Disconnected

Chpt. 12

            We locked glances, then I quickly looked away.  I don't need the pity of a wizard.  I don't need the pity of anyone.  I felt the pain well up inside me and the tears almost fell.  But I have to be like my mother, she would be strong, she would just shrug it off like it was nothing, just another day with the same old work.  She never would have cried.  Tuluxey's don't cry.

            The wizard saw my moment of weakness and tried to comfort me.  "Child," he started, putting his hand on my shoulder; he, obviously, was one of the few who knew the whole prophesy.

            Bullshit, I pulled away, backing into Shadowfax.  "What?  No big deal.  I'm fine," I lied, then recovered and smiled at him.

            Gandalf didn't believe me, he obviously saw right through my charade and to my pain that I buried deep.  Damn stupid, mother fucking, wizards, with their ability to see through all the blockades no one else can see through.  I cursed myself silently and began to walk away.

            Shadowfax whinnied a good-bye as I left, but stayed with Gandalf, I assumed, because they wanted to talk.

I was on my way back to my room when Aragorn stopped me.

            "I heard that you were one of power," he told me, questioning my honesty.

            "Yeah," I said, but after the talk with the wizard, I didn't really want to talk anymore…especially to a king.  I looked at him in the eye, and I suspected, his eyes saw through me.  But unlike the wizard, Aragorn's eyes didn't see my pain; he just saw my reluctance to speak to him.

            "Why do you avoid my glance?"  he asked as I looked away.

            I sighed, "I feel like you can see through me like glass, and I can't have that.  Not now," I said as I walked away.

            I want to see my mother.  I want to know if she's ok.  If she's dead I'll never forgive myself.  I've trained most of my life to fight to survive, and she never let me, not unless she could do it herself.  And that might have killed her.  I might have killed her.  I never told her I loved her, and I'm not sure if I always made that clear.  Everything she did was for my survival, not hers, and I needed to acknowledge that.

            When I got back to my room, I let out scream to release my tension.

            The door behind me burst open.