Nearly Famous
Chapter 4
Hiyo…I'm writing again. I decided to chain myself in the basement until I finished this chapter. Yup…so, know that any enjoyment you may get out of this is at the exclusive expense of others. Now, doesn't that make it worthwhile to read?
DISCLAIMER:I stayed up all night, wished upon a whole lot of stars, thought happy thoughts and clicked my heels three times, and even chanted ancient chants, and I still, I repeat, STILL do not own Inuyasha. Jeez, what does it take? It's like someone or something expects me to get it by hard work and perseverance. Yeah, right. That'll be the day.
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A bus rumbles down the freeway, doing a good 15 mph over the speed limit. It's filled with people playing guitar, bass, singing, or just chatting. People stare in pure fear, with good reason, as the bus goes by.
Miroku was driving.
"Remind me once more how this happened?" Inuyasha asked in disbelief.
"Okay, well, first you got us pulled over for going 115 in this huge hunk of steel, then, nobody believed you when you said Miroku was a bad driver, evidently except for Shippo, but he was so scared he was hiding under the back seats. Miroku took the wheel, and it was too late before Sango and I realized our fate." Kagome explained, in between jolts from the bus' swerving, namely around other cars.
"Oh."
Inuyasha looked at Kagome, and both deciding for the good of the band, pounced on Miroku and pried him off the steering wheel. Inuyasha took control, and despite his lead foot, everyone felt a lot safer.
"Hey! What did I do?" Miroku asked
"Well, you almost killed at least forty-seven people, broke about eight laws, committed three felonies, nearly broke the bus, our only mode of transportation, barely escaped a run-in with a biker gang, did NOT escape a run-in with that other gang, which got us beat up, caused a twenty-five car pileup, and that was only ten seconds after it started, and then caused a thirty car police pileup…do you know what it takes to get thirty police chasing you in the first place? Exactly. And then, you proceeded to-"
"Uhh…okay, so I broke a law or two, swerved around some people, but we're all alright, ne?"
"Shippo has a concussion, Sango has three sprained parts, and-"
"Well, fine. But, look on the bright side. Always look on the bright side of life."
"Considering they sing that song while being crucified, I'd consider that very appropriate."
Miroku was responseless. Inuyasha turned on to a side road, and pulled into a bank that was part of the bank chain he used. They all went in, and watched as he put $200,000 in the safe box. Then they went to look for a hotel or motel to stay in. They got ripped off, but that's how it goes. After an extremely uneventful night (They all walked in, fell over, and were asleep until the next morning.), they got back into the bus. It was like their life. This was the last day of travel only; their first gig was tonight. They went back to the bank, and Inuyasha walked in. Five minutes later he came out, yelling his arse off.
"What the fuck!? Someone stole our money! We have no money! It all was stolen! All of it!"
He was practically hysterical. The rest of them didn't really notice much, it was ten in the morning. Too early. But at the mention of "money" Miroku's finely honed ultra-poor senses went into gear.
"WHAT?! NO MONEY?!"
"That's right. None. Except for what we have on us."
They all sighed…the reality kicked in. Yelling and screaming was the main concern, although kicking things angrily cut a close second.
"This was all your fault!" Kagome blamed Inuyasha
"My fault? Do you think I asked someone to steal our money? Do you think I left the safe open with TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS in it?!?"
"Well you shouldn't have trusted a safe box! If we had kept the money, we would still have it!"
"Feh. Whatever you say. I don't even want to bother, you're not worth it."
"I'll teach you!"
They had to be forcefully dragged apart before serious damage occurred.
"Guys, we need to be more responsible if we're going to go on tour!" Shippo reprimanded them.
"Excuse me?" Inuyasha said, still angry, "But didn't we all get into this to avoid responsibility?"
"Well we've got to have some…"
It took a good half hour for the band to finally work it out. What resulted from this was some pretty vulgar graffiti on the bank's wall and a very pissed, very poor band. All in all, they were piss-poor. So they drove on.
With Led Zeppelin's "Rock And Roll" blaring, the bus once again rumbled down the highway at well over the limit, this time under the control (and I do use "control" lightly) of Kagome. Control was one of the few things she did not exhibit while driving. On the other hand, she did exhibit plenty of anger, rudeness, danger, insanity, and suicidal impulses.
It was a fun bus ride. Just like in the old days at school.
After nearly dying at least twenty times, they arrived at the club, a mid-sized arena, of their first official tour concert. They unpacked their instruments and equipment, and lounged backstage, munching on snacks.
"So, how much do we make for this gig?" Kagome asked. She had taken on an "Official Manager" air.
"Uhh….not enough." Miroku said.
"Jeez, I'm trying to calculate our expenses, and you can't give me a straight answer."
"If I knew, I'd tell ya."
When the Coke machine wouldn't work, Shippo busted some moves on it, and ended up with mangled plastic that probably resembled a Coke machine before, and one icy cold soda. The rest of the band looks at him.
"What?" He asked.
They just shake their heads. This was touring. This was fame and glory. This was the great life of a rock star, even if they weren't, it could only get worse with popularity. They had almost no money, they were tired, and beaten up, and hungry. This was one of those times when you desperately wish that the owner of the gig gives the band free food.
It wasn't.
Their day couldn't have gone worse, unless, of course, Miroku had driven the bus, and now it looked as if their night was going to follow suit. The crown came dressed in some new band's shirts or goth outfits, and did NOT look like classic rockers. This was one book that had its entire text on it's cover. They weren't classic rockers. As soon as they started up the first song, the crowd booed and threw stuff at them. They had no clue why they were playing here, but the record company had said so, and so did the manager. As the crowd chanted for some 90's rock song, or some punk rock, Inuyasha said:
"This gig is going up like a brick in water."
"Hey! That's a good band name!" Shippo exclaimed.
"No, Brick is NOT a good band name." Miroku said.
"Oh. Okay."
They faced the dread of going back onstage. But, thinking of the money, they walked out and started another song. As Miroku grabbed the mic to sing backup vocals, the guitar suddenly stopped. He fell to the ground, but fell carefully so as not to wreck his guitar.
"Crap! You alright?" Inuyasha asked.
No answer from Miroku. They dragged him offstage and into the bus out back. Kagome stopped them and asked:
"What are you doing?! We NEED that money!"
"That almost killed our lead guitarist!"
"He's fine to finish the show!"
"NO. He is not! He's going to the next show, and so are we."
"You are going to finish this gig. If you don't, we won't have enough money for gas to the next gig."
"Listen, what's so hard to undersatand? We're leaving!"
"As your manager, I say no you're not!"
"Manager? What have you managed? Nothing! We took you along so you could save us money, get us into the right clubs, introduce us to the right people. We can MANAGE ourselves."
At this Inuyasha turned, fuming, into the bus and started to drive away.
"Wait!" Kagome yelled. Sango just stood next to her.
Inuyasha slowed just enough so she could get on, and shot a quick remark at her.
"I thought we were staying."
She ignored him.
Inuyasha was going at a good speed, and realized that the manager of the club had locked the gates. Here's the fun part, he thought.
"Anyone wanna buy a….HOLY SHIT!"
He stared, still accelerating.
"CONCRETE WALL!!!"
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Inuyasha woke up, and it was light out again. He looked around groggily, and said "When's breakfast?"
It came out more like "Fwehnchmmff mwekkpaffmmmmm?"
"Inuyasha, you're awake!" Miroku looked happy to see him.
Kagome, who was looking at him, looked away.
"What happened? I thought you were the one who passed out." Inuyasha asked.
"Oh, I did. But you crashed the bus, and slammed headfirst into a concrete wall."
"Oh. What happened when you got electrocuted? You were lucky to be able to let go."
"Well, it burnt. It felt like a dose of lead shooting through my body, and then…I saw God, and he said "How bad do you want to be legendary?" and God damnit, I let go."
"Rock and roll." Said Inuyasha tiredly.
"Yeah."
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LATER THAT DAY
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Kagome had refused to drive, Shippo was sleeping, and Miroku wasn't getting within ten feet of a steering wheel while any of them were alive, so Sango drove. The bus was still going well over the limit, but that was okay. They all felt wiped out after that first gig. Kagome even thought about apologizing to Inuyasha for a minute, and then spent the other 59 minutes in an hour thinking about how to get revenge.
Inuyasha and Kagome were strictly not talking, or even looking, at each other. This meant they were both facing opposite windows of the bus, and neither of them could see Sango driving. Which also meant neither of them could see the suspiciously innocent Miroku next to her.
"Err…how's….heh…your hand?" Sango managed, rather uncomfortably.
"Fine, just fine. As a matter of fact, it's doing very well." Miroku kept that innocent look.
"Yeah, well….uhh, right."
Miroku looked very calm until Sango flashed him a smile. He then proceeded to melt into a puddle on the floor. He and Sango looked at each other, both kind of embarrassed, and said almost as much with their eyes as Inuyasha could say with two words.
"HOLY SHIT!!!"
Yeah, that said a LOT.
As Sango looked back at the road (what a novel idea, looking at the road as you drive) she saw black. And white. And bold lettering proclaiming the name of some company. She swerved about as fast as any sports car could, and somehow kept them all alive. She seemed to possess all of the driving skills that Miroku didn't. While she purposely missed the 18-wheeler, Miroku would have practically been drawn to it. That was pretty much the end of all romantic moments Miroku would ever have in a car, going over 1.738 mph. This was the speed that Inuyasha and Kagome had determined anyone could drive safely at two days ago. Today was a special day, and the next week seemed like it would be, so they temporarily reduced this speed to 0.826013 km/h2.
For the next few hours, there was conversation, but only in the sense that people were talking. There was no actual exchange of ideas, thoughts, expressions, or emotions. Hell, it was a rare moment when any of them said something that was of any intellectual value at all. For demonstrative purposes, I have entered an example of the conversation.
"Yeah."
"That was cool."
"Yeah."
"I wonder if aquariums are open on Sundays in Sweden?"
"I don't think so. I mean, look at the places. All full o' water, and fishes, and other sea-thingies. Nothing good can come of that lot."
"Off course, you never took into account whether it was a Left day or not, and how many hours from May 37th it was."
"Yes I did! I did it in my head!"
"Oh, and I suppose you know higher math!"
"What's higher math?"
"Higher math is what you gotta use when you're dealing with higher numbers, like 37."
You get the point. And with this as conversation, they came to a motel, got ripped off again, and went to their room. Nobody was tired.
"Well…this is boring as hell." Kagome said.
"Why don't you go somewhere else then?" Inuyasha challenged her.
"Like where?"
"I don't know, some bar or something."
"Hey! Great idea!" Miroku said.
Sango was desperately shaking her head and frantically signaling "NO!" to Miroku.
"What? Of course you can come with us Sango!"
She just shook her head.
Meanwhile, Shippo was looking at them. They were all over 21, he was only 19. He wasn't so sure about a bar. As they all got ready to leave, Miroku called after him.
"Hey! You coming or what?"
"But…but."
"But what?"
"But I'm not old enough to drink!"
"Nonsense. That's why I have a fake ID for you. I keep one on hand of everyone I'm traveling with. It's a good idea, learned from experience."
Wow, Shippo thought, Miroku isn't really a "clean" guy is he?
Shippo inspected him further. No, he hadn't taken a shower in a good 4 days.
"Umm…okay, I guess?" Shippo answered.
"Alright then! Lets go."
They were in a small town, and didn't need to take the bother of a bus to a nearby bar. After promptly showing legal ID (except for Shippo of course) they were granted entrance, and sat leisurely down at the actual bar. Shippo was obviously nervous, and luckily there were a lot of people or he might have drawn attention. The barmaid was a little thick, but the band got their drinks. Shippo was nervous as hell when it was his turn.
"I'll have….a…uhh…scotch on the rocks?" He asked, as if it were a question.
"Sure thing. Would you like ice with that?"
"Umm….no?"
Now Shippo was thoroughly confused, and so was the rest of the band. He had just ordered a scotch on the rocks…with no ice? They couldn't wait until his drink came. But evidently someone else thought they could. A large stranger pushed Shippo out of his seat, trying to make it look accidental and failing completely. He then called the barmaid and ordered his order exactly like this:
"HEY! Get me a scotch on the rocks. And no ice."
The band hardly stifled their laughter. Was everyone in this town so stupid? Shippo made an indignant sound and walked back as if to push this stranger out of his seat. This stranger who was twice his size. But just then, the stranger got up and moved toward Kagome and managed to ask his question just like this:
"How u doin'?"
That's right, he SAID "you" without the "y" or the "o". And he said those words with a…certain…tone.
Kagome brushed him off casually, and this was obviously something that did not happen often to him.
"What?" He said.
"I said 'keep your pants on, you clod.' Which part were you having trouble with? Was it those big words like 'on'? Or maybe it was 'you', yes, that one can be troubling at times. Now buzz off."
Despite himself, Inuyasha gave way to a small smile. This was funny.
The man was now in an all-out shock and angry surprise at being rejected, and could do nothing about it, so he tore across the room and nearly fell over trying to sit down at a table. After the band had had a few drinks, he gave a smirk, and looked very proud of himself.
He walked over to the bar like a rider of the apocralypse.
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Yes, the apocralypse. Read books by Terry Pratchett, he's cool, and much better than me. Hell, he has a publishing contract!
Anyway, these aren't all gonna be songfics, as you can see, and if there's a lack of gut-splitting laughter, it's for a better cause later in the story. If you people don't review, I will make use of my aforementioned evil ways, and do things to you that you couldn't even imagine. Like replace your pinky toe with a hamburger! Yes, try to imagine THAT! Well, I'm going right on to start chap 5 now, but it might not be done for a few days. Maybe that'll give you time to REVIEW! HINT, HINT!! ^_^
To all the people who did review, thankies, and if you were scared into doing it, well…what's a few death threats between friends, right?