Understand how I feel
Losing you has taken me away
And my mistake
That I deal with
I deal with time and over time again
-Familiar 48, I know
Chapter Two
Pansy had her slender arm wrapped tightly aroundDraco's trim waist line. The years he spent playing Quidditch did him good. The healthy habits seeped into his adult years and to this day Draco spent many of his mornings maintaining his body. The not quite middle aged man looked down at his wife, a mixture of sympathy and compassion in his eyes. The pale princess of Slytherian, Pansy had been bred to be his wife. No more, no less. She was a debutante for the Dark Arts.
The once annoying clinging need to be reassured that Draco wasn't leaving her and that he loved her had faded. She was resigned to be second in his life. In Pansy's twisted world view, it was she who one the war. As if Pansy had a chance against Hermione though. Pansy may have gotten the manor and money but Hermione would always have his heart. Instead of distaste or hatred running in his veins for the unfortunate women in his bed, he only felt mercy. It had only been a few years since Pansy's eldest son, Stephan had been born. There was no secret that Stephen was not Draco's son but the son of Luicus , Draco's own father. A slow smirk crossed his face, the earliness of the morning drawing it out. Even with Granger gone for twelve years and ten years since Hogwarts, his life was still twisted. He was raising his half-brother as his own son and his wife had been damaged from months of Cruico and rape under the lead of his own father.
That bastard still walked free though, in the blessed light with the rest of his death eater hooligans. It was ironic and would only happen in the Malfoy family that the son would think of the father as a boy in need of a firm reprimanding.A nice stay at Azkaban would delightful too... Even with the downfall of Voldemort in Draco's sixth year and the destruction of most death eaters, the Ministry of Magic still had a fondness for dear old Lucius Malfoy and for the second time he walked free of punishment for his actions.
Putting an arm around his wife's back, Draco pulled Pansy into his embrace. His cat like voice purred in her ear as a whisper, "Wake up Pans. Stephen and Talia would probably like to see you today."
Digging her head deeper into his chest, Pansy yawned before replying with a sleepy, "So what?" The selfishness Pansy possessed and the lackadaisical attitude toward her children exasperated Draco. As cold as he was to his wife and children, Draco would make it a point to spend an hour each day with them. The years he spent alone without Nacissia or Lucius there to help him supplement his tutors' affection had permanently scarred Draco. It took Hermione five years to break the shell Draco built around himself and yet their affections only had a small half year summer before it was over. The night that shattered his shell lived in Draco mind still, replayed every night. It was the only memory powerful enough to block the pain he felt when he thought of what he did to Hermione. The only person he would die for without a thought to it.
Untangling himself from Pansy, Draco gracefully trapeze the room and entered his bathroom to shower. His thoughts were always on Her . The cold shower did surprisingly little on his morning erection. His lithe fingertips drawled on his thighs, moving up and down his length. It shamed Draco that he still thought of Hermione best when he thought of their nights together. Hell, even some of their days together had been wild. The first time they had done anything sexual came to Draco's mind. Hermione had been so nervous they would get caught. The empty charms hall had not been used in decades and it was the middle of the Halloween feast. Their first kiss that night had been rushed, passionate. The feel of her lips still made him stand at attention. They were soft, surprisingly eager for a Gryffindor who didn't care for the Slytherin prince. Her body had folded under his touch. Draco could still imagine the feel of Hermione's warm mouth wrapped around him. Her hazel eyes had been so innocent that day, looking up at him with complete trust. His hands wrapped around his length, quickly pumping himself to climax.
Washing himself off, Draco charmed his hair dry and returned to his bedroom. Pansy still lay in bed, propped on one elbow, paging through the Daily Prophet. Her blonde hair hung in straight lines, the liquid gold which washed in to the room through the French doors gave her a pale, yellowed look."Draco, baby, is Lauren getting Stephens things today or tomorrow? These new dress robes are Madame Malkins are absolutely fablous."
"Neither, I am taking him to get his things today. This is why I wanted you to come with me." Draco was short with Pansy. Draco always was when it concerned his wife. "If you feel like getting up and helping to prepare your eldest son for his first trip to Hogwarts, Stephen and I are stopping at the Leaky Cauldron for a late lunch."
"mmm . That's nice darling." Pansy flipped the page and Draco left the room frustrated.
"Yes Stephen, only the best for the Malfoys '" Truly his father's son, Stephen had a malice and pride that Draco had only been able to fake. Turning in the three view mirror, Stephen closely examined the high-quality chiffon robes he was modeling for his new school robes. Draco noticed with a melancholic ripple that Stephen was a passable twin for himself at 10 years old. Stephen's platinum hair was slicked back and his mercurial grey eyes were cold. The infamous Malfoy smirk crossed his half-brothers lips as he nodded his approval to his "father".
"Father, I believe that you should push for another piece of legislation that would prohibit the allowance of Mudbloods into Hogwarts" Yes, Stephen was Lucius son. Draco strove to keep his cool aloof exterior from spewing the venomous hatred toward Stephen and Lucius that threatened to show itself.
"As long as a Gryffindor,Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw alumni controls Hogwarts, Stephen, you know perfectly well that no one such thing shall happen." And I would be damned if I see the day that happen! "Madame, could you floo 10 of these robes to Malfoy Manor later today? Stephen you can go change now."
Draco patiently waited for his brother to change back into his day robes outside Madame Malkins . A faint smile passed his lips as he saw a girl, about ten or eleven pass him. Dressed in muggle clothes, a simple cream colored tank top and dark blue denim, the girl had what Draco considered 'Malfoy blonde' hair. She walked with a grace and confidence that made her seem far wiser to the wizarding world than she possibly could be. The thick curls were frizzy, hanging down her back in a thick rubber band. Before Draco was able to make any more observances on the young girl, she disappeared into Flourish and Botts. Draco thought to himself that that was what he wished his daughter with Hermione could have been.
"Father! I do believe that, no matter what type of relationship you and Mother have that a girl like that would be much too young for you."The scorn in his younger brothers' voice was plain, the pre-adolescent boy not coming quite to Dracos ' shoulders.
"Who says that I was looking for myself?"Draco turned from his son and made his way to Ollivanders . "By the time I started Hogwarts I already knew I was to marry your Mother." And I hated the thought of it. Draco hoped that the unspoken threat was caught.
Hermione slid into the booth across from Ron with a grateful sigh. The bags from Trista's first Diagon Alley shopping trip had already been deposited in the Granger flat. Pushing the longer front layers of her chestnut hair out of her eyes, she eyed her old friend. "So...you are back to being Granger huh?"
"Of course I am. How did the wizarding world survive eleven years without me?" Hermione joked, the bright smile that Ron missed most about his teen years revealing itself . Ordering a Shirley Temple ('What? I have a daughter to be role model for after all!'), Hermione quickly found that she and Ron had an easy time falling back into the place they left a few years ago.
"Well well well . Should I tell Hannah about this extramarital relationship you have with this stunning women Ron?" Harry Potter's striking emerald green eyes peered down at the couple, his innocent grin happy to the golden trio reunited. His black hair stuck up in odd places still, pieces falling afront of his scar and eyes. For a moment, Hermione Granger was speechless. It was the second time that the two men could remember Mione speechless. The first time no one wanted to think about right now. Jumping up quick enough to bang her knee on a table, Hermione enveloped Harry in a hug.
"Harry! I.I.. Congratulations on being the new Defense professor!" Squishing the three into one booth, Harry and Ron on one side and Hermione had the other side to herself, the three spent most of the night in the tavern reminiscing of the good old days before their seventh year. Trista had stopped into the bar briefly, her mother introducing Trista as her daughter and treated Trista to a supper outside of their flat.
"Would any of you like any dessert?" Tom was still working at the Leaky Cauldren, his cracked face smiling at his three favorite customers. Far too long had it been that the three of them had been together. The little girl was a cutie too. "Tonights special is Apple Crisp with some Ice Cream."
Hermione's eyes lit up at the mention of her favorite dessert and immediately said that she and Trista would have two, with extra whipped cream on hers. A simple hot fudge sundae was Harry's order. They waited for the desserts to come, Ron and Harry introduced Trista into the magical world with stories of her mother.
"and your mother -the brains of our grade- says, "but we haven't any wood!" She had her own wand in her hand and she says that.." Ron finished recanted his verision of the Chamber of Secrets as Tom served the two apple crisps, one with a mountain of whipped cream on it.
His green eyes looked between his sundae, which was severely lacking in whipped cream, to Hermiones which had a model scale of Mount. Everest on it, and faked a complaint. "Hey Tom, could you give Hermione anymore?"
Tom just smiled at the man and nodded.."I would have except i need to give you and the little missus there some."
Grinning, Harry started to eat his sundae. "Well you know Mione, i do love whipped cream too.."
"I'll bite you if you dare come between me and my whipped cream."
Trista's face was solemn, a spoon full of warm apple crisp and ice cream halfway to her mouth as she spoke, "She's not kidding...Mum is protective of her whipped cream.."
Harry shrugged and made his mistake. Playfully taking a spoonful of the light cream away, he yelped as he felt a sharp pain travel from his hand. "Hey! You smacked me!"
Hermione's smile was innocent and playful, "I told you not to take any..." She laughed and offered Harry some of her dessert. "You can have the ice cream and the apples..."
The exit of Trista that brought the end of the blithe memories and introduced the underlying questions and problems.
"Mione..." Ron started after a lapse of silence following the departure of Trista. "How can you forgive us? We ridiculed you and left you when you needed us the most."
"Ron, you and Harry and well, all of Hogwarts were acting from fear .. You-know-who .. Ah I mean Voldemort ," The reproachful look from Harry showed he had adopted Dumbledore's way of thinking." was at the epitome of his power. A known Death-eater's son was in love with a Muggle-born witch? Bells would have gone off in anyone's head. I know now you were just trying to protect me." Hermione sat back in the high back booth, her fingers stumbling over a crack in the cherry-hued leather. "And I didn't listen even though you were so so right...I was a stubborn teen. I thought a Malfoy could love....Ididn't want to see that you two were right for once. What was there to do?"
Janus , Hermione thought noting the look that Ron and Harry exchanged when she mentioned Draco, Ron and Harry are two sides to one person. Ron was so fair, he physically contrasted the dark hair and tan of Harry, and it reminded Hermione of cream added to coffee. Yet despite all their differences, they both had the same thoughts, same reactions to her words.
"Mione, you know that's not true. Why would Draco have searched for you twelve years since anyone heard from you and then contact me if he didn't love you after all?" Harry's voice was gentle, hoping to push the thought into Hermione's head.
"Harry, no. I don't understand why he did that but." Hermione trailed for a second, her mind collected the correct why to phrase what she wanted to say. Pushing Harry and Ron away after finding them again would hurt Hermione as deeply as Draco did. "Draco said things that last night no one would truly loved another person could say. Draco Malfoy never loved me."
When the trio finally separated, the full moon was high over London. Hermione had decided to walk home instead of experimenting with Apperation or Floo . Although Hermione had been ready to take her Apperation test, the events of her seventh year stopped her. Hermione also was unsure if her flat had been hooked up to the network for Floo yet. Memories surrounded Hermione now, little things that she had not thought of for years but now realized how much she missed them. Despite the large size of the glowing orb above her, the London streets were cool for a summer night and Hermione hugged her arms close to her body for the walk.
Her thoughts eventually left the past and she considered what to do with her life now. She had returned to the present. Her job as a teacher at a muggle school seemed silly. Hermione was certain she would be quitting the job. The idea to rent a flat in Diagon's Alley during the school year and a muggle flat in the summer seemed reasonable. Perhaps Hermione could get a job at the Ministry. A job at Flourish and Botts wouldn't be that terrible.
It didn't take long for Hermione to reach her building, the fire engine red bricks were distinguished against the white-washed stucco of the newer buildings surrounding it. The building had been built in the 1800s and gone under severe muggle renovations and restorations. Hermione's flat was on the fourth floor, the top floor. The halls were as quiet as a university dorm in the summer, the humidity that was lacking on the London streets had camped in the hallways of the Prince Edward's Apartment Building. Despite all the renovations, the landlord had decided that only the apartments and lobby would get central air. In the summer, it seemed that no matter the temperature outside, inside those long vertigo inducing halls, the barometer always hovered near 85.
The "Potter" flat was quiet, Hermione found Trista fast asleep with her new cloak wrapped around her body. Unclasping the cloak, Hermione replaced the wool cloak with a sheet. Realizing now that she could use magic, Hermione placed a cooling charm on the sheet. Hermione smiled and wondered how much money she could have saved over the years if she had used heating and cooling charms and even a Lumos charm instead of heat, air conditions and lights. It was a childish fear she had, that Draco would find her if she used magic. It was silly.
Not quite ready for bed like her daughter, Hermione paced around her house, placing a few cooling charms on it and turning off the air conditioning. Changing into looser, more flowing clothes, Hermione lay in between the cool sheets waiting for sleep to come. It wouldn't come and an aggravated unease paced in Hermione's head until it forced her to pace the area of her bedroom. A cool magic breeze chased itself around the flat, lifting tendrils of Hermione's hair as she walked onto the balcony.
Below her, the London streets were quiet. Three o'clock in the morning was always a silent time in this part of the city. For most, it was a time for sleep. For Hermione, it was time to think. The insomnia, that plagued her almost nightly since the birth of Trista, held Hermione in the conscious realm. Hermione wondered if the dreams she would have if she did sleep would be worse than this bland awareness she experienced. Leaning against the balcony railing, Hermione tried to push away the thoughts that screamed the most in her mind.
Hermione had never fully understood Draco. She never understood all the pain, the torment and even the love he felt. The way he had held her so close and then pushed her away was incomprehensible. The most ridiculous, confusing action to her was the most recent. Twelve years, twelve damn years, he finally decides to find if she was alright or not. Hermione fumed silent. He couldn't do it himself though. He had to get Harry to contact her. It wasn't that Hermione was unhappy seeing Harry and Ron again, the contrary, she was ecstatic that they would talk to her after everything. She wanted to apologize to him. The words he spoke that night had devastated her but she knew that she wasn't totally innocent that night. Her words had been just as harsh.
It took this insomnia, this late night to make Hermione admit it but she would admit it. She missed him. Her whole heart, as splintered and fragmented as it was, she still loved Draco. The loneliness, the missing splinters of her heart called for his name, his touch. The hole in her stomach that formed an air-consuming vacuum needed him.
Hermione's body was a lithe and toned as when we were sixth year perfects together. I stood on the balcony next to hers, the shadows draping my figure. The white cotton of her pants accented her legs, the loose material slightly billowing in breeze that emanated from her flat. Her matching white tank top had a black silk ribbon cinching under her smooth breasts. Chestnut curls which begged to be petted and played with lay between her shoulder blades, a few were light enough to be tossed in that light breeze. Hermione was still as beautiful as when I last saw her. Even if I couldn't read minds, her expression as she looked over the quiet streets told me enough. The loneliness I saw in her the night before she left Hogwarts was still there. The urge to scoop her into my arms and carry her away from any pain could barely be restrained.
She would never remember, not after all these years. My body ached from being held in a tense position for so long. Her hazel eyes looked to my balcony and I felt them run over me. It was impossible for her to see me though, the shadows camouflaged me well. As my courage gathered to speak her name, her back turned away from me. It would be now, when the light of day couldn't stop me that I would have to do this.
"Hermione."
She froze.
A/N: Okay this is probably a little confusing with Draco. Stephen is Draco's half brother but Stephen doesn't know. Stephen thinks that Draco and Pansy are his parents not Lucius and Pansy. And muah, next chapter MAYBE i'll reveal who mr. guy in the shadows is. If anyone would like to beta read this for me, email me (emogirltappers@hotmail.com). You can also get me on AIM: KeeliaLine or CateRose85..hell im me/email/review me if you wanna talk..i always like people and inspiration. (I.e the scene in the Leaky Cauldron...it really happened to me..i am possessive of my whipped cream!)
Losing you has taken me away
And my mistake
That I deal with
I deal with time and over time again
-Familiar 48, I know
Pansy had her slender arm wrapped tightly aroundDraco's trim waist line. The years he spent playing Quidditch did him good. The healthy habits seeped into his adult years and to this day Draco spent many of his mornings maintaining his body. The not quite middle aged man looked down at his wife, a mixture of sympathy and compassion in his eyes. The pale princess of Slytherian, Pansy had been bred to be his wife. No more, no less. She was a debutante for the Dark Arts.
The once annoying clinging need to be reassured that Draco wasn't leaving her and that he loved her had faded. She was resigned to be second in his life. In Pansy's twisted world view, it was she who one the war. As if Pansy had a chance against Hermione though. Pansy may have gotten the manor and money but Hermione would always have his heart. Instead of distaste or hatred running in his veins for the unfortunate women in his bed, he only felt mercy. It had only been a few years since Pansy's eldest son, Stephan had been born. There was no secret that Stephen was not Draco's son but the son of Luicus , Draco's own father. A slow smirk crossed his face, the earliness of the morning drawing it out. Even with Granger gone for twelve years and ten years since Hogwarts, his life was still twisted. He was raising his half-brother as his own son and his wife had been damaged from months of Cruico and rape under the lead of his own father.
That bastard still walked free though, in the blessed light with the rest of his death eater hooligans. It was ironic and would only happen in the Malfoy family that the son would think of the father as a boy in need of a firm reprimanding.A nice stay at Azkaban would delightful too... Even with the downfall of Voldemort in Draco's sixth year and the destruction of most death eaters, the Ministry of Magic still had a fondness for dear old Lucius Malfoy and for the second time he walked free of punishment for his actions.
Putting an arm around his wife's back, Draco pulled Pansy into his embrace. His cat like voice purred in her ear as a whisper, "Wake up Pans. Stephen and Talia would probably like to see you today."
Digging her head deeper into his chest, Pansy yawned before replying with a sleepy, "So what?" The selfishness Pansy possessed and the lackadaisical attitude toward her children exasperated Draco. As cold as he was to his wife and children, Draco would make it a point to spend an hour each day with them. The years he spent alone without Nacissia or Lucius there to help him supplement his tutors' affection had permanently scarred Draco. It took Hermione five years to break the shell Draco built around himself and yet their affections only had a small half year summer before it was over. The night that shattered his shell lived in Draco mind still, replayed every night. It was the only memory powerful enough to block the pain he felt when he thought of what he did to Hermione. The only person he would die for without a thought to it.
Untangling himself from Pansy, Draco gracefully trapeze the room and entered his bathroom to shower. His thoughts were always on Her . The cold shower did surprisingly little on his morning erection. His lithe fingertips drawled on his thighs, moving up and down his length. It shamed Draco that he still thought of Hermione best when he thought of their nights together. Hell, even some of their days together had been wild. The first time they had done anything sexual came to Draco's mind. Hermione had been so nervous they would get caught. The empty charms hall had not been used in decades and it was the middle of the Halloween feast. Their first kiss that night had been rushed, passionate. The feel of her lips still made him stand at attention. They were soft, surprisingly eager for a Gryffindor who didn't care for the Slytherin prince. Her body had folded under his touch. Draco could still imagine the feel of Hermione's warm mouth wrapped around him. Her hazel eyes had been so innocent that day, looking up at him with complete trust. His hands wrapped around his length, quickly pumping himself to climax.
Washing himself off, Draco charmed his hair dry and returned to his bedroom. Pansy still lay in bed, propped on one elbow, paging through the Daily Prophet. Her blonde hair hung in straight lines, the liquid gold which washed in to the room through the French doors gave her a pale, yellowed look."Draco, baby, is Lauren getting Stephens things today or tomorrow? These new dress robes are Madame Malkins are absolutely fablous."
"Neither, I am taking him to get his things today. This is why I wanted you to come with me." Draco was short with Pansy. Draco always was when it concerned his wife. "If you feel like getting up and helping to prepare your eldest son for his first trip to Hogwarts, Stephen and I are stopping at the Leaky Cauldron for a late lunch."
"mmm . That's nice darling." Pansy flipped the page and Draco left the room frustrated.
"Yes Stephen, only the best for the Malfoys '" Truly his father's son, Stephen had a malice and pride that Draco had only been able to fake. Turning in the three view mirror, Stephen closely examined the high-quality chiffon robes he was modeling for his new school robes. Draco noticed with a melancholic ripple that Stephen was a passable twin for himself at 10 years old. Stephen's platinum hair was slicked back and his mercurial grey eyes were cold. The infamous Malfoy smirk crossed his half-brothers lips as he nodded his approval to his "father".
"Father, I believe that you should push for another piece of legislation that would prohibit the allowance of Mudbloods into Hogwarts" Yes, Stephen was Lucius son. Draco strove to keep his cool aloof exterior from spewing the venomous hatred toward Stephen and Lucius that threatened to show itself.
"As long as a Gryffindor,Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw alumni controls Hogwarts, Stephen, you know perfectly well that no one such thing shall happen." And I would be damned if I see the day that happen! "Madame, could you floo 10 of these robes to Malfoy Manor later today? Stephen you can go change now."
Draco patiently waited for his brother to change back into his day robes outside Madame Malkins . A faint smile passed his lips as he saw a girl, about ten or eleven pass him. Dressed in muggle clothes, a simple cream colored tank top and dark blue denim, the girl had what Draco considered 'Malfoy blonde' hair. She walked with a grace and confidence that made her seem far wiser to the wizarding world than she possibly could be. The thick curls were frizzy, hanging down her back in a thick rubber band. Before Draco was able to make any more observances on the young girl, she disappeared into Flourish and Botts. Draco thought to himself that that was what he wished his daughter with Hermione could have been.
"Father! I do believe that, no matter what type of relationship you and Mother have that a girl like that would be much too young for you."The scorn in his younger brothers' voice was plain, the pre-adolescent boy not coming quite to Dracos ' shoulders.
"Who says that I was looking for myself?"Draco turned from his son and made his way to Ollivanders . "By the time I started Hogwarts I already knew I was to marry your Mother." And I hated the thought of it. Draco hoped that the unspoken threat was caught.
Hermione slid into the booth across from Ron with a grateful sigh. The bags from Trista's first Diagon Alley shopping trip had already been deposited in the Granger flat. Pushing the longer front layers of her chestnut hair out of her eyes, she eyed her old friend. "So...you are back to being Granger huh?"
"Of course I am. How did the wizarding world survive eleven years without me?" Hermione joked, the bright smile that Ron missed most about his teen years revealing itself . Ordering a Shirley Temple ('What? I have a daughter to be role model for after all!'), Hermione quickly found that she and Ron had an easy time falling back into the place they left a few years ago.
"Well well well . Should I tell Hannah about this extramarital relationship you have with this stunning women Ron?" Harry Potter's striking emerald green eyes peered down at the couple, his innocent grin happy to the golden trio reunited. His black hair stuck up in odd places still, pieces falling afront of his scar and eyes. For a moment, Hermione Granger was speechless. It was the second time that the two men could remember Mione speechless. The first time no one wanted to think about right now. Jumping up quick enough to bang her knee on a table, Hermione enveloped Harry in a hug.
"Harry! I.I.. Congratulations on being the new Defense professor!" Squishing the three into one booth, Harry and Ron on one side and Hermione had the other side to herself, the three spent most of the night in the tavern reminiscing of the good old days before their seventh year. Trista had stopped into the bar briefly, her mother introducing Trista as her daughter and treated Trista to a supper outside of their flat.
"Would any of you like any dessert?" Tom was still working at the Leaky Cauldren, his cracked face smiling at his three favorite customers. Far too long had it been that the three of them had been together. The little girl was a cutie too. "Tonights special is Apple Crisp with some Ice Cream."
Hermione's eyes lit up at the mention of her favorite dessert and immediately said that she and Trista would have two, with extra whipped cream on hers. A simple hot fudge sundae was Harry's order. They waited for the desserts to come, Ron and Harry introduced Trista into the magical world with stories of her mother.
"and your mother -the brains of our grade- says, "but we haven't any wood!" She had her own wand in her hand and she says that.." Ron finished recanted his verision of the Chamber of Secrets as Tom served the two apple crisps, one with a mountain of whipped cream on it.
His green eyes looked between his sundae, which was severely lacking in whipped cream, to Hermiones which had a model scale of Mount. Everest on it, and faked a complaint. "Hey Tom, could you give Hermione anymore?"
Tom just smiled at the man and nodded.."I would have except i need to give you and the little missus there some."
Grinning, Harry started to eat his sundae. "Well you know Mione, i do love whipped cream too.."
"I'll bite you if you dare come between me and my whipped cream."
Trista's face was solemn, a spoon full of warm apple crisp and ice cream halfway to her mouth as she spoke, "She's not kidding...Mum is protective of her whipped cream.."
Harry shrugged and made his mistake. Playfully taking a spoonful of the light cream away, he yelped as he felt a sharp pain travel from his hand. "Hey! You smacked me!"
Hermione's smile was innocent and playful, "I told you not to take any..." She laughed and offered Harry some of her dessert. "You can have the ice cream and the apples..."
The exit of Trista that brought the end of the blithe memories and introduced the underlying questions and problems.
"Mione..." Ron started after a lapse of silence following the departure of Trista. "How can you forgive us? We ridiculed you and left you when you needed us the most."
"Ron, you and Harry and well, all of Hogwarts were acting from fear .. You-know-who .. Ah I mean Voldemort ," The reproachful look from Harry showed he had adopted Dumbledore's way of thinking." was at the epitome of his power. A known Death-eater's son was in love with a Muggle-born witch? Bells would have gone off in anyone's head. I know now you were just trying to protect me." Hermione sat back in the high back booth, her fingers stumbling over a crack in the cherry-hued leather. "And I didn't listen even though you were so so right...I was a stubborn teen. I thought a Malfoy could love....Ididn't want to see that you two were right for once. What was there to do?"
Janus , Hermione thought noting the look that Ron and Harry exchanged when she mentioned Draco, Ron and Harry are two sides to one person. Ron was so fair, he physically contrasted the dark hair and tan of Harry, and it reminded Hermione of cream added to coffee. Yet despite all their differences, they both had the same thoughts, same reactions to her words.
"Mione, you know that's not true. Why would Draco have searched for you twelve years since anyone heard from you and then contact me if he didn't love you after all?" Harry's voice was gentle, hoping to push the thought into Hermione's head.
"Harry, no. I don't understand why he did that but." Hermione trailed for a second, her mind collected the correct why to phrase what she wanted to say. Pushing Harry and Ron away after finding them again would hurt Hermione as deeply as Draco did. "Draco said things that last night no one would truly loved another person could say. Draco Malfoy never loved me."
When the trio finally separated, the full moon was high over London. Hermione had decided to walk home instead of experimenting with Apperation or Floo . Although Hermione had been ready to take her Apperation test, the events of her seventh year stopped her. Hermione also was unsure if her flat had been hooked up to the network for Floo yet. Memories surrounded Hermione now, little things that she had not thought of for years but now realized how much she missed them. Despite the large size of the glowing orb above her, the London streets were cool for a summer night and Hermione hugged her arms close to her body for the walk.
Her thoughts eventually left the past and she considered what to do with her life now. She had returned to the present. Her job as a teacher at a muggle school seemed silly. Hermione was certain she would be quitting the job. The idea to rent a flat in Diagon's Alley during the school year and a muggle flat in the summer seemed reasonable. Perhaps Hermione could get a job at the Ministry. A job at Flourish and Botts wouldn't be that terrible.
It didn't take long for Hermione to reach her building, the fire engine red bricks were distinguished against the white-washed stucco of the newer buildings surrounding it. The building had been built in the 1800s and gone under severe muggle renovations and restorations. Hermione's flat was on the fourth floor, the top floor. The halls were as quiet as a university dorm in the summer, the humidity that was lacking on the London streets had camped in the hallways of the Prince Edward's Apartment Building. Despite all the renovations, the landlord had decided that only the apartments and lobby would get central air. In the summer, it seemed that no matter the temperature outside, inside those long vertigo inducing halls, the barometer always hovered near 85.
The "Potter" flat was quiet, Hermione found Trista fast asleep with her new cloak wrapped around her body. Unclasping the cloak, Hermione replaced the wool cloak with a sheet. Realizing now that she could use magic, Hermione placed a cooling charm on the sheet. Hermione smiled and wondered how much money she could have saved over the years if she had used heating and cooling charms and even a Lumos charm instead of heat, air conditions and lights. It was a childish fear she had, that Draco would find her if she used magic. It was silly.
Not quite ready for bed like her daughter, Hermione paced around her house, placing a few cooling charms on it and turning off the air conditioning. Changing into looser, more flowing clothes, Hermione lay in between the cool sheets waiting for sleep to come. It wouldn't come and an aggravated unease paced in Hermione's head until it forced her to pace the area of her bedroom. A cool magic breeze chased itself around the flat, lifting tendrils of Hermione's hair as she walked onto the balcony.
Below her, the London streets were quiet. Three o'clock in the morning was always a silent time in this part of the city. For most, it was a time for sleep. For Hermione, it was time to think. The insomnia, that plagued her almost nightly since the birth of Trista, held Hermione in the conscious realm. Hermione wondered if the dreams she would have if she did sleep would be worse than this bland awareness she experienced. Leaning against the balcony railing, Hermione tried to push away the thoughts that screamed the most in her mind.
Hermione had never fully understood Draco. She never understood all the pain, the torment and even the love he felt. The way he had held her so close and then pushed her away was incomprehensible. The most ridiculous, confusing action to her was the most recent. Twelve years, twelve damn years, he finally decides to find if she was alright or not. Hermione fumed silent. He couldn't do it himself though. He had to get Harry to contact her. It wasn't that Hermione was unhappy seeing Harry and Ron again, the contrary, she was ecstatic that they would talk to her after everything. She wanted to apologize to him. The words he spoke that night had devastated her but she knew that she wasn't totally innocent that night. Her words had been just as harsh.
It took this insomnia, this late night to make Hermione admit it but she would admit it. She missed him. Her whole heart, as splintered and fragmented as it was, she still loved Draco. The loneliness, the missing splinters of her heart called for his name, his touch. The hole in her stomach that formed an air-consuming vacuum needed him.
Hermione's body was a lithe and toned as when we were sixth year perfects together. I stood on the balcony next to hers, the shadows draping my figure. The white cotton of her pants accented her legs, the loose material slightly billowing in breeze that emanated from her flat. Her matching white tank top had a black silk ribbon cinching under her smooth breasts. Chestnut curls which begged to be petted and played with lay between her shoulder blades, a few were light enough to be tossed in that light breeze. Hermione was still as beautiful as when I last saw her. Even if I couldn't read minds, her expression as she looked over the quiet streets told me enough. The loneliness I saw in her the night before she left Hogwarts was still there. The urge to scoop her into my arms and carry her away from any pain could barely be restrained.
She would never remember, not after all these years. My body ached from being held in a tense position for so long. Her hazel eyes looked to my balcony and I felt them run over me. It was impossible for her to see me though, the shadows camouflaged me well. As my courage gathered to speak her name, her back turned away from me. It would be now, when the light of day couldn't stop me that I would have to do this.
"Hermione."
She froze.
A/N: Okay this is probably a little confusing with Draco. Stephen is Draco's half brother but Stephen doesn't know. Stephen thinks that Draco and Pansy are his parents not Lucius and Pansy. And muah, next chapter MAYBE i'll reveal who mr. guy in the shadows is. If anyone would like to beta read this for me, email me (emogirltappers@hotmail.com). You can also get me on AIM: KeeliaLine or CateRose85..hell im me/email/review me if you wanna talk..i always like people and inspiration. (I.e the scene in the Leaky Cauldron...it really happened to me..i am possessive of my whipped cream!)