(AN)---I can't type out one of my usual author notes because I'm on my way out the door and don't have the time to sit down and actually think. :-D I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I figured I had waited long enough to get this part out. So, without further ado...
Juxtaposition
Chapter Eleven:
Sinking In
Dawn was just spilling into the valley when Kagome arrived. Sesshoumaru turned on her with the same empty eyes, but the effect was ruined somewhat by the little girl that was hopping happy circles around him on one foot. Kagome didn't smile at the demon lord, but it took more effort than was pretty.
"Arigato, Sesshoumaru-sama," she said, and meant it. She pulled the tie from her hair, freeing the raven locks to fall in their customary wave around her shoulders.
The demon lord made no reply. He reached into his collar and pulled out a small purse. He tossed it at her.
"This," she said curiously, the flesh-warmed cloth settling between her cupped palms. She raised her eyes to him, "What is this?"
"It's why you followed, is it not? Take it and go."
Her eyes narrowed, hands tightening around the pouch. It had edges inside it, some smooth, some sharp. "I don't care for such things! I did not risk my life for some reward!"
"Nee-chan, are you alright?"
Kagome jumped, her eyes falling down to the little girl. Seeing the softly concerned face the miko felt guilty all of a sudden. Arguing was not the way to properly express herself to anyone, even Sesshoumaru. Smiling, Kagome knelt down and took Rin's hand, laying the purse across her palm and closing her little fingers over it. Still holding her hand, Kagome looked pointedly up at the dog-demon. "I help because I want to. Because I feel it. I want nothing in return."
She leaned over and kissed Rin on the cheek. "That belongs to Sesshoumaru-sama. Please give it to him for me."
"Take it," he said, bringing her attention back up to him. "I won't owe you."
That disgusted him, the thought that he would be indebted to a human for anything. Kagome could see the emotion like a subtle shadow on his face, but she was too tired and too glad Rin-chan was safe to be put off. She straightened, walked over to where she had left her daypack, and pulled it habitually onto her shoulder.
"You don't owe me. It was my choice." She turned back to the woods, Kirara trotting along faithfully at her side.
Sesshoumaru appeared in front of her, but she just stood and looked up at him calmly. She knew he wouldn't let her go yet, not until he decided the subject was settled. Problem was, there was nothing left to discuss in her eyes.
"You are not allowed to leave until I dismiss you, human."
A pair of small arms wrapped tightly around her hips. Rin-chan looked up at her tearfully and cried, "Don't go yet, Nee-chan!"
Kagome was torn between addressing the force in Sesshoumaru's words, and reassuring the little girl she had grown very fond of over the last couple of hours. Her hand smoothed soothingly down Rin's soft ebony-brown mane, but her eyes stared at the demon lord.
It really is bothering him---that I 'helped'. Or maybe he's bothered more by the fact that he let me. I think he's going to 'pay me' regardless of what I say...
She sighed, letting her eyes fall closed. "There is something," she said. "You see, I need to find a woman."
"What woman," he asked, though for some reason it sounded less like a question and more like a demand.
Kagome debated on the best way to explain her situation. It was no easy task since she hadn't properly explained it to herself, yet. Finally she settled on words she knew he would understand. She looked at him, "My prey."
She couldn't be certain, but she thought he was surprised. Though his face had not betrayed him, something had flickered across the stillness of his eyes. She waited for him to prompt her to go on, then realized how futile her wait would be. He wasn't one to show so much interest in a conversation. Is he even interested?
"Maybe...Rin-chan doesn't need to hear this?" But how sheltered can she be, traveling with Sesshoumaru? It doesn't matter, this is not a subject for children's ears.
"Rin," Sesshoumaru said, bringing the girl's head up instantly. "Go find the miko some food."
Rin looked up at Kagome, her face clearing into a happy smile as she took his words to heart, and completely misunderstood the meaning behind them. She gave Kagome one last squeeze, then hopped away, moving purposefully, as if she was on some very important mission.
"Follow her, Kirara-chan."
When they were gone, Kagome and Sesshoumaru stood in silence again. This is much more difficult than I thought---Saying my intentions out-loud. When they were just in my head they didn't sound quite so horrible...
"I need to find her, but she doesn't want to be found. If you could---"
"If you cannot find her on your own, then you shouldn't be hunting her." His voice was very matter-of-fact. He walked around her in such a way---it made her feel small. Like a child being told that she couldn't possibly comprehend something, so there was no use explaining it.
Kagome spun on her heel and glared at the youkai lord's back, "I will find her, but it will take time. Time that I don't have anymore. Inuyasha will be waking up soon, and I need to find her before he finds me."
Sesshoumaru stopped at that, at the mention of Inuyasha. But when he spoke his words weren't about the brother that he hated. "Why do you seek this woman?"
"My business," Kagome said before she could stop herself. She realized very quickly that it perhaps wasn't the best thing to say to the demon. But it was too late to take back, so she let the statement lie.
Looking over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowed. "If I waste my time in finding this woman then it is my business, miko."
Kagome didn't know what to say to that, because it was true. She let her head drop and stared at her hands. She wondered about how wise it was to bring Sesshoumaru into the mess. Inuyasha would already hate her, but the knowledge that she sought assistance from his brother would only make things worse. Hate is hate, she thought, I need to get over this idea that eventually Inuyasha will forgive me. He won't.
Wind trickled through the valley, cool seeking touches that stirred the trees to life. She looked back up to Sesshoumaru, ready to finally tell him the full scope of her intentions, but he seemed to have turned his attention elsewhere. He faced away from her, the breeze lifting strands of his long silver hair to wave rhythmically around his shoulders. He reached up and stroked what she could only guess was his tail, though she wasn't at all certain of that.
"There is a battle to the east," he said. "I know that she frequents the sides of those wounded and dying."
Her eyes widened slightly, "Then you know her?"
"The girl who smells of earth and death? We have spoken."
That was interesting. She wondered what sort of conversation Kikyou and the Youkai Lord of the Western Lands would have. Not a pleasant one, she decided, considering their mutual hate for Inuyasha.
"I am going to kill her," Kagome whispered, and tears started to distort her view. She lowered her head until her bangs fell over her eyes. It was a useless gesture; she knew Sesshoumaru could probably smell the salt.
"She is already dead."
"I know." One tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. He could know she was crying, that didn't mean she was about to let him see it. But...she wasn't sure who her tears were for.
"We will leave when Rin returns."
Kagome didn't see him go; her eyes were too blinded. She wrapped her arms around her stomach tightly, as if the action could keep her from emotionally falling apart. But the words had finally sunk in and she now understood them in her heart. She was going to kill someone. She was going to destroy herself.
The miko slipped slowly to her knees, falling forward to catch herself on her hands. She clutched at the grass, her fingers shaking as they dug into the dirt. She coughed, a great hiccupping sob that shook her small frame from the inside out. Raising her stained hands, she covered her face and cried.
TBC...
The search for Kikyou continues, and now we have the added threat of Inuyasha. I can't say how many more chapters there will be because I have no idea. I have the story plotted in my head, but I'm unsure of how many parts it will end up breaking up into...anywhere from 10 to 15 more parts, but please don't quote me on that. I'm just guessing.
But then it's not really over, because I have an alternate version I may start working on. It shares a couple elements with this one, and parts, but completely deviates from this story. It's also more cliché in one area, which offends my sensibilities, too...but I want to write it. There are several twists in the story that I believe out-weigh such things. But who knows, I have so many ideas that I can't possibly write on them all. I'm trying. ^_^
Now I really do have to go.
Thanks everybody for your reviews! ^_^ And please leave more! ^.~ Let me know if you like this part!
Thanks!