(AN)---hi all! I guess you can tell I decided to post some more! ^_^ Er, didn't mean to sound desperate for attention last chapter, but I wasn't feeling too confident in the story at the time. And it wasn't really because of the number of reviews I had received for the prologue and first chapter, but more because I was having a problem with how this chapter was coming out on paper. I appreciate all the feedback though! I fully believe I finally got this chapter out of my head because of all the kind support you all sent me!
I realize that this part and the last part probably could have been combined to make one chapter, but I felt that Kagome's last thought was something the readers needed to get used to before I went into anymore detail. I also expected to hear a lot of complaints that sweet, innocent Kagome would never think such a terrible thing. Wow, imagine my surprise when I found that most of you agreed with me. Thanks, guys. ^_^
Juxtaposition
Chapter Three:
Aishiteru
When you decide to kill someone, what do you do next? Do you carry on with your normal routine; do you see the world through different eyes? Kagome huddled around herself beneath the rustling trees and stared. Her mind kept telling her it wasn't too late, that no harm had been done yet and the thought could be taken back. But it couldn't, and she knew it. To sit by and do nothing, move on as they always did and wait for the danger to come to them...it wouldn't work this time.
There is the problem of finding her. She always just appears...
"Ba-ka, coming out this far all alone."
Inu...yasha? She felt more than saw him sit down beside her in that fashion he always favored, with his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest. All his black hair made it harder to see him, but some stray point of light glinted on the end of Tetsusaiga's hilt, mimicking one of the many stars overhead.
The guilt filled her just as suddenly, her paranoia making her wonder if her horrible thoughts had called to him. But that was ridiculous, and she knew it. She just didn't feel it.
"Inuyasha, do you think I'm a good person?" she asked, heart sick with the realization that this could quite possibly be some of their last moments together. She didn't think Inuyasha would ever forgive her for what she was going to do. Or try to do.
The hanyou snorted, "What kind of stupid question is that?"
I'm not, you know. I'm not good at all. "Please," she whispered, her voice falling into emotion at the end. She hadn't meant to. Inuyasha turned to her in the dark, quiet and far more attentive than he had been before. "Kagome, what's wrong?"
His concern hurt her, mostly because she knew how quickly it would change. In my own way, I'm betraying him, too. All that we have worked to heal and change inside him...I hope he doesn't throw it away. "I'm okay. I just..." She wanted to apologize to him in some way, tell him her reasons without telling him why.
But there were no words that she could say. He can't know what I mean to do. He would try to stop me. I wonder, would he hurt me just to keep her safe? Would he trade my life for hers, then die willingly in her arms? She didn't believe that, but she couldn't honestly disbelieve it either. It didn't matter.
Uncurling her body slowly from the ball she had wound herself into, Kagome went to her knees at his side, placing a small hand on the sleeve of his kimono. The cloth was cold in the bristling wind, as cold as her exposed skin. Inuyasha looked at her, in what she imagined was curiosity though it was too dark to clearly tell. She stared at him.
He will hate me. He will hate me, but he will live. And if these are to be our last moments together...Kagome slid her hand lightly up his shoulder, bringing it to a rest at the base of his throat. The other combed gently through his dark hair, her fingers passing lightly over the spot where one of his white ears would be in the morning.
"Kagome?" Her name came out on a breath, uncertain, but certain at the same time. Inuyasha leaned into the stroke of her hand.
The miko's fingers tightened, both in his hair and on his shoulder, and she leaned forward into the line of his body. She kissed him, trying to pour into his mouth all the things she could not say. What the gesture lacked in experience, it made up for in sheer emotion. Her lips warming on his, trembled as the tears started to pour in a graceful curve down her cheeks. She kissed him until all the breath in her body was gone, until he was panting beneath her.
Reluctantly pulling away, she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to his, trying to breathe and not sob at the same time. She thought one thing at him, as if the silent words could pass through her skin where it rested against his. I love you, she thought, I love you.
Light gathered under her fingertips, sparking around them and pulling from a well of power she kept deep inside. She poured it into him at the three contact points, and he went limp in her grip, falling gently back against the tree.
Kagome stood over him, and some numb part of her mind thought of how appropriate it was that her decision should fall on the night of the new moon. The darkest of them all, when the boy arranged serenely out at her feet was the most vulnerable. With one last look at a path that now led away from hers, she turned.
He would sleep for days. It would take that long for his half-youkai body to dispel her magic. She hoped to have reached some conclusion by then, but if not, she would still be days ahead of him. It would have to be enough.
She stood in the doorway of the hut, looking in on all her friends. Her heart was torn between leaving them to find her gone in the morning, and telling them goodbye. The fire Inuyasha had built earlier in the night to ward off the cold had died, but did not have the sense enough to realize it. It still persisted on, faintly glowing embers that gave no heat and nearly no light.
She knew they, at least, would welcome her back. They held no ties to the dead miko and would understand the reasoning behind her actions. Inuyasha was not so ruled by reason, but in some odd way she was glad he would hate her. It was something they could share, if not love.
If I can, I'll come back to you, she silently told each of them. But she knew there was no truth to her unsaid words. If something did come back, it would not be her.
She stepped carefully to the corner she had claimed as her own for their stay, and picked up her bow and arrows, her yellow back pack. She settled both against her back and finally paused to stare down at the lump of fur clutching tightly at the edge of her sleeping bag. His back was to the door and the inevitable drafts that it brought, his body curled in on itself so that the end of his bushy tail flicked over his nose, keeping it warm. For some reason it was a position the kitsune favored, especially on nights that carried a chill. Out of all of them, leaving Shippou hurt her the most; maybe it was because he relied on her the most. Somewhere in her heart she knew she was letting him down.
"Miroku-sama," she said to the monk, knowing that he was awake and had been since she first left. She turned to the older boy in question, meeting his eyes in the shadowed dark. "Please watch over him for me. He's already suffered so much..."
"Of course, Kagome-sama. But...where are you going?"
She shook her head, not a 'no', but a different answer all-together. "Inuyasha will be unconscious for a couple days," she said, moving to the door and putting her hand on the flap. "Can you take him to the well?"
Miroku stared at her for one long, considering moment, then nodded. She smiled at him gratefully, pushed aside the flap, but paused. She half-turned back into the quiet room. "Tell them...tell them I'll see them at the well." Tell them how much they mean to me.
She left.
Miroku stared at the empty doorway and whispered, "Good luck, Kagome-sama."
She set out in the opposite direction of the well, it being as good a direction to go as any. Two hours into her journey and the world was still one of deep darkness, the night only half-done when she left. But she knew a few more hours would bring the first sliver of dawn to stretch across the country-side. Her fingers moved over her bow as she thought of how she could possibly go about finding the dead miko. We're bound by soul, but she keeps herself hidden from me. I wonder, does she know? Has she known it might come to this all along?
The atmosphere of the woods was quiet, punctured every so often by the cry of some night-prowling animal. The sound only helped to strengthen the silence, until it was a curving thing around her. She walked between the trees, every so often looking up into their branches.
Wouldn't she do the same? If she were truly herself? She would kill to protect Inuyasha, I know she would. She would do it now, even. Though her reasons are quite different, or maybe they're not so different...
Dry wood snapped, a sharp sound behind her. The miko came up short in her steps and her hand wrapped tighter around her bow. She wanted to keep on walking, as if not turning around would make whatever it was go away. She knew better. With the burning cold sensation of dread in the bottom of her stomach, Kagome turned.
TBC...
Did Kagome really think she could go out wandering by herself and not run into trouble? Sheesh. That girl doesn't think sometimes. ^_^
Please let me know if I have calmed down in my over-descriptive tendencies? It is usually around this point in a story that I start to find the right tone I want to carry throughout the rest...
My, this fic is turning out to be very somber. But I guess that's appropriate for the subject matter. It is a Sesshoumaru/Kagome story! Just a reminder, since some of you are probably going 'WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!'. Hehe, don't worry, he'll be along soon. I'm just as eager to see him as you are, but I'm trying to develop some sort of plot first. I will say...it won't be long now. ^_~
Thanks!