Revolver And Friend: Libra's Balance




Squall couldn't believe his eyes. There he was, watching the man who had just proposed to him moments ago, kissing up on another man! The both of them lip-locked with eyes closed…as if they were a match made in heaven! What made it worse was that it was with his arch-nemesis, Seifer Almasy. Everything around him seemed to come to a grinding halt as he stood glued there in the entrance, watching them go at it. What cruel twist of fate had brought these three together like this?

His vision became clouded; his heart cloaked a veil of seething hatred. Millions of images of him doing hideous things to his enemy Seifer flooded his mind in a torrent of wandering thought. He was encroaching on Squall's personal space…his personal life. Not only did Squall see this as an attempt by Seifer to humiliate him, he saw it as an attempt to deny him his comfort How cruel he was to don the facade of passion in order to snare Zell. To go after the one whom he once hated to get at his enemy!

He couldn't think about his actions, or restrain his oncoming outburst. Every bit of existence seemed to crack upon its foundation around him. Like an uncontrolled, sudden conflagration of the soul he opened his mouth to break the couple's magical moment.

"Why? Why?!" Squall shrieked, his voice cracking under extreme anger. Seifer and Zell's extended kiss had been shattered by this sudden outburst, and they both whirled around to see him come out from the shadows yelling at them. "Why?! How could you do this to me? Why would you do this to me?! How could you betray me like this?!"

Seifer had been taken aback by his anger as his eyes snapped open in horror. "Squall, I didn't see you there!" He then instinctively apologized to him through actions by glancing at then backing away from Zell. "I never saw you there, man! I…didn't mean for it to happen like this."

"Shaddap!" Squall hissed, his voice lowering to a scathing tone. "You scoundrel! You goddamn devil in human flesh! Mere happenstance?! I'll show you what 'never meant to happen!'" Squall immediately charged the taller man and tackled him to the iron mesh ground, landing on top and hitting him with inaccurate punches thrown out of blind rage. "I'll kill you!" Squall hissed as he stopped attacking and gripped both his hands around Seifer's neck. Zell moved quickly to remove him from Seifer, but ended up getting elbowed back a bit.

"Errgh," Seifer gasped, looking for air. "I…am…"

"Die. Die, you wretch, die," he yelled back, eyes narrowing and mouth forming a evil smile as the pair of hands tightened around his victim's neck through unnatural strength formed by extreme emotion.

"Squall!" Zell exclaimed, getting off his knees to pull him off. He managed to pry his lover's hands off of Seifer's neck and drag Squall's frame off of him in a matter of seconds, even with all of the shock clouding his mind. This time, Zell rolled him over and pinned him in order to help calm him down. Seifer managed to rise up and gasp heavily to take in some air. "Squall! Squall, listen to me! I need to~~"

"You need to do nothing!" he snapped back, interrupting his sentence and pushing him off of his own body.

The darker-haired man got back up and tried to charge at a prone Seifer once again but Zell saw it coming, got up from the ground and grabbed him from behind. in an unconscious state of fury Squall broke Zell's hold on him, whirled around and backhanded him in the face, knocking him to the ground. Squall stared at him lying there for a moment and breathed heavily, not even knowing what he had just done, then turned around and sucker-punched Seifer in the mouth in a continuation of his geyser of fury. Seifer flinched as Squall tackled him again and resumed his choke hold.

"Die. Die, you…!"

"Errgh, Squall…listen to me…" Seifer managed to gasp as the grip tightened around his neck yet again. "I…can't breathe."

"That's the point!" Squall sneered in a rage.

"Urrgh….Squall!" Zell exclaimed as he got up from the ground and attempted to pull him off of Seifer yet again from behind. "Damnit, come on! This isn't right!"

After a moment of furious emotion, Squall realized what he was doing and willingly released his grip on Seifer. Zell fell over due to too much force, not expecting him to give up and go slack. What exactly had he been doing? All he knew was that he was sitting atop of the taller man, looking down at a man whose mouth was bleeding and lip was split. "You aren't even worth the spitball you deserve, pig," Squall told him in a suddenly reserved voice as he got up and resigned himself to a more civilized state of thinking. Turning around, he kneeled and helped Zell up from off of the ground. As they both came to their feet, Zell unexpectedly slapped Squall in the face for that outburst. He didn't expect it, was knocked back a bit due to the shock and the force behind the blow.

"Squall, what in god's name did you think you were doing?" he yelled while extending his arms in frustration. He was now getting in his face in order to be heard. "Just calm down! I need to explain something to you!"

"Explain what?" he retorted in a tone of bitterness, his steely eyes meeting that of Zell's at a glance as he tended to the cheek that had been struck. "The fact that I find you all the way down here, kissing up on my sworn enemy in some sort of steal-away forbidden love? The fact that you left me by myself wondering what your true intentions are by myself in the dance hall while you gallivanted down here to be with 'him'?" Squall stole a wicked glance ad looked off to the right at Seifer, who did not see it and was just now getting up while holding the lower part of his mouth. "Yeah, that's real classy of you Seifer," he resumed while shifting his stare back to Zell. "You hate me so much that you'd fake interest in him in order to personally hurt me. And what makes it worse is that even through everything you've suffered, you fell for him."

Zell felt stung by his words an took a step backward, eyes widened. "I never fell for it! I never expected to meet him down here! I really came down here to get some fresh air and to think about what I asked you to do! Seifer came on to me, yeah. But~~"

"But…? But what? You never pushed him away. I SAW you two down here Can you deny that, or do you want to continue to swing on the hinges of fantasy land?"

"…" Zell hung his head, unable to get through to him with that explanation. He knew he wasn't going for it.

Squall took his lack of rebuttal as conformation. He proceeded to make his way left to the portal, leaving them behind to themselves. All he wanted now was to get out of here…to be by himself. It really tore him up inside to the extent they would never know.

"Hey, wait man!" Seifer demanded of him.

"Whatever," was all he said to him as he turned around to look at Zell once more. And here…take your trinket back." He yanked off the jewel-encrusted ring wrapped around his middle finger, tossed it at Zell's chest--which he caught as it bounced off of him--and smirked laconically. "This has become meaningless, AND ridiculous. I've no time for liars and cheats in my life."

And with that last jab, he walked off.

~~~

He didn't know how long it has been since he had gotten into that scuffle with Seifer All he had been doing is roaming the Garden, trying to get his mind off of the events that had just transpired. Eventually taking the time to stop and notice where he was--the dimmed halls of the Garden center in front of the elevators--Squall saw through the illuminated reflection off of the pond that his SeeD uniform had been torn is several places. The sleeve was partially hanging off. "Great. Just great," he muttered, observing the damage to the uniform. "How am I going to explain this one away to the Garden Faculty? Getting in a fight on the day of the SeeD reception? I'd say that ranks as dimwitted."

Squall sighed, wishing that he had never even walked in on the both of them, and sat down on a nearby bench. His sense of depth seemed to be distorted as he arched his head over the edge and stared at the high ceiling. Perhaps it was the anger still getting to him…he couldn't take his mind off of the incident. It percolated just under the surface of his thoughts, waiting to explode outward. Squall's mind became infected with a seed of bitterness due to this act of cheating between lovers. Zell, with Seifer. How ludicrous. How disrespectful.

"How pathetic," he said in an attempt to reassure himself. "We're all pathetic."

He remained there on the bench for a few more moments, lamenting the night's events. Then decided to get up and return to the dormitory. If anything could calm his mind and soul right now, he thought, it would be a good night's sleep. Right as got up he heard a set of footsteps. Then came a familiar silhouette making its way jogging around the bend toward his position. As the person neared, it became clear to him who it was.

"Hi, Squall!" Selphie cheerily said in her familiar tone, waving at him. "I thought I heard someone mumbling over here!"

"Oh god. Not her!" he bemoaned to himself in his mind as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Heeey, what's going on? Why are you out here all by yourself like this? The party's still in full swing. Can you believe it?" The girl then noticed the ripped and tattered uniform he was wearing. "Wow, what happened to you?"

Squall shook his head at her, saying nothing. He then attempted to walk past her, but she locked onto his arm to stop him from leaving with both of hers. Squall jerked back in surprise.

"H-Hey!" he exclaimed at her.

"Well, you sure are being a meanie tonight!" she playfully said to him. "But then again, I suppose it's not too different from any other day. Say…if you don't want to talk to me, then fine. But can't you at least say 'hi' or something? It's sort of rude."

"…"

"Umm, is something the matter?"

He could hardly believe it. The nerve of her to try and restrain him, especially what had happened to him tonight! Something within him had snapped. "Rude, you say?" he replied while smiling mockingly. "I'm just not in the mood for your silly games tonight." Squall then forcefully released his arm from her grasp and started off. "Goodnight."

"Games?" she asked quizzically.

"You're too nice for your own good," he suddenly said while turning to snap at her. "And you're also too nosy."

"Huh?! Wait a minute! That's not a nice thing to say!"

"Hmph. You also know that…no one likes your attitude."

Selphie has been taken aback by his words. "W-What?! MY attitude?" she gasped.

"No one likes you!" he yelled at her, plan in mind. "You're too happy! You're always so euphoric. Everyone makes fun of you behind your back because they think you're on drugs or something. It's unnatural."

"That's…not true!" she whined while buying into his words. "It's not true! It's not!"

"Oh, but it is," he reiterated, closing in on her. "Frankly, I can't blame them. You always think you can help others. Do you think you're some sort of heroine, coming to the rescue all the time? Tch, how elitist. You can't possibly help everyone, or understand their feelings. Regardless of your actions, there will always be those who will feel pain and sorrow."

"But, I didn't~~"

"You offend me. You offend everyone." Squall interrupted, realizing what pain his words would inflict upon her. An evil scowl appeared on his face. "But you may continue. Just go on, oblivious to what the student body thinks of you. Go on and continue spearheading that Garden musical or whatever it is that you're involved in. I just want you to ponder this tidbit of thought: at the end of the day, who will care? Certainly not I."

He stared her down, waiting for it. And sure enough, Squall saw it happen. Selphie had begin to cry. He had successfully broken her spirit. However, the pleasure he expected to feel by releasing his anger on someone--anyone, did not materialize. All that welled up inside of him was the heavy realization that he had set out to emotionally hurt someone innocent in order to make himself feel better. What he had just done was reprehensible. Did he really believe that making someone else feel bad would make himself feel better? What had crossed his mind in order for hi to do this? Immediately after realizing the extent of his actions, Squall offered himself to make her feel better.

"Aah. Listen…Selphie. I'm sorry about what I said."

"Get away from me!" she sobbed as she knocked his hand away. backing off and running away towards the front gates.

What had he done? He initially attempted to run after her to try and remedy the situation, but stopped in his tracks after a few steps. What could he do, after all? Cheer her up?

The girl eventually faded away in the distance, as all he could do was watch her go. Had this bitterness caused him to go this far? Hurting others to make yourself feel better? Dragging someone else down to your level in order to reaffirm your own malcontent? Of course. He recalled someone like that. The reality and the scope of what he had just done seemed to weigh heavily on his conscience. As did the consequences, evidenced by the girl whose fiery dreams and desires had been snuffed out a minute ago. Looking back at it now, he couldn't even logically explain to himself the reasoning.

"The last thing I want is to end up in a mindset like him. Like a bully," Squall told himself. He didn't want to end up like 'him'. "I'm…so tired."

Fearing the worst, he decided to make haste back to his dorm room to retire.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sounds of groups of people from the reception heading back to their dorms could barely be heard through the dorms, which meant the raucousness was quite loud out there. Squall lay naked in his bed spread out, staring at the steel sliding doors of his room leading to the halls, realizing the emptiness he was feeling had been caused by a certain someone not lying next to him. His mind was tired but also very active; images of what Zell and Seifer had been secretly doing along with what he had done to Selphie barraged his thought process like a bad movie. He hadn't the energy to crane his head to check the time. For all he knew, he could've been laying there for hours. But he couldn't sleep.

Maybe he had been unconsciously waiting for Zell to come in…for him to enter the #PIN to his dorm and enter. But why? He'd struck him earlier. Could he forgive him?

"Blast it all," Squall muttered as he managed to toss a pillow across the room at the door. "Forget it. I'm going to bed."

As he turned over and covered himself with a sheet, a light tapping was heard. Snapping to attention, Squall immediately threw off the sheet and sat up staring at the door. Could it be? Could it be him?

A red light above the installed speaker on the right side of the door--a perk for all SeeDs living in the Garden used to converse between the outside and inside--lit up.

"Hey," a calm, yet familiar voice spoke through the filter. "Anyone in there?"

That was all he needed, as Squall quickly rushed to the door to converse. He nearly broke the red button used to reply by trying to find it in the dim light, pushing it too hard in his fervor.

"Hi," Squall replied, gulping and not sure of what to say. "Err…I'm surprised you came."

"Yeah, well. Why wouldn't I come? I said I needed to explain it to you."

"Listen, Zell. Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I'm sorry I struck you. I don't know what came over me. It was probably the anger of seeing him with his dirty hands on you. At the time, it was all like a blur. I just don't want there to be big consequences for that. You don't have to forgive me or anything if you don't want to, because I probably deserve any punishment coming to me."

"Hey, hey. Hold it," Zell told him, chuckling a bit. "Let's take one thing at a time, man."

"…S-Sorry," Squall sheepishly replied.

"It's fine."

"…But about what he did," Squall asked. "Did he force you to do it?"

"…" A definite sigh of frustration could be heard through the speaker.

"It's true…isn't it?"

"…No. Listen, Squall. Could I come in? I need to explain it to you in person. I feel like I'm in a big confessional out here talking to you like this." Zell's voice became serious, as he could tell.

Squall opened the door by releasing the lock manually. The sliding panels shifted, briefly opening then closing as Zell made his way into the room and walked past Squall, still wearing his uniform. He switched on a lamp on the nightstand, sat down on his bed and stared at the brunet in front of him looking back just as intently.

"Not decent, I see." Zell said with a wry smile, yet maintaining a certain urgency.

"Aah, you're right. Hold on." Squall grabbed his SeeD uniform slacks and proceeded to put them on in a hurry, continuing to talk to him. "I've grown accustomed to sleeping in the nude. Sorry." Squall then sat down on the bed next to him one he was partially clothed, looking into his eyes.

"I talked to Selphie," he said as the smile faded from his face. "She told me what you said to her."

"…I know." Squall said as he looked away in shame. "I think I told her all of that because I was angry. God, what crossed my mind to make me do something so stupid like that?"

"Don't make excuses to me. You need to tell her that," Zell said to him. Squall looked into his eyes once more, feeling that he was trying to get through to him. "She needs to hear it. The Garden Festival is her heart and soul. You know that, right?"

"…Yes," was all he could say. "I'll apologize to her the first I see of her today. Profusely."

"That's all I wanted with that issue. Now that that is out of the way, I'd like to tell you what happened earlier with Seifer."

"You kissed him."

Zell sat silent as he tried to piece his reply together in a way not to offend him. "First things first, I need you to understand that I forgive you for hitting me."

"R-Really?" Squall's eyes lit up as he hugged Zell. "Thank you!"

"No problem. Who wouldn't be mad if they were in your shoes? I don't want to hold anything over your head about tonight, because it's fine!"

"I'm relieved," Squall continued on, releasing him. "The entire thing was weighing on my mind through all of this anger. I forgive you too, so let's put this behind us."

"There's something else I need to tell you, since you asked why earlier. Yes…I did kiss him. He didn't force me to do it; I did it of my own free will. And I'm not saying that's an excuse, because it isn't. But that's really all that happened before you showed up. Seifer didn't force himself on me or anything. It just…happened, if that's possible."

"But…why?" Squall continued, curiosity filling his voice. "You don't like him. Neither of us like him."

"Well, that's sort of complicated to say," Zell said back as he tilted his head. "The only thing that makes sense is that I felt sorry for him. I didn't leave you there at the reception with an excuse just so I could be with him, if that's what you thought. After I asked you to be mine, it hit me as to how big a step putting a ring on your finger is. Making a huge commitment like that for someone as young as we are is pretty grand-scale. That's why I hopped up and left like that. It didn't necessarily mean marriage, but a long-term commitment."

"Well, it is a large step. I agree.

"Yep, it is. Which leads me to the real reason I came here." Zell's hands became shaky an uneasy as he began to word his thoughts and fears, taking his lover's hand into his. "Squall, I…the reason why I proposed to you is…to keep you close to me."

"I'd be close to you no matter what," he responded in an attempt to reassure him.

"Yeah, but I'm afraid that…I don't love you, Squall."

That was it. It seemed like earlier tonight all over again. The negative images. The worst fears. All bombarding his mind in a wave of confusion. He didn't love him? He didn't love him?! How could this be? Squall sat there stunned, ripping his stare away from Zell while feeling the pain of what seemed to be rejection. His mouth agape, it was all he could do to stand up and pace around trying to connect the dots. Had he been hearing things? Or did he just say that he didn't love him?

"But!" Zell was quick to add on after he got up with him. "It doesn't mean that I can't love you! I can learn! I've been really confused these past few days. By saying that I didn't love you, it means that I'm not sure I do. All I need is a bit more time to understand. That's why I want to keep you close to me, Squall. I don't want you to leave me."

"So, what?" He responded in a huff, turning around to meet his stare. "Am I just a placeholder for you until you make your decision? Do you realize how this makes me FEEL? I feel like a damned stand-by!" Squall ended up throwing his arms into the air in complete frustration. He didn't understand. "I have to wait for you to make a decision in regards to your professed love to me? I'm your boyfriend, Zell! I fought for you! Doesn't that mean anything?"

"All I need is more time," Zell told him, urging him to grant his request. "Please, just more time."

He couldn't take it anymore. After shaking his head, trying to understand Zell's feelings--which led to failure on his part--and much pacing around while mumbling to himself, Squall looked at him sternly and pointed to the door. "Leave."

"What?"

"Leave."

"B-But, I~~"

Squall decided to physically usher him to the door now. "You want time? You've got time. I don't have the patience for games. I'm serious about this relationship, as should you be." The portal's doors slid open, as Squall gave Zell a push out into the hallways, causing the young fighter to land chest first into the adjacent wall outside.

"Come back when you grow a set of balls," Squall said, visibly irritated, as Zell hopped up and looked at him in dismay before the sliding doors closed upon his line of vision.