.hack//MIMIC

-echo of life-

"You're so disobedient," His rusty voice croaked from the end of the hallway. "Too disobedient."

My smile crumbled under the tone of his voice. I tucked my doll tightly under my arms.

"You don't understand. I work so hard. So hard, everyday. So that you could play."

The door to his study was half open. Dark, crimson light seeped through the open door, tainting the white hallway walls with bloody red. The air in the house was poisoned by the scent of alcohol.

"Nobody appreciates me. Nobody understands how much I had to give up, how much I had to go through."

"Nobody."

The sound of glass bottles breaking tore through the air.

"Nobody."

The sound of documents ripping.

"She doesn't understand. That's why she left me. In this world, alone."

The door slowly swung open. There, a dark, tall shadow stood.

"She was right. You look just like her. You are just like your mother."

The shadow began to approach me. I bit down on my dry, cracked lips, trying to calm my quaking body. My bruised body was shrieking pain even before he touched me. His hands, his brutal hands, capable of snapping my wrists in half, reached out to me. They touched my wet, teary cheeks. I jumped back, as if from a fire. He froze, and stared at me, as if entranced by my terror-filled eyes.

(Do you enjoy it?)

He howled with laughter.

(Do I put on a good show?)

"I'm your father," his coarse voice choked, mocking my fear, "What are you afraid of?" He reached out and patted my head with his sandpaper-like hands. "If only you'd be a good girl. Then nothing would hurt anymore."

"I love you. I care for you, so much." His eyes shrunk with fake passion.

A strange feeling grew inside of me. I could not remember being this close to him without getting hurt. His hand was resting limply on my head.

Then his vision shifted to the toy tucked tightly underneath my arms.

"... What's this?" he grumbled in a deep, monotonic voice.

I gasped, realizing that he had saw it. I hugged the doll as hard as I could.

"Where did you get it...?" His voice was turning into a small, threatening growl. The familiar anger and hatred began to fill his eyes. My shivering body slowly inched towards the door.

"...Did you steal again???"

I answered in silence. Yet it was the worst answer I could possibly give.

He struck me with a clean slap. The world around me shook wildly. I fell backwards, head first onto the floor, my left cheek burning with pain.

"You little bitch," he howled. He was mad. He had trampled me. He will now kill me.

"Bitch, just like your mother." He took another step towards me. In panic, I threw the doll at him, striking him in the eyes. He crouched down and roared angrily in pain. I bolted to the door.

"Are you leaving me??" he shrieked, "ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME AGAIN???"

The door slammed shut behind me, cutting off his insane screams. I hope it would never open again. That would shut him up for good.

* * *

I woke up to the the warmth of the bright morning light shining on my face. My eyes opened up to the sky. Butterflies of gold fluttered in the sea of pure azure. For a moment I thought I was saved.

"Paradise can be cloned," a gentle voice said beside my ear. A face emerged from the depths of the white lights. Aura. I tried to call her name. But no voice came out.

Aura laid a finger on my dry, raspy lips. "You don't have to speak. I can understand you." Suddenly, I tasted something bitter in my mouth. "What a terrible dream," Aura whispered. Tears rolled down her cheeks and fell onto my lips.

I blinked, overwhelmed by her tears. You... saw my dreams? I closed my eyes.

No. Not my dream. Tsukasa's dream.

Aura looked at me solemnly, and eventually nodded.

Who... am I?

She gazed at me in a moment of silence.

"...Do you really want to know? It would be easier... if you don't."

...Please, Tell me. My eyes told her of my determination.

She looked at me sadly. Then, she began to speak.

"You are Tsukasa. But at the same time, you are not," Aura said softly.

"You are what is called the 'Echo of Life'... a primordial system used by the earliest versions of 'The World'..."

"When players undergo a major event or a dramatic change, his character data is duplicated and stored in a temporary area in the server, as a preventive measure against data corruption..."

"The Net Slum functions on the basis of this prototype system... so naturally, when Helba destroyed the Net Slum, the player data of everyone involves was duplicated..."

"When the players successfully undergoes transition, the temporary data becomes useless, and is destroyed..."

"But 'Her'..."

Her. My heart shivered as the memories of her came back again. The voice. The ultimate enemy.

"Before the Net Slum is annihilated, she tried to retain what she could of Tsukasa, as an act of revenge... but her remaining power was not enough... and she could only reach a part of Tsukasa..."

"And... that part of Tsukasa... is you. She had reached you, and trapped you in 'The World'."

"...You are Tsukasa's back up... his clone."

The words struck me like a bolt of lightning.

His... clone.

I... Tsukasa...

It all began to make sense to me. Why I couldn't mail. Why I didn't have a member address.

Why I couldn't log out.

Of course I couldn't. I have no body outside of this world.

It seemed as if the clouds of mystery had receded. The truth had became clear to me.

So... this is what I am.

Nothing but a shadow. Nothing but a reminisce of vengeance.

Nothing but a collection of useless machine codes.

Aura grasped my arm, "Please... Please don't think that way..." she sobbed quietly.

Think, I sneered bitterly in my own mind. Think. Could I think? Am I programmed to think?

I finally understood what Mimiru said at the bridge.

... you're back! Tsukasa!

... how was life with Bear? It'd be pretty tough to have an old man around you all the time...

Tsukasa logged out, now living with Bear. Is he happy?

I remembered I woke up a few days ago, thinking everything had ended.

I wasn't wrong. I wasn't wrong at all. It was over. Tsukasa logged out. Bear will be a good father. Mimiru will find a friend. Subaru will find her love. Everything was well again.

Except me. Here I am.

I glanced at the unfamiliar field around me. It didn't even matter where I was anymore.

What should I do...? Where can I go...?

Does it even matter?

Does anyone care?

Gently, Aura wrapped her arms around me from behind. "...Please... don't think that way," teardrops landed silently onto my shoulders, "...Don't ever think that no one cares..."

Are you going to leave me again?? My father's desperate screams echoed in my mind again.

"...I want to stay with you," Aura whispered, "... If it's okay... I promise I won't leave you..."

Hearing her words, I finally broke down. Tears came, as if they'd never stop. I cried, and cried. Aura held me tighter, and tighter.

"...Cry... just cry." She was crying herself. Suddenly I realized how alone she was. She was alone. We are all alone.

"... Don't worry, everything will be fine..."

"...We will carry on..."

"We will carry the weight... we always do."

I cried for what seemed like hours. Eventually, my tears ran dry. I laid on the grass, exhausted, powerless. Aura, the little girl, sat peacefully beside me. Her tears were dry too. She looked at me with a pair of smiling eyes.

I'm okay now, I replied with my own smiling eyes. Then I sat up, looked on to the distance, and sighed, "You're right, we'll always go on. No matter how far we have to walk."

She smiled. Her white hair danced in the wind, blending in beautifully with the sky. "Right."

I stood up, stretched and let off a loud moan, "Ah... this feels good," I smiled. I wasn't lying. I felt relieved, like a load had been taken off my back.

I realized that I don't have to be Tsukasa to live. It doesn't matter who I was, or who I will be. I can't possibly decide that.

What I can decide is who I am now. I'm happy now, and this is all that matters.

I turned around to the little girl sitting patiently beside me, "Well, where do we go now?" I reached my hand out to her.

Smiling, she stood up and held my hand, "We can go anywhere. Anywhere is fine."

I grinned. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had forgotten something.

"Wait here," I said to Aura. She nodded. I walked a distance as I searched for it in the grass.

Then finally I found it. My staff laid stiffly on the grass, four or five feet from where we were. I reached to pick it up.

My hand went right through it.

I blinked in confusion. I reached for it again. My hand passed right through it like it was made of thin air. The staff looked transparent, like a holographic image. Suddenly I realized that it was fading.

...temporary data... Aura had said ...useless... and is destroyed.

The staff became dimmer and dimmer, and eventually melted away into space, into nothingness.

"...I see," I said under my breath, and smiled bitterly. The truth had dawned on me. I gazed at my hands, realizing the inevitable.

"What's wrong?" Aura called behind me.

"... Nothing," I spun around and ran to her. Her big round eyes looked at me, curious. She could easily read my mind, but I knew she didn't want to do it anymore. But even if she did, I wouldn't care.

I took her hand once again, but this time much more tightly, pressing every inch of her palm against mine. I wanted to remember what she felt like. I kissed her on the forehead. I wanted to remember as much as I could. There should be some time before I fade away.

"Let's go," I said softly.

Aura nodded, and smiled joyously.