A/N: Okay kids this was written as part of a challenge for a fanfic contest at The Sisters Three.
The demon's name is Bjornne; he's immune to one of the CO's powers; all action to take place in one room; had to be comedy. That's all I was given... the episode references, well make of them what you will but it is in my and KT's belief that they are o so clever. BTW KT wrote this A/N.
Because she roolez.
Yes it is me, the wonderful KT, adding parts to other people's fics once more! You guys can't get rid of me huh, even when I'm not updating. Anyhoos, this is a roolezy story, has some mega-quality lines and you should all R&R or... you like Phoebe! Light and lubb!
*
Less Is More
*
Dusk was falling, the Manor was calm, until...
"Woah..woah! Demon!" shouted Paige, her arm flapping up and down as she pointed at it, about a metre from the front doors.
"Ok, ok, s'ok..." rushed Piper, running in from the kitchen, and as she caught sight of it...'Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me, right?' She observed the 'demon' who was standing with its feet shoulder width apart and hands on its hips.
"Fear me! For I am Bjornne!" it announced. The sisters, who were now side by side looked at one and other and tried to suppress the giggles, but it was no use.
"Fear you? You?!" laughed Piper, taking in the white spandex outfit, and it's height, she guessed at around 3 feet 10 inches. "Oh, this is just too easy," she smiled as she froze him. Turning to Paige she said "Before I get all blowy-uppy on him... are we still playing?"
Crinkling her nose, and pursing her ever so glossy bright pink lips as she momentarily thought, Paige replied. "Well, I guess so," and so they both turned back to 'Bjornne' to see him still standing with his feet shoulder width apart, but now absent-mindedly picking at his nails.
"Hey, hey you! Demon! Why aren't you frozen?" asked Piper, a quizzical look on her face and her head tilted to one side.
Seeing he had their attention again, his hands went straight back to his hips, and he repeated his opening announcement. "Fear me! For I am Bjornne!"
Suddenly Paige started jumping up and down on the spot clapping her hands. "Ooooh, oooh, I know! Deja vu all over again! Yes! Now I have one, 3-1 to you!"
Straightening her head, though still looking pointedly at this strange little demon, Piper answered. "Well done sweetie! See, you're getting the hang of it! Have a bonus point for the fact it's Season One and you weren't even here yet." Still eyeing Bjornne suspiciously she added, "And I'll let you draw even if you can tell me the episode number."
Waving her hand once in front of herself, Paige replied "Pffffftt. That's easy! It's the season One Finale, so... 1.22! Yay! 3-3!"
"Ok then," Piper nodded. "Is it just me, or is there something strange about this Bjornne?" she then muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
"Uh, well, the beard is kinda strange," Paige whispered in response. He hadn't moved from his hands on hips stance, but was looking kind of bored, glancing around the Manor, seemingly waiting for their attention again.
He sighed. "I may be short, but I'm right here and I can hear you!"
"Ha!" said Piper as she pointed at him and turned her head to Paige. "Size Matters! 4.05, I'm back in the lead!"
"Owwwwww," said Paige, unhappy to fall behind in the points again. "Hey, is that an accent I can hear Bjornne? And are you trying to be Elvis in that outfit? I'm so digging that," she continued, looking down at her own outfit and thinking that she would look so good in white spandex. Looking most offended, Bjornne dropped his stance and started to pace back and forth.
"Accent? I am from Sweden. I am a Swedish Demon, we're very rare you know? You should be honoured and pay me more heed. Actually, I am not trying to be Elvis, but yes, you have the right time frame for the clothing."
Snapping her fingers Piper spoke with a nod of her head. "That 70's episode! 1.17. Come on, Paige, I need competition!"
"You know what? Just Bite me!" scowled Paige.
Piper raised her eyebrows, "Ah, now that's more like it!"
Obviously confused, Paige frowned, until the realisation dawned "Yay! And I SO know the eppy number, it's 4.18."
"Well, no bonus points this time, that episode was basically all about you," was Piper's retort, she smiled and added "You were really awesome."
"I know!" grinned Paige twiddling with her fingers, "And it made a nice change for the spotlight to be on somebody other than Phoebe. Oh, and the clothes! Don't you wish you had an episode where you get to dress in wild racey clothes?"
Rolling her eyes, Piper countered "Been there, done that, Coyote Piper. 3.09"
"Ah. Of course." Paige frowned a moment, recalling the fact that those were 'Prue' days. "Hey! You didn't just score from that one did you?"
"No," sighed Piper, ever ready to keep the peace. "The scores are 7 to me, and 4 to you."
"Right," replied Paige and both sisters turned their attention back to Bjornne in time to see him blink. "Where'd he go?" she panicked as they both whirled around. He materialised just behind them, at the foot of the stairs.
"So, now I have your attention!" he said triumphantly, "You will pay for your ignorance of my mighty power! I shall have the Book of Shadows and rule ALLLLLLLL!" And he threw his arms aloft, palms downwards.
"He's a bit dramatic isn't he? Theatrical almost, don't you think?" inquired Paige of Piper.
Nodding, she agreed. "Yup, I'd say he's definitely in the wrong line of work, he should be a performer." As she finished her assessment of his skills the whole room seemed to become hazy... almost humming.
Then as the light bulb in the lamp exploded, Paige cowered away from it and exclaimed. "Power outage, 3.07!?"
Piper deadpanned "Good thinking, I'm sure that will vanquish him. I think we're in trouble here," and then preceeded to flick her hands at him saying "Blow-" flick "Up-" flick "You-" flick "This isn't working dammit!"
At which point, the room moved on from humming to positively vibrating. Paige shouted, "Grandfather Clock to Bjornnes Head!" and the room snapped to normality as the Grandfather clock crashed down onto Bjornnes diminutive frame.
Bending down to prod him, Piper complained "The clock Paige?"
"Well, yeah!" she rolled her eyes, "It worked didn't it?"
"But every time the clock gets it. The couch would've worked just as well. Anyway, he's not vanquished, just suffering from a little headache. Unfortunately, I think we need Phoebe."
"You do? Well, hey, look at my timing, anyone would think I'm psychic!" chirped Phoebe, coming down the stairs. "And guess what, I got one!!! Ok, ok. Look," She then - whilst standing on the second stair, one hand on the banister - proceeded to smile, followed by a deep frown, followed by her eyes opened so wide they seemed to be popping out of her head, with her mouth formed into a surprised 'o'. After noticing her two sisters looking blankly back at her she exclaimed, "It's The Three Faces of Phoebe! 4.14, an episode about ME!" She continued down the final two steps and moved towards the kitchen before tripping over the clock and prone demon "What's this? It's in MY way." She spat.
"That would be a Demon under our clock," the sarcastic tone was barely disguised in Pipers voice, "He needs vanquishing," she added.
"You need me for the power of three?" pressed Phoebe, "But he's all teeny tiny."
"And he could kick your skinny butt! We don't know much about him yet but he's immune to Piper's power, and it seemed like the whole house was gonna explode before I knocked him out. Just do the touchy thing. It'll save time."
"As you know, I'm not adverse to doing the touchy thing with a demon, so..."
"Do it already," snapped Piper, "He could come to at any moment." Phoebe bent down and at first put her hand on his knee, only to slide it further up his leg until- "Phoebe!!! What are you DOING!?" exclaimed Piper.
"He's a demon!" answered Phoebe, then shrugging and sliding it back down to his knee pouted "I don't know, I just couldn't help myself."
Approximately six seconds later she took her hand away, laughing. Paige frowned, and once again pursed her lips. Strangely, they were now a glossy bright red. "Why didn't you jolt? You always do the jolt thing."
"Oh, this you mean?" answered Phoebe, re-enacting the scene viewers are so familiar with which signifies she's receiving a vision. "I haven't HAD to do that for a long time. I just do it for effect these days. It makes it look as though I suffer for my art, and I like that," she sweetly smiled. "So anyway... the low down on this guy? He's a member from the original line-up of 1970's Supergroup ABBA. Bjornne here joined Agnetha, Frida and Benny but was ousted due to the fact that he's only 4ft tall and replaced with a look alike with an additional foot and a half in the height stakes. His name was Peter, but he changed it to Bjorn. Nobody noticed our friend here was gone and his disappointment and rage lead to a pact with the devil himself."
"WAIT!" Piper held up her hand to stop Phoebe and looked puzzled. "He's FOUR feet tall? Are you sure he's not 3ft 10 inches?" she asked.
"I know everything there is to know about this guy," Phoebe replied, greedily looking towards his crotch, "and strangely, although he's a short man, he's blessed in the-"
"For God's sake Phoebe! How do we vanquish him?!" snapped Piper.
Phoebe glowered at Piper a moment, before realising this mini-man would never measure up to Cole, the man she hated. No, loved. Noooo, wait, despised. Hold on, adored. "It will require all three of us, including you Paige," she looked over to her pouty, glossy lipped half sister and then broke into a grin, "The Fourth Sister! 1.07 Yes! I must be winning by now?"
"I'm way ahead of you Phoebe, get on with it."
"Ok, we have to link hands, and sing their Eurovision song contest winning entry 'Waterloo'. Reliving the pain on missing out on winning that competition is the only thing which will vanquish him...hurry!" Her sisters, looking rather gleeful at the prospect, quickly joined hands and began singing:
"Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war.
Waterloo promise to love you forever more.
Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to,
Waterloo, knowing my chance was to be with you,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Waterloo!"
Piper managed a few high kicks by way of a dance routine, Paige got down in a disco fever kind of way, and Phoebe... well, she probably thought she was auditioning to be a pole dancer. The girls then looked on expectantly when suddenly the Grandfather clock started to shake and BOOM! Glitter sprayed everywhere, making the Manor look like a snow globe someone had just shook up.
"I guess it's fitting he disappeared in a puff of... glitter," frowned Paige, sorry he hadn't stuck around long enough for her to borrow his suit. It wouldn't matter if it didn't fit, Eilish would approve it anyway.
"Who's up for a rendition of 'Dancing Queen'?" smiled Piper.
"Has it got any demons in it?" inquired Phoebe
"No." Chimed Paige and Piper in unison.
"I'm not interested then, you know you two will never be as important to me as anything with a demon in it. Or, for that matter, anything with a demon in me." she flounced, and slammed the Manor doors shut behind her as she left.
Oh that Phoebe!
*
Fin.
A/N: Natch, the last line is sneaked in by KT as homage to our wonderful Kit!
The demon's name is Bjornne; he's immune to one of the CO's powers; all action to take place in one room; had to be comedy. That's all I was given... the episode references, well make of them what you will but it is in my and KT's belief that they are o so clever. BTW KT wrote this A/N.
Because she roolez.
Yes it is me, the wonderful KT, adding parts to other people's fics once more! You guys can't get rid of me huh, even when I'm not updating. Anyhoos, this is a roolezy story, has some mega-quality lines and you should all R&R or... you like Phoebe! Light and lubb!
*
Less Is More
*
Dusk was falling, the Manor was calm, until...
"Woah..woah! Demon!" shouted Paige, her arm flapping up and down as she pointed at it, about a metre from the front doors.
"Ok, ok, s'ok..." rushed Piper, running in from the kitchen, and as she caught sight of it...'Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me, right?' She observed the 'demon' who was standing with its feet shoulder width apart and hands on its hips.
"Fear me! For I am Bjornne!" it announced. The sisters, who were now side by side looked at one and other and tried to suppress the giggles, but it was no use.
"Fear you? You?!" laughed Piper, taking in the white spandex outfit, and it's height, she guessed at around 3 feet 10 inches. "Oh, this is just too easy," she smiled as she froze him. Turning to Paige she said "Before I get all blowy-uppy on him... are we still playing?"
Crinkling her nose, and pursing her ever so glossy bright pink lips as she momentarily thought, Paige replied. "Well, I guess so," and so they both turned back to 'Bjornne' to see him still standing with his feet shoulder width apart, but now absent-mindedly picking at his nails.
"Hey, hey you! Demon! Why aren't you frozen?" asked Piper, a quizzical look on her face and her head tilted to one side.
Seeing he had their attention again, his hands went straight back to his hips, and he repeated his opening announcement. "Fear me! For I am Bjornne!"
Suddenly Paige started jumping up and down on the spot clapping her hands. "Ooooh, oooh, I know! Deja vu all over again! Yes! Now I have one, 3-1 to you!"
Straightening her head, though still looking pointedly at this strange little demon, Piper answered. "Well done sweetie! See, you're getting the hang of it! Have a bonus point for the fact it's Season One and you weren't even here yet." Still eyeing Bjornne suspiciously she added, "And I'll let you draw even if you can tell me the episode number."
Waving her hand once in front of herself, Paige replied "Pffffftt. That's easy! It's the season One Finale, so... 1.22! Yay! 3-3!"
"Ok then," Piper nodded. "Is it just me, or is there something strange about this Bjornne?" she then muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
"Uh, well, the beard is kinda strange," Paige whispered in response. He hadn't moved from his hands on hips stance, but was looking kind of bored, glancing around the Manor, seemingly waiting for their attention again.
He sighed. "I may be short, but I'm right here and I can hear you!"
"Ha!" said Piper as she pointed at him and turned her head to Paige. "Size Matters! 4.05, I'm back in the lead!"
"Owwwwww," said Paige, unhappy to fall behind in the points again. "Hey, is that an accent I can hear Bjornne? And are you trying to be Elvis in that outfit? I'm so digging that," she continued, looking down at her own outfit and thinking that she would look so good in white spandex. Looking most offended, Bjornne dropped his stance and started to pace back and forth.
"Accent? I am from Sweden. I am a Swedish Demon, we're very rare you know? You should be honoured and pay me more heed. Actually, I am not trying to be Elvis, but yes, you have the right time frame for the clothing."
Snapping her fingers Piper spoke with a nod of her head. "That 70's episode! 1.17. Come on, Paige, I need competition!"
"You know what? Just Bite me!" scowled Paige.
Piper raised her eyebrows, "Ah, now that's more like it!"
Obviously confused, Paige frowned, until the realisation dawned "Yay! And I SO know the eppy number, it's 4.18."
"Well, no bonus points this time, that episode was basically all about you," was Piper's retort, she smiled and added "You were really awesome."
"I know!" grinned Paige twiddling with her fingers, "And it made a nice change for the spotlight to be on somebody other than Phoebe. Oh, and the clothes! Don't you wish you had an episode where you get to dress in wild racey clothes?"
Rolling her eyes, Piper countered "Been there, done that, Coyote Piper. 3.09"
"Ah. Of course." Paige frowned a moment, recalling the fact that those were 'Prue' days. "Hey! You didn't just score from that one did you?"
"No," sighed Piper, ever ready to keep the peace. "The scores are 7 to me, and 4 to you."
"Right," replied Paige and both sisters turned their attention back to Bjornne in time to see him blink. "Where'd he go?" she panicked as they both whirled around. He materialised just behind them, at the foot of the stairs.
"So, now I have your attention!" he said triumphantly, "You will pay for your ignorance of my mighty power! I shall have the Book of Shadows and rule ALLLLLLLL!" And he threw his arms aloft, palms downwards.
"He's a bit dramatic isn't he? Theatrical almost, don't you think?" inquired Paige of Piper.
Nodding, she agreed. "Yup, I'd say he's definitely in the wrong line of work, he should be a performer." As she finished her assessment of his skills the whole room seemed to become hazy... almost humming.
Then as the light bulb in the lamp exploded, Paige cowered away from it and exclaimed. "Power outage, 3.07!?"
Piper deadpanned "Good thinking, I'm sure that will vanquish him. I think we're in trouble here," and then preceeded to flick her hands at him saying "Blow-" flick "Up-" flick "You-" flick "This isn't working dammit!"
At which point, the room moved on from humming to positively vibrating. Paige shouted, "Grandfather Clock to Bjornnes Head!" and the room snapped to normality as the Grandfather clock crashed down onto Bjornnes diminutive frame.
Bending down to prod him, Piper complained "The clock Paige?"
"Well, yeah!" she rolled her eyes, "It worked didn't it?"
"But every time the clock gets it. The couch would've worked just as well. Anyway, he's not vanquished, just suffering from a little headache. Unfortunately, I think we need Phoebe."
"You do? Well, hey, look at my timing, anyone would think I'm psychic!" chirped Phoebe, coming down the stairs. "And guess what, I got one!!! Ok, ok. Look," She then - whilst standing on the second stair, one hand on the banister - proceeded to smile, followed by a deep frown, followed by her eyes opened so wide they seemed to be popping out of her head, with her mouth formed into a surprised 'o'. After noticing her two sisters looking blankly back at her she exclaimed, "It's The Three Faces of Phoebe! 4.14, an episode about ME!" She continued down the final two steps and moved towards the kitchen before tripping over the clock and prone demon "What's this? It's in MY way." She spat.
"That would be a Demon under our clock," the sarcastic tone was barely disguised in Pipers voice, "He needs vanquishing," she added.
"You need me for the power of three?" pressed Phoebe, "But he's all teeny tiny."
"And he could kick your skinny butt! We don't know much about him yet but he's immune to Piper's power, and it seemed like the whole house was gonna explode before I knocked him out. Just do the touchy thing. It'll save time."
"As you know, I'm not adverse to doing the touchy thing with a demon, so..."
"Do it already," snapped Piper, "He could come to at any moment." Phoebe bent down and at first put her hand on his knee, only to slide it further up his leg until- "Phoebe!!! What are you DOING!?" exclaimed Piper.
"He's a demon!" answered Phoebe, then shrugging and sliding it back down to his knee pouted "I don't know, I just couldn't help myself."
Approximately six seconds later she took her hand away, laughing. Paige frowned, and once again pursed her lips. Strangely, they were now a glossy bright red. "Why didn't you jolt? You always do the jolt thing."
"Oh, this you mean?" answered Phoebe, re-enacting the scene viewers are so familiar with which signifies she's receiving a vision. "I haven't HAD to do that for a long time. I just do it for effect these days. It makes it look as though I suffer for my art, and I like that," she sweetly smiled. "So anyway... the low down on this guy? He's a member from the original line-up of 1970's Supergroup ABBA. Bjornne here joined Agnetha, Frida and Benny but was ousted due to the fact that he's only 4ft tall and replaced with a look alike with an additional foot and a half in the height stakes. His name was Peter, but he changed it to Bjorn. Nobody noticed our friend here was gone and his disappointment and rage lead to a pact with the devil himself."
"WAIT!" Piper held up her hand to stop Phoebe and looked puzzled. "He's FOUR feet tall? Are you sure he's not 3ft 10 inches?" she asked.
"I know everything there is to know about this guy," Phoebe replied, greedily looking towards his crotch, "and strangely, although he's a short man, he's blessed in the-"
"For God's sake Phoebe! How do we vanquish him?!" snapped Piper.
Phoebe glowered at Piper a moment, before realising this mini-man would never measure up to Cole, the man she hated. No, loved. Noooo, wait, despised. Hold on, adored. "It will require all three of us, including you Paige," she looked over to her pouty, glossy lipped half sister and then broke into a grin, "The Fourth Sister! 1.07 Yes! I must be winning by now?"
"I'm way ahead of you Phoebe, get on with it."
"Ok, we have to link hands, and sing their Eurovision song contest winning entry 'Waterloo'. Reliving the pain on missing out on winning that competition is the only thing which will vanquish him...hurry!" Her sisters, looking rather gleeful at the prospect, quickly joined hands and began singing:
"Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war.
Waterloo promise to love you forever more.
Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to,
Waterloo, knowing my chance was to be with you,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Waterloo!"
Piper managed a few high kicks by way of a dance routine, Paige got down in a disco fever kind of way, and Phoebe... well, she probably thought she was auditioning to be a pole dancer. The girls then looked on expectantly when suddenly the Grandfather clock started to shake and BOOM! Glitter sprayed everywhere, making the Manor look like a snow globe someone had just shook up.
"I guess it's fitting he disappeared in a puff of... glitter," frowned Paige, sorry he hadn't stuck around long enough for her to borrow his suit. It wouldn't matter if it didn't fit, Eilish would approve it anyway.
"Who's up for a rendition of 'Dancing Queen'?" smiled Piper.
"Has it got any demons in it?" inquired Phoebe
"No." Chimed Paige and Piper in unison.
"I'm not interested then, you know you two will never be as important to me as anything with a demon in it. Or, for that matter, anything with a demon in me." she flounced, and slammed the Manor doors shut behind her as she left.
Oh that Phoebe!
*
Fin.
A/N: Natch, the last line is sneaked in by KT as homage to our wonderful Kit!