Tel Me More
Now I can say, I own nothing that is easily recognizable as being Saiyuki. If it isn't easily recognizable, then obviously I haven't done my job.
Pulling left out of the driveway, I drove away from the lights of the town, and onto some side roads. I'd rather be alone in the car than at home. Less space for someone to hide—and yes, I had already checked out the back seat. No Urban Legends type happenings here. The dog part was nasty enough, but when they killed off Michael Rosenbaum…
I turned into the Dairy Queen drive-through and ordered myself a diet Coke and two orders of French fries. After speedy service, I was back on the road, the fries on the seat next to me, sealed in a bag.
Stopping at the red light, I wondered where I was going. These streets were quiet, streetlamps illuminating the empty road, the soft sounds of Saints and Sailors breaking the silence within.
I made a quick decision to turn right, not bothering to signal. I drove slowly down the peaceful street, out of respect for what it held. The Wanji Buddhist Temple. Personally, I wasn't a Buddhist, but my old Internet buddy Christo was, and this was his Temple. We'd meet sometimes for a talk and some meditation. With the turmoil going at home, it was becoming as much of a home as the house, if not more. Not quite the Beaumont.
Swinging into the lot, I left the car near the middle. Getting out, I locked the doors and walked to the side door of the Temple, drink in one hand and bag in the other. Pulling it open carefully, I stepped just inside. Slipping off my shoes, I set down my takeout and stored the shoes in a wooden slot. Picking the stuff back up, I wandered from the foyer into the inner room. Waiting a moment, I heard the slow shuffle of someone coming down the stairs.
"Welcome, Tel." He folded his hands in front of him, bowing slightly.
I bowed my head to him in return. "Chen," I cleared my throat, but kept it to a whisper, "is Christo here?"
He nodded slowly. "Yes, Tel. He is in his office. You may go see him now."
Smiling in thanks, I turned back around and reached in my Dairy Queen bag. Pulling out one of the orders of fries, I waved it enticingly. "I hope you're not on a hunger fast, Chen. I have fries for you."
Taking the cardboard container carefully, Chen smiled. "Thank you, Tel. Blessings on your journey." He turned to go back up the stairs to his quarters.
I frowned. Journey? I wasn't go anywhere. This might be the same thing I felt back at home. Shrugging off the feeling, I rubbed my arm through my coat. My scars usually started to ache when I had one of these feelings. This was no different.
Pushing open the glass door to the offices, I walked down silently towards Christo's. Since he's been there for so long, and he lived in with Chen and a few other monks, he gained an office to do serious counselling in. Lucky for me, I needed it.
"Christo?" I poked my head around the door, hoping that he wasn't busy. He looked up from the book on the desk.
"Tel! What a wonderful surprise! Come in, come in," he stood up and beckoned me in. I smiled and left the door open. Propriety or something. Setting the fast food bag and the pop on the edge of his desk, I sat down in a chair opposite his desk.
"Something wrong, Tel?" Christo sat down again, laying his pen in the spine of the book.
I sighed, not sure how to begin. "Yes, but no more so than the usual."
"Usual?" He raised an eyebrow; its darkness clearly defined against his shaven head. "Tel, did you…"
Nodding, I cut the rest of his sentence off. "I'm sorry, Christo."
"Do not apologize to me, Tel. All of life is suffering." His dark brown eyes stared into my own hazel ones.
"But I'm not supposed to cause it myself, right? Wait, just wanting to be happy is suffering." I leaned back, crossing my leg over so the ankle rested on the knee.
"The desire to be happy is often causing your pain, yes." He leaned back as well in the plain wooden chair. "Forgive me if I assume incorrectly, but you did not come to debate theology."
I balanced the chair on its back legs, giving myself more room from Christo's examination and the issue at hand. "No, I didn't. It's just…I can't help feeling like I'm someone else."
"How so?"
"Like there's something missing. Like I'm doing something wrong. Like I shouldn't be here, I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"That ties in with my theory," Christo said almost to himself, looking at the open journal on his desk.
"What?" I frowned. I never heard of his theories before, he'd kept them all secretly written in that book.
"Well, we're obviously not alone." Christo shrugged, then continued, tapping his pen against the page of his journal. "There is somewhere else; we pass into it after we die. Nirvana."
"And this has to do with…" I spread my hands wide, waiting for his explanation.
"There are two aspects of each of us. One is here, in this world. Two is in another world much like this one, yet it is home to both the realistic and the fantastical."
"Like Narnia?"
"Slightly, yes. Only it is more like the world we exist in that. So, depending on the augmentation of the two pieces of your soul—"
"Wait. Pieces of my soul?" This was getting confusing.
"Yes. Two pieces. Similar to good and evil, nearly equal measuring of both qualities. So this one here could be the 'good' twin, and the other existing in the 'Narnia' is evil."
"Oh." I nodded thoughtfully. Christo continued.
"Yes. So, this soul, the one here, could be either good or evil. Now, you personally, Tel Tyler, are here. The other part is in Shangri-la. The 'Narnia.' You have no choice in which world you live in." His disdain on the word Narnia is becoming clearer as he continues to use it.
"Then, after you reach enlightenment, you depart for Nirvana, leaving the other to be tormented forever, reincarnation after reincarnation, until it becomes more pure and reaches Nirvana, where the souls combine and become one."
I tipped my head to the side. "That must not be a Buddhist teaching. I've never heard of that before."
"I've been busy," Christo explained, sitting back after his speech.
"One question, though, Christo."
He nodded, inviting it.
"Doesn't it make the evil one, well, more evil?"
"What?"
"Well, I'd get fairly bitter if my other self got to go to Nirvana" I used the same contempt as he did for Narnia "before I got to, and I keep getting screwed over every lifetime with reincarnation. Obviously, if I myself feel there is something missing right now, that's gonna be doubled when the other half isn't even on the same spiritual plane."
Christo folded his hands in his lap. "I suppose, Tel, but that is human folly."
"To err is human…"
He nodded.
"Yet, Christo, how do we know whether we're the good or the evil?" I spread my hands wide, wondering. "Like the Simpsons, when Bart has a twin hidden in the attic, only, it turns out that he's the evil twin, not the one who's been hidden."
"I don't know, and I will not pretend that I do. All I can say is, that you should try to be the pure one, and hope the other part of you does the same."
I slouched in the chair. "Wonderful advice, Christo. Just hope so…knowing my luck, though, I'm the evil one."
"At least if you realize it, you'll be able to change yourself."
I looked up at him through the bangs that were hanging in my face. "You're saying I'm an evil demon?"
"You—"
-
"Are you all right?"
I open my eyes; stare up at the ceiling of the temple. Funny, it looked different. I sit up and stare at the person had spoken. "Um, yeah."
The bald monk looks relieved. "Good. We saw you meditating, then you just…fell over."
I nod. "Yeah. So, have you seen Christo?"
"Who?" He frowns.
"Christo. The monk. Crazy ideas about Narnia and Nirvana." I rest my arm on my knee, thoughtfully setting my chin on it as well.
He steps back cautiously, trying not to set me off, I gather. "I am not familiar with his name, no. Do you mean Kingo?"
I shake my head. "No. Chris-to."
"No. No one by his name."
I shrug, getting up. I brush off my pants and toss my hair over my shoulder. The black looked unnatural on me, one of the curses of trying not to embarrass Savannah: wearing a wig.
I have to wonder, though. If this guy didn't know Christo, what was this? I don't remember going to the inner temple, and it didn't look like this anyway. I've spaced out before, going through an entire science class that way, but…
"Here." He pushes my Dairy Queen bag and diet coke towards me; my Andy Mac shoes in his other hand. I accept them, slipping on the shoes and heading out the front door. Bright light blinds me, a cause for further concern. When I entered, it had been night. This was…noon, judging by the position of the sun in the sky. I really need to start wearing a watch.
Choosing to go right, I join many others on the beaten path that appears to serve as a sidewalk. Obviously this was a crazed fantasy of mine, who knew why I'd choose to have it now. Usually I save it for biology or calculus. All of the women wore dresses. Both the male and female dress showed signs of East Asian influences. That's what I deserved for reading so much manga.
I pass a quiet building and then double back. I stand for a moment, using it to protect my back as I catch my bearings. I closed my eyes to block out the sight of the city, and to focus on the sound.
"But I'm hungry!" I hear the voice that sounds like it's right in front of me. I peek from under my eyelids, but it isn't.
"You're always hungry. We'll eat later." A second voice, from further away.
"I'm hungry now…why can't we stop?" I have to smile, he sounds so much like Tim. Always hungry and overdramatic.
"Baka, you won't die if you don't eat for five minutes." I open my eyes. I have to see the speakers for myself.
"I might!" The hungry one, roughly my height, pleads with another, taller, with blond hair. The shorter one drops down dramatically on the path, but he is ignored by his companion. I wait a moment, looking after the nasty one, then kneel next to the boy still lying on the ground.
I place my hand on his shoulder; he looks up at me without moving his head. "Here, take this," I set the bag with the fries in it by his head. "And," I take one final sip of the pop before placing it next to the bag, "this too. Hope you don't mind it's half empty."
"Arigatou," he said as he sits up and reaches for the bag. I smile, catching sight of the blond returning. "See you later," I jump over his legs and head out across the street.
-
"—said it, not me…"
I blinked at Christo. I was back? How? One minute, I was here talking to him, then I was imagining I was in a temple in…somewhere, and now he was just finishing his sentence? And where did the Dairy Queen bag go? Did I really…
I realized I was still staring at him. "Right. I should go."
Christo nodded, used to my unannounced arrivals and rapid departures.
"Thanks for…the conversation." I said, standing up.
Standing as well, Christo bowed his head. "I shall see you again, Tel."
"Right Christo, I'll see you later." I walk silently down the hall, feeling much weirder than before. Why would I have spaced myself out to some foreign land, when usually I'm just thinking about the latest episode of Spongebob? I seriously needed to think about getting myself a therapist, more so than just Christo. Maybe it was the whole Narnia thing Christo had mentioned.
I slipped on my Andy Macs, shaking off the feeling of déjà vu. That was my imagination. Only my imagination. Though why would I imagine that I give some guy French fries…
Probably the same reason I sleep with my clothes on. You never know what things will happen when. Best to be prepared. I shut the door to the Temple carefully behind me, walking towards the Beaumont in relative silence. I didn't want to think about the quietness, but it was glaringly obvious from the crunching of snow beneath my feet. I slid the key in the door, but it wouldn't turn. Trying not to think about the parking lot horror stories and therefore avoiding panic, I finally got it to unlock the beast. Once inside, I locked the doors again. Leaving the engine off, I gripped the steering wheel, trying to get my thoughts in order.