I was originally only eveer going to write one fic (Raw Expression) and not post again, but because of all the positive feed back I've recieved, I figured it won't hurt to write a bit more. XD Raw Expression will NOT be contiuned on it's own, but maybe as a separate fic, somehow incorporating this baby in it. See where that will lead us. ;D
... are disclaimers obligatory?
Anyhoo...
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The moon appeared to have reached its peak in the night sky. A blue hue surrounded the pale satellite, and cast a serene light around the surrounding landscape. Even in this foreign land, the softness of the moonlight made me feel relaxed and peaceful. Or maybe this feeling had nothing to do with the moonlight.
After having dinner with the Tao family, we'd all headed off to bed, tired from the running around and traveling. We all got separate guest rooms (it's a wonder that this family actually has guest rooms. But that's beside the point.) and everyone seemed to have dozed off. But I couldn't sleep. Maybe it's the adrenaline rush from the day, but I felt so restless I got up and wandered around. There was a balcony at the end of the hallway and I saw the unmistakable figure of Ren. You can't miss the hair.
"Can I sit here?" I ask him. I seemed to have caught him by surprise, because he turned around, and had a small look of surprise on his face. I couldn't help but grin.
"…sure." He mumbles, and looks away, up to the huge moon. I sat down beside him, and looked up at the moon as well.
When I first heard that Ren was caught by his abusive father, I felt something inside me snap. I couldn't think of anything but him. I resorted to sneaking out at night with Horohoro and Manta to go to China. The fear of Anna wasn't enough to stop me. I mean sure, I would still have done that had it been Manta or Horohoro, even Ryu who was captured. But this somehow felt different. Or maybe it's not. What am I even talking about.
"Today was kinda exciting… in a not really kind of way I suppose." I say and
laugh at my stupid statement. I make no sense.
"That made no sense." Ren says. I wonder if he can read my thoughts.
"Nah, what I mean was, that at times it was kinda stressful, and I did think
for a split second that we might have a bit of trouble."
"You even doubt at times? I'm surprised" Ren said in a not so surprised way.
I chuckle.
"Sure. I'm human any way." I keep on looking at the moon. I probably have some
really doped up face. But I feel so rested and calm compared to earlier this
night, I can't help but feel all loose.
"Human…huh." Ren looks at me and smiles.
Something crumbled within me.
I could tell that my face was getting warmer.
"… you're amazing." I whisper to myself, and look down.
"?" he apparently heard me.
I look up to the sky. I probably now have a frown on my face. But there's no
point hiding this from him. "You came all the way here to prove to your family
that your life is your own… I think that's amazing."
"What are you getting at?" Ren looks up at the sky as well. We both sit there.
"Basically my life's controlled by my family. Everything. What I'm meant to do, where I'm meant to live, hell, even who I marry." I laugh out loud, and cast my eyes away from the bright moon. My eyes hurt.
"I don't even get a chance to find my own way through life."
"I can't even choose the person I want to be with."
"I can't stand up to my family about this…"
"I feel so weak beside you."
Ren grimaces slightly. Even with a confused and painful look on his face, he manages to look serene. He's a completely different person to whom I met the very first time. He's larger, more wise, or sussed out or something like that. But it's like he found an inner peace that he didn't know existed before. His golden eyes aren't the harsh, cold orbs that they once were, but now are softer pools with a glint of hope in them. I gaze at him for a while.
"…it's you though, who led me here…to change my way of life, to confront these matters, to find this inner peace." He says in a barely audible voice. He's blushing. I wonder again if he can read my thoughts. I chuckle.
"Wha, what's so funny!? I only said that because I felt obliged to!" he yells, face even redder. I laugh out loud. He threatens to throw me off the balcony.
"Nah, no, I wasn't laughing to make fun of you or anything…just laughing because you've changed so much. For the better too." I grin at him. "I like this you."
"Hm." He says and turns to look at the moon, still slightly red."Sure."
Again, something crumbled.
I notice myself observing his face more closely than I should. His healthy smooth skin, probably what they call peaches and cream. His rosy lips.
Shit.
I couldn't be…
But I think it is.
I take a dive.
"No, I'm serious." I say. Ren looks at me quizzically. I hesitantly creep my fingers towards his hand closest to me, and twine my finger around his. I can feel his body tense.
"Wha, un, Yoh?" I draw his hand to my lips and brush them against his skin.
"I like you."
I hold his gaze. He doesn't move.
"…sure. You like most people." He says, and slowly looks away. I still hold his hand, and gently kiss it, pulling a bit of his skin between my lips. I feel his tense further. "ah… Yoh?" he questions with a soft voice. But he doesn't object. I slip my tongue out between my lips, and suck at his skin between small kisses. This time he draws his hand away, violently.
"What the hell are you thinking!?" he yells, and draws back slightly. "You've got your finacee, don't you!?"
"I never asked for it…" I say, and lean in closer to him. So close I can feel his breath. It's true though. I never asked for it. Anna's an amazing person, but not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I feel uncomfortable around her, like I never measure up, like she's constantly judging me. I don't hate her, but I can't like her in that way. Never. Again, it's my family controlling my life, because they want our family linage to continue, strongly. Something elitist, isn't it? Wanting a strong shaman family. I know there are shamans out there, but that many have disappeared over time because it's a profession dying out in the modern world. But I don't want to be caught in the past. Like Ren's father, like my grandfather, like all the people struggling to go forward. I never asked for it. I don't like having things imposed on me.
I lean into him further, and brush my lips against him. He doesn't object. I lightly press my lips against his this time, to see if he'll run. He doesn't.
"…can I take this as an OK sign?" I smile. He probably can't see me, but could feel me smile.
"…you're crazy." Is all he says. But I could tell, though I couldn't see, that he had a small smile decorating his usually straight face. You would never have smiled a couple of months ago. You would never have let anyone near you.
Did I change you?
I feel my heart melt at the mere thought.
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Sap, sap SAAAP! XD Gawd, this is soooo sappy I can almost see sugar pouring out. If Raw Expression was the Hao version of "The Night I Fell For You (??)", then here's the Yoh version. It would make more sense to read this first, then Raw. Rar.
I really do think that Yoh doesn't really love Anna. He may like her, but doesn't love her. He could try and love her, but I don't think it would really work. It'd be a companionate love, where they share lots in a way, but have absolutely nothing in common in another. I really do think that Yoh and Ren have a lot in common dispite their difference in character. And it is Yoh who made Ren that way. Hom. Sorry for any hardcore Yoh x Anna fans out there… but then if you were you probably won't be here… or something.*waves Yoh x Ren flag*
I shall leave to your imagination what happened between the two after this. ;)