Dead Roses:

Chapter Two: Twinkle.

By: Naomi Hunter.

I can't stop crying, I can't. I've never, ever cried so much in my life. I sit by his side, stroking his hand gently. Kumagorou is nestled in the crook of his arm, near the IV. I can barely breathe, let alone replay what happened. It was even worse when the Police tried to question me, to find out what happened. Hiro said he was afraid they'd blame me…but, he said it looked too much like a suicide. I felt so guilty, unbelievably so. I was what caused him to do this. I turned his wrist over, and gently traced the scars on the inside of his wrist.

That night, I'd had a terrible feeling and was up all night. I called Yuki at least eighty times, hoping he was okay. All I managed to do was wake him up, piss him off and run up my phone bill. We were scheduled to go in at 6 am, I came an hour early instead of late for once. I had a good idea that I wanted to put down. Security let me in and I walked to the recording room, hearing our CD being played through headphones, quite loud. Then, that bad feeling multiplied by 300. Inside I saw Ryuuichi, laying on the floor, clutching Kumagorou and an empty bottle of pills on the floor. He saw me and gave the saddest smile ever. Then his eyes shut. I got so scared…all I kept thinking was 'oh my god….Ryuuichi's gonna die…' I did everything I could, trying to get him to vomit up all of the pills. I screamed and screamed, till the security guards came. They rushed to call an ambulance, not knowing half of what was going on. I got most of the pills out, or as much as I could and held him tight, rocking back and forth. I only then noticed the note:

"My dear Shuichi,

Keep shining. You're the best when you shine.

I love you, with all my heart.

~Ryuuichi.

-Ps: Please take care of Kumagorou for me.

Remember to give him lots of hugs or he gets lonely and sad."

Added on the floor in pink crayon, was "I love you, always." I trembled more, holding him tighter and sobbing. Then, the paramedics came and pumped his stomach and took him to the hospital.

I feel so empty….he can't die….I…I need him. I tried to compose myself, and did a half decent job at it. K came in, after knocking. I quickly wiped my reddened eyes again and tried to smile.

He had a deep set frown on his face. He regarded me with a nod, letting his hand fall heavily on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I hated that question, but I felt obligated to lie. "I guess." My voice was tiny and tight from crying. I looked back to Ryuuichi. He looked so small, even more like a child. He was really pale and his pretty hair was un-styled, his mouth hung open just a little bit. I straightened his hair and gave his hand another squeeze. K left soon after, leaving a little stuffed bunny at his bedside, leaving me with a newspaper.

I had to give Tohma some credit, for trying to control the press. He'd been telling them that an employee had had a heart attack. But now, he had to come up with an excuse for Ryuuichi's disappearance from the spotlight. His face twitched a little, and he opened his eyes slowly. His mouth parted a little more, then shut when he focused on me. He shrank back, almost and squeezed his eyes shut.

I gently continued to stroke his hand and repositioned Kumagorou.

"How do you feel?" I asked as he cracked open his sapphire eyes again.

"Go away."
"Huh?"
"Go away…" He whispered, taking back his hand and curling into himself. "You should have let me die."

Before I could answer, a tall woman, dressed in nice clothing stormed in.

"Ryuuichi." She said sternly, very angry. She had brown hair, like Ryuuichi, but had boring brown eyes. She wore at least 20 diamonds on her hands, neck, wrists and ears. He only drew into himself more.

"Go away…both of you…" He whispered as the woman, stepped forward.

"Don't you talk to me, like that, Ryuuichi. You stupid little faggot, what the hell did you think you were doing? If you died you would have left me poor, you little--"
"Shut up! Go away….I hate you!" He yelled. I stood frozen; never once in knowing him had I ever heard him yell out of anger.

"No, I won't Ryuuichi--. God, doing it again! At least you didn't make yourself bleed this time! Who would want to look at those ugly scars on your wrists. You should be glad you have such good make-up artists… I swear, you selfish little shit--"

"Shut up and leave him alone." I said, my voice strong. "Get the hell out of here."

She glared daggers at me. "You….you must be Shuichi. You faggot, contaminating my son."
She was his mother?! I couldn't believe it.

"Say whatever you want to me, but leave Ryuuichi alone." She glared at him again and turned and left.

"I'm not done with you, Ryuuichi."

I looked back to him, watching him pull his knees up to his chest. Kumagorou had fallen onto the floor, so I picked the bunny up and sat on the side of his bed. I smoothed his hair gently, making him pick up his head. I placed Kumagorou carefully in his arms and took him in mine. He cried in my arms, his face buried in my side. I sang to him, quietly, making up the song as I went, humming parts where I couldn't think of words. I stroked his hair and kissed him on the top of his head.

"Shu-kun?"

"Yeah?"
"Don't leave me alone…" He whispered as I smiled and kissed him there again.

"I never ever will." I promised, singing him a song about a bunny next.

We were silent for hours and no one disturbed us. He lay nestled in my arms, his pink bunny in between us. I kept humming a lazy tune, since I couldn't think of another song.

"Why did you do it?" I asked softly.

He didn't answer me for a long time. "Because…there is nothing for me here. Unless I'm singing, or with you…I don't live a life. It's all fake. I never wanted this, Shuichi. I just want to be myself…but…I have no self to be if I was given the chance." He closed his eyes again. "Besides, you can't see those who truly love you."

I was stunned, slightly and felt horrible again. "Ryu-kun, you're one of my best friends, you're my musical rival and not to mention drive, you give me inspiration and happiness. You never laugh at me, or get angry…when Yuki left…you were there for me…." I was babbling, I knew it, but, I couldn't help it. "You're one of the best friends I have--"
"And nothing more." he whispered. I felt he would have pulled away if he weren't so weak. "And I know you think I'm stupid, cowardly, crazy, all that stuff, they all do, I know…" He did pull away this time, starting to cry again. He turned his back to me so he was on his side. I gently fit my body with his, feeling him try to control his shivering. I wrapped my arms tight across his chest and spoke softly into his ear.

"I don't think any of that about you, Ryuuichi. I don't. I just think you're scared, that's all, and you need someone to help you. I don't mean doctors or anything, I mean...me…"

He sniffled and turned his head slightly to look up at me. His lips were parted ever-so-slightly and I heard him drop Kumagorou. I kissed him gently on the lips, so comforted by the heat of his body. He held me tight around the neck and cried into my shoulder.

"Shuichi….I love you so much…" he whimpered as I held him tight in my embrace.

"I love you, too."