it was late when Jairah rode into Ithilien, the moon was waning and the stars were twinkling in between the trees as she slowed her horse to a walk and hopped off of it, so that she might walk herself. The horse lived free here in Ithilien, she did not keep it in a stable, so the horse went off on it's own as Jairah walked towards the trees, where beyond them lay the city that she and Legolas had helped to found so long ago.
After Aragorn had been crowned King of Gondor, Legolas and Jairah had travelled back to Mirkwood, their birthplace, and had been married. It had been the wish of Legolas' father, King Thranduil, who had raised both of them, though Jairah was not his daughter, to see them married before he went over the Sea.
It was after, that Legolas, along with Jairah, had led a group of the Mirkwood elves down to South Ithilien, to rebuild what was there, and settle. The land was close to Mordor, but it was now very beautiful and inhabited by the elves. The city where they dwelt was somewhat secluded, but was styled in the fashion of the elves, much like Lothlorien or Rivendell.
Because Legolas was the prince of Mirkwood, he had been named Lord of Ithilien, and Jairah as the Princess of Mirkwood by birth had been named the Lady, as she was also his wife. They had lived there for several years now, and in peace. Jairah sighed as she thought of how much peace they'd had, and Legolas still remained unhappy.
She walked through the brush into the city, and was immediately hit by the voice of her husband in her head.
"Jairah..." it called. She sighed again. No doubt she'd worried him, she'd left abruptly and without telling him, early in the morning while he still slept, and now she returned late in the night.
She made her way to their house, which was built into the trees near the center of the city. She sensed his worry, that he was pacing the room inside, as she walked up the steps to the door of her house.
No sooner was she in the door when he came to her and took her in his arms. He kissed her forehead.
"Jairah!" he whispered. "Where in the name of Eru have you been?" He drew back and looked into her eyes, the worry now leaving his face, but still troubled.
She reached up and brushed some fallen strands of hair out of his face, then smiled at him. "Do not be troubled, Legolas." she whispered, and kissed his cheek, then gently unwound his arms from around her and moved away from him. She went to take off her black cloak.
"How can I not be troubled when i wake to find my wife missing, and not a soul has seen her, nor knows where she is?" he asked her as she removed her cloak and turned to face him. "Where did you go?"
"I rode to Gondor." she said, and moved past him and avoided his surprised gaze. She walked back to their bedroom, where she began to pull her hair out of the restraints that it had been in.
He followed her. "Gondor?" he asked. "By yourself?"
She stopped unbraiding her hair and looked at him indiginatly. "You speak as though i am a child, Legolas, which I am not. Of course i went by myself."
He looked at her curiously. "But why Gondor?" he wanted to know. "We have not ridden there in several years; why would you need to go there?"
Jairah went back to her hair, her fingers working fast, unbraiding the hair that had been braided into the rest of her hair that morning. She gazed at herself in the mirror as she responded, "To visit Elessar." She looked at him in the mirror as she finished unbraiding her hair. Her hair, long and wavy, tumbled over her shoulders as she turned to him and took his arm.
"Do not be troubled, Legolas" she said again. "I went to speak with him, for i sought his advice on matters concerning my mind." She smiled at him again and moved towards her wardrobe, walking with his arm in hers. But she released him now and went into the wardrobe, closing the door behind her, leaving Legolas to stare at the door.
"What advice could he give you, that i could not?" He called after her, after a few moments. "And why did you not tell me you were going?"
The door opened and she re-emerged, wearing her gossamer nightgown, and her eyes sparkled at him. "I wished to go alone." she said simply as she passed him, enjoying the way he stared at her admiringly, though the confusion was still written on his face. She went to brush her hair.
He watched her as she did this, his eyes sweeping over her, as they did most nights when she prepared for sleep. They did not speak untill she was finished and laid the brush down, and turned to gaze at him. He was still staring at her.
"Next time, do not go without me," he whispered, coming to her now and kissing her cheek. "And do not make my heart worry so; i feared for you."
She touched his face. "You need not fear for me, and you know that." She said, teasing him a little. "These are times of peace, and i am not endangered on a simple ride to Gondor." She kissed his nose, and he smiled at her, though his eyes were still a bit cloudy.
"Even so," he said, taking her hand and leading her to their bed. "I do not wish to wake up to find you gone, please do not ever do that again."
"Forgive me," she said, as she sat down on the edge of the bed, him next to her. "I will not do it again."
He smiled at her and took her hands and kissed them, then caressed them with his own.
"Jairah," he whispered. "You are one of the few joys i have left in this world." He was looking at their hands, their fingers intertwined. Jairah looked at him sadly, because he was again speaking of his sea-longing, of how he felt his time upon the earth was at an end and that his happiness was fading. She shuddered when she thought of telling him the secret she kept, but she knew she must.
He felt her shudder and looked up at her. "What is it?" he asked, his eyes searching her.
She shook her head, then looked down. "You are speaking of your wish to go over the sea again." she said. "Every day you grow more and more restless with this world, i feel it in you." She looked up at him now. "You have wished to go over the sea for many years now, Legolas."
He looked at her, the sadness she knew he felt creeping into his eyes. "Yes," he whispered. "It has long been my desire to go over the sea. More so in the last few years than ever, Jairah. But you have known that."
"And i am the one keeping you here, in Ithilien." she said. "For I am not ready to go over the sea. I have not felt the sea-longing."
He nodded. "I know. I will stay here with you untill you are ready, no matter how my heart desires the sea." he said, tightening his grip on her fingers with one hand and with the other going to stroke her hair, and she smiled sadly at him.
"And you will grow ever the more unhappy, i fear, Legolas." Jairah whispered, tears coming into her eyes. "I do not wish for you to suffer. I would go over the sea with you now if it were not for certain things."
He took her face in his hands, and kissed her softly. "Why do you cry?" he whispered. "Do not trouble your heart with my sea-longing." He kissed her forehead as she shook her head.
"Legolas," she whispered back, as he pulled his fingers through her hair. "It will be years before i am ready to go over the sea." she said to him with her mind, her eyes closed. She laid down on the bed, and he lay with her, wrapping his arms around her.
"i'm sorry, but i know not what could keep you here, though i understand. i feel guilty distressing you with such talk of the sea," Legolas said.
"It is the least i can do for all those years you remained with me in Lorien when i was ill, and all the years you have spent by my side. I will not leave you, and I only hope you will not leave me." Jairah said, her eyes still filled with tears that were fading.
"To leave you would be to truly send my soul to Mandos and never find peace," he replied. They lay there for a while until he spoke again. "Though i wonder what keeps you here. it is not as if we will leave anything behind. We have capable people and kin to leave the kingdom to and no children to care for. we may leave when we wish and be at peace. what here makes you stay, Jairah?" he asked.
"It is not a large matter that keeps me here, but at the same time, neither small nor insignificant," she replied as she held his hand tighter. she looked at his eyes which brightened with curiousity as he silently wondered what it was.
"Tell me, Jairah," he whispered to her as he kissed her cheek. "For i feel it weighs heavily on your mind."
She took his head in her hands and pressed her forehead to his. "I will soon bear you a child." she said to him with her mind.
She felt his hands come up over hers, and his eyes fly open, for they had been closed. He leaned back from her so that he could look her in the eyes.
"What did you say?" he whispered, speaking with his voice, his eyes wide.
Jairah looked at him, her heart thrumming, for she was afraid he was displeased. "I will soon bear you a child, Legolas. You are to be a father." She whispered back, searching his face for any reaction.
He did not move for a moment, as if the thought were registering in his mind. He looked at the top of her head, then moved his eyes to hers again.
"When?" he whispered, his face still devoid of emotion, which frightened Jairah.
She looked at him, fear in her eyes, tears coming into them again. "By the next midsummers." she replied softly.
"I know not what to say," Legolas said in almost disbelief.
"Surely you did not think that it could never happen," she replied, and he shook his head.
"Of course not but... a child... what misery comes upon me!" he cried out, and Jairah sat up quickly and stared at him.
"Misery?" she asked quietly with wide, shocked eyes.
"Oh, love, it is not misery, not really, but... wait. What if we go to Valinor so the child may be born and raised there?" Legolas asked.
"But this is our home," she said softly.
"My father has a house there as well, and would delight in having a grandchild," he replied.
"You don't understand, this is our home, where our lives are, and how cursed would I be to be forced to adjust to an entirely new life as well as have a child?" she asked.
"My sweet," he said softly as he took her hand and kissed it. "You forget that Valinor is the land of eternal peace-- you can feel no pain there, or unhappiness, only utter contentment," Legolas said.
"Perhaps you may, but I am not ready to abandon my life yet," she replied in a harsh tone, and lay back down, her back to him.
He reached out to touch her back, but she recoiled away from him. "Jairah.." he whispered, trying to find words to comfort her, for he knew that he'd upset her greatly. As he searched his mind, silence descended up on the room. His fingers were stroking her hair even though he knew she was upset with him.
Jairah shuddered as she felt his hands touching her, but she did not warm to him. Tears fell down her face as she thought of what she could do, but no thoughts came to her.
An odd sound pierced the silence, and Legolas froze as he touched Jairah, his fingers tangled in her long hair. It came again, far away, and yet very sharp and clear in his ears. It was the sound that had tortured him for many years. The cry of the gull.
Jairah heard it as well, and the tears began to fall faster, and she began to sob. The cries of the birds made her remember when Legolas began to long for the sea; and made her think even more about how much he longed for Valinor, and what she could not provide for him because of the life that was now growing inside of her. She did not wish to raise a child in Valinor, because even though what Legolas had spoken about the Undying Lands was true, she wanted her child to experience life outside of that of the elves, just as she had.
She curled into a ball and sobbed harder, her hands over her face. Legolas lay beside her, not moving, listening to the cry of the gull as it faded, his mind completely blank except for the despair he felt in his heart. He did not hear his wife crying beside him for a moment, untill the cries of the birds were completely gone and he was pulled out of his reverie, and heard Jairah sobbing uncontrollably, her hands over her head, her body wracked and shaking.
He looked at her body as it writhed beside him, and immediately the despair in his heart was replaced by guilt for making her so upset. So he reached for her now, and drew her into his arms, and pulled her to face him, moving her arms from about her head, and kissing her cheeks.
"Jairah," he whispered. "I am sorry." He hugged her close, stroking
her hair, and closed his eyes. His suffering made her suffer, and his heart
ached. He knew not what to say. It was not that he was not delighted of
the news that she would bear a child, just bearing a child in this world
that he knew he could
not stay in was what made him say the things he did.
He opened his eyes and kissed her forehead, tears in his own eyes how. He loved her so much, and to see her cry like she had not cried in many years hurt him. She had quieted down now, and was looking at him, her eyes full of tears still.
"I do not wish to see you suffer," she whispered, hiccuping. "And I know that this child, bearing it here, will make you suffer even more, so that you might even die. I cannot live with myself knowing that i am the reason for this suffering."
He kissed her cheek, and shook his head. "Jairah, no..." he whispered, but she put her fingers to his lips.
"I will go over the sea with you." she said, staring him in the eyes. "I will go, because i cannot bear to see you suffer. And i have watched you grow more and more unhappy as the years have passed. So we will go over the sea and bring our child into the world. I will go with you whenever you feel ready."
"I cannot ask you to do that." he said, the tears in his eyes ready to spill over, for he knew what she was saying was hard for her, but she shook her head again.
"You stayed with me those long years when i was ill in Lorien. You have stayed by my side all these years when you have wished for nothing more than simple peace in your heart, peace that i could not provide. I can provide it now, along with happiness. My mind is made up."
The tears ran down his face, and she leaned up and kissed him softly. His heart felt lightened from the despair he'd felt only moments earlier, and he felt nothing but love for her, more so than ever. She was willing to sacrifice this for him.
"I promise you, Jairah, that our child will know nothing but peace, and happiness, and most of all love." he whispered to her as she lay next to him again. "And i am delighted that you will bring a child into this world to me." He leaned in and kissed her gently, and she nodded, and smiled at him slightly.
"No more talk of this tonight," she said to him, as he stroked her forehead.
"For i am weary, and i wish to sleep." She kissed his cheek gently, then
nestled her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He sighed, kissed
the top of her head, then closed his eyes as well, and fell into the most
peaceful sleep he'd
had in many years.
Legolas seemed to wake up within a white room, full of light, he himself
sitting a hard chair, while in front of him he saw a familiar face he had
not seen in years-- that of Lord Elrond the Peredhil of Imladris. Since
he had gone over the sea with the other Ringbearers, no word had been heard
of him, and in
times of crisis he sometimes wondered what counsel he could give to
him. Now was a time in which his wonderings would come to life.
"Legolas Greenleaf, Lord of Ithilien, we meet once more," Elrond's voice said, and Legolas found it almost soothing, and without the harshness he had known.
"Indeed we do, my lord," Legolas said.
"I am no one's lord now, though I suppose habit should dictate itself so," he replied.
"What brings you here Elrond, if you do not mind my query?" Legolas asked.
"I once again take the role of counselor to you, and wish to warn you against a grave mistake you are to make," Elrond said.
"What? Please, tell me more," Legolas said pleadingly.
There was a pause in the silence as Elrond somewhat shifted where he sat and looked at Legolas carefully in the eyes. "Do you find me much changed from how I was in Imladris when you knew me?" he asked.
"Well, yes, I suppose. Yes. I find you very much changed. Much happier, I think," Legolas said after looking at him.
"You are very right. I am much happier. But for hundreds of years, I was unhappy. This is the first time you have ever seen me how I once was," Elrond said.
"The change in you is remarkable, and I hope that when I go to the Undying Lands, which will be soon, the same change will come over me," Legolas said, but Elrond simply sighed.
"Dear boy, no. It is like an old saying, things will get very much worse before they become better. You cannot be selfish at a time like this and take your wife away from the only true happiness she has known-- her life in Ithilien with you as her husband and now with this child of yours," he said.
"But what kind of a father would I be to that poor innocent child, a shadow upon me all my days until Jairah feels fit to leave?" Legolas asked.
"A normal father. Children may be blessings but they are also the robbers of youth, and may I say, you will be getting worse before getting better. But a good father is one who can put aside his feelings and sacrifice himself for his children. If you can do that, then you have nothing to fear." Elrond leaned closer and continued to speak. "You have always been the only child, the only keeper of Jairah's heart. Now you must learn to share, and you will find that as your child grows... you will as well."
"So I must not go over the sea? I must.. stay here and support my wife? And my child?" Legolas asked, and Elrond simply nodded.
"It will be hard. When CelebrÃan left for the West, I felt as you do. Alone and despairing, but when you have a child... you are obliged to give up everything necessary for them. Child, you know not how many times I wished to leave Imladris and simply go to Mithlond and sail to be with their mother. But I could not. Their fate was bound to me. I could not leave them alone and unguarded. Do not do to Jairah what CelebrÃan did to me, and do not make the wound worse by doing it purposely."
"Lord Elrond?" Legolas asked after a long lull in the conversation. "What do I do about the gulls? They constantly call me to the sea, to follow my heart to my eternal resting place."
Elrond simply smiled. "Take an arrow and shoot them. They will make a good meal for your household," he replied and laughed. The white room swirled and disappeared, and Legolas awaoke gasping for breath, almost on the brink of laughter.
He chuckled softly as he stared up at the ceiling, collecting himself, blinking. His chest moved with his laughter, and he felt Jairah sigh and shift slightly. He looked down and saw the top of her head resting on his chest, one of her hands curled next to her face, her small fingers resting on his skin. She moved so that her body was closer to him, and he leaned down and kissed her forehead, gazing over her, and the amusement on his face left him as he thought of what Lord Elrond had said to him in his mind.
As he thought of it, he stared at her facial features as she slept. Her eyes were closed gently, and her face was tearstained from her crying earlier. He reached down and gently rubbed the dried tears away from her eyes and off of her cheeks, and she sighed again and turned her face into his body, before turning over in her sleep and laying on her back on the bed next to him, deep in slumber.
Legolas sat up, and stared down at her, still deep in thought. "a good father is one who can put aside his feelings and sacrifice himself for his children..." said Lord Elrond's voice in his head. Legolas reached down to stroke Jairah's hair as he pondered his thoughts.
Sacrifice in this case meant staying here, in Ithilien, with Jairah. Lord Elrond had been correct, she was happy here and he could not be selfish and rob her of this happiness. Though she had offered to sacrifice her happiness for him, he now saw what Elrond had meant. Jairah wished to give the child the full life that she and Legolas had been given, and to know the happiness that she felt here, with him.
His eyes swept over her sleeping form again, and they came to rest on her torso, which was rising and falling as she breathed. He furrowed his brow, and then slowly reached over and lightly placed his hand on her stomach, then closed his eyes.
Tears pricked at the insides of his eyes as he did this, for he could feel the spirit of the child growing within her. Though concieved merely a week ago, the spirit had already formed and felt much like that of Jairah. He knew now that he must be the father that Elrond spoke of, and push away the thought of going over the sea with his wife and bearing their child there.
He opened his eyes, and the tears slipped down his face, as he removed his hand from her belly and reached up and stroked her shoulder, kissing her cheek as he did so, then laying back down next to her and cuddling up to her. He held her close as he tried to go back to sleep.