Revolver And Friend: Running Is Not An Option

It was around 6 hours after they got off of the transport that the mission had been completed successfully. Zell, Squall and…Seifer.

As the boat docked back at Balamb Harbor, Seifer stood on the deck of the vessel alone, replaying through his mind what he had to endure. After all, he was the one who lived for the fight; battles and missions such as that were but a few of his only pleasures in life. He pictured the fallen bodies of numerous Galbadian and Dollet soldiers lying on the shores of the fine city…their arms and faces lacerated and bloodied beyond description by shrapnel bombs cast down onto the ground by war jets passing overhead. Seifer noticed that the Galbadians were like lifeless dolls--void of emotion, will or free thought--that seemed to attack the oncoming SeeD trainee brigades without any care in the world. Even as their own jets bombed them, and even though they stood no chance…they just kept on coming at him.

It reminded him of himself. That was how all of the students of Garden acted. It disgusted him.

But most of all, Seifer remembered how he had to save two of his fellow allies--one from a different attack squadron and one from his own--from certain doom. Nida, an elite gunman that attended school with him, had been left to die by his own team. It is true that he was the captain of his squad, and that he instructed his team to leave him. But he was blinded by one of the enemies' shrapnel bombs and left collapsed in the streets of downtown Dollet. All in the name of being called a SeeD.

"How disgusting," Seifer muttered as the ship slowed to a crawl at the docks.

The other scenario was a true test of humanity in and of itself. He didn't like the man, but he did respect him…especially after how he stuck up for his lover 'that time'. Yes, he could remember it vividly…

~~~~~~~~~~

Selphie Tilmitt, Zell Dincht and Seifer Almasy were on a mad dash towards the transport, hoping to make a hasty escape from the battleground. There were many bodies of slain soldiers from both sides of the fight, yet none gave them a second glance. Xu could be seen from around 40 feet away waving at them to hurry. All three saw victory within their collective grasp, when it happened.

"Aaaaaaaagghh! Ah, god…" a voice yelled from behind.

They all turned simultaneously to see that Squall Leonhart had tripped and fallen. He was laying in the sands, dragging his leg behind him, trying desperately to get to the transport.

"Squall~~~~~!" Zell yelled. "Damnit…!" Backing up a step and pointing, his eyes widened in horror at what was approaching. "Squall, get up! It's right behind you!"

"I sprained my ankle," he loudly said. "God…this is it."

Then came the sounds of steel colliding with stone from the city. The Black Widow, one of the Empire's most advanced war machines, came rushing out from the city and onto the beaches where the troop stood. It raised up and hissed in an almost primal way, but it was so cold and lifeless. The large red eyeball on its front panel glowed, as if it sensed easy prey for the taking. After that display it stood there on all four steel legs, silent. Squall was slowly inching his way across the beach as they watched on.

"Go," he moaned. "Just…go."

Zell couldn't hear him, but he could see the pain in his eyes. Shaking his head as if to disagree, he stood in place. Seifer took this time to make a decision that would possibly affect the way his life would proceed. He just prayed that this was the right one.

"…I'm goin' to get him."

Zell turned to him. "…What? You can't! That thing'll kill you!"

"You don't love him. Otherwise you'd be running out there to get him yourself." Seifer glanced his way quickly, then stared back at that hulking machine on the other side of the beach. "He's right in the middle. I might be able to run fast enough…"

"WHAT? That's bullshit! How dare you!"

Ignoring him, he stepped forward. "…Here I go."

As soon as Seifer moved toward Squall, the Black Widow also charged. Two strong forces, converging in on the same goal that met in the middle…it certainly was a challenge. While running, Seifer thought of how unlike him this was. About the time he sat down with Zell and revealed his innermost feelings…saying how he wanted to change his life…and now this. He was risking his own life for a man who hated him. Something inside of him changed for the better when Seifer had to make the decision to save Squall Leonhart.

~~~~~~~~~~

The four SeeD trainees, Xu and Quistis emerged from the transport, weary from that trial. The grayish skies and cool air of Balamb City felt so refreshing contrasted against the stagnant stench and atmosphere of Dollet. The Empire had deployed numerous soldiers to the city--more than originally foreseen--and it took their toll on all of them. It was nearly 4:00; it had been a long day. But everyone survived, so the fatigue was but of small consequence. Xu and Quistis stood facing the others as they informed them of their next plans.

"Well, here we are," Quistis said cheerfully. "Good job, all of you. It certainly was a challenge!"

"You can say that again!" Selphie moaned. "Gawd, Trabia was nothing like this! You people are so violent!"

"Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, you may be right, Selphie," she responded. "But think about what you fought for. I'm not on the confirmation squad, but I'd say that all of you have a good chance of becoming full-fledged SeeDs after that."

"Yes," Xu added. "It seems that our sources underestimated the extent to which Dollet had been overrun, but you did quite well to deal with the enemy. I don't think Cid could overlook that."

"Hmph, let's just hope so," Zell muttered, still angry at Seifer for his remark on the battlefield. "There're only so many things I can take in life!" Zell turned his attention to Squall in obvious worry, taking a look at his ankle. "Hey, is it all right? I can cast another Cure spell if ya want!"

"No, Zell…I'm fine. I'm only exhausted."

"All right, suit yourself," he said, ending the conversation.

Quistis spoke once more before she boarded the transport. Xu had already gone in, and she was standing inside of the doorway while she continued. "Oh yeah…you can do whatever you want right now. But you must return to Garden before sundown or you will become ineligible for graduation. Besides, it looks like it's going to rain soon." The tall blonde waved again and entered the ship. Once the propulsion system fired up, it sped off into the distance towards destinations unknown. The four watched as the boat sailed out of sight, then turned towards each other and spoke.

"So we have to walk back?" Zell said, upset. "That's not fair! Where did that car from Garden go?"

"Probably back to Garden, dummy," Seifer said with a smile.

"…Shut up." With that, he turned to Squall again. "Hey, we got the entire day to ourselves…what do ya wanna do?"

The dark-haired one responded with a simple shrug, putting a damper on Zell's hope for certain festivities. Squall turned towards Seifer, staring him into his eyes. The taller one didn't know what to make of this, but whatever it was he decided he wouldn't back down from it.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" Seifer asked calmly. "I have something I need to do, so say it."

"…" Squall never tore his stare from him or flinched.

"Oh brother…not this again." Seifer started off past him, his boyfriend and the girl, eager to leave the whole lot of them behind. "Listen, the deal was that I work with you and make sure the both of you lived. I fulfilled my part of the bargain, so I don't want any lip from either of you. Got it?"

Squall stood silent, biting his lower lip. He had wanted to say something incendiary and hurtful, but now it wasn't anything like that. "…Seifer, it's not like that."

"It isn't? What is it then…you want to fight me or something?"

"No. Listen to me…" Squall looked like he was having a hard time getting the words out, but eventually he managed to convey his thoughts. "I…just wanted to thank you. For saving me."

"…?" Seifer didn't know what to make of this. He was wary; he thought it to be a trap. "You wanna thank me?"

"…Yes. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead right now."

Seifer honestly had no idea what to say about this, Here was Squall, his worst enemy in the world, giving him adulations. "All right…"

"…Just thought I'd tell you." Squall turned to Zell once more. "So, did you want to go see your mom before we headed back to Garden? I thought you'd like to visit her sometime."

Zell looked at him and shrugged. "If you want. Ma would like to see what my boyfriend looks like in person. She's not satisfied with the cheap photo I sent her!"

"All right then," Squall casually said. "Let's go." As the couple started off, they waved goodbye to the curly-haired Selphie. Squall acknowledged Seifer and nodded, turning around and slightly limping off into the distance of the city with Zell at his side. Selphie waved back once more as the both of them disappeared from sight in the mesh of dome-shaped hovels and towers. At that time, the girl and them tall man were left standing at the port in silence, accompanied by the sounds of gulls and the blowing of a slight wind.

Without acknowledging Selphie, Seifer began to walk off by himself. "Heeeeey," moaned the bouncy female. "Where are you going? I can't get back all by myself!"

"…" He didn't turn around to look at her and started off again.

"W-W-What? Hey, come on, come on!" she said, running up beside him to walk. "Don't ignore me! What's going on?"

"…Why don't you go back to Garden," he suggested, trying his best not to be offensive. "I got somethin' I need to do."

"I don't want to go back. It's too early, and I'm bored!"

"Well, sounds like a personal problem then."

"…Gee, you're really like Squall aren't you?"

Seifer stopped dead in his tracks and stared her down. "…I'm like Squall?"

Selphie put her hands on her hips and looked up into his face. "Yep. You sure are!"

He did nothing but look her in the eyes. The girl felt a little frightened by his menacing stare, but he soon reassured her that he didn't mean any harm. "…You're absolutely right."

"I…I am?" she said tentatively. "Um, I didn't mean to compare the two of you, but~~"

"It's fine. I've learned to accept it anyway," Seifer interrupted. Walking forward to the city, he let her know that it would be fine if she went with him. He didn't want to be alone anyway, but some appearances just had to be maintained. "Coming? I have to stop by the botanist's shop before I leave the city."

Selphie hopped up and down, giggling and running up beside him. "Hee-hee! Yeah!"

~~~~~~~~~~

The duo made a quick visit to the local botanist's shop, where Seifer bought a single red rose. Selphie bought an umbrella, since he indicated that they would be outside for a while, in the bad weather.

A little ways out of the city, a small hill sat. The seemingly infinite fields of grass swayed in the light breeze, lonesome trees' leaves motioned to and fro as darkening clouds glided overhead in gray, gloomy skies. A neatly trimmed path leading up this hill had been recently cut, giving way to a mysterious stone slab surrounded by yellow tulips and various other forms of flowers. Here, Seifer ascended up the muddied path to the slab which turned out to be the grave of an unknown person. Selphie followed behind a little ways, knowing that this was a tender and precious moment for him, and looked on as the man in blue knelt in front of the tombstone. Seifer could feel the beads of water raining down upon his head as damp locks of dirty-blonde hair hung partially over his eyes. Looking upwards to the skies, the rain poured down his face. Seifer desperately wished that it would be magical rain--able to cleanse his soul and heart of all of the tumult and grief that he had to endure over the past--but alas, it was only normal. He lowered his head to look at the tombstone, which had 'Ty Wilkens, 2415-2436' etched into its stone face. Below it was engraved one sole epitaph:

"Let light shine forth from this young star throughout eternity," Seifer said softly. "Your light, in my seemingly everlasting night sky….now I have no stars left to illuminate my path. I know, Ty…that I'm not alone in life. But it feels so dreadful without you here beside me. That in itself…an existence without your smile…without your smell, your voice or face seems to be an existence not worth suffering through." He shook his head in regret because he felt he was not there for him in his time of need. "You always encouraged me. I felt truly alive and human when I spent my free time with you. And nearly every waking moment I slaved away at that foul facility up in the hills, my thoughts about you were the only ones coursing through my mind." Seifer knelt there in front of the grave in silence for a moment, then brought the rose he carried with him to his face. "…A pity. This is all I have to show for your devotion and grace."

Seifer placed the rose on the tombstone so that it was standing straight up, propped up against its face. Selphie walked slowly over to him from behind and shielded him from the rain with her umbrella. It was all he could do to look back at her with tears mixed in with the mild rain with a wan smile as a show of gratitude. However, feeling that this offering was all he could muster up, Seifer stood.

"I could give you some more time ya know," Selphie said sincerely to him. "I'll wait 'cause there isn't any reason to head back so quick."

Seifer shook his head, kindly rejecting her offer. "Nah, it's fine. Sorry to make you buy that thing. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought, only being here for a few minutes."

"It's fine. Things like this can't be compared to umbrellas anyway…"

"Mmm, I see. Well, thanks for offering."

"It's fine, really. But hey…" Selphie wanted to ask him something, but found it hard to put together the words to inquire without offending him. "Was he…um…well, was he….special to you?"

"…He was very special to me," he replied, looking away.

The female was a little surprised at his answer. "Aah, well, I didn't mean to say it like that! Did I offend you? Sorry, sorry…"

"No…if I didn't want you to know, I wouldn't have asked you if you wanted to come with me. That's all."

Selphie thought about it for a while, then nodded in understanding. "Yes, but~~"

"Listen," he said, interrupting her in mid-sentence. "It's fine. It really is. We we're lovers, and that man was incredibly special to me in more ways than one. Right now I'm having trouble dealing with my life because I don't have him there to support me anymore." Stopping himself, Seifer thought about what he said and then retracted that statement. "No, that's not true. He's still in my life. He lives on, in my heart and soul…and that is what is making me strong. Yes…yes, that's right. Ty lives on inside of me. And I am no longer afraid of myself or what will happen to me because of 'that'."

"I'm happy for you Seifer," Selphie said. "I mean it; you're not such a bad person after all. It's not like what everyone at Garden says."

Seifer shook his head. "No, I am still a bad person. But we are all slightly bad people…it's just some are much, much worse than others. But I do have feelings, and that's why I came here to his grave today. To try and understand how to exist without him here in the physical world, and…to live.

"Hope?" Selphie asked him. "I know. It's why people live to see the next day, because they have hope that things will be better."

Seifer nodded in agreement. "That's right. 'Hope'. I just realized it recently…that this feeling is what drives people to do great things. I never knew what hope meant, but it's all coming to me a little at a time everyday. It's why I haven't committed suicide because of this accursed virus I have."

Seifer stood in front of the grave for a moment more, then backed off and walked away, passing Selphie who did nothing but look on. "H-Hey…you mean…" Selphie followed behind him, offering the man the protection of the umbrella. "That virus you were talking about. That isn't…"

Seifer stopped suddenly, which made the girl halt as well. "I don't hate him for what he did to me," he said, not turning around to look at her. "I know he didn't mean to. That's why even though I have it, I'm not angry at him. I know I'll eventually die an early death from its deteriorating effects, and that my body will debilitate into sickly nothingness someday. But I don't hate him."

"…"

Seifer realized who he was talking to and turned around to face the girl. "…Sorry. Didn't mean to depress you."

"It's your life and it's your time," was all Selphie said. "You can have a long life, even with HIV. I have a friend at Trabia who I still talk to who has the same thing, and she's still healthy. She has to take a bunch of pills and stuff, but it keeps her strong. So you don't have to talk like that."

Seifer nodded. "Strong girl. A lot stronger than me, perhaps."

"But you know what hope means now. So that's why you're just as strong as everyone else out there who has HIV and wants to live to see the next day." Selphie gazed into his eyes for a moment, then smiled really wide. "So cheer up, Mister Gloomy-Pants!"

He couldn't hold his smile back. Seifer finally knew now why virtually everyone at Garden got along with Selphie. "Heh. Mister Gloomy-Pants, huh…guess that'll work."

"Yeah, yeah!" she said enthusiastically. "Just be happy, and be honest with yourself! It may be tough, but you'll feel a whole lot better."

"Hmm, maybe. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

Now Seifer was getting to know what hope really meant. It wasn't just surviving day to day, dealing with life's many problems as they came along, as he originally thought. It was also about keeping a positive outlook on life, honesty and not succumbing to those feelings that tell a person that his or her existence was not worth living. The man he loved in life had faded from the physical world, and Seifer concluded that since his support was gone he could not break through his problems. But as the last few days passed, he thought about all of the events that had transpired around him. The beating of Zell…the discovery of the fatal virus within his own body…his near-expulsion from Garden. Seifer admitted that some of it was brought upon himself by his own doing. However, with his decision to change, it became abundantly clear that not everything was so bad. He knew that he had a second chance to mend fences with everyone he had wronged. And mend fences he would.

In order to make the next step, he concluded, he had to admit his wrongs. And that is exactly what he planned on doing. Graduation or not, tonight he would attend the SeeD gala to make a very special admission to the entire school…