Author's note: This was written whilst reading a history textbook and so any historical references that may occur in this chapter are purely the result of that and not some worldwide conspiracy of mine to change history for the betterment of me. That is just plain silly talk, the talk of fools and the occasional television pundit. I am fully committed to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and do not, under any circumstances, wish to create the People Republic of Yorkshire or any other such nation. I just wanted to reassure you (the readers and MI5) of that and I hope this finally puts those libellous accusations to bed or at least until the next red top exclusive. Thank you and goodnight…oh wait there is a chapter to follow this, you should probably read that. That is why you are here after all, unless you are here thanks to the MrPresident Appreciation Society's annual 'Read This or Else' program (hi guys, hope the beatings aren't too hard this year). So enjoy, tolerant or actively dislike (I am a man who believes in choice, choice and the mortality of mortals) the following…[cue dramatic music]…[cue naked dancing ladies (perhaps the best kind of ladies)]…[cue smug looking presenter who has just recently managed to increase his pay into the 'cloud nine' zone of the company's pay structure]…and go.
"Xander, you don't have too." Buffy protested politely. The kind of protest that people do when social etiquette requires them regardless of whether they want to or not. "You have done far than enough."
"He can do it if he wants." Said Dawn drawing a stern look from Buffy, "What?"
"Dawn," Buffy emphasised that forcefully, "Xander doesn't have to do it."
"I know I'm just saying that if he wanted to them he can." Dawn replied not seemingly to care about Buffy and whatever kind of looks she may or may not be making.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies." Said Xander with two outstretch arms.
"There are only two of us Xander." Buffy pointed out.
Xander chose to ignore this and carry on as if Buffy hadn't spoken, "There is no need to fight amongst yourselves. The Xan-man takes care of his ladies."
"Xan-man?" Questioned Buffy, "Since when are you the Xan-man?"
"I like it." Dawn said, again earning her a stern Buffy look. "It has a certain comic book-esquire sound to you."
"Thanks…" Xander paused, "I think. Anyway I have decided to take you ladies out on a big shopping day…um…out."
"Ooo." Dawn squealed, "Shopping!"
"Xander you don't have to do this." Buffy protested again.
"I know." Xander said sounding serious all of a sudden. "I want too. What's the point in having money if you can't spend it on your friends?"
"I suppose."
"So we've going shopping?" Dawn asked expectantly.
"Yes." Buffy confirmed.
This answer resulted in Dawn making various 'happy noises' and her running upstairs and into her room with great speed.
"Ahh to be…" Xander hesitated, "How old is she again?"
******
After a day of hard shopping (as opposed to soft shopping?) Xander was weighed heavy by bags to such an extent that you could only see the bottom part of his legs and his two hands. In contrast to this Buffy and Dawn were relatively bag-free, obviously they had those tiny girlie bags that somehow contain as much as Pandora's box (Greek mythology reference for you there), and therefore free to browse the various window displays designed to entice shoppers like the sirens of old (another Greek mythology reference, man, they're coming thick and fast – a phrase I don't fully understand by the way).
"Are you done yet?" Xander asked desperately.
"Of course not." Buffy replied. "When are women ever done with shopping?"
"Is that like one of those philosophical questions? Like the tree falling in the forest?"
"Since when do you know philosophical questions?" Buffy inquired with a slightly raised eyebrow.
Xander lowered his head, "Comic books."
"Is there anything they can't teach you?"
"Nothing important."
"Yeah but the real question is whether or not…ooh! Look at that." Buffy suddenly got very excited at shop display.
"It's just a cuddly toy, Buffy." Xander said with a roll of his eyes.
Buffy regained control of herself, "Err…yes…it is just a cuddly toy."
"Buffy?" Xander tried to get her attention but she was still staring at the cuddly toys in the shop windows. "…Buffy?"
"…What?"
"Do you want me to buy you one of them?"
"Yes." Buffy instinctually replied, "I meant no…no, you don't have to do that."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, you have done far more than enough today Xander."
"I just wanted…" Xander paused, "Where's Dawn?"
"She is probably around somewhere…what did you just want?" Buffy asked.
"I think we should go look for her."
"All right fine."