BODY-SWAP
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Raziel, Nosgoth and Mr J Audron belong to Eidos Interative, Crystal Dynamics, Silicon Knights. Ho hum.
Another chapter! *Raziel sulks* Thankyou, thankyou for kind reviews! hands out tickets to "Soul Reaver On Ice" to everyone: Raziel sees tickets and bellows "ICE SKATING? Woman, are you mad?!!"*
Special hugs to Syvia and Guardian for braving the wilds of FictionPress.net to read my new work-in-progress *crushes you in hug* if anyone else would like to read *cough, cough, shameless plugging of own work ,ahem* then please do. If you don't, then me and Raz still love ya anyways…^_^
"What's happening?" I demand, as we both leg it from Kain's stronghold at our fastest pace (which, unfortunately, is the running pace of my human body - about as fast as a sickly caterpillar) "Why can't we wake up? Why can't we get back to our own bodies?"
My body gives me a very Raziel-stare. "Why are you asking me?" he demands. "Am I the fount of all knowledge on the subject? I don't even know how to do up these ridiculous shoes of yours."
"Maybe it's because we're here together," I ponder, scooting round the corner towards the warp-gate door. "We've never been here together before. It's always been a straight swap, you in my world, me in yours."
Raziel sniffs disparagingly. "Is this like what happens in Star Trek?" he asks. "You encounter some weird inexplicable event and suddenly you get an virulent attack of technobabble." Raziel does not like Star Trek. He thinks it's tacky. Buffy the Vampire Slayer just tends to make him laugh. His favourite TV show is Will and Grace. Go on. You pick which one I think he is!
"My ability to use technobabble is limited to "See, what happened is that the thingy got a nasty jolt in the whatsit and so the temporal wingwang has dysfunction in its loo-la"," I say, " but basically, yes, you're right."
I activate the warp-gate - it's odd, the longer I'm in Raziel's body, the easier it's getting to control and utilise his powers - and step through it.
The first thing that's immediately obvious is that we're not back in my flat where we should be. I keep the warp-gate in the closet, you see, so it doesn't worry the landlord. We are not in my closet. We are in something so completely unlike a closet it's untrue.
The vaulted roof of the chamber, lined with waterspouts, arches above us like some grand cathedral. Burning braziers line the room at strategic intervals, and there are little metal racks of unlit torch brands shackled to the walls. And something smells nice. Smells like…food…
"Ugh," says Raziel, almost instantly, wrinkling my human nose in distaste, "what's that awful stench?"
I take a step forward and my hoof splashes into a shallow channel of viscous red liquid. I suddenly realise where the food-smell is coming from and am disgusted at Raziel's body's reaction to it. "Oh, no," is all I can think of to say, "no, not again…"
"Oh, I know where we are," says Raziel, almost cheerfully, "we're in J-"
His words are cut off as the blood boils up under our feet and starts threatening to drown us both. Of course, to me, this won't cause a vast problem - I am already in a dead body.
But the sight of my human face twisting in terror as the blood rises is enough to make even a dead heart leap into my throat. "Hold on, Raz!" I shout. "I'll save you…"
"My hero," says Raziel, sarcastically, as I finally manage the last leap and land, shuddering, on the platform. "Put me down. You reek of blood and it's making your body gag."
"There's gratitude," I gasp. Janos's little booby-trap has nearly finished me. Don't even ask how I managed to get both me and Raziel up here. The wings that hang at my back are almost worse than useless, and even with super undead-guy strength it was pretty tough hurling a screaming human body between pillars. I don't understand it. A few moments ago we were in Kain's Nosgoth, and now we're here in Ancient Nosgoth in Janos Audron's fortress. What's going on? This whole situation is starting to stink of Moebius…
My body stands there grumbling and rubbing its backside, and I am about to make a barbed comment when Raziel's body suddenly bolts upright as if bitten.
Something is coming. Something really powerful.
I snap to attention and the Reaver explodes into life around my arm. "What is it?" Raziel quavers from behind me. "You're scaring me…oh, gods, I can't believe Ijust said that - you HAVE to get me out of this body…"
"Ssh," I say sharply. "Someone's coming."
The chamber seems suddenly full of dancing, threatening shadows. Footsteps on the stone, regular, slow, not hurrying to come forward.
Click.
The room is suddenly illuminated in balmy pale gold: Janos Audron stands with one hand on the light-switch next to the door, looking quizzical.
"Hello, Raziel," he says to me, in normal, calm tones. "I could be wrong, of course, but I didn't think you were supposed to be here yet. If I'd known, I'd have baked cookies."
"Janos," says Raziel, in my own oh-so-feminine soprano, hurrying forward, "thank gods. You have to help me…"
He stops his move towards Janos abruptly, and directs an amused look at me. "You fancy him?" he says. "You never said."
"I do not!" I bluster in Raziel's deep tenor, glad that blushing is practically impossible in this body. "Liar. Sorry, Janos, don't listen to him. It's that time of the month for him. You know. Women's trouble."
Janos Audron, to his credit, merely says, "I think you'd both better come and have tea and a chat," and sweeps gracefully through a nearby door, motioning us to follow.
An elbow jabs me in my toastrack rib-cage, and my body glares at me. "Women's trouble," Raziel snaps, "you're going to suffer when I get my body back."