CHAPTER FIVE: PADFOOT
Harry found himself in his father's quarters after classes with James and Remus, discussing Voldemort. Surprisingly, Remus and James seemed to be getting along just like nothing had ever come between them, and Harry even commented as such to his father, who was equally as astonished.
"Voldemort is planning to make his first attack on Halloween. I don't know where, he doesn't trust anybody with that information, even Malfoy. So if we're going to defeat him behind Albus' back we need to do it then." James informed the group.
Harry wasn't exactly sure why they were going behind the headmaster's back. His father had said something about Dumbledore coming up with a plan that involved him dieing as well, and although he could understand his father's objection, he'd been preparing himself for having to sacrifice himself to destroy the dark lord, simply because of their link.
"That seems sensible, well the not trusting Prongs part," Remus commented, "After all, not even Lilly trusted you."
"Paddy trusted me," he protested in response.
"Exactly," the werewolf replied as the entrance from the corridor opened, "Padfoot trusted everybody." Everything stopped moving as a large black dog bounded into the room through the open entrance hole and immediately froze upon seeing one of the room's occupants.
"Fuck," James said paling slightly. It was clear he was not looking forward to this meeting, "I'm screwed."
"Indeed," Snape agreed. He was smirking maliciously, obviously looking forward to the coming confrontation. The dog recovered and leapt forward straight over the coffee table, transforming into a dark haired man in the process. He landed straight in the lap of James Potter, his face inches from the other man's. Five minutes later both men looked positively snogged. The three other men in the room didn't know what had happened in the intervening period, they'd been too busy looking the other way.
"James," the newcomer gasped incredulously, "How?" He was close to tears and extremely happy, he was also desperately clinging to a stunned James Potter, afraid that if he let go the scruffy-haired man would disappear. Various emotions crossed James' face: shock, joy and sadness, until he settled upon fear. "What's wrong?" Sirius asked with concern, when James tensed under him and shrunk away from him into his chair.
"You're going to hate me," the stag animagus mumbled with self-loathing, depression was once again etched again on his face.
"Oh James, I could never hate you. You know that." Sirius said comfortingly, he clung to his love even more, causing him yet more discomfort, and no change in emotion. Freeing his right arm from the newcomer's hug, he rolled up his left sleeve, to reveal a black skull and serpent motif pulsing on his arm. It was the dark mark and it looked hideous.
Sirius immediately jumped back as if he had stung. He looked heart-broken, "Why?" he cried desperately, he was close to tears again, tears caused by betrayal, "How could you?"
"I was jealous," Sirius looked even more heart-broken, "I was jealous of Sev and Lilly, of their son. I wanted him to be mine, ours, but he never was. He was always theirs and I hated it, I hated him, and I hated them. I wanted them dead," Shock and anger burnt themselves on Padfoot's face, "I came up with a plan to get rid of Sev, and their son, and to take Lilly as my own, to become her lover, and to have my own children, but I killed her instead, and the other two survived," James had conducted the whole speech in a toneless whisper, which seemed filled with despair and self-hatred, "I betrayed you, Lilly, Sev, Harry, everyone because I wanted to be with a woman I didn't even love, because her son refused to recognise me as his father. I've been so stupid, done something so evil that I deserve only Azkaban or the Dementor's." he paused, and watched as his lover struggled with his emotions, "I don't deserve you Sirius, you're too good for me, too pure, too innocent."
"James, you stupid, stupid man," Sirius said moving forward to comfort James who was on the verge of tears, "I could never hate you, never, never ever. You're just too damn beautiful." James still failed to respond to the attempts to his lover's attempts to comfort him.
The tears began to flow, slowly at first, then quicker and quicker until he was a sobbing wreck, muttering, "I'm Sorry," over and over in the arms of a slightly startled and extremely concerned Padfoot, who was doing his best to comfort the man he was holding, without any success.
"I forgive you Prongs," Sirius whispered lovingly as the tears flowed, "I love you. I always have and I always will. I can't live without you. I'd rather die." He fell silent content to hold his flame, "What's wrong, love?" he asked eventually.
"You're going to hate me" James sniffled.
Sirius tried to give his lover a reassuring look and gripped him tighter, it didn't work, "I could never hate you. You know that."
"Even though I tried to kill you?" Prongs asked in a tome barely above a whisper. Sirius didn't react, it was clear he didn't believe what James had just said, he looked confused, "I tried to give you the Dementor's kiss," James explained in a tone of pure guilt and self-hatred.
Sirius looked confused, "That was Snape," he hissed angrily causing James to flinch to at the tone.
"No," James confessed guiltily, "That was me." A shocked Sirius sprung away from his love, "I hated you because I still loved you and I couldn't have you. You made me feel, destroyed the barriers I had erected over the past fifteen years, and I resented you for it. You made me feel, made me want what I had lost."
"You've spent the last fourteen years disguised as Snape." Padfoot exclaimed more out if shock then anger, "What on earth possessed you to do that?"
James didn't reply, instead it was the man who he had pretended to be for the past fourteen years who answered the question in a patronising tone, "Haven't you been listening Black? Potter was hiding from what he did, he was in denial." This only caused Sirius to glare at his nemesis.
"But Why Snape?" Sirius repeated.
"I thought Sev was dead," James answered his tone slightly brighter, "We were supposed to kill him as part of the plan to get Lilly. And it was the perfect disguise, nobody would guess and it allowed me to brood in peace, without anybody getting suspicious."
Padfoot still looked slightly confused, it seemed though that he had accepted James and forgiven him, even for the attempted Dementor's Kiss, much to Snape's disappointment, "Why did you want him dead?" he asked, "Not that I disapprove of the sentiment of course," he added ignoring the fact that he was the recipient of three death glares.
"He was seeing Lilly," James replied in a neutral tone. Sirius looked murderous and disgusted, he obviously had never been told about their relationship, and judging by the animagi's reaction Harry could understand why. Sirius was not the most rational of people at the best of times, but he was far worse when it came to Snape.
"Snape and Lilly!" the escaped convict exclaimed tacking another step back, "Lilly was seeing Snape, and you let her." He looked extremely annoyed.
"I didn't have a choice," James protested half-heartedly, "I couldn't stop her. You know as well as I can that no one could control her." Sirius didn't look convinced.
"That's not the point," he said. He seemed to have forgotten about Snape's presence, as he wasn't glaring at the Head of Slytherin, "You covered for them!"
"She asked me to, and I didn't want to betray her. You know how close we were." James pleaded in reply, he was beginning to get a bit desperate, "She was like a sister to me."
"Even when she was going out with your worst enemy," Sirius countered with a superiority that indicated he thought he had won the dispute. He obviously wanted James to admit that he was wrong to give his blessing to Harry's parent's relationship.
"Yes, even when she was going out with my worst enemy," James repeated much to Sirius' annoyance.
"Even when she was going out with a death eater," Padfoot retorted looking his boyfriend in the eye.
"Normally," James replied maintaining the gaze, "But Sev was never a loyal Death Eater. That I am certain of."
"And how would you know whether Sev was a loyal Death Eater or not?" he spat angrily finally picking up the fact that James was on first name terms with Harry's father.
"Because, We were friends." James admitted his head hanging, he was afraid of losing his boyfriend only a matter of minutes after finding him again. Harry suspected he also felt guilty for not telling Sirius about their friendship earlier; after all they were best friends themselves and then lovers.
"You were friends with that evil git!" Sirius bellowed angrily, "I don't believe it. What on earth possessed you to do something so damn stupid?"
"We were five," Snape intervened, "and we were both looking for a friend."
"So you chose him?" Sirius sneered, "A Slytherin? An evil git?"
Again James said nothing. He seemed deeply hurt by Sirius' outburst, especially after being forgiven his past errors. It was Harry who spoke this time in a slow, harsh tone, "My Father is neither Evil nor a git," he said with barely restrained anger. He regarded the insult as personal.
"Father!" Sirius screamed not bothering to look at Harry, "You mean my godson's a Snape!"
"It seems the oh so perfect Sirius Black is far too important to listen to the troubles of us mere mortals," Snape sneered viciously as he stood up to face his nemesis, causing a warning glare from James, "I repeat for that flea-ridden brain of yours that James joined the Death Eaters because he was jealous of our son. If you had been listening you would have heard that the first time."
"Nobody asked you, you greasy git." a scowling Sirius shouted in response, "Why don't you keep your overgrown nose out of someone else's business and away from James and Lilly. You can take your Dark Magic and cast it over someone else, It's the only way anybody's ever going to like you." The two men glared at each other with pure contempt, their anger barely under control. Harry was worried that if the argument continued any longer a fight would break out.
"Guys!" James shouted, stepping in between the two rivals He was also extremely angry. Harry wasn't the only one worried about the argument that was taking place in front of them. "Can you two stop fighting for five seconds and listen to what I want to say, or will I have to hex you."
"Fine," Sirius mumbled not breaking eye contact with his worst enemy. Severus did likewise.
"Thank You," James said, a threatening edge still present in his voice, "I will not tolerate my best friend and my boyfriend fighting." he stated glaring at both men in question, "If you can't get over your stupid grudge then the door's over there, and don't come back until you've developed some sense." There was a long pause where nobody moved, and neither man responded, still not breaking the glare.
"I don't like you, Black." Severus said eventually, holding out his hand, "You're a stupid impulsive arrogant mutt." he continued, "But James needs me, and I am not deserting him in his hour of need," There was another pause.
"I don't like you either," Sirius responded eventually, "And I don't know how you managed to have such a fantastic son," Harry smiled slightly at the compliment, "But, as you say, both Harry and James need me and what sort of Friend and Godfather would I be If I deserted them," The two men quickly shock hands before withdrawing their hands as if they'd been burnt. Harry felt a sense of déjà vu.
James smiled, the first genuine smile Harry had seen the man produce, "Good," he said as the two men sat down, taking seats opposite each other, "We've got a lot to discuss," he said as he sat down next to his lover. Their planning session continued long into the night.
This chapter wrote itself, and took four days to do so, and in doing so my muse surprised even me, especially in the fluffy-Slashy nature of the beginning part. I promise that this will be the slashiest chapter of the whole fic, I don't like writing fluff, Slash or Het. I've probably exaggerated Sirius' character a little too much, but I claim artistic license. I do, however, need your feedback and your reviews. I'm not a review junkie, but I cannot write without feedback.
Pink-Crane: There's no need to be so apologetic, you didn't offend me. I was just interested to know your reason, especially as this isn't your average Snape-as-Harry's father fic.