BODY-SWAP

Chapter 2 - Who Let The Vamps Out?

Okay. The first chapter was supposed to be a one-off. But Raziel likes to have fun, and so I thought I'd indulge him. *hugs to Chalcedony Blue for all the plushies!!*

Disclaimer: Raziel and Nosgoth were created by Silicon Knights, Crystal Dynamics and Eidos Interactive.

The Story So Far: VladimirsAngel finds that when either she or Raziel goes to sleep, they unexpectedly swap bodies. Let the fun continue…

After a few nights, I start to wonder whether I am going insane. Okay, more insane.

Raziel finds it all of vast amusement value, of course. I'm convinced he's sleeping more, on purpose, just to see if it will happen. I've taken to slipping caffeine pills in his tea, but this just makes him dizzy and hyper.

I start sleeping right next to him, with my clothes on, to try and see if I can catch the moment when the transference takes place. I try locking him in the bathroom (much to his chagrin) - but nothing works. I still end up in Nosgoth, fully hoofed and winged, and spend my nights running for my life away from snarling vamps. And this means that Raziel gets a good night's sleep on my mattress while I wake up every morning with aching muscles and the uncomfortable feeling that I ought to have a wraith-blade curling around my arm. It's sort of like pins-and-needles, only more unpleasant.

Raziel watches me carefully as I stumble down to breakfast, prior to getting ready to go to work. "Rough night?" he says, innocently. I glare at him.

"I spent my night up to my ankles in blood in Janos's castle, thank you oh so very much for asking."

Raziel tuts to himself. "Only your ankles this time? You're improving."

I can't take any more of it. I get up, shrug on my jacket, and head off for the bus.

I work in an office a little way across town. Much of my day consists of taking telephone calls from idiots and doing the filing. However, considering the ridiculous exploits with lit torches and fountains of blood I've had to endure during my nights, I think work should be a nice change.

I am of course wrong. First law of reality - sh*t happens.

I must admit my worst fear had been that I would doze off at my desk and awake to the sound of my fellow workers screaming and running for the fire exits as VladimirsAngel, mild-mannered office dogsbody, abruptly metamorphoses into an undead blue-skinned horror. I could see the headlines now: "Demon Terrorises Local Firm".

But this, mercifully, did not happen.

Unfortunately, although large mugs of coffee and a bar of chocolate had ensured my wakefulness, it was no proof against Raziel deciding he wanted to see what I did all day that was so interesting.

I get a phone call from reception. "Hello?"

"We've got your boyfriend down here, Angel," says the secretary, and sniffs, disapprovingly. "Do you want us to buzz him through?"

"You have?" I thought my boyfriend was at work. Some emergency must have occurred. "Uh…yeah. Yeah, please."

I wait anxiously at the door to see what's wrong, and have to stifle a screech of pure terror as Vampire Raziel swaggers up the stairs, grinning at all and sundry, his hooves leaving deep cuts in the carpet-tile.

I suppose it's my fault, really. I had previously spent some time explaining to Raziel that if he was ever to be seen in public in my world he would have to assume his old shape, that of the vampire he had been before Kain cast him down. This is a helpful little talent that he seems to have developed of late - and I must admit, Vampire Raziel is much easier on the eye and less likely to inspire nausea at tea-time - but it is merely an illusion and cannot be sustained for too long. The Sarafan form would have been preferable, as it at least could wear boots, but Raziel finds it hard enough to sustain the vampire shape, let alone the Sarafan one, which his body has practically forgotten.

However, by bringing up the subject of his appearance in public in such detail, I have practically condoned his actions. After all, his expression seems to say as he strides towards me, I'm doing exactly what you told me to do…

I resist the urge to stamp my foot in irritation, settling instead for grabbing his collar - dear god, he's wearing those leather trousers and one of my genuine boyfriend's work shirts - and dragging him into a corner.

My face inches from those yellowish cat-pupilled eyes, I snarl:

"What the hell do you think you are doing?!"

"Is this where you work?"

He's not even listening to me. He's too busy looking around at all the office girls and grinning that evil snaggle-toothed grin. "Which one is your boss? The one you call the little hitler -"

I clamp a hand over his mouth. Being this close to him, the illusion is tenuous at best, and my hand can feel the gap where his jaw should be, although his face appears whole to the naked eye.

"Shut up! And get out! Quickly, before someone sees you and marks me down as the office strumpet -"

He stands his ground. "I'll take a sleeping pill," he threatens. "If you make me go home, I'll drug myself silly and you'll be back in Nosgoth fixing block puzzles before you can blink."

I stare at him. "You wouldn't dare."

He digs in his pocket and holds up a packet of tranquilizers that would probably have felled a small horse. "Ta-daa," he smirks.

I try another tactic which has been known to work in the past. "Bad Raziel," I scold, mildly, pointing vaguely out of the door, "go to my room."

He is already shaking his head and still looking smug. "You cannot tempt me, woman."

It is of course at this moment, when I am about ready to completely lose it with him, that my boss appears behind me like the wrath of God and clamps one hand firmly onto Raziel's shoulder.