Disclaimer: *sigh* Do I hafta? Fine! No, I don't own ANYTHING because I
am lame and J.K. Rowling is God. Er...maybe not that far, but she's pretty
damn cool. Oh! And the first sentence solely belongs to J.K.R., it's a
quote from the fifth book.
Summary: Harry has a secret ass hole, Draco is pregnant (Ron's the father), Snape's in a thong and Hermione disappeared! Slash! Ron/Harry/Draco and Snape/Dumbledore (yes, we are psycho). R/R!
Rating: PG-13 because we like to think we're not wrong enough to be writing rated R.
Warnings: Slashy, dangerously slashy, the ruler of shlashdom. Mwahahaha! Don't like? Don't read. That simple.
Spoilers: None, really. Maybe for the first movie, but you can't really tell.
Flames will be used to set Emma Watson's hair on fire, so flame away!
Also, we make fun of just about every character, so don't be offended if yours is.
~*~
You Know You're High on Oxygen When...
Chapter 01: Herman and Draco's Visit
The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close, and drowsy silence laid over the large, square house of Privet Drive...the only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flower bed outside #4.
"Hmm..." Harry thought. "This flower bed is really comfy! Except for that bush that's sticking up my ass..." He quickly sat up and saw that it was not a bush sticking up his ass, but Dobby.
"Dobby!" He shouted as he began to change into his pink tutu. "What are you doing?!"
"Sir, Dobby is sorry, sir, I was just up Harry Potter's ass!" Dobby whimpered pathetically.
"If I wanted a house elf up my ass, I would have asked for one!" Harry screamed like a girl, finally in his beautiful tutu. "But now that you mention it..."
"No, Dobby must tell Harry Potter that he is in grave danger..." Dobby said in a mysterious whisper.
"Fried chicken arse! What else is new?"
"Well, Dobby did just go to Old Lady Hut and bought a very sexy leather mini skirt..." He looked away dreamily at Dudley's window. "Oh...Dudley is so hot. Grrrrrrr..." He said in a "I'm trying to sound incredibly sexy" tone.
"But Dobby!" Harry whined. "I already have dibs on him! He's my cousin!" They tried to beat each other up and, of course, Dobby won.
"Mwahahaha! I am GOD!" Dobby shouted.
Harry whined, yet again. "No, I'm God! After all, I'm Harry Potter!" He smiled show-offly to the camera, and his teeth sparkled with a little *ting*. So they fought again, rolling around on the ground, and both of them secretly enjoyed it.
*cough*cough*ahem*
Anyway, then Harry sat up, grabbing his crotch.
"Ow! You kicked my orange!" Harry cried.
((Note: Orange is erm...er...the guy organism.))
"You don't have one to kick!" Draco had suddenly popped up from nowhere. "Remember? You lent it to me for my business with Seamus." He licked his lips in a completely sad attempt to look sexy and dangerous. He tossed the orange back and forth.
"Give it here, Malfoy," Harry said in an angry tone.
"Want it Potter?" Malfoy asked, as he hopped on his spontaneously appearing room from nowhere. He began to circle them as he rose. "I think I'll leave it somewhere for you to find, like on the roof!" Harry hopped onto his spontaneously appearing room and chased after Draco.
"Whoa! Déjà vu!" Dobby said.
Malfoy tossed Harry's orange back and forth looking fondly at it, and then threw it. It was about to hit the window, when Harry caught it. Everybody cheered as he fell to the ground, shaking the orange in his hand. He re- attached it and a look of relief filled his face. "That's better."
"Harry, you don't think I can borrow your penis again, do you?" Draco asked, looking in his shorts at his nothingness.
"NO!" Harry said in a demonic voice. "It's not a penis! It's so much more than a penis! It's an orange and his name is Herman! Now ask Herman politely."
"Erm...Herman, can I borrow you? You were such a nice...er...orange," Draco asked.
"No! Herman doesn't like you. He said you were mean to him and wouldn't play with him!" Harry screamed.
"What?! Oh that is just...that is just wrong!" Draco shouted. "I may be...well...thingless but that is just sick!"
"Apologize!" Harry demanded.
"Why?!"
"Apologize to Herman!" Harry shouted.
"I am not apologizing to your...er...thing!"
"Do it!" Harry screamed. "Or suffer the Herman wrath!"
"Your mad!" Draco shouted. He just walked away, shaking his head.
"It's okay, Herman," Harry said. "Don't be offended...shh, shh, shh...it's okay."
Dobby walked away, shaking his head in the same fashion as Draco, leaving Harry and Herman alone.
~*~
END OF CHAPTER
~*~
TUHPT: Mwahahaha! The odd slashy-ness! Review now!!!
Summary: Harry has a secret ass hole, Draco is pregnant (Ron's the father), Snape's in a thong and Hermione disappeared! Slash! Ron/Harry/Draco and Snape/Dumbledore (yes, we are psycho). R/R!
Rating: PG-13 because we like to think we're not wrong enough to be writing rated R.
Warnings: Slashy, dangerously slashy, the ruler of shlashdom. Mwahahaha! Don't like? Don't read. That simple.
Spoilers: None, really. Maybe for the first movie, but you can't really tell.
Flames will be used to set Emma Watson's hair on fire, so flame away!
Also, we make fun of just about every character, so don't be offended if yours is.
~*~
You Know You're High on Oxygen When...
Chapter 01: Herman and Draco's Visit
The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close, and drowsy silence laid over the large, square house of Privet Drive...the only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flower bed outside #4.
"Hmm..." Harry thought. "This flower bed is really comfy! Except for that bush that's sticking up my ass..." He quickly sat up and saw that it was not a bush sticking up his ass, but Dobby.
"Dobby!" He shouted as he began to change into his pink tutu. "What are you doing?!"
"Sir, Dobby is sorry, sir, I was just up Harry Potter's ass!" Dobby whimpered pathetically.
"If I wanted a house elf up my ass, I would have asked for one!" Harry screamed like a girl, finally in his beautiful tutu. "But now that you mention it..."
"No, Dobby must tell Harry Potter that he is in grave danger..." Dobby said in a mysterious whisper.
"Fried chicken arse! What else is new?"
"Well, Dobby did just go to Old Lady Hut and bought a very sexy leather mini skirt..." He looked away dreamily at Dudley's window. "Oh...Dudley is so hot. Grrrrrrr..." He said in a "I'm trying to sound incredibly sexy" tone.
"But Dobby!" Harry whined. "I already have dibs on him! He's my cousin!" They tried to beat each other up and, of course, Dobby won.
"Mwahahaha! I am GOD!" Dobby shouted.
Harry whined, yet again. "No, I'm God! After all, I'm Harry Potter!" He smiled show-offly to the camera, and his teeth sparkled with a little *ting*. So they fought again, rolling around on the ground, and both of them secretly enjoyed it.
*cough*cough*ahem*
Anyway, then Harry sat up, grabbing his crotch.
"Ow! You kicked my orange!" Harry cried.
((Note: Orange is erm...er...the guy organism.))
"You don't have one to kick!" Draco had suddenly popped up from nowhere. "Remember? You lent it to me for my business with Seamus." He licked his lips in a completely sad attempt to look sexy and dangerous. He tossed the orange back and forth.
"Give it here, Malfoy," Harry said in an angry tone.
"Want it Potter?" Malfoy asked, as he hopped on his spontaneously appearing room from nowhere. He began to circle them as he rose. "I think I'll leave it somewhere for you to find, like on the roof!" Harry hopped onto his spontaneously appearing room and chased after Draco.
"Whoa! Déjà vu!" Dobby said.
Malfoy tossed Harry's orange back and forth looking fondly at it, and then threw it. It was about to hit the window, when Harry caught it. Everybody cheered as he fell to the ground, shaking the orange in his hand. He re- attached it and a look of relief filled his face. "That's better."
"Harry, you don't think I can borrow your penis again, do you?" Draco asked, looking in his shorts at his nothingness.
"NO!" Harry said in a demonic voice. "It's not a penis! It's so much more than a penis! It's an orange and his name is Herman! Now ask Herman politely."
"Erm...Herman, can I borrow you? You were such a nice...er...orange," Draco asked.
"No! Herman doesn't like you. He said you were mean to him and wouldn't play with him!" Harry screamed.
"What?! Oh that is just...that is just wrong!" Draco shouted. "I may be...well...thingless but that is just sick!"
"Apologize!" Harry demanded.
"Why?!"
"Apologize to Herman!" Harry shouted.
"I am not apologizing to your...er...thing!"
"Do it!" Harry screamed. "Or suffer the Herman wrath!"
"Your mad!" Draco shouted. He just walked away, shaking his head.
"It's okay, Herman," Harry said. "Don't be offended...shh, shh, shh...it's okay."
Dobby walked away, shaking his head in the same fashion as Draco, leaving Harry and Herman alone.
~*~
END OF CHAPTER
~*~
TUHPT: Mwahahaha! The odd slashy-ness! Review now!!!