah? You got to be careful. If I were you, I'd just turn around, and be a lawyer or something."
They looked at him puzzledly.
"But I can tell by your face that you won't."
He continued.
"Well, I'll see you guys later."
He left the building, leaving their spirits strangely dampened. The watched as he walked out into the cool night and got in his car. They watched as he drove away. Then they ordered another round.
Miroku was the first to speak.
"Oookaaay….whatever."
"Yeah. He seems to have gotten much more odd."
"I know. What secret does he have that he didn't want the police to
know anyway?"
"I dunno. Prolly didn't wanna go through all the crap of getting me to pay and stuff. His car wasn't hurt that bad anyway."
"Probably." Miroku said, but you could tell he didn't believe it.
They had a bite to eat (namely, the closest thing to Ramen they had there) and left. With music blasting, they headed home. They went to Inuyasha's house, only to find it trashed and apparently nearly lit on fire. As they walked in part of the ceiling fell in. There was a note attached to the…remains of the refrigerator. It said:
Ziggy played guitar
Jamming good with Weird and Gilly
And the Spiders From Mars
He played it left hand
But made it too far
Became the special man
Then we were Ziggy's band
They looked at this and if they has said their thoughts out loud, it would have gone something along the lines of this:
"That HAS to be THE cheesiest freakin' way to make a point."
"A NOTE on the freakin' REFRIGERATOR?? What the hell is that?"
They scrounged around upstairs for anything undamaged, and found this on a piece of paper in Inu's bedroom:
Making love to his ego
Ziggy sucked up into his mind
Like a leper messiah
When the kids had killed the man I had to break up the band
Oh
Ziggy played guitar
They pieced this to what Ziggy had said to them earlier. Damn him! He was trying to keep them from winning the Battle Of The Bands! Worse yet, he was keeping them from their Ramen!!
So they spent the night at Miroku's house, which wasn't trashed. (That's what Inuyasha gets for being the main character).
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!- NEXT MORNING -!
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Inuyasha and Miroku woke up to the sound of David Bowie. They didn't remember setting that as their alarm. Whatever.
Wait, Miroku didn't have an alarm.
They hurried to get dressed and got together with Ed at The Place.
''You ready for this?'' asked Miroku.
''Yeah.''
''Alright. Get ready to win this one!''
''For the Ramen!''
''For the Ramen!''
They walked in the door and into the backstage room to see Ziggy with his band.
"Hey! Good luck out there." Ziggy said as if nothing had happened.
"Yeah." Miroku said darkly, and calmly restrained Inuyasha.
Inuyasha composed himself and walked past Ziggy without looking at him. He had no evidence Ziggy had been the one who trashed his house. Yet.
The first band went on first (duh) and to be quite frank, they sucked. The guitarist electrocuted himself on the microphone while going for backup vocals, and then their manager got into a fight with The Place's owner. To make a long story short, the band bought a gate. The
announcer came on.
"I'm afraid the band 'Unmoving Hydrogen And Oxygen Compound' has been disqualified. Next up is Nearly Famous."
Inuyasha, Miroku, and Ed, walked out on stage. The drummer hit a beat, and then the band played two original songs and a cover. After they had finished their cover of "Telephone Line" the lights went dim, and a strobe light flashed on Miroku, the guitarist, who played a heavy power chord. As the chord faded, the lights went almost completely out and the drummer started the intro to "Fever Dog" by Stillwater. The lights gradually light up, and soon the band was bathed in warm light. Inuyasha, who was singing, sparkled and seemed to be on invisible fire. His ears were easily noticed, and his fangs stood out, but in the middle of the song, the audience didn't even question it. It did look like some stage makeup, like a costume. As the crowd quieted to a dull roar, they started on another original song, and then one last cover of "Tangerine" by Led Zeppelin. The audience was left in awe and was still cheering after they had gone offstage. Eventually they calmed back down. The announcer came on, not revealing any hints, but they were all sure that the judges had given them a near-perfect score.
"The next band, called ...oh my God...not that! Nooooooo........!'"
A moment or two passed.
''I'm sorry for the inconvenience. The announcer has spontaneously died-"
A voice in the background
"I'm not dead!"
"I'm afraid the announcer has suffered a fatal wound and-"
"I'm getting better!"
"Hold on."
"Aaarrghh!!"
Another moment passed.
"Well, without further ado, here's….err….the next band!"
Guitar blared, the lights went out. The drums came in. Suddenly, pyrotechnics (fancy word for pretty things that blow up) blazed and the spotlight was on Ziggy, who had died his hair bright red.
He played left hand acoustic guitar. The crowd went wild, and they played three covers. Then, smoke engulfed the stage and Ziggy emerged with an electric guitar. They launched into two of their hardest rocking original songs, and then stopped for a minute. They cut the smoke and effects, and Ziggy came on the stage.
"I'd like to dedicate this next song to Inuyasha."
He played the first chords of "Ziggy Stardust" with pure energy, the tones ringing with raw power. Inuyasha looked startled then angry. Now he was sure Ziggy had trashed his house. He contained himself, and decided to have a "talk" with him after the show.
The crowd, especially the judges, looked at Ziggy in confusion. "Ziggy Stardust" wasn't an original song…it had been done many years ago by a great musician. When he was finished, the announcer came on to disqualify him.
"I'm sorry, but Ziggy and his band are disqualified for playing more than three cover songs, and only two original songs."
Ziggy had some more to say, however, because he was still onstage with the microphone.
"Friends and rockers," he started, "you are the lucky lot of people who have seen the latest, and last, tour of the old rock star you see in front of you.
The audience issued a kind of collective breath. They caught on, and some of the fans went wild.
He continued.
"I have seen talent and music all across the country. Let me tell you, 99% of what passes for rock and roll these days...silence is more compelling. But here I have seen the last true rock and roll band. The last true music. Not what you hear on MTV and not the latest band appearing in concert with a pop singer or some rap 'artist'. Inuyasha has endured tough times. Like his car. And house. And what did he do it for? I'll bet he can sum it up in one word. What is it, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha walks up to the stage. Solemnly, he takes the microphone and looks into the crowd.
"Ramen."
There was silence.
"Wow. You're even more of a musician than I thought you were." Ziggy continued, "And thus, ladies and gentlemen, the evening is over. We hope you all enjoyed yourselves,"
"And we'll see you all again next year." Inuyasha finished.
"Good evening!" They finished together.
Ziggy left, and Inuyasha followed him.
"So, did you really crash into my car and trash my house just to name me 'official cool musician'?
"No.............yeah."
"Like what?" Inuyasha asked, almost sarcastically. "20 minutes ago out here and I would have killed you."
"Like the fortune I'm giving to you."
"Me?" Inuyasha asked skeptically.
"Yeah."
By the time Inuyasha paid all the taxes, he had enough to pay for his house and get a brand new Honda Civic. He won the Battle of the Bands, and there was much rejoicing. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and the sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large-
I'm sorry for that. The person in charge of narration has been sacked. And, finally, the eating of the Ramen commenced. All the Life was returned to the corner stores, and nobody took anyone's life for quite a while after.
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*Artificial Ramen Substitute: A food I made up, that I hope will be availible in the future. It is much like Ramen, but is, of course, artificial, and (oh my God) actually costs less. Yes, that's right, less. You can live for four years on Ramen with only $400…that's cheap. Artificial Ramen Substitute is for the musician who can't even afford that (like me!).
Wow! I can't believe I wrote 10 pages…crazy.Yeah, a lot of these are gonna be songfics. I'd like to say this is because music is my greatest influence or something cheesy like that, but we both know that it's cause my storyline would be weak without the songs. Oh yeah, and music IS my biggest influence. Ahem. The next chapter is almost done, and it'll be better than this, more characters, less plain old screwed up stuff. And less ripping off Monty Python And The Holy Grail. If you read this, and don't review, I'm gonna have to kill ya. Yeah. So…review dammit!