*Disclaimer - Blah, blah, blah. . . don't own KP. . . bling, bling, bling.
. .or BTTF. . . blah. . .*
Here's Chapter Four of my KP/BTTF fusion. As readers requested, this is the chapter in which Shego encounters the 1988 Kim, among other things. Enjoy!
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I spent the whole night going to pieces. Hey, you would too if you suddenly found that burden on your shoulders - the course of the time continuum in my deadly, ray-spurting hands? Great, it was all I needed! It was tough enough being put up in Drew Lipsky's house for the night - his guest bedroom was probably the leakiest in the entire building, and believe me, that says a heck of a lot!
When the morning of 10th July 1988 finally came, I got up and found Drew back in his garage, examining the 626 and drawing up further sketches.
"Okay, Shego, all we have to do is find some way of channelling that bolt of lightning into the flux capacitor," he explained. "Here's what I propose we do - we attach some sort of pole to the flux capacitor to protrude from the 626 and act as a lightning rod. Then, we attach an industrial wire to the great clock and link it to another wiring suspended across the street by two streetlights. The bolt of lightning strikes, hits the clock and travels through that wiring. Using regular gas, we can supply the 626 with just enough energy to rev up, if not break the time barrier. If we do all the correct math beforehand, we can time it so that you'll drive beneath the second cord of wiring and reach 90 mph just as the current passes through. The lightning rod will take care of everything else. . ."
"Well, if it doesn't ignite me in the process, it's worth a try."
"Of course. . . provided you have much of a future to get back to. Have you figured out how to get through to this Loraine?"
"How hard can it be?"
"Well, for your sake and for that of everyone else on the planet fifteen years from now, I hope not hard. Repairing the damage you did to the Club Banana franchise is the only sure-fire way you can back to the future as you knew it - working as my assistant. I'd imagine that's a pretty rewarding career."
"Hey, I wouldn't swap it for a job in Starbucks."
"Starbucks? What the heck is that?"
"It's not important." I sighed. "Listen, Drew, there's something I haven't yet told you about the future. On the night I go back in time. . ."
"Stop! I don't want to hear!" he protested, covering his ears. "I already know too much about my destiny as it is! If I end up learning any more, I dread to think what kind of impact it would have on the temporal continuum! Didn't yesterday teach you anything at all, Shego? Don't worry about me, I know what I've got to do. You know what you've got to do, now get out there and do it!"
I studied that photograph. Already my Club Banana 2000 jacket was starting to seriously ladder.
I decided to head back to Good Burger, where I'd encountered Loraine previously. Sure enough, there she was, still clutching her ring binder protectively and toying with today's paper. 10th July 1988. That date was beginning to plague me.
"Hey," I said, springing down at her table. "Loraine?"
"Erm, yeah. . . that's m,m,me. . ."
"Surname?"
"Erm. . . Baines."
"Recognise me, Loraine Baines?"
"Erm. . ."
"I saved you from getting knocked down yesterday, for crying out loud!"
"Oh yeah. . . now I remember you. . . thanks, it was pretty cool. . . of you."
Glancing around, something really was up inside Good Burger today. Outside too. . . bizarre. It was bad enough going back fifteen years to an age that had become the subject of horror stories in the age I was used to. Having to watch things screw up even further round here was just cruel.
"Hey, what's wrong with this place today?" I enquired. "Why's everyone carrying all these weapons around with them?"
Shotguns, tasers, baseball bats - Jake and Porter were even armed with two disturbingly cumbersome fish slices. And every movement made was made with caution, every look on every face was shifty.
"Are we under attack or something round here?" I asked.
"Maybe," replied Loraine. "You haven't heard about the visitor?"
"Visitor?"
"To our planet!" She paused. "From out of space. . .it arrived yesterday morning. . .and destroyed the barn at Peabody's Christmas Tree Farm, then disappeared. . .well, the police can't explain it, but the people of m, m, Middleton - they know something's up."
"You believe in extra terrestrials?" I was having another flashback - driving the 626 through a wooden barn and having a farmer hurl his shotgun- fire at me on my very first morning in 1988 - and another very bad feeling along with it.
"Oh yeah - you know just how big the Universe is? I guess I'd say if it is just us, it seems like an awful waste of space!" It was the only issue so far that she sounded particularly confident on. "The only question I suppose is, do they come in war or peace? This one, they reckon, came in war. Apparently, it had the. . .ability to sort of. . .mutate. . .into human form, and fire some sort of. . .green plasma rays from it's hands- stroke-paws. People round here have to take up arms to protect themselves. . .I mean, that visitor could be running loose around Middleton as we speak. . .who even knows where it is right now?"
"Mystery of life, I suppose," I muttered. This whole confusing me with ET thing was really starting to leave me insulted (I mean, have you ever seen that little guy? Not to mention those ghastly little interlopers from 'Close Encounters' - freeeeaky, as my fellow villain Adrena Lynn would say).
Note to self, I thought - weak link identified in Loraine's grasping chain of insecurity. Further note to self, beware of using green plasma power at any point out here, even in moments of self-defence. I still had my martial arts and lightning speed.
"Hey, what's in the ring binder?" I asked, steering back to my personal mission.
"My designs. . .something I do, you know, in my spare time. . . I design logos. . .for clothes."
"May I see them?"
"NO! I never, never let anyone else see my designs. I mean, what if someone didn't like them? What if someone told me I was no good? I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection!"
"Even with George McFly?"
She went pale. Much paler than me. Then she got up and left. Quickly, without looking back. You can guess what I was asking myself repeatedly inside my head all the while - how did such a total drip go on to create such cool and planet-sweeping clothes? What could George McFly have even seen in her in the normal course of time? Maybe everything had all been out of pity.
So, the 10th July 1988 yielded little fruit. But I was just getting started. The next day, on the 11th, I made a point of getting up extra early, ambushed the unsuspecting Loraine on her way to Good Burger, stuffed her into the nearest alley and, without hesitation, activated the green rays in my gloves, right before her very eyes.
"Okay, earthling! I didn't really wanna have to do it this way, but you gave me no choice!"
She screamed.
"You'd better shut that up right now, or I'll have no choice but to zap your puny, earthly brain to fragments! That's right - I can shoot these things at will anytime I want, anywhere I want! And these claws too - you think I could have just got them this way by sculpting regular human fingernails? Ha!"
"You're the visitor? W, what do you want from me?" she stammered.
"I've come to your world, earthling, from a very great distance, leaving my home in the Starbucks Solar System to accomplish a very important mission of destiny! To seek you out, Loraine Baines, and warn you - if you don't summon the courage to face up to this George McFly, you'll be unable to avert the terrible disaster heading for your world!"
"Disaster? Like what?"
"Well, for starters, these rays will be going straight through your frontal lobe! And you don't even wanna hear what my claws have in store for your digestive tract!"
I shoved her back into Good Burger, where George McFly was hanging at a table with his posse. "I'll be watching you, Loraine! Remember, if you don't get right over there and ask McFly on a date, I'll be heading back to Starbucks with your skull as an ashtray!"
She gulped hard and wandered over to his table. I sat down at a table of my own and got a front-seat view of all events. I saw them talking; couldn't hear what they were saying above the sounds of Huey Lewis blasting through the radio loudspeakers, and those of a baby wailing in the corner of the diner, but I saw it all quite clearly. Finally, Loraine returned, looking even paler than yesterday.
"He said no!" She threw herself down at me, clasping both hands together and looking up at me with emotive, puppy-dog eyes. "I'm sorry I failed you, Shego of Starbucks! I did all that was in my power to do! Please don't melt my brains with your destructive green rays!"
"Ssshhh! Keep it down! You gotta keep my identity a secret, remember? You want me to wind up in some science lab having people prod me with cattle-rods all day long?" I guessed that I'd guessed right yesterday after all. It must have all been out of pity. It was difficult not to pity this girl. In an odd sort of way, she kind of reminded me of Dr Drakken. "Okay, so why would this George guy say no?"
"I guess because he thinks I'm a total drip. . ."
"And boy, would he be right! You are a drip, Loraine! And you'll be a drip for the rest of your life if you don't try and make something of yourself!"
I could, and would, have gone on, but just then that same pimply youth from before burst in again. "Hey, you guys! They're here! The CIA are here!"
"Are you sure about this?" asked Jake.
"You bet I'm sure! We saw their helicopters flying over and everything! You gotta come see!"
"Porter, cover for me again!" order Jake, disappearing once more, along with pretty much the same crowd from the other day. McFly and his posse stayed put, merely shaking their heads. Loraine didn't move either. She was still looking up at me, and still white with fear. In the corner, the young couple who owned the baby (all of whom looked strangely familiar, as you may have guessed), sprang up with greater enthusiasm.
"CIA? Only once in a blue moon do you get something like that happening in Middleton," proclaimed the male. "Come on, let's go see! Maybe they'll even make contact this time!"
"Wait, honey!" the female protested. "Think about it - CIA officials and dangerous extra terrestrials? It doesn't exactly sound like a safe scene to take our Kimmy along to! We'll have to find someone to watch over her before we go. . . hey, Loraine Baines!" She moved toward our table. "Hi, Loraine. You're a safe and reliable girl, aren't you? Could you possibly watch our Kimmy for us while we go check this CIA thing out?"
"Sure thing, Dr Possible," she replied, taking the baby in her arms as its parents scuttled off.
I had to really restrain digestive system just to stop myself from hurling all over the table. "Dr Possible? Kimmy? Don't tell me that baby is really. . .Kim Possible?"
"Yeah. . .I know," Loraine sighed, looking uneasy once more. "I'd imagine that, with a name like that, the other kids would, you know, m, m, make fun of her when she starts at kindergarten, but, well, what can you do?"
"Of course. . .hey, Loraine, pass her over! Let me see her!"
"I don't know. . .Dr Possible gave her to me to protect her from, erm, dangerous visitors, and you're. . .erm, you know. . ."
"Just give her over, okay? She's an essential part of my mission too! If you don't hand her across, why the whole future of your planet will be in jeopardy!"
"Really?" Without much hesitation, she shoved my future mortal enemy right over to me.
"Hello there, Kimmy," I purred. "So good to have run into you out here - I gotta tell you, it's quite a surprise!"
Yeah, she looked so sweet and innocent and all that right now that it was pretty hard to contemplate who exactly she'd grow up to be - that crime- busting, world-saving heroine who'd readily bestow painful defeat after painful defeat upon Dr D and I. The times we'd come just sooo close to success if not for her. . .and the many times I'd tried to destroy her in her teenage form but constantly failed. . .well, here she finally was, oblivious and totally incapable of fighting me back, and it would only take one spurt of my destructive green rays to erase her from the course of time forever, much like it had only taken one ill-judged shove to wipe the Club Banana temporal slate clean. Drew Lipsky probably wouldn't like it if he knew, but hey. . .what did he know about this anyway? He would be grateful if he knew all the trouble this one kid would cause him in the years to come. Just imagine - if I got rid of Kim, right here, right now, then maybe on Saturday night I could return to a 2003 in which we ruled the world already, and in which the absence of Club Banana wouldn't make a shred of difference. Why would I have to fear civilisation disintegrating? We'd run the freaking civilisation! Plus, Drakken would probably never have been gunned down by those knights. . .I'd struck temporal gold - but I couldn't carry my obligation out here. . .I'd have to get away somehow first. No problem - Loraine was hardly an obstruction.
"Okay, Loraine," I said, standing up. "I'm getting out of here now. Maybe I'll see you around one day, when my solar system's masterplan begins to unfold round here - I think they said something about monopolising your planet's coffee industry first off. . .well, goodbye."
"Hey, wait! You can't just. . .take Dr Possible's kid! I was told to watch over her - Dr Possible would kill me!"
I was about to throw her a comeback of, "Well, good luck, goodbye and keep watching the skies!", when our confrontation was suddenly interrupted by that imposed by an all-too recognisable voice.
"Hey, Baines! I thought I told you yesterday never to come in here again!"
I looked behind. The future DNAmy. She was back. And she was standing there, looking pretty peeved.
Loraine flinched. "Yeah. . .sorry, Amy. . .I guess I got carried away. . .I'll just be on my way. . ."
"Oh, for goodness sake, girl - stand up for yourself already!" I cried. "You're just gonna let some loser to-be geneticist push you around for the rest of your life?"
"Hey, I know you!" Amy said quickly. "You're that same girl I met in here the other day, aren't you? Well, no offence or anything, but that Loraine's a total geek, and you. . .you're a total freak! I'm actually glad that I ran into you again - I've been thinking about all that stuff you said. . .world domination? You still reckon that's a worthy ambition, do you?"
"Yeah! Too bad you couldn't swing it!"
"Couldn't I?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'll admit that it never really crossed my mind beforehand, but now that you mention it, I'd reckon that with my ever-increasing knowledge of genetic science, one of these days I'm sure to be in a pretty good poise for such a feat!"
I laughed. "Splicing up animal genes?"
"Hey, I *could* take over the world if I wanted to!" she retorted. "And every time I run into people like you, claw-girl, who ridicule the whole basis of genetic science, it makes me feel more and more enticed all the while! Maybe you'll see one day. . .until then, watch yourself, claw-girl! If I ever, you know, decide that maybe I want to rule this planet after all, I may just decide to make it very difficult for all those who doubted my potential back in the old days!"
"Hey, Amy." Loraine quivered. "You probably. . .shouldn't talk to her like that. She's not what you think. . ."
"True." I smiled. Probably not all that pleasantly.
"Really?" said Amy, grinning. "And just *what* could she do to me? Aside from having claws like an aye-aye, somehow I doubt she's all that dangerous. Geeks and freaks. . .both your types, if you ask me, would be pretty darn easy to walk over when I finally do come to rule this totally unhip world!"
"Hey, watch it!" I snapped, grasping KP in one arm and activating the glove on my free hand. The third really big mistake I made that week. I wish I hadn't let myself get so carried away.
People screamed. McFly's posse yelled. Lorraine dived beneath the table, while Amy backed away fast. A few moments silence in which the earth stood still, then. . .
"THERE IT IS!!!" hollered a friend of McFly's, pointing directly at me. "THERE'S THE VISITOR!!!!"
"SHOOTING DEADLY GREEN RAYS FROM ITS HANDS AND ALL!!!"
"AND MUTATED INTO HUMAN FORM!!!"
"SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!"
Those weapons - shotguns, baseball bats, tasers, fish slices - just then it all came flooding back to me. I thought fast. I was sleek, I was agile, I could run faster than a cow passing a leather factory - but I couldn't possibly have evaded such a vicious onslaught of weapons all coming on at once. What I needed was some sort of emotional shield. Which, lucky me, I already had, right in the form of the future world-saving heroine I was currently holding.
"Alright, people!" I cried, holding the young Kim Possible up high for them all to see. "See this little kid right here? Fire on me and you're gonna have to risk taking her down too!"
Then, I made a run for it, lunging out into the streets of Middleton and scanning the area desperately for the least conspicuous escape route on offer. Already people from Good Burger were following, screaming and alerting all those on the streets in the process. I had to evade some gunshot, but not much.
"Hey, knock it off!" George McFly said, racing over to the wielder of that particular shotgun. "You wanna risk hitting that *human* baby too?"
Surprisingly, Kim seemed entirely unaffected by the whole experience, hardly making any noise at all. That's always been her trouble, I suppose - the kid was just too darn brave. Still clutching her tight, I raced off down that same alley in which I'd cornered Loraine earlier, scrambling over the fence at the back and bounding through a string of square backyards, finally finding myself on a clearer street. But sadly not for long. Wherever I ran, people almost always seemed to gather, and gather quickly, still grasping their weapons and screaming whenever I came closer than ten feet to their proximity, alerting the entire neighbourhood of my current whereabouts in the process.
"Don't forget about little Kimmy here!" I'd hold her up once again, whenever they and their weapons got too close for comfort to me.
Finally, after a chase which seemed to endure for two hours (but which later, when I checked my watch, it turns out only lasted for ten minutes) in which I'd managed to evade each and every mob that came at me (hey, I'd done pretty much the same with the FBI and government officials over in the 21st century), I found myself darting down an empty street. Or, empty for about six seconds, when a small vehicle suddenly came zooming onward from the opposite direction. Shrieking, I leapt clear. It skidded and u- turned, giving me enough time to identify the driver before I started running again - the future DNAmy, with her hands greased up good on the steering wheel.
"Hey, ET, don't think you can just outrun this thing!" she called after me. "You're going nowhere fast, sweetie; this thing can do 90!"
"And I can do 110!" I retorted, speeding up and taking a slight sudden turning.
She probably wasn't expecting that, for she sped onward in a straight track for a few more yards before skidding to a halt, reversing and turning. Neither was she expecting me to be hanging round and lying in wait for her as she took that turning, as she seemed genuinely surprised when I bounded out and slashed both her front tyres out.
"Later, Amy!" I called, as I made my getaway. "Much, much later!"
-
I can't express just how relieved I was to finally get back to Drew Lipsky's house - once a leaky, insomnia-inducing shack, it had transformed into my valuable haven within one morning. I almost embraced those cracked, unstable-looking walls upon arrival, but I was just too eager to get down and take cover before someone spotted me again. It was sad, you know. . .already I'd blown the sweet fact that in 1988 I wasn't a wanted fugitive. And now I'd have more than just the FBI on my trail. I'd just been mistaken for a violent extra terrestrial in an extremely paranoid suburban town, with the CIA supposedly already on the scene, in a time zone I didn't understand. And I'd just kidnapped a baby into the bargain. Not just any baby, mind you. Kim Possible as a baby. I was still holding her, and she was still refusing to whine. Good thing, I suppose - I didn't want to draw attention to my whereabouts.
"Hey, Shego, how's it going?" asked Drew as I wandered into his garage, still gasping for breath.
"Not good," I replied, slumping down against the garage wall, and holding Kim in both hands. I suppose I should have finished her off once and for all at that point, but I wasn't going to - it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to hang onto my emotional shield for a little while longer, you know, in case anything happened, which it was very likely to.
"So, this Loraine's proving harder than you thought?" he asked. He didn't look up. It took him ages to even twig that I now had an infant on me.
"Uh-huh, but that's not the problem. Drew, I think. . .I think I just made things round here a whole lot worse. I think I just turned this place into the second Roswell. . ."
***
*NOTE: Although I was around in 1988, I can't remember if the 16th July really was a Saturday in that year (I didn't exactly have a great concept of dates and figures at the time). What are the odds that I lucked out on that one? One in seven - not high. Drew Lipsky's line in the previous chapter about it being a Saturday was taken directly from 'Back to the Future' Part I - it's just too cool a quote to be omitted! But I don't know how accurately it was used here. Either way, don't worry about such teeny-tiny little nitpicks and holes in logic, as viewers always tend to do with such fabulous films as the 'Back to the Future' trilogy - they're not important. To quote from a sequence in 'Austin Powers II' (right before a BTTF reference, appropriately enough):
Austin: So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, I could go look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and travelled back to the Sixties? [goes cross-eyed] Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
[to camera] That goes for all you too.
Thanks for reading - the story will continue with Chapter Five, really soon! Please bear in mind though that February is a really busy month for me, so updates may be a little slow until March. Thanks again. Later.*
Here's Chapter Four of my KP/BTTF fusion. As readers requested, this is the chapter in which Shego encounters the 1988 Kim, among other things. Enjoy!
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I spent the whole night going to pieces. Hey, you would too if you suddenly found that burden on your shoulders - the course of the time continuum in my deadly, ray-spurting hands? Great, it was all I needed! It was tough enough being put up in Drew Lipsky's house for the night - his guest bedroom was probably the leakiest in the entire building, and believe me, that says a heck of a lot!
When the morning of 10th July 1988 finally came, I got up and found Drew back in his garage, examining the 626 and drawing up further sketches.
"Okay, Shego, all we have to do is find some way of channelling that bolt of lightning into the flux capacitor," he explained. "Here's what I propose we do - we attach some sort of pole to the flux capacitor to protrude from the 626 and act as a lightning rod. Then, we attach an industrial wire to the great clock and link it to another wiring suspended across the street by two streetlights. The bolt of lightning strikes, hits the clock and travels through that wiring. Using regular gas, we can supply the 626 with just enough energy to rev up, if not break the time barrier. If we do all the correct math beforehand, we can time it so that you'll drive beneath the second cord of wiring and reach 90 mph just as the current passes through. The lightning rod will take care of everything else. . ."
"Well, if it doesn't ignite me in the process, it's worth a try."
"Of course. . . provided you have much of a future to get back to. Have you figured out how to get through to this Loraine?"
"How hard can it be?"
"Well, for your sake and for that of everyone else on the planet fifteen years from now, I hope not hard. Repairing the damage you did to the Club Banana franchise is the only sure-fire way you can back to the future as you knew it - working as my assistant. I'd imagine that's a pretty rewarding career."
"Hey, I wouldn't swap it for a job in Starbucks."
"Starbucks? What the heck is that?"
"It's not important." I sighed. "Listen, Drew, there's something I haven't yet told you about the future. On the night I go back in time. . ."
"Stop! I don't want to hear!" he protested, covering his ears. "I already know too much about my destiny as it is! If I end up learning any more, I dread to think what kind of impact it would have on the temporal continuum! Didn't yesterday teach you anything at all, Shego? Don't worry about me, I know what I've got to do. You know what you've got to do, now get out there and do it!"
I studied that photograph. Already my Club Banana 2000 jacket was starting to seriously ladder.
I decided to head back to Good Burger, where I'd encountered Loraine previously. Sure enough, there she was, still clutching her ring binder protectively and toying with today's paper. 10th July 1988. That date was beginning to plague me.
"Hey," I said, springing down at her table. "Loraine?"
"Erm, yeah. . . that's m,m,me. . ."
"Surname?"
"Erm. . . Baines."
"Recognise me, Loraine Baines?"
"Erm. . ."
"I saved you from getting knocked down yesterday, for crying out loud!"
"Oh yeah. . . now I remember you. . . thanks, it was pretty cool. . . of you."
Glancing around, something really was up inside Good Burger today. Outside too. . . bizarre. It was bad enough going back fifteen years to an age that had become the subject of horror stories in the age I was used to. Having to watch things screw up even further round here was just cruel.
"Hey, what's wrong with this place today?" I enquired. "Why's everyone carrying all these weapons around with them?"
Shotguns, tasers, baseball bats - Jake and Porter were even armed with two disturbingly cumbersome fish slices. And every movement made was made with caution, every look on every face was shifty.
"Are we under attack or something round here?" I asked.
"Maybe," replied Loraine. "You haven't heard about the visitor?"
"Visitor?"
"To our planet!" She paused. "From out of space. . .it arrived yesterday morning. . .and destroyed the barn at Peabody's Christmas Tree Farm, then disappeared. . .well, the police can't explain it, but the people of m, m, Middleton - they know something's up."
"You believe in extra terrestrials?" I was having another flashback - driving the 626 through a wooden barn and having a farmer hurl his shotgun- fire at me on my very first morning in 1988 - and another very bad feeling along with it.
"Oh yeah - you know just how big the Universe is? I guess I'd say if it is just us, it seems like an awful waste of space!" It was the only issue so far that she sounded particularly confident on. "The only question I suppose is, do they come in war or peace? This one, they reckon, came in war. Apparently, it had the. . .ability to sort of. . .mutate. . .into human form, and fire some sort of. . .green plasma rays from it's hands- stroke-paws. People round here have to take up arms to protect themselves. . .I mean, that visitor could be running loose around Middleton as we speak. . .who even knows where it is right now?"
"Mystery of life, I suppose," I muttered. This whole confusing me with ET thing was really starting to leave me insulted (I mean, have you ever seen that little guy? Not to mention those ghastly little interlopers from 'Close Encounters' - freeeeaky, as my fellow villain Adrena Lynn would say).
Note to self, I thought - weak link identified in Loraine's grasping chain of insecurity. Further note to self, beware of using green plasma power at any point out here, even in moments of self-defence. I still had my martial arts and lightning speed.
"Hey, what's in the ring binder?" I asked, steering back to my personal mission.
"My designs. . .something I do, you know, in my spare time. . . I design logos. . .for clothes."
"May I see them?"
"NO! I never, never let anyone else see my designs. I mean, what if someone didn't like them? What if someone told me I was no good? I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection!"
"Even with George McFly?"
She went pale. Much paler than me. Then she got up and left. Quickly, without looking back. You can guess what I was asking myself repeatedly inside my head all the while - how did such a total drip go on to create such cool and planet-sweeping clothes? What could George McFly have even seen in her in the normal course of time? Maybe everything had all been out of pity.
So, the 10th July 1988 yielded little fruit. But I was just getting started. The next day, on the 11th, I made a point of getting up extra early, ambushed the unsuspecting Loraine on her way to Good Burger, stuffed her into the nearest alley and, without hesitation, activated the green rays in my gloves, right before her very eyes.
"Okay, earthling! I didn't really wanna have to do it this way, but you gave me no choice!"
She screamed.
"You'd better shut that up right now, or I'll have no choice but to zap your puny, earthly brain to fragments! That's right - I can shoot these things at will anytime I want, anywhere I want! And these claws too - you think I could have just got them this way by sculpting regular human fingernails? Ha!"
"You're the visitor? W, what do you want from me?" she stammered.
"I've come to your world, earthling, from a very great distance, leaving my home in the Starbucks Solar System to accomplish a very important mission of destiny! To seek you out, Loraine Baines, and warn you - if you don't summon the courage to face up to this George McFly, you'll be unable to avert the terrible disaster heading for your world!"
"Disaster? Like what?"
"Well, for starters, these rays will be going straight through your frontal lobe! And you don't even wanna hear what my claws have in store for your digestive tract!"
I shoved her back into Good Burger, where George McFly was hanging at a table with his posse. "I'll be watching you, Loraine! Remember, if you don't get right over there and ask McFly on a date, I'll be heading back to Starbucks with your skull as an ashtray!"
She gulped hard and wandered over to his table. I sat down at a table of my own and got a front-seat view of all events. I saw them talking; couldn't hear what they were saying above the sounds of Huey Lewis blasting through the radio loudspeakers, and those of a baby wailing in the corner of the diner, but I saw it all quite clearly. Finally, Loraine returned, looking even paler than yesterday.
"He said no!" She threw herself down at me, clasping both hands together and looking up at me with emotive, puppy-dog eyes. "I'm sorry I failed you, Shego of Starbucks! I did all that was in my power to do! Please don't melt my brains with your destructive green rays!"
"Ssshhh! Keep it down! You gotta keep my identity a secret, remember? You want me to wind up in some science lab having people prod me with cattle-rods all day long?" I guessed that I'd guessed right yesterday after all. It must have all been out of pity. It was difficult not to pity this girl. In an odd sort of way, she kind of reminded me of Dr Drakken. "Okay, so why would this George guy say no?"
"I guess because he thinks I'm a total drip. . ."
"And boy, would he be right! You are a drip, Loraine! And you'll be a drip for the rest of your life if you don't try and make something of yourself!"
I could, and would, have gone on, but just then that same pimply youth from before burst in again. "Hey, you guys! They're here! The CIA are here!"
"Are you sure about this?" asked Jake.
"You bet I'm sure! We saw their helicopters flying over and everything! You gotta come see!"
"Porter, cover for me again!" order Jake, disappearing once more, along with pretty much the same crowd from the other day. McFly and his posse stayed put, merely shaking their heads. Loraine didn't move either. She was still looking up at me, and still white with fear. In the corner, the young couple who owned the baby (all of whom looked strangely familiar, as you may have guessed), sprang up with greater enthusiasm.
"CIA? Only once in a blue moon do you get something like that happening in Middleton," proclaimed the male. "Come on, let's go see! Maybe they'll even make contact this time!"
"Wait, honey!" the female protested. "Think about it - CIA officials and dangerous extra terrestrials? It doesn't exactly sound like a safe scene to take our Kimmy along to! We'll have to find someone to watch over her before we go. . . hey, Loraine Baines!" She moved toward our table. "Hi, Loraine. You're a safe and reliable girl, aren't you? Could you possibly watch our Kimmy for us while we go check this CIA thing out?"
"Sure thing, Dr Possible," she replied, taking the baby in her arms as its parents scuttled off.
I had to really restrain digestive system just to stop myself from hurling all over the table. "Dr Possible? Kimmy? Don't tell me that baby is really. . .Kim Possible?"
"Yeah. . .I know," Loraine sighed, looking uneasy once more. "I'd imagine that, with a name like that, the other kids would, you know, m, m, make fun of her when she starts at kindergarten, but, well, what can you do?"
"Of course. . .hey, Loraine, pass her over! Let me see her!"
"I don't know. . .Dr Possible gave her to me to protect her from, erm, dangerous visitors, and you're. . .erm, you know. . ."
"Just give her over, okay? She's an essential part of my mission too! If you don't hand her across, why the whole future of your planet will be in jeopardy!"
"Really?" Without much hesitation, she shoved my future mortal enemy right over to me.
"Hello there, Kimmy," I purred. "So good to have run into you out here - I gotta tell you, it's quite a surprise!"
Yeah, she looked so sweet and innocent and all that right now that it was pretty hard to contemplate who exactly she'd grow up to be - that crime- busting, world-saving heroine who'd readily bestow painful defeat after painful defeat upon Dr D and I. The times we'd come just sooo close to success if not for her. . .and the many times I'd tried to destroy her in her teenage form but constantly failed. . .well, here she finally was, oblivious and totally incapable of fighting me back, and it would only take one spurt of my destructive green rays to erase her from the course of time forever, much like it had only taken one ill-judged shove to wipe the Club Banana temporal slate clean. Drew Lipsky probably wouldn't like it if he knew, but hey. . .what did he know about this anyway? He would be grateful if he knew all the trouble this one kid would cause him in the years to come. Just imagine - if I got rid of Kim, right here, right now, then maybe on Saturday night I could return to a 2003 in which we ruled the world already, and in which the absence of Club Banana wouldn't make a shred of difference. Why would I have to fear civilisation disintegrating? We'd run the freaking civilisation! Plus, Drakken would probably never have been gunned down by those knights. . .I'd struck temporal gold - but I couldn't carry my obligation out here. . .I'd have to get away somehow first. No problem - Loraine was hardly an obstruction.
"Okay, Loraine," I said, standing up. "I'm getting out of here now. Maybe I'll see you around one day, when my solar system's masterplan begins to unfold round here - I think they said something about monopolising your planet's coffee industry first off. . .well, goodbye."
"Hey, wait! You can't just. . .take Dr Possible's kid! I was told to watch over her - Dr Possible would kill me!"
I was about to throw her a comeback of, "Well, good luck, goodbye and keep watching the skies!", when our confrontation was suddenly interrupted by that imposed by an all-too recognisable voice.
"Hey, Baines! I thought I told you yesterday never to come in here again!"
I looked behind. The future DNAmy. She was back. And she was standing there, looking pretty peeved.
Loraine flinched. "Yeah. . .sorry, Amy. . .I guess I got carried away. . .I'll just be on my way. . ."
"Oh, for goodness sake, girl - stand up for yourself already!" I cried. "You're just gonna let some loser to-be geneticist push you around for the rest of your life?"
"Hey, I know you!" Amy said quickly. "You're that same girl I met in here the other day, aren't you? Well, no offence or anything, but that Loraine's a total geek, and you. . .you're a total freak! I'm actually glad that I ran into you again - I've been thinking about all that stuff you said. . .world domination? You still reckon that's a worthy ambition, do you?"
"Yeah! Too bad you couldn't swing it!"
"Couldn't I?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'll admit that it never really crossed my mind beforehand, but now that you mention it, I'd reckon that with my ever-increasing knowledge of genetic science, one of these days I'm sure to be in a pretty good poise for such a feat!"
I laughed. "Splicing up animal genes?"
"Hey, I *could* take over the world if I wanted to!" she retorted. "And every time I run into people like you, claw-girl, who ridicule the whole basis of genetic science, it makes me feel more and more enticed all the while! Maybe you'll see one day. . .until then, watch yourself, claw-girl! If I ever, you know, decide that maybe I want to rule this planet after all, I may just decide to make it very difficult for all those who doubted my potential back in the old days!"
"Hey, Amy." Loraine quivered. "You probably. . .shouldn't talk to her like that. She's not what you think. . ."
"True." I smiled. Probably not all that pleasantly.
"Really?" said Amy, grinning. "And just *what* could she do to me? Aside from having claws like an aye-aye, somehow I doubt she's all that dangerous. Geeks and freaks. . .both your types, if you ask me, would be pretty darn easy to walk over when I finally do come to rule this totally unhip world!"
"Hey, watch it!" I snapped, grasping KP in one arm and activating the glove on my free hand. The third really big mistake I made that week. I wish I hadn't let myself get so carried away.
People screamed. McFly's posse yelled. Lorraine dived beneath the table, while Amy backed away fast. A few moments silence in which the earth stood still, then. . .
"THERE IT IS!!!" hollered a friend of McFly's, pointing directly at me. "THERE'S THE VISITOR!!!!"
"SHOOTING DEADLY GREEN RAYS FROM ITS HANDS AND ALL!!!"
"AND MUTATED INTO HUMAN FORM!!!"
"SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!"
Those weapons - shotguns, baseball bats, tasers, fish slices - just then it all came flooding back to me. I thought fast. I was sleek, I was agile, I could run faster than a cow passing a leather factory - but I couldn't possibly have evaded such a vicious onslaught of weapons all coming on at once. What I needed was some sort of emotional shield. Which, lucky me, I already had, right in the form of the future world-saving heroine I was currently holding.
"Alright, people!" I cried, holding the young Kim Possible up high for them all to see. "See this little kid right here? Fire on me and you're gonna have to risk taking her down too!"
Then, I made a run for it, lunging out into the streets of Middleton and scanning the area desperately for the least conspicuous escape route on offer. Already people from Good Burger were following, screaming and alerting all those on the streets in the process. I had to evade some gunshot, but not much.
"Hey, knock it off!" George McFly said, racing over to the wielder of that particular shotgun. "You wanna risk hitting that *human* baby too?"
Surprisingly, Kim seemed entirely unaffected by the whole experience, hardly making any noise at all. That's always been her trouble, I suppose - the kid was just too darn brave. Still clutching her tight, I raced off down that same alley in which I'd cornered Loraine earlier, scrambling over the fence at the back and bounding through a string of square backyards, finally finding myself on a clearer street. But sadly not for long. Wherever I ran, people almost always seemed to gather, and gather quickly, still grasping their weapons and screaming whenever I came closer than ten feet to their proximity, alerting the entire neighbourhood of my current whereabouts in the process.
"Don't forget about little Kimmy here!" I'd hold her up once again, whenever they and their weapons got too close for comfort to me.
Finally, after a chase which seemed to endure for two hours (but which later, when I checked my watch, it turns out only lasted for ten minutes) in which I'd managed to evade each and every mob that came at me (hey, I'd done pretty much the same with the FBI and government officials over in the 21st century), I found myself darting down an empty street. Or, empty for about six seconds, when a small vehicle suddenly came zooming onward from the opposite direction. Shrieking, I leapt clear. It skidded and u- turned, giving me enough time to identify the driver before I started running again - the future DNAmy, with her hands greased up good on the steering wheel.
"Hey, ET, don't think you can just outrun this thing!" she called after me. "You're going nowhere fast, sweetie; this thing can do 90!"
"And I can do 110!" I retorted, speeding up and taking a slight sudden turning.
She probably wasn't expecting that, for she sped onward in a straight track for a few more yards before skidding to a halt, reversing and turning. Neither was she expecting me to be hanging round and lying in wait for her as she took that turning, as she seemed genuinely surprised when I bounded out and slashed both her front tyres out.
"Later, Amy!" I called, as I made my getaway. "Much, much later!"
-
I can't express just how relieved I was to finally get back to Drew Lipsky's house - once a leaky, insomnia-inducing shack, it had transformed into my valuable haven within one morning. I almost embraced those cracked, unstable-looking walls upon arrival, but I was just too eager to get down and take cover before someone spotted me again. It was sad, you know. . .already I'd blown the sweet fact that in 1988 I wasn't a wanted fugitive. And now I'd have more than just the FBI on my trail. I'd just been mistaken for a violent extra terrestrial in an extremely paranoid suburban town, with the CIA supposedly already on the scene, in a time zone I didn't understand. And I'd just kidnapped a baby into the bargain. Not just any baby, mind you. Kim Possible as a baby. I was still holding her, and she was still refusing to whine. Good thing, I suppose - I didn't want to draw attention to my whereabouts.
"Hey, Shego, how's it going?" asked Drew as I wandered into his garage, still gasping for breath.
"Not good," I replied, slumping down against the garage wall, and holding Kim in both hands. I suppose I should have finished her off once and for all at that point, but I wasn't going to - it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to hang onto my emotional shield for a little while longer, you know, in case anything happened, which it was very likely to.
"So, this Loraine's proving harder than you thought?" he asked. He didn't look up. It took him ages to even twig that I now had an infant on me.
"Uh-huh, but that's not the problem. Drew, I think. . .I think I just made things round here a whole lot worse. I think I just turned this place into the second Roswell. . ."
***
*NOTE: Although I was around in 1988, I can't remember if the 16th July really was a Saturday in that year (I didn't exactly have a great concept of dates and figures at the time). What are the odds that I lucked out on that one? One in seven - not high. Drew Lipsky's line in the previous chapter about it being a Saturday was taken directly from 'Back to the Future' Part I - it's just too cool a quote to be omitted! But I don't know how accurately it was used here. Either way, don't worry about such teeny-tiny little nitpicks and holes in logic, as viewers always tend to do with such fabulous films as the 'Back to the Future' trilogy - they're not important. To quote from a sequence in 'Austin Powers II' (right before a BTTF reference, appropriately enough):
Austin: So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, I could go look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and travelled back to the Sixties? [goes cross-eyed] Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
[to camera] That goes for all you too.
Thanks for reading - the story will continue with Chapter Five, really soon! Please bear in mind though that February is a really busy month for me, so updates may be a little slow until March. Thanks again. Later.*