Sorry peoples… my grades are slipping… and so is my free time allowance. Well, I finally got this done… oh, I have to stop doing the little "…" s.

          So, without further ado:

          Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Lotr… if I did, then I'd tell Viggo Mortesen to get some shampoo (no offense to anyone who likes him, but he has really greasy hair.)

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-Chapter Ten-

          The very-neat-and-Sam-reads-in-it-everyday/night diary of Frodo, so of Drogo:

Dear diary,

I am amazed that I am not getting any nightmares about the forest… in fact, I didn't get any nightmares. Thank goodness, the pastrami on rye thing was beginning to haunt me. (N/A: Go to Yahoo, type in Lotr-the lost diaries, and you'll find this really ^ ^ site on Lotr.) Sam is going around and asking these really obvious questions to the elves, I'm embarrassed to be with him. Every time he asks a "duh!" question, the elves give me this "and who is this guy?" look, followed by an eyebrow.

Oh well, at least he doesn't go around carrying a water pitcher and singing "Nimrodel". *Glares at Legolas* It's getting into my head! Better than Celine Dion, in any case.

He is also not carrying an axe around and jumping at every single footstep behind him. *Glares at Gimli*

Sam is also not going around everywhere with his nose stuck in a … whatchamacallit… mango? *Glares at both Srennans, who are not noticing, because their noses are in manga*

Sam is also not going around ignoring each other and muttering in German, French, and Italian. *Glares at Lori and Arileen*

Sam also doesn't spend the whole day being yelled at by Galadriel for ruining her granddaughter's life (like we don't already have enough things to do!). *Rolls eyes and glares at Aragorn*

He also doesn't spend the day going around the forest and getting drunk on Ent-draught, oops, wrong book, getting drunk on elvish wine. *Glares at Merry and Pippin*

Enough glaring… my eyes are all red and watery. You know, sometimes I can sympathize with Sauron. This "evil eye" stuff must get so straining. Good night, I foresee another Arileen vs. Lori coming on.

Night,

Frodo


          The rugged-and-camouflaged-yet-somehow-Galadriel-and-Arwen-knows diary of Aragorn:

Dear diary,

Oh dear, Frodo has been affected very badly by the One ring. He's glaring at everyone. Like we don't already have enough of that going on. *Glaring at Lori, who is glaring at Arileen, who is glaring back at Lori* Seems like the whole fellowship has caught it, except for the two… what are their names again?

I think it's the two Shredded Wheat's. I suppose their parents couldn't find easier pronouncing names? But it's not that good on their side either. Those two are like zombies with their manga.

Boromir is moaning about the state of the forest. Shut up! This is the best you'll get. Lothlorien is a four star elf habitation, you know!

Sam constantly smells of strawberry soap. Methinks that he has been raiding the elves' bath supplies. Poor Galadriel! She's not the only one… Elrond has been complaining about soap supplies too.

Legolas is so much at home, I almost envy him. He's been wearing patched tights… I wonder why. He's usually such a stickler for appearance.

Gimli has been unusually jumpy… time for he and Legolas to switch places. *Grins wickedly*

Merry and Pippin have been getting drunk on elf-wine. It is very potent. It also keeps those two annoying pests out of the way for a day or two. *Grins again*

I have to stop writing all this stuff… but I didn't get a chance to write anything in Moria, it was too dark. I miss Arwen… I miss Arwen… did I mention that I miss Arwen? Well, I miss her. Yesterday I asked Haldir for a razor, as my Indiana Jones five-o'clock shadow is turning into Indiana Jones eleven-o'clock (PM) shadow, well, he grinned and told me, "Elves don't have beards, you boy-scout!"

Going to look at some maps of Gondor,

Aragorn

The freakishly-magenta-and-purple-swirls diary of Legolas:

Dear Diary,

I hate magenta! I hate purple!! Why did aunt Arinei have to torture me!!! *Sighs*

That Lori girl has been practicing archery with her friend Srenna (by the way, that is, like, the only time she has her nose out of a mango) and a couple of wood elves. Not bad, considering she didn't even know how to hold a bow at the beginning. The other thing that's not bad about her is her face… what a pair of blue eyes (and cherry lips, and blond hair, and that cute little nose). *Sighs again*

However, she does have to practice her aim. The other day, I flirted with her to no avail, and so I went to get a pitcher of water. When I came back, my tights that had been hung out to dry had an arrow sticking on the behind, with a note attached, saying, "Wherefore art thou so blind to my intentions? I likest thou not!!!"

Henceforth, I have been heartbroken and walking around in patched tights.

Night,

Legolas

P.S. Where in the Mirkwood is my night-light?

The princely-and-carefully-bound-in-leather diary of Boromir:

Dear Diary,

That Aragorn guy had better watch out! He doesn't know who he's dealing with. *Puffs up chest* I am Boromir, son of the steward of Gondor, and of most noble origin.

WHO AM I KIDDING??? My life sucks. My quest sucks. And while I'm at it, my hair sucks too. Damn this horn of Gondor. I wanted to go for violin, but would my dad listen? Nooooo. I told him that it was impossible to play Stravinsky on this horn, but he didn't care. Then that stupid messenger with a stupid riddle attached to a stupid quest came along, stupidly, if you ask me. He fell off his horse!

So now I'm stuck here with a bunch of gay ninnies, four stuck-up girls, and one puffed up Boy Scout for support. And they wonder why we're losing the war with Sauron?

I'm getting too mad…

Nite,

Boromir

The grass-stained-because-he-dropped-it-on-the-lawn-one-time-too-many diary of Samwise:

Dear diary,

These elves are such good gardeners! I have to go and pry some more secrets from him. There's one disturbing fact though: Lady Galadriel had me look in her magical birdbath. I saw lumps of clay take over Hobbiton, scary… I'm glad she didn't turn out to be a fortuneteller.

Laters,

Sam

The heavily-tattoed-and-gilted-so-that-it-looks-doubly-scary diary of Gimli:

Dear diary,

Nothing to say about these ... creatures walking around with pointy ear implants. They're a bunch of weaklings, just think, they can't even dig a tunnel. Except for Galadriel, she was so hot, I whistled at her. The elves didn't seem to mind. She has such long hair… such long flowing hair… such long golden flowing hair.

Night,

Gimli

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Okay… guys I'm really sorry for the delay… please see my bio for explanations.

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I hope this tells you how I feel right now…