Ok so I got fb again :) yay for me. Tho if we follow the pattern I wnt get ne for this one lol. Hopefully u guys wnt let dat happen (suttle eh? lol) ty all hu did give me fb, this ones for you guys. Special thx to my gurl sherry for doin my beta duties. Neway enjoy :)
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"There was always a part of me that knew coming back could screw things up. When the plan was forming in my mind and when it finally happened, I knew that me being here might cause more problems then actually solving them. I knew that they might not warm up to me right away. That it might take them awhile to adjust to me being...well me. I just...I didn't think it'd be THIS bad." Her voice cracked and tears streamed down her face. A hiccup escaped her lips and she covered her face in embarrassment. She sobbed softly, her shoulders shaking. "And do they even stop to think that maybe it's not exactly peachy for me either? No!"
"I don't know what you want me to say." A soft and concerned voice echoed in Trance's room.
Sitting up straighter, Trance sighed. Through her sniffling she muttered, "Tell me it's going to be ok."
"I wish I could."
"Oh Derina!" She sobbed. "I wish you were here."
"Me too." The young, light grayish blue skinned girl on Trance's vid-screen sympathized. "But you know I can't. It'd only make things worse."
"I know." Trance deadpanned.
Derina's hand reached to touch the vid-screen. "I hate seeing you like this. I hate that they're doing this to you."
"Don't!" Trance snapped.
Derina frowned at how quickly Trance came to the defense of these people, the reasons for the warm tears that now marred her beautiful face.
"It's not their fault. It's mine... I'm taking it too personally. I just, I have to give them more time to warm up to me. I have to earn their trust again."
"And how do you plan on doing that?" she asked skeptically.
"I don't know. I'll do whatever it takes though." Trance sighed and pushed the tears from her face. "I've been doing this far too much," she mused sadly, staring at the salt water glistening on her fingertips.
"I don't know about that, this is the first time I've ever seen you do it." The other girl tried to ease Trance's misery.
"That's cause I'm not supposed to cry and you are most certainly not supposed to see me do it." Trance retorted crossing her arms.
"Oh please, you've seen me cry like what? Two, three thousand times." She teased.
"That's different. I have to be strong. I have a duty and weakness is not a part of it," Trance spoke somberly.
Derina rolled her eyes, "You sound like you're reciting some kind of mission statement. I realize you're there for a specific reason but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to be a little 'human' sometimes." Derina gave Trance a stern look demanding that she not interrupt. "Give yourself a break; laugh, have fun, go crazy if you have to. Based on what you told me about your escapades earlier today, I'd say you could definitely use it."
"Maybe you're right." Trance shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't think I know how to anymore." Her eyes watered again and she quickly struggled to compose herself. "I should really go before the Andromeda detects this com line and tries to trace it." Trance mumbled abruptly but reluctantly.
"Probably best," Derina said, smiling warmly. "Take care of yourself and apologize to Harper."
Trance sighed, "I don't think he'd listen."
"Then make him." Derina smirked suggestively. The screen went black before Trance could open her mouth to retort. She shook her head, letting out a laugh. She fell onto her back, her soft mattress cushioning her body. She sighed in contentment. Just seeing Derina had lifted her mood. Having someone to talk with really is a blessing. She almost felt good enough to go find Harper and apologize. Not quite, but almost.
A calm settled over her, lulling her into a state of grace. She lay there staring at the ceiling but not seeing it. Her mind went blank. When she finally came out of her daze a few hours later it was to the sound of her food-deprived stomach. Groggily she got out of bed and dragged her feet to the Mess Hall. A much needed binge on the horizon.
****
Gimpy,
Peace.
****
"There was always a part of me that knew coming back could screw things up. When the plan was forming in my mind and when it finally happened, I knew that me being here might cause more problems then actually solving them. I knew that they might not warm up to me right away. That it might take them awhile to adjust to me being...well me. I just...I didn't think it'd be THIS bad." Her voice cracked and tears streamed down her face. A hiccup escaped her lips and she covered her face in embarrassment. She sobbed softly, her shoulders shaking. "And do they even stop to think that maybe it's not exactly peachy for me either? No!"
"I don't know what you want me to say." A soft and concerned voice echoed in Trance's room.
Sitting up straighter, Trance sighed. Through her sniffling she muttered, "Tell me it's going to be ok."
"I wish I could."
"Oh Derina!" She sobbed. "I wish you were here."
"Me too." The young, light grayish blue skinned girl on Trance's vid-screen sympathized. "But you know I can't. It'd only make things worse."
"I know." Trance deadpanned.
Derina's hand reached to touch the vid-screen. "I hate seeing you like this. I hate that they're doing this to you."
"Don't!" Trance snapped.
Derina frowned at how quickly Trance came to the defense of these people, the reasons for the warm tears that now marred her beautiful face.
"It's not their fault. It's mine... I'm taking it too personally. I just, I have to give them more time to warm up to me. I have to earn their trust again."
"And how do you plan on doing that?" she asked skeptically.
"I don't know. I'll do whatever it takes though." Trance sighed and pushed the tears from her face. "I've been doing this far too much," she mused sadly, staring at the salt water glistening on her fingertips.
"I don't know about that, this is the first time I've ever seen you do it." The other girl tried to ease Trance's misery.
"That's cause I'm not supposed to cry and you are most certainly not supposed to see me do it." Trance retorted crossing her arms.
"Oh please, you've seen me cry like what? Two, three thousand times." She teased.
"That's different. I have to be strong. I have a duty and weakness is not a part of it," Trance spoke somberly.
Derina rolled her eyes, "You sound like you're reciting some kind of mission statement. I realize you're there for a specific reason but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to be a little 'human' sometimes." Derina gave Trance a stern look demanding that she not interrupt. "Give yourself a break; laugh, have fun, go crazy if you have to. Based on what you told me about your escapades earlier today, I'd say you could definitely use it."
"Maybe you're right." Trance shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't think I know how to anymore." Her eyes watered again and she quickly struggled to compose herself. "I should really go before the Andromeda detects this com line and tries to trace it." Trance mumbled abruptly but reluctantly.
"Probably best," Derina said, smiling warmly. "Take care of yourself and apologize to Harper."
Trance sighed, "I don't think he'd listen."
"Then make him." Derina smirked suggestively. The screen went black before Trance could open her mouth to retort. She shook her head, letting out a laugh. She fell onto her back, her soft mattress cushioning her body. She sighed in contentment. Just seeing Derina had lifted her mood. Having someone to talk with really is a blessing. She almost felt good enough to go find Harper and apologize. Not quite, but almost.
A calm settled over her, lulling her into a state of grace. She lay there staring at the ceiling but not seeing it. Her mind went blank. When she finally came out of her daze a few hours later it was to the sound of her food-deprived stomach. Groggily she got out of bed and dragged her feet to the Mess Hall. A much needed binge on the horizon.
****
Gimpy,
Peace.