Hamo
Disclaimer: Well duh, its like any other!!!! Marine: When do I get my turn? Author: Shut up Marine: Oh behave. Author: (Realizes marine is gay) Marine: You like my body don't you. Author: (Pulls trigger on M15AB1 assault rifle) Anyways. Elite: I object Author: What the hell? Why? Elite: I don't want to have this gay part! Author: My god, you better do it anyway! Elite: . At least I have a girl! (Smiles at Author) Author: Banstor you better do this part otherwise I'll tell mom you didn't kill the Chief. Elite: So I'll tell mom you killed Aunt Ganstorp! Author: Now you had to bring Aunt Ganstorp up. Joe: 4 minutes to the show Author: What it's supposed to be on now! Joe: Oh I thought this was Bob's Gay Happy Hour. Author: Oh My god get outta here!
The show begins next time. we think.
Scene 1: Huh?
Director: What was that? Elite: Whoa. Marine: WHAT THE HELL! Author: That's NASTY!!!! Marine: Ewe! Elite: Who spiked the beer. (Idiot) Marine: Hmmmm Director: Geese stop that. that's just sickening! Author: (Holds mouth) Blah. Cortona: O.O that is so sexy!!!!!!!!! Man: You no you like this dance, yea hot mama yea! Master Chief: Stay away from my girl (Pulls out an M15AB1 Assault Rifle), Back of biatch! Leader of Anger Management: Now Cheify calms it down. Fartsa: I hate my life Man: (Still getting funky with Cortona!) Oh, don't be so mean! Chief: THAT'S IT!!!!! (Pulls out Jack Hammer Rocket Launcher) Eat this ass- wipe (Fires the rocket launcher which ricochets off of a metal beam and hits Fartsa in the chest) Fartsa: Damn it was a dud! (Starts crying [Fartsa is an Elite] kind of pathetic isn't it?) Chief: (Grabs Fartsa and starts smashing her into the man that is all naked and Fartsa is screaming with joy!) Fartsa: I'm. Finally. Going. To. Die! Chief: Opps (Puts down Fartsa) Fartsa: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Leader: No Fartsa NO! Fartsa: (Grabs a Knife and cuts her wrists) Leader: Fartsa. I. LOVE YOU. Fartsa: Really? Leader: Well no because I'm having sex with the Author. (It is a Woman all you sick perverts) Fartsa: What; you too? Leader: What you mean? Author: Oh shit! Fartsa: I'm Having sex with him! (Both look for the Author yet he is no where to be found till.) Leader: (Fires her plasma rifle at the catwalks, The Author falls and hits the concrete) Author: Please spare me! Leader: Fartsa lets show him a good time! (They drag him into another stage area; the sign reads Bob's Gay Happy Hour!) [Screams are heard and all the Males look at each other and see their double women walk at them with strait jackets] Males: Every man for themselves!!!!! Reporter: Last night a huge and very bloody battle occurred on the set of Halo, unfortunately for you waiting fans, since the director, Author, and every male actor is recovering from um. Probes! Yea that's it, this will delay the release of the game.
Scene 2: Short lived Victory
Fartsa: Wait! Since we got ride of all the men HOW WILL WE GET SOME!!! Women: NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Scene 3: The Truth and Dare! (The marines and stuff get onboard the Truth and Reconciliation, Unfortunately they all got bored cause the gravity lift malfunctioned and decided to play truth or dare) Marine 1: Author, who do you like doing more, women or female elites? (All look at Author, who is seen near corner kissing a female elite, and getting her shield powered down) All: . Marine 1: Okay. Marine 2: Chief, truth or dare? Chief: Dare! All: Wow he's brave Marine 2: Go kick the author in the ass! Chief: No way. fine I'll do it (All are laughing as Chief is led in a stretcher to an ambulance, the Author kicked his ass using an odd weapon. a. well its kind of hard to believe. a. stuffed animal!) CovenatElite: I am so disappointed with you guys. this Game sucks from lack of action and blood and violence. Marine 3: Kiss mine. CovenatElite: (a loud crack, slash, splot, plosh and clack are heard; blood is all over the metal floor after I finished playing slam dunkhe with the Marine)
All: (0) [All scream and start to get back to work staying away from the really pissed off muscular Yellow Fang Elite (Yellow Fang are the huge guys with the plasma swords)]
CovenatElite: (Sees a yellow fang female looking at him and walks over to talk to her) All: Wow he has his own slut! CovenatElite: (Overhears) THAT'S MY WIFE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!! All: (0) [scream and run in different directions as I chase them and hack two of them into kibble] Author: Damn you are good, teach me MASTER! CovenatElite: First lesson (Punches Author in the mouth, it passes right through shield). you break my daughters heart I break off your legs! Author: Yikes!!!! *What an asshole* CovenatElite: -.- *Who you calling an asshole?* Author: ??? *How the hell did he hear that* (Most of the other elites in the room crowd around) Elite: *Author you better shut up!* Author: Who said that? CovenatElite: *Jackass!* Author: *What the hell, are you that guy off of Happy Gilmore?* Elites: *Jackass?* Marine: What the hell's going on? (Looking from edge of set) Cortona: You don't wanna know! Marines: (look at her, perverted ones at her.) How the hell do you know that?! CovenatElite: (after the wedding) I'm happy my daughter married such a fine Elite. *Only I wish my wife hadn't said to be nice or I'd give him a real compliment!* Marines: (Whispering) maybe we will get the day off cause of that gay bastard Author. (Notices that he is looking at them) Author: Oh my new father taught me something. *Wow that was stupid, bad dialogue, hey did you really mean that?* CovenatElite: *No you idiot I didn't this is for a book so keep writing* Reporter: Last night 4 marines walked. crawled out of the wedding after their lower parts. were all torn apart, and used to beat them, 3 died yet one survived only to be shoot by the Author, he is now being arrested. uh oh we have a problem.
(4 plasma grenades land on 2 squad cars. 8 police started shooting at the huge army of Elites)
Scene 4: What weren't they thinking?
(Reasons why everyone is wounded, even CovenatElite)
1: A Retarded marine lights a match in a room that says on the door "Gunpowder, Frags, and Plasma Grenades" {read} 2: 8 marines shot at a pop can on top of a barrel labeled "Napalm" {Getting sober} 3: An Elite eats a spicy sandwich causing him to accidentally run into the room that was sealed off for lack of drinkable water {only he and heaven know} 4: CovenatElite is shooting his rifle at a moving target when his brother walks under the target with a crate on his back labeled "Danger Nitroglycerin" {Brother: Anything at all} 5: Master Chief inserts a game cartridge look alike into Cortona's hard drive, concealed on the back was the dreaded Lesser Virus frying her brain and turning on all defense weaponry. {Why was a $50 game for free?} 6: A blizzard outside causes 2 men with flamethrowers to enter the sealed back door, they tried to fry it open when suddenly the one man remembered he laid a gasoline canister near the door. {Their House was just behind them} 7: 2 boys who are true Halo haters through Molotov cocktails into the upper open window, that room is used to store the fireworks for the special effects. {What if someone got hurt?} 8: A lost American bomber mistakes the Halo building for a terrorist camp {Home of the Brave} 9: Master Chief is happy he survived the gun turrets so he lights up in the sewers, unfortunately it is the gas line and when the match hits the dirty water. {We have a gas line?} 10: The remaining rubble falls on the Director {Maybe I should leave} 11: Fartsa is blown into the sky, unfortunately she doesn't die from the explosion or the landing and is unharmed {did I do great things in my life} 12: Fartsa thinks she is like the guy of off Unbreakable and begins doing strange dances with matches and gunpowder bags {the guy in Unbreakable had a weakness}
(We regret to inform you that the author was severely injured in the last one, he went out to watch his wife do the dance with Fartsa, actually I died laughing until I got hit by a low flying.)
Hamo Part 2 Scene 5: Take 2 and call me!
Chief: Uncle. Uncle! CovenatElite: Next!!!!! All: (0) (Run away) Author: Try me! CovenatElite: (after 4 hours of painful bloody Arms) Give it up! Author: No way!
They keep playing till finally Author gives up. The final battle begins in 10 seconds.
Scene 6: WHAT?
(Again stupid men keep blowing up the sets, and get shot etc.)
1: A female elite entertains a male elite, when suddenly he grabs the wrong box, tries to open it when suddenly he realizes it's a plasma grenade. 2: Master Chief is trying to get out of the holding cell he's in, becoming bored he shots at a barrel on the other side labeled TNT, suddenly the shield drops. 3: 6 marines shoot at a squirrel missing it and hitting a car blowing it up. 4: CovenatElite is running in parking lot being chased by flood. 5: Chief is trying to make a sandwich but ends up knocking over a bottle of Acid. 6: A car hits the front of the building. 7: 2 marines are chasing a small flood squid when they shoot into a room full of pipes; sadly one of the pipes was the gas line. 8: Police raid the building thinking it is a crack joint, the director shows them around saying there is no crack, suddenly they open the door to Fartsa's room she has 50 kilos of crack, 65 illegal weapons, two major cocaine dealers from Cuba, and 67 bags of meth. 9: Author and his wife are doing it when the police from the last one enter the room and see money all over the bed.
Reporter: . it is still unknown who is the prostitute. 10: Fartsa has a Heart attack, then a stroke, next chokes on a condom, is found to be a prostitute, then is found with 800 trucks full of illegal Russian KGB members that are planning an attack on the white house to lower taxes on mustard. 11: the KKK attacks thinking elites are tie died blacks. 12: Nicolas Cage steals the directors GT Shelby 500 (The parking lot scene in gone in 60 seconds) 13: A marine is high and walks into Bobs place 14: A marine gets drunk, steals a scorpion battle tank, runs over CovenatElite's Royal Tiger Tank delivered by his Father who watched WW2 and took flight (you know which) that was described as the Bermuda triangle, he also got the tank from Hitler's secret bunker! (The humans made good experiments till his ship crashed and Elites called him crazy discovered Earth indeed!) 15: Gasoline leaks out of the damaged tank and hits some sparks on the newly installed electric fence, oh yea its full of old WW2 ammunition. 16: A boy named Josh Marrow runs into the back door and hits the panic button 17: A marine, is trying to get some tea out of a teapot, there is no tea in it so he opens it up and pulls out a rubber chicken! 18:The marine in the last one is not very humored about the chicken, while he is walking he trips on a bottle rocket, it rolls down the hallway, hits the trashcan and falls down the stairs, a loud sizzle is heard the rocket rolled into an open floor vent that was being repaired, it lit the rocket which bounced down the hallway, exploded in a marine's face who fired his grenade launcher the round landed in the ammo room, the bullets flew, 2 tank shells, go sailing side by side, the first one bounces off a light fixture (A light fixture????) it hits the elevators cables which sends it screaming down the shaft, number 2 sails out the window and lands in one of the Covenat tanks, it starts firing blowing off the curtains and knocking down the set, the set falls over and lands on an elite. 19: To make it all worse the director said that elites are gay! He is later found running from 50 angry elites wielding plasma swords.
Scene 8: Ewwwww! 0800 hrs
Director: (Still in pain) Ok. today we were going to do the "Two Betrayals" level, sadly the script was eaten by the flood along with 2 camera men. so you guys would get today off. All: (Throwing hats/stuff in air) Yahoo! Director: .but you will be helping to repair the sets instead. (2 hours later) CovenatElite: Owe (Holds his foot) watch were you're throwing stuff! Marine: Sorry bout that! (Threw his shovel back behind him) Elite: (Hammering away) Ok. 2 more boards to go and I'm done. (Suddenly all the nails fly out and the roof caves in) . wah. (Cries; looks at his bloody fingers) Chief: (Repairing a catwalk) Why is it when the sets are destroyed we have to fix them? Author: Cause we destroy them! Chief: Oh yea. Flood Zombie: Gurgle, gurgle splat. All: . Cortona: How are you guys doing? (Sees crying elite) -.- Grunt: (Repairing a turret) staple here, tape there, some gum here. Jackal: That'll never hold together. (Shows off his wielded turret, jumps in and it breaks) (The grunt jumps in his and it stay together) Jackal: That's it! (Stomps towards entrance to different set) Elite 3: Wow (Hops in grunts turret and presses the button) Air Conditioned Too! Hunter: I don't care as long as I get to fight later. Elite: Why me, why, why, why? (Still crying) CovenatElite: (Throws hammer at crying elite, it knocks him off and he lands on the pizza boy, who was carrying 12 pizzas) Oh that had to hurt, that's like 100 feet! Marine: Why do I have to dig this hole again? Chief: For freedom son. FREEDOM! Grunt: Dig faster! Jackal 2: When you're done digging we will be outside in the open air. (Wonders off) Elite 2: Who knew the director was so power hungry! Chief: (After checking the fallen elite's pulse) I do declare this sucker's passed out! CovenatElite: . (Suddenly the flood has babies!) All: Ewwwww!
Scene 9: Intro to level one
Director: Today ladies and gentlemen we do the intro to the "Pillar Of Autumn" level, and the level itself.
(Difficulty: Legendary) Keyes: All I need to know is did we lose them? Cortona: I think we both know the answer to that. Keyes: We made a blind jump how did they. Cortona: Get here first? Cortona: Covenat ships have always been faster, as for tracking us all the way from Reach; at light speed my maneuvering options were limited. Keyes: We were running dark yes? Cortona: Actually no. Keyes: What? Cortona: Someone left the kitchen light on! Director: Cut! Crew: . ha, ha, ha Director: What the hell is the matter with you?
Keyes: We were running dark yes? Cortona: Yea, until we come out of slipstream, no one could have missed the hole we tore in subspace. They were waiting for us on the other side of the planet. Keyes: Its settled I want stage 3 alert, I want everyone on station! Cortona: Everyone? Keyes: Everyone! (Down on marine decks) Lt: Ok listen up, those Covenat son of a bitches want to take our ship and discover earth, but we aren't gonna let those assholes get their grubby fucking hands on our fucking ship! Marine 1-4: . Marine 5: umm sir (Scrounging through script) that isn't in here. Lt: You idiot that's the script for the easy difficulty not today's script of legendary difficulty! Director: Cut . Crewman: Now if you could look at the lights, and stop starring at the female camerawoman! Director: . grr! Marine: Chief if you could follow me, I'll take you to the captain. (He walks through the room and trips on his left foot) Chief: Ha, ha, ha!
Scene 10: A Very Odd World!
1: Marine is walking by two elites kissing, they look at him and he smiles nervously, he then turns the corner and sees a marine and a flood zombie kissing. O.O 2: they are preparing the set for the "Keyes" level suddenly some idiot lights a match and throws it in the highly flammable cool-lent 3: Elites realize a very big problem, your feet really start to hurt after a few hours of play. 4: CovenatElite: That is just. so wrong! Author: I think it feels good. Marine: Ah. Elite: What the hell do you call that bacon and eggs combo! Grunt: Why are you sticking your machine in a fridge? Author: If you hadn't noticed its like 300 degrees out. CovenatElite: (Notices his friend in the corner) What the hell are you doing? Elite: Spanking the monkey? Elite 2: Yeah Elite: Using the pole? Elite 2: uh huh Elite: Smacking the meat? Elite 2: roger Elite: Working the wrench? CovenatElite: Stop it! Elite 2: Correct Elite: Chaffing the Whale? Chief: Dude STOP! Elite 2: Affirmative Elite: Shootin' your gun? Elite 2: Yeparoonie All: ENOUGH! (They turn back to the marine) Marine: Ah. CovenatElite: (Thinks of Gold member) Preparation H does feel good. on the hole! Most: Ha, ha, ha! Marine 2: What the hell I didn't eat corn!
Scene 11: Weird!
CovenatEliteS: Ha, Ha, Ha! CovenatElite: . Doc. Can you fix this? Doc: I don't know, I've never dealed with clones. Author: Why do you get in trouble all the time? CovenatEliteS: I sleep with a stuffed animal! CovenatElite: That isn't true. I sleep with my wife and my rifle. Opps! Marine: Wow to much info! Chief: Hey doc can you teach them tricks? Doc: . CovenatEliteS: I sleep with dragons! CovenatElite: (Pulls out his rifle) Mock my love of dragons will you. no I don't sleep with dragons. yet I like dragons! (Read my other book Dragon Warrior when it comes out) CovenatEliteS: I love walking around naked, and I run like a girl! CovenatElite:! (Charges his rifle) That's it! Marine 2: HA! Chief: You now what? Elite: (Looks at him in a disturbed way!) You know I have the ability to read minds! Chief: No my secret love life! Elite: I mean you sleep with. (Gets punched by elite 2) Elite 2: I can read minds to and I feel and believe in the privacy saying! Chief: Good then no on knows I overcompensate for something! All: ! Chief: No!!!!!! Cortona: O well you do have a Twinkie the size of a penny! (CovenatElite is still chasing his 4 clones)
Scene 12: Band of Brothers
(Filming the Keyes level) Elite: Ok listen we have to get back to the ship, move out in Tactical column! Elite 2: Wait sir, I'm getting a transmission last orders are thrown out the window, we are too hold the hill that the gravity lift is on! (At the hill) Elite: Um director were are the flood? Director: I don't know (Sees flood mating) WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!! (Take 2) Elite: You 2 take up over there, and you (Points to elite as he falls off hill) . (Take 3) (Master chief is running up the hill when he trips and falls off the hill) Director: (Throws script) AH! (Take 4) (Flood are attacking suddenly the lights fail and the ship prop falls on the elites) (Take 5) Director: Okay people get this right! (3 of the elites are shooting at the flood, they take a plasma grenade the first 2 get theirs off but the 3rd gets knocked over and throws it on the back of an elite, he runs away when finally the leader pulls out his knife and stabs it into his skin and pries the grenade off and throws it away) Elite: Close one (Suddenly a frag grenade thrown by the Chief blows up and all the elites are wounded) Director: (Puts down his script and walks up to the catwalks) CovenatElite: Where are you going? Director: To hang myself All: Yea. we mean no! CovenatElite: This is for your own good! (Hits him upside the head) (He falls of the catwalk and lands on top of Fartsa how was just bailed from prison) (Take 6) Elite: (Kills three flood when suddenly he steps back over the edge of the hill) (Take 7) (2 elites are getting in 2 turrets when suddenly they fall off the hill) Director: What is it with you guys and falling off the hill!
Scene 12: Halo U?
Director: Ladies and gentlemen on me! (Instantly all the people crowded around) Director: Halo was a success yet now we have to do Halo 2! CovenatElite: I call driver! Elite: Shotgun! Chief: Give me tanks or give me tanks! Director: And as you may know. CovenatElite: Yeha! (drives Shadow straight through a wall) Elites hanging on: AH!!!!!! (The shadow crashes and the elites are spread out on the ground) CovenatElite: Wow that hurt! (Pulls a fork out of his back, then a knife from his ass)
Scene 13: The Sign says it all!
(After everyone finishes the new sign they realize what they spelled!) (The director stomps off angry) CovenatElite: I didn't write that! Author: yeah you did. you started it! CovenatElite: (Reads it again) Director is an Ass kisser!
Scene 14: Rp madness
(Author is Dungeon master so Dm:) Dm: You have entered the door to your left; it is a trap! Marine: Damn. any one have a Life Crystal? CovenatElite: Ha, I get 500 life points for destroying your dragon! Dm: Whoa you have been fighting that dragon this whole time? CovenatElite: Who cares! Dm: Whatever, there is a new quest ready; will you choose to take it? CovenatElite: Yes; if I get to use my newly captured dragon! Dm: Your whole damn party is of dragon tamers and dragons! CovenatElite: I told you I love dragons! Dm: Anyways, the Quest is to attack the corrupted Fort Winston.
Dm: You shall start here! (Points to a castle near the fort) You must take it without any special magics only your normal attack points so make a good strategy!
(The two talk along with the 5 other players) (The plan begins) Elite: My army attacks the northern tower (When the unseen army assembles, the Dm opens the tower to show what they attacked) Dm: No my defenders. I send my southern wall army to defend the tower! Jackal: My men mine the wall (dig under and set up poles to hold wall up then run burning the poles causing the wall to fall) Dm: My archers, pour oil down the hole! Marine: Got you. my army sets up ladders on the undefended south wall and climbs to the top! CovenatElite: Next my army attacks with his (Points to elite) and we overrun your defenders! Dm: Oh no! Grunt: Now my army will break down your south wall with the help of his army; next I use my mages talent not magic to bring CovenatElite's army to my army! CovenatElite: Now I use my dragon tamers to call my dragons! (The huge hologram shows hundreds off dragons flying around roasting Author's defenders) Dm: I fooled you all. I use Justify on my Steel Dragon, with Justify my dragon's attack goes up by 1000 for every dragon! Director: Not so fast. I use this token called Call of the Mighty it reverses all other tokens meaning CovenatElite's dragons get the bonus! CovenatElite: Next I play my justify increasing them farther and with their new attacks I take my 2 Black Dragons and morph them into the Dragon of Black Chaos and Destruction (Long name huh?) this makes them an unstoppable force! Keyes: And to add to your misery I play Black Fog of the North turning all Black monsters into Mega form meaning DOBCAD is up to 20,000 attack points, plus my Black witch gains the ability to duplicate a monster so I duplicate DOBCAD making two! Dm: Yet I play Driving winds. blowing your fog away, then I play Vampire fangs on my Steel dragon who is behind your DOBCAD allowing him to steal your power. so Keyes you lose your dragon and now I can fight CovenatElite's DOBCAD. so HA! Chief: Not so. here CovenatElite this is for you. I play Gift of the Damned allowing me to sacrifice my army add their attacks together and give it to any monster of my choose. I chose the DOBCAD! Jackal: oh and I use my token called Surprise Attack allowing me to make all my Allies and my beings invisible! Elite: While I am invisible I will use my Necromancer and my Banshee's combined combo to raise Keyes's DOBCAD from the dead in 2 turns! Dm: I use the token Scouting party making all your Beings visible. now I attack and destroy your Necromancer! Elite: Guys I'm sorry I will have to do this I call open my special Skill. CovenatElite: I play Intervention. it allows me to move a monster off the battlefield before a players turn! Elite: phew. anyways I use Heaven's fury! Dm: With what? Elite: My 400 archers on the hill beside the base. you couldn't see them cause you blew the fog over them! Dm: . CovenatElite: and once he is done I will attack and destroy your keep!
Scene 14: Trailer of Trailers!
Director: ladies and gentlemen. ur uh and elites and well. Covenant eyes on me. today we shoot the trailer for Halo 2! All: YEAH!
Admiral on Com: Hold on god damnit! (Master Chief steps in elevator when suddenly the doors crackle shut) Chief: Huh? (Suddenly the elevators cables snap and the elevator screams down the shaft) (Take 2) (Chief pulls on lever to open door to bay when suddenly the column collapses and he slams into the doors)
Scene 14: Ouch is all that needs to be said!
Author: Poor bastard.
CovenatElite: aw that had to hurt! Marine: To bad. (CovenatElite is standing by the ambulance with author beside him and the marine next to him; the director is ah hell who gives a shit about the director?) Elite: How sad. ok lets go play black jack! Jackal: Who's in? Chief: Aren't you guys even the least bit sorry for him I mean he got his Twinkie caught in the Jacuzzi vent! Grunt: (muttering) at least he has one. Chief: . I heard that!
Scene 15: Starcraft Fans?
CovenatElite: Wait up!
Marine: This is so awesome! Elite: Oh I Can't wait! Director: What's going on? Elite 2: Didn't you hear they are filming Starcraft next door! Director: (Sees CovenatElite pull out an I Love Starcraft shirt) What the hell, you are supposed to like HALO! Grunt: (Muttering) . who can like it with an ass like you directing it. Director: Hello I'm right here I can hear every word you said! Grunt: Good then I won't have to repeat myself! (A hunter killer walks by) CovenatElite: Wait. (Getting weaker as he runs off) can I have your autograph . (Jim Raynor walks by) Elite/Marine: WAIT. sign this please. Jim: . ok (Next an ultralisk moves by) Grunt: Sign this for me. Director: (Jaw dropped) . (CovenatElite comes back with 15 different autographs including Jim Raynor's, Inf. Duran, and Inf. Kerrigen) CovenatElite: What did you think I did in my free time?
Scene 15: RISK
Marine: HA I got a 6 and a 6 you lose two guys! Elite: No I got 3 6s so you lose 2 guys because if ever tied victory goes to defender! Marine: That's a gay rule! CovenatElite: My turn and I have just finished my fortress Australia there are 100 men guarding the only entrance. Marine 2: And since we are allies I can show you my special cards and since I own all 3 of these countries I get a bonus there too! (Puts his 3 cannon cards on the field) Marine 2: That means I get 15 men! Elite: So. Elite 2: (Black) So it my turn now and I attack Japan! (Battle) Marine: (Blue) Oh great. Elite 2: (Throws his dice which ricochet off the wall and land on the table) Woot. Two sixes! Marine: (Gets really into it) Ha 3. 1s????? Elite 2: Ha you lose 2 of your 3 defenders! Elite 3: hmm. Marine: I got a 5. beat that! Elite: double sixes! Marine: . Elite 3: (Yellow) I will attack you red! CovenatElite: Ha just try to get through! Elite 3: (Throws dice they hit double ones) . CovenatElite: (Rolls his they hit ones) yeah. kinda. Elite 3: (Throws dice at marine) 2s? CovenatElite: (Rolls his) 2s. Marine: (Rubbing forehead) this is getting old fast. CovenatElite: (Draws this [t("t)] on a piece of paper and passes it to the marine)
Scene 16: Shadow vs. Warthog
(CovenatElite revs up the shadow it blares to life, master chief grabs the wheel of the warthog reluctantly)
Marine: Ah hell I don't wanna do this. Elite: This is gonna hurt. (The two vehicles speed at each other neither will turn, they collide, the marine and the elite are thrown out, they collide in the air and go into lip lock) Both: mph ahhhhgggg! Crew: umm. we won't say a thing! Director: get a room! Elite: (After hitting the ground) dude what the hell was that?! Marine: That felt magical! CovenatElite:!!! Chief:!!! Elite: O.O .
Scene 17: Give me Liberty or give me Beth
Marine: I hate history about super old shit!
CovenatElite: Show me World War 2 and I'll be happy! Elite: Quiet! Director: Keep quiet or you will watch it again! Video: "Give me liberty or give me." Someone: Beth! Video: Well if you look at this paper the statement should have said, Give me. Someone: Puberty Video: or give me. Someone: Beth! Most: (Laugh)
Scene 18: Too many corpses
(Set of Keyes level [This is for platinum edition] when Chief is backed in the hallway were you keep getting attacked by flood, he is afraid to jump so he just keeps fighting) Director: Jump you idiot! Elites: (Fighting flood in the background) He is such a Dumb ass.
Elite: I have an idea! (Jumps across hole and pulls chief over the side)
Chief: (While falling) damn you!
Disclaimer: Well duh, its like any other!!!! Marine: When do I get my turn? Author: Shut up Marine: Oh behave. Author: (Realizes marine is gay) Marine: You like my body don't you. Author: (Pulls trigger on M15AB1 assault rifle) Anyways. Elite: I object Author: What the hell? Why? Elite: I don't want to have this gay part! Author: My god, you better do it anyway! Elite: . At least I have a girl! (Smiles at Author) Author: Banstor you better do this part otherwise I'll tell mom you didn't kill the Chief. Elite: So I'll tell mom you killed Aunt Ganstorp! Author: Now you had to bring Aunt Ganstorp up. Joe: 4 minutes to the show Author: What it's supposed to be on now! Joe: Oh I thought this was Bob's Gay Happy Hour. Author: Oh My god get outta here!
The show begins next time. we think.
Scene 1: Huh?
Director: What was that? Elite: Whoa. Marine: WHAT THE HELL! Author: That's NASTY!!!! Marine: Ewe! Elite: Who spiked the beer. (Idiot) Marine: Hmmmm Director: Geese stop that. that's just sickening! Author: (Holds mouth) Blah. Cortona: O.O that is so sexy!!!!!!!!! Man: You no you like this dance, yea hot mama yea! Master Chief: Stay away from my girl (Pulls out an M15AB1 Assault Rifle), Back of biatch! Leader of Anger Management: Now Cheify calms it down. Fartsa: I hate my life Man: (Still getting funky with Cortona!) Oh, don't be so mean! Chief: THAT'S IT!!!!! (Pulls out Jack Hammer Rocket Launcher) Eat this ass- wipe (Fires the rocket launcher which ricochets off of a metal beam and hits Fartsa in the chest) Fartsa: Damn it was a dud! (Starts crying [Fartsa is an Elite] kind of pathetic isn't it?) Chief: (Grabs Fartsa and starts smashing her into the man that is all naked and Fartsa is screaming with joy!) Fartsa: I'm. Finally. Going. To. Die! Chief: Opps (Puts down Fartsa) Fartsa: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Leader: No Fartsa NO! Fartsa: (Grabs a Knife and cuts her wrists) Leader: Fartsa. I. LOVE YOU. Fartsa: Really? Leader: Well no because I'm having sex with the Author. (It is a Woman all you sick perverts) Fartsa: What; you too? Leader: What you mean? Author: Oh shit! Fartsa: I'm Having sex with him! (Both look for the Author yet he is no where to be found till.) Leader: (Fires her plasma rifle at the catwalks, The Author falls and hits the concrete) Author: Please spare me! Leader: Fartsa lets show him a good time! (They drag him into another stage area; the sign reads Bob's Gay Happy Hour!) [Screams are heard and all the Males look at each other and see their double women walk at them with strait jackets] Males: Every man for themselves!!!!! Reporter: Last night a huge and very bloody battle occurred on the set of Halo, unfortunately for you waiting fans, since the director, Author, and every male actor is recovering from um. Probes! Yea that's it, this will delay the release of the game.
Scene 2: Short lived Victory
Fartsa: Wait! Since we got ride of all the men HOW WILL WE GET SOME!!! Women: NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Scene 3: The Truth and Dare! (The marines and stuff get onboard the Truth and Reconciliation, Unfortunately they all got bored cause the gravity lift malfunctioned and decided to play truth or dare) Marine 1: Author, who do you like doing more, women or female elites? (All look at Author, who is seen near corner kissing a female elite, and getting her shield powered down) All: . Marine 1: Okay. Marine 2: Chief, truth or dare? Chief: Dare! All: Wow he's brave Marine 2: Go kick the author in the ass! Chief: No way. fine I'll do it (All are laughing as Chief is led in a stretcher to an ambulance, the Author kicked his ass using an odd weapon. a. well its kind of hard to believe. a. stuffed animal!) CovenatElite: I am so disappointed with you guys. this Game sucks from lack of action and blood and violence. Marine 3: Kiss mine. CovenatElite: (a loud crack, slash, splot, plosh and clack are heard; blood is all over the metal floor after I finished playing slam dunkhe with the Marine)
All: (0) [All scream and start to get back to work staying away from the really pissed off muscular Yellow Fang Elite (Yellow Fang are the huge guys with the plasma swords)]
CovenatElite: (Sees a yellow fang female looking at him and walks over to talk to her) All: Wow he has his own slut! CovenatElite: (Overhears) THAT'S MY WIFE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!! All: (0) [scream and run in different directions as I chase them and hack two of them into kibble] Author: Damn you are good, teach me MASTER! CovenatElite: First lesson (Punches Author in the mouth, it passes right through shield). you break my daughters heart I break off your legs! Author: Yikes!!!! *What an asshole* CovenatElite: -.- *Who you calling an asshole?* Author: ??? *How the hell did he hear that* (Most of the other elites in the room crowd around) Elite: *Author you better shut up!* Author: Who said that? CovenatElite: *Jackass!* Author: *What the hell, are you that guy off of Happy Gilmore?* Elites: *Jackass?* Marine: What the hell's going on? (Looking from edge of set) Cortona: You don't wanna know! Marines: (look at her, perverted ones at her.) How the hell do you know that?! CovenatElite: (after the wedding) I'm happy my daughter married such a fine Elite. *Only I wish my wife hadn't said to be nice or I'd give him a real compliment!* Marines: (Whispering) maybe we will get the day off cause of that gay bastard Author. (Notices that he is looking at them) Author: Oh my new father taught me something. *Wow that was stupid, bad dialogue, hey did you really mean that?* CovenatElite: *No you idiot I didn't this is for a book so keep writing* Reporter: Last night 4 marines walked. crawled out of the wedding after their lower parts. were all torn apart, and used to beat them, 3 died yet one survived only to be shoot by the Author, he is now being arrested. uh oh we have a problem.
(4 plasma grenades land on 2 squad cars. 8 police started shooting at the huge army of Elites)
Scene 4: What weren't they thinking?
(Reasons why everyone is wounded, even CovenatElite)
1: A Retarded marine lights a match in a room that says on the door "Gunpowder, Frags, and Plasma Grenades" {read} 2: 8 marines shot at a pop can on top of a barrel labeled "Napalm" {Getting sober} 3: An Elite eats a spicy sandwich causing him to accidentally run into the room that was sealed off for lack of drinkable water {only he and heaven know} 4: CovenatElite is shooting his rifle at a moving target when his brother walks under the target with a crate on his back labeled "Danger Nitroglycerin" {Brother: Anything at all} 5: Master Chief inserts a game cartridge look alike into Cortona's hard drive, concealed on the back was the dreaded Lesser Virus frying her brain and turning on all defense weaponry. {Why was a $50 game for free?} 6: A blizzard outside causes 2 men with flamethrowers to enter the sealed back door, they tried to fry it open when suddenly the one man remembered he laid a gasoline canister near the door. {Their House was just behind them} 7: 2 boys who are true Halo haters through Molotov cocktails into the upper open window, that room is used to store the fireworks for the special effects. {What if someone got hurt?} 8: A lost American bomber mistakes the Halo building for a terrorist camp {Home of the Brave} 9: Master Chief is happy he survived the gun turrets so he lights up in the sewers, unfortunately it is the gas line and when the match hits the dirty water. {We have a gas line?} 10: The remaining rubble falls on the Director {Maybe I should leave} 11: Fartsa is blown into the sky, unfortunately she doesn't die from the explosion or the landing and is unharmed {did I do great things in my life} 12: Fartsa thinks she is like the guy of off Unbreakable and begins doing strange dances with matches and gunpowder bags {the guy in Unbreakable had a weakness}
(We regret to inform you that the author was severely injured in the last one, he went out to watch his wife do the dance with Fartsa, actually I died laughing until I got hit by a low flying.)
Hamo Part 2 Scene 5: Take 2 and call me!
Chief: Uncle. Uncle! CovenatElite: Next!!!!! All: (0) (Run away) Author: Try me! CovenatElite: (after 4 hours of painful bloody Arms) Give it up! Author: No way!
They keep playing till finally Author gives up. The final battle begins in 10 seconds.
Scene 6: WHAT?
(Again stupid men keep blowing up the sets, and get shot etc.)
1: A female elite entertains a male elite, when suddenly he grabs the wrong box, tries to open it when suddenly he realizes it's a plasma grenade. 2: Master Chief is trying to get out of the holding cell he's in, becoming bored he shots at a barrel on the other side labeled TNT, suddenly the shield drops. 3: 6 marines shoot at a squirrel missing it and hitting a car blowing it up. 4: CovenatElite is running in parking lot being chased by flood. 5: Chief is trying to make a sandwich but ends up knocking over a bottle of Acid. 6: A car hits the front of the building. 7: 2 marines are chasing a small flood squid when they shoot into a room full of pipes; sadly one of the pipes was the gas line. 8: Police raid the building thinking it is a crack joint, the director shows them around saying there is no crack, suddenly they open the door to Fartsa's room she has 50 kilos of crack, 65 illegal weapons, two major cocaine dealers from Cuba, and 67 bags of meth. 9: Author and his wife are doing it when the police from the last one enter the room and see money all over the bed.
Reporter: . it is still unknown who is the prostitute. 10: Fartsa has a Heart attack, then a stroke, next chokes on a condom, is found to be a prostitute, then is found with 800 trucks full of illegal Russian KGB members that are planning an attack on the white house to lower taxes on mustard. 11: the KKK attacks thinking elites are tie died blacks. 12: Nicolas Cage steals the directors GT Shelby 500 (The parking lot scene in gone in 60 seconds) 13: A marine is high and walks into Bobs place 14: A marine gets drunk, steals a scorpion battle tank, runs over CovenatElite's Royal Tiger Tank delivered by his Father who watched WW2 and took flight (you know which) that was described as the Bermuda triangle, he also got the tank from Hitler's secret bunker! (The humans made good experiments till his ship crashed and Elites called him crazy discovered Earth indeed!) 15: Gasoline leaks out of the damaged tank and hits some sparks on the newly installed electric fence, oh yea its full of old WW2 ammunition. 16: A boy named Josh Marrow runs into the back door and hits the panic button 17: A marine, is trying to get some tea out of a teapot, there is no tea in it so he opens it up and pulls out a rubber chicken! 18:The marine in the last one is not very humored about the chicken, while he is walking he trips on a bottle rocket, it rolls down the hallway, hits the trashcan and falls down the stairs, a loud sizzle is heard the rocket rolled into an open floor vent that was being repaired, it lit the rocket which bounced down the hallway, exploded in a marine's face who fired his grenade launcher the round landed in the ammo room, the bullets flew, 2 tank shells, go sailing side by side, the first one bounces off a light fixture (A light fixture????) it hits the elevators cables which sends it screaming down the shaft, number 2 sails out the window and lands in one of the Covenat tanks, it starts firing blowing off the curtains and knocking down the set, the set falls over and lands on an elite. 19: To make it all worse the director said that elites are gay! He is later found running from 50 angry elites wielding plasma swords.
Scene 8: Ewwwww! 0800 hrs
Director: (Still in pain) Ok. today we were going to do the "Two Betrayals" level, sadly the script was eaten by the flood along with 2 camera men. so you guys would get today off. All: (Throwing hats/stuff in air) Yahoo! Director: .but you will be helping to repair the sets instead. (2 hours later) CovenatElite: Owe (Holds his foot) watch were you're throwing stuff! Marine: Sorry bout that! (Threw his shovel back behind him) Elite: (Hammering away) Ok. 2 more boards to go and I'm done. (Suddenly all the nails fly out and the roof caves in) . wah. (Cries; looks at his bloody fingers) Chief: (Repairing a catwalk) Why is it when the sets are destroyed we have to fix them? Author: Cause we destroy them! Chief: Oh yea. Flood Zombie: Gurgle, gurgle splat. All: . Cortona: How are you guys doing? (Sees crying elite) -.- Grunt: (Repairing a turret) staple here, tape there, some gum here. Jackal: That'll never hold together. (Shows off his wielded turret, jumps in and it breaks) (The grunt jumps in his and it stay together) Jackal: That's it! (Stomps towards entrance to different set) Elite 3: Wow (Hops in grunts turret and presses the button) Air Conditioned Too! Hunter: I don't care as long as I get to fight later. Elite: Why me, why, why, why? (Still crying) CovenatElite: (Throws hammer at crying elite, it knocks him off and he lands on the pizza boy, who was carrying 12 pizzas) Oh that had to hurt, that's like 100 feet! Marine: Why do I have to dig this hole again? Chief: For freedom son. FREEDOM! Grunt: Dig faster! Jackal 2: When you're done digging we will be outside in the open air. (Wonders off) Elite 2: Who knew the director was so power hungry! Chief: (After checking the fallen elite's pulse) I do declare this sucker's passed out! CovenatElite: . (Suddenly the flood has babies!) All: Ewwwww!
Scene 9: Intro to level one
Director: Today ladies and gentlemen we do the intro to the "Pillar Of Autumn" level, and the level itself.
(Difficulty: Legendary) Keyes: All I need to know is did we lose them? Cortona: I think we both know the answer to that. Keyes: We made a blind jump how did they. Cortona: Get here first? Cortona: Covenat ships have always been faster, as for tracking us all the way from Reach; at light speed my maneuvering options were limited. Keyes: We were running dark yes? Cortona: Actually no. Keyes: What? Cortona: Someone left the kitchen light on! Director: Cut! Crew: . ha, ha, ha Director: What the hell is the matter with you?
Keyes: We were running dark yes? Cortona: Yea, until we come out of slipstream, no one could have missed the hole we tore in subspace. They were waiting for us on the other side of the planet. Keyes: Its settled I want stage 3 alert, I want everyone on station! Cortona: Everyone? Keyes: Everyone! (Down on marine decks) Lt: Ok listen up, those Covenat son of a bitches want to take our ship and discover earth, but we aren't gonna let those assholes get their grubby fucking hands on our fucking ship! Marine 1-4: . Marine 5: umm sir (Scrounging through script) that isn't in here. Lt: You idiot that's the script for the easy difficulty not today's script of legendary difficulty! Director: Cut . Crewman: Now if you could look at the lights, and stop starring at the female camerawoman! Director: . grr! Marine: Chief if you could follow me, I'll take you to the captain. (He walks through the room and trips on his left foot) Chief: Ha, ha, ha!
Scene 10: A Very Odd World!
1: Marine is walking by two elites kissing, they look at him and he smiles nervously, he then turns the corner and sees a marine and a flood zombie kissing. O.O 2: they are preparing the set for the "Keyes" level suddenly some idiot lights a match and throws it in the highly flammable cool-lent 3: Elites realize a very big problem, your feet really start to hurt after a few hours of play. 4: CovenatElite: That is just. so wrong! Author: I think it feels good. Marine: Ah. Elite: What the hell do you call that bacon and eggs combo! Grunt: Why are you sticking your machine in a fridge? Author: If you hadn't noticed its like 300 degrees out. CovenatElite: (Notices his friend in the corner) What the hell are you doing? Elite: Spanking the monkey? Elite 2: Yeah Elite: Using the pole? Elite 2: uh huh Elite: Smacking the meat? Elite 2: roger Elite: Working the wrench? CovenatElite: Stop it! Elite 2: Correct Elite: Chaffing the Whale? Chief: Dude STOP! Elite 2: Affirmative Elite: Shootin' your gun? Elite 2: Yeparoonie All: ENOUGH! (They turn back to the marine) Marine: Ah. CovenatElite: (Thinks of Gold member) Preparation H does feel good. on the hole! Most: Ha, ha, ha! Marine 2: What the hell I didn't eat corn!
Scene 11: Weird!
CovenatEliteS: Ha, Ha, Ha! CovenatElite: . Doc. Can you fix this? Doc: I don't know, I've never dealed with clones. Author: Why do you get in trouble all the time? CovenatEliteS: I sleep with a stuffed animal! CovenatElite: That isn't true. I sleep with my wife and my rifle. Opps! Marine: Wow to much info! Chief: Hey doc can you teach them tricks? Doc: . CovenatEliteS: I sleep with dragons! CovenatElite: (Pulls out his rifle) Mock my love of dragons will you. no I don't sleep with dragons. yet I like dragons! (Read my other book Dragon Warrior when it comes out) CovenatEliteS: I love walking around naked, and I run like a girl! CovenatElite:! (Charges his rifle) That's it! Marine 2: HA! Chief: You now what? Elite: (Looks at him in a disturbed way!) You know I have the ability to read minds! Chief: No my secret love life! Elite: I mean you sleep with. (Gets punched by elite 2) Elite 2: I can read minds to and I feel and believe in the privacy saying! Chief: Good then no on knows I overcompensate for something! All: ! Chief: No!!!!!! Cortona: O well you do have a Twinkie the size of a penny! (CovenatElite is still chasing his 4 clones)
Scene 12: Band of Brothers
(Filming the Keyes level) Elite: Ok listen we have to get back to the ship, move out in Tactical column! Elite 2: Wait sir, I'm getting a transmission last orders are thrown out the window, we are too hold the hill that the gravity lift is on! (At the hill) Elite: Um director were are the flood? Director: I don't know (Sees flood mating) WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!! (Take 2) Elite: You 2 take up over there, and you (Points to elite as he falls off hill) . (Take 3) (Master chief is running up the hill when he trips and falls off the hill) Director: (Throws script) AH! (Take 4) (Flood are attacking suddenly the lights fail and the ship prop falls on the elites) (Take 5) Director: Okay people get this right! (3 of the elites are shooting at the flood, they take a plasma grenade the first 2 get theirs off but the 3rd gets knocked over and throws it on the back of an elite, he runs away when finally the leader pulls out his knife and stabs it into his skin and pries the grenade off and throws it away) Elite: Close one (Suddenly a frag grenade thrown by the Chief blows up and all the elites are wounded) Director: (Puts down his script and walks up to the catwalks) CovenatElite: Where are you going? Director: To hang myself All: Yea. we mean no! CovenatElite: This is for your own good! (Hits him upside the head) (He falls of the catwalk and lands on top of Fartsa how was just bailed from prison) (Take 6) Elite: (Kills three flood when suddenly he steps back over the edge of the hill) (Take 7) (2 elites are getting in 2 turrets when suddenly they fall off the hill) Director: What is it with you guys and falling off the hill!
Scene 12: Halo U?
Director: Ladies and gentlemen on me! (Instantly all the people crowded around) Director: Halo was a success yet now we have to do Halo 2! CovenatElite: I call driver! Elite: Shotgun! Chief: Give me tanks or give me tanks! Director: And as you may know. CovenatElite: Yeha! (drives Shadow straight through a wall) Elites hanging on: AH!!!!!! (The shadow crashes and the elites are spread out on the ground) CovenatElite: Wow that hurt! (Pulls a fork out of his back, then a knife from his ass)
Scene 13: The Sign says it all!
(After everyone finishes the new sign they realize what they spelled!) (The director stomps off angry) CovenatElite: I didn't write that! Author: yeah you did. you started it! CovenatElite: (Reads it again) Director is an Ass kisser!
Scene 14: Rp madness
(Author is Dungeon master so Dm:) Dm: You have entered the door to your left; it is a trap! Marine: Damn. any one have a Life Crystal? CovenatElite: Ha, I get 500 life points for destroying your dragon! Dm: Whoa you have been fighting that dragon this whole time? CovenatElite: Who cares! Dm: Whatever, there is a new quest ready; will you choose to take it? CovenatElite: Yes; if I get to use my newly captured dragon! Dm: Your whole damn party is of dragon tamers and dragons! CovenatElite: I told you I love dragons! Dm: Anyways, the Quest is to attack the corrupted Fort Winston.
Dm: You shall start here! (Points to a castle near the fort) You must take it without any special magics only your normal attack points so make a good strategy!
(The two talk along with the 5 other players) (The plan begins) Elite: My army attacks the northern tower (When the unseen army assembles, the Dm opens the tower to show what they attacked) Dm: No my defenders. I send my southern wall army to defend the tower! Jackal: My men mine the wall (dig under and set up poles to hold wall up then run burning the poles causing the wall to fall) Dm: My archers, pour oil down the hole! Marine: Got you. my army sets up ladders on the undefended south wall and climbs to the top! CovenatElite: Next my army attacks with his (Points to elite) and we overrun your defenders! Dm: Oh no! Grunt: Now my army will break down your south wall with the help of his army; next I use my mages talent not magic to bring CovenatElite's army to my army! CovenatElite: Now I use my dragon tamers to call my dragons! (The huge hologram shows hundreds off dragons flying around roasting Author's defenders) Dm: I fooled you all. I use Justify on my Steel Dragon, with Justify my dragon's attack goes up by 1000 for every dragon! Director: Not so fast. I use this token called Call of the Mighty it reverses all other tokens meaning CovenatElite's dragons get the bonus! CovenatElite: Next I play my justify increasing them farther and with their new attacks I take my 2 Black Dragons and morph them into the Dragon of Black Chaos and Destruction (Long name huh?) this makes them an unstoppable force! Keyes: And to add to your misery I play Black Fog of the North turning all Black monsters into Mega form meaning DOBCAD is up to 20,000 attack points, plus my Black witch gains the ability to duplicate a monster so I duplicate DOBCAD making two! Dm: Yet I play Driving winds. blowing your fog away, then I play Vampire fangs on my Steel dragon who is behind your DOBCAD allowing him to steal your power. so Keyes you lose your dragon and now I can fight CovenatElite's DOBCAD. so HA! Chief: Not so. here CovenatElite this is for you. I play Gift of the Damned allowing me to sacrifice my army add their attacks together and give it to any monster of my choose. I chose the DOBCAD! Jackal: oh and I use my token called Surprise Attack allowing me to make all my Allies and my beings invisible! Elite: While I am invisible I will use my Necromancer and my Banshee's combined combo to raise Keyes's DOBCAD from the dead in 2 turns! Dm: I use the token Scouting party making all your Beings visible. now I attack and destroy your Necromancer! Elite: Guys I'm sorry I will have to do this I call open my special Skill. CovenatElite: I play Intervention. it allows me to move a monster off the battlefield before a players turn! Elite: phew. anyways I use Heaven's fury! Dm: With what? Elite: My 400 archers on the hill beside the base. you couldn't see them cause you blew the fog over them! Dm: . CovenatElite: and once he is done I will attack and destroy your keep!
Scene 14: Trailer of Trailers!
Director: ladies and gentlemen. ur uh and elites and well. Covenant eyes on me. today we shoot the trailer for Halo 2! All: YEAH!
Admiral on Com: Hold on god damnit! (Master Chief steps in elevator when suddenly the doors crackle shut) Chief: Huh? (Suddenly the elevators cables snap and the elevator screams down the shaft) (Take 2) (Chief pulls on lever to open door to bay when suddenly the column collapses and he slams into the doors)
Scene 14: Ouch is all that needs to be said!
Author: Poor bastard.
CovenatElite: aw that had to hurt! Marine: To bad. (CovenatElite is standing by the ambulance with author beside him and the marine next to him; the director is ah hell who gives a shit about the director?) Elite: How sad. ok lets go play black jack! Jackal: Who's in? Chief: Aren't you guys even the least bit sorry for him I mean he got his Twinkie caught in the Jacuzzi vent! Grunt: (muttering) at least he has one. Chief: . I heard that!
Scene 15: Starcraft Fans?
CovenatElite: Wait up!
Marine: This is so awesome! Elite: Oh I Can't wait! Director: What's going on? Elite 2: Didn't you hear they are filming Starcraft next door! Director: (Sees CovenatElite pull out an I Love Starcraft shirt) What the hell, you are supposed to like HALO! Grunt: (Muttering) . who can like it with an ass like you directing it. Director: Hello I'm right here I can hear every word you said! Grunt: Good then I won't have to repeat myself! (A hunter killer walks by) CovenatElite: Wait. (Getting weaker as he runs off) can I have your autograph . (Jim Raynor walks by) Elite/Marine: WAIT. sign this please. Jim: . ok (Next an ultralisk moves by) Grunt: Sign this for me. Director: (Jaw dropped) . (CovenatElite comes back with 15 different autographs including Jim Raynor's, Inf. Duran, and Inf. Kerrigen) CovenatElite: What did you think I did in my free time?
Scene 15: RISK
Marine: HA I got a 6 and a 6 you lose two guys! Elite: No I got 3 6s so you lose 2 guys because if ever tied victory goes to defender! Marine: That's a gay rule! CovenatElite: My turn and I have just finished my fortress Australia there are 100 men guarding the only entrance. Marine 2: And since we are allies I can show you my special cards and since I own all 3 of these countries I get a bonus there too! (Puts his 3 cannon cards on the field) Marine 2: That means I get 15 men! Elite: So. Elite 2: (Black) So it my turn now and I attack Japan! (Battle) Marine: (Blue) Oh great. Elite 2: (Throws his dice which ricochet off the wall and land on the table) Woot. Two sixes! Marine: (Gets really into it) Ha 3. 1s????? Elite 2: Ha you lose 2 of your 3 defenders! Elite 3: hmm. Marine: I got a 5. beat that! Elite: double sixes! Marine: . Elite 3: (Yellow) I will attack you red! CovenatElite: Ha just try to get through! Elite 3: (Throws dice they hit double ones) . CovenatElite: (Rolls his they hit ones) yeah. kinda. Elite 3: (Throws dice at marine) 2s? CovenatElite: (Rolls his) 2s. Marine: (Rubbing forehead) this is getting old fast. CovenatElite: (Draws this [t("t)] on a piece of paper and passes it to the marine)
Scene 16: Shadow vs. Warthog
(CovenatElite revs up the shadow it blares to life, master chief grabs the wheel of the warthog reluctantly)
Marine: Ah hell I don't wanna do this. Elite: This is gonna hurt. (The two vehicles speed at each other neither will turn, they collide, the marine and the elite are thrown out, they collide in the air and go into lip lock) Both: mph ahhhhgggg! Crew: umm. we won't say a thing! Director: get a room! Elite: (After hitting the ground) dude what the hell was that?! Marine: That felt magical! CovenatElite:!!! Chief:!!! Elite: O.O .
Scene 17: Give me Liberty or give me Beth
Marine: I hate history about super old shit!
CovenatElite: Show me World War 2 and I'll be happy! Elite: Quiet! Director: Keep quiet or you will watch it again! Video: "Give me liberty or give me." Someone: Beth! Video: Well if you look at this paper the statement should have said, Give me. Someone: Puberty Video: or give me. Someone: Beth! Most: (Laugh)
Scene 18: Too many corpses
(Set of Keyes level [This is for platinum edition] when Chief is backed in the hallway were you keep getting attacked by flood, he is afraid to jump so he just keeps fighting) Director: Jump you idiot! Elites: (Fighting flood in the background) He is such a Dumb ass.
Elite: I have an idea! (Jumps across hole and pulls chief over the side)
Chief: (While falling) damn you!