Chapter Three – Reality or Illusion?

//I will walk unto the fire

till its heat doesn't burn me//

Rolling hills and bright green grass. Gold and pink flowers spilt everywhere. Lonely clouds drifting high overhead. A figure far in the distance. Waving? My mind is not what is seems. I wave back, or at least I think I do, for the figure walks towards me.

I am running. Free as an eagle and as graceful as a butterfly. How I wished to be a butterfly. A pretty blue one with silver spots on it. The figure is hurrying now. Getting closer, and closer and closer. I see the familiar golden hair and the beautiful white dress that she is wearing. I want to cry out, to run into her arms and never let go. But I am frozen. Why can I not move?

Suddenly the sky darkens to midnight black and the figure distorts and grows. It soars beyond the clouds but I can still see her face. Her body shakes and her eyes burn an ember red. Through all of this I am still frozen. She raises her arm towards the heavens and silent screams spill from her ice-blue lips.

I sink to the ground and start to scream. Scream. Scream.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My shrieks brought the Warden on duty running sleepily to my side. I was covered in a sheen of sweat, terrified by the nightmare. After I convinced her that it was merely a bad dream, the Warden returned back to her post, and I was left to stare at the designs of the ceiling again.

It was my second night here, and I was already weary of this place. I had yet to see Faramir again and judging by the wounds on some of the men being brought in, a war was being waged outside the castle walls.

I had no place to go, and I feared the day where I would have to give my bed up for a wounded soldier. I wondered what would become of me in this place.

There was another lady here. The Healers called her the Lady of Rohan. If she were anything like me, then she would yearn to live this boring place for some fresh air. I longed to smell flowers, lie in dewy grass and feel sunshine on my face again. And all this after two days.

Sliding out of my bed, I dressed myself in my dance attire and worked on my pointe as I crept silently out the nearby door. A spiral of staircases led me downstairs to a beautiful garden.  Mesmerised by the different flora, I wandered for hours, immersing myself in the fragrance and beauty.

A nearby bench served as my resting spot as I watched the sun rise over the horizon. A spectacular wash of purples, reds and yellows painted the morning sky. When the sun had bathed the lands in its golden shine, I stood. Using the bench as my barre, I stretched and did a few simple foot exercises.

Standing in the centre of the garden, the beat of my dance music sounded in my head as I leapt to a start. Twirling and reaching out, I shut my eyes and allowed my body to flow to the imaginary music. I danced my audition pieces, and I hadn't felt so exhilarated in a long time. It had been a while since I had danced for the pure joy of it.

As my movements ran through my head, the hard emboité came and a sudden fear ran through me. I was spinning and spinning and preparing for it, preparing for what had ended my career in dancing, when I painful thump, just as it had on the day.

Through the garden, I could see the disappointment so many faces, the whispered gossip circulating as I ran from the building, ran from the dance, ran from my mother.

As I lay there, crumbled in the grass, I yanked off my shoes and angrily threw them across the garden, screaming as I did. Then I ripped my hair out of its bun and ran my fingers through it roughly. I would not cry, I would not cry, I would not cry, I kept telling myself, too many tears have been shed already.

Nearly an hour had passed as I sat there, knees drawn to my body, rocking myself backwards and forwards, willing the pain away. I was so wrapped up that I did not hear the approaching footsteps.

A woman came down the stairs and walked to the edge of the garden where you could see the castle walls. I assumed that this was the Lady of Rohan. She did not seem to notice me so I kept silent.

A few moments later, Faramir emerged from the stairwell and walked over to her. When she turned her head to greet him, I saw a deep sadness in her eyes. When they kissed, it was a gorgeous sight. You could see the happiness on both their faces. It was like true love.

I laughed out loud at that, shattering the their beautiful moment. Startling them, I continued to laugh at the absurdity of true love. I didn't believe in it at all. My laughter had now turned hysterical as I clutched my sides for air.

With confused expressions on their faces, Faramir and Éowyn walked over to me, hand in hand. When I had calmed down enough to speak, they looked expectantly at me.

"Why do you laugh so, lady?" Faramir asked.

Glancing up at the two of them, contented looks in their eyes, I wondered if there were such a thing as…no, there couldn't be.

"Where I come from, love such as yours is impossible. God, I wish a guy would look at me the way he does you," I answered, directing the later comment at Éowyn.

Her cheeks blushed a pale pink as she murmured a 'thank you'. She turned to Faramir and the look she gave him was one of adoration. He smiled down at her and I knew that I was oblivious to them of that moment.

Looking out to the bright sky, I could see threatening clouds coming from the west and the stench of death was slowly permeating the air. Frowning, I turned to the couple beside me who had also turned to gaze sombrely out into the sky.

"Is there a war being waged?"

Bewilderment crossed both faces as Faramir stated obviously to me with a grimace, "Yes, lady, there is a war, against the Dark Lord, Sauron."

Nodding, I turned back to the open skies with a feeling of dread. Inclining my head to the right, I saw, for the first time, the terrifying peak of a volcano. Ash and smog clouded the whole area and bright fires were lighting up everywhere.

A sudden chill ran down my spine as I lifted my head towards the peak of the volcano and for a moment a huge burning eye zapped before me, screaming in agony. Frightened, I quickly stood up, ignoring Éowyn and Faramir.

Gathering my shoes, I scurried back up the stairwell, back to the bed. A fear I had never experienced had struck cold in my heart and I was shaking uncontrollably as I collapsed onto the bed.

I lay there for hours, staring at the beautiful ceiling, trying to banish the horrible image from my mind. A slit of an eye, the black iris wreathed in flames which whipped and curled in every direction, stinging my mind and burning my thoughts as its wail pierced my ears.

//And I will feed the fire//

My food went untouched for the whole day, its smell sickening me as I pushed it away.  Through the day, the reek of blood increased and I knew that the war was almost over, but which side did victory go to? When darkness fell, I shut my eyes tightly, praying for peaceful slumber.