Outside, Erin leaned against her car, trying desperately to calm her raging
mind. At her side, Sophie whined questioningly. Erin yanked the vehicle
door open and the dog scrambled inside. Climbing behind the wheel and
gunning the engine, Erin pulled out of the driveway. She somehow managed to
drive back to her house, despite the flood of tears that overwhelmed her.
She stumbled through the front door and made her way to her bedroom. Having
spent so many nights at Robert's home during his recovery, the space felt
foreign, uncomfortable. She sank down on to the bed and surrendered to the
sobs that tore at her chest, unable to believe how many storms were raging
inside her.
She was still so hurt, so dejected that her absence during Robert's moment of misery was so easily filled.
She was angry that he still had not found a way to rise above his ego and reach for her when he really needed her.
But, most of all, she was angry with herself. She looked at the ring on her finger. It should have been enough to salve her wounded pride and quiet her jealousy. But it wasn't. And she couldn't understand why.
She curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. Suddenly, the telephone rang. She reached for it reflexively, then stopped. In the kitchen, the answering machine clicked on, and she heard the empty air of an open line. She had just begun to think that, whoever it was, they had hung up.
Robert's voice, full of gravel. "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me. But I'm hoping you're there, and that you're safe. I promise, I won't push, I won't say a word. Just pick up the phone. Let me know your okay. I could go nuts here, thinking about you, dead in a ditch or wrapped around a telephone pole. Maybe I deserve that."
She picked up her extension. "I'm here."
He kept his word. Silence.
"I just - I need time."
Nothing. She couldn't even hear him breathing.
"Robert, I do love you."
A heavy sigh, a click, and the dial tone. Fresh tears, and her grief swallowed her.
She called in sick for her Friday shift. The thought of facing him was too devastating. Speaking to Kerry, she apologized.
"Well, Carter said you weren't doing to well last night." Paperwork shuffling. "Listen I know you were scheduled to have the weekend off, and I can let you keep tomorrow. But if I have to pull someone in today - "
"It's okay, Kerry. I can come in on Sunday." Robert would not be there.
"Great. Eight to eight?"
"Eight to ten, if you need me."
"Well, I don't know that that is absolutely necessary; I know you've got a lot going on."
Courtesy to an employee, or sucking up to the boss' girlfriend, Erin wondered before cutting her off. "It's fine, Dr. Weaver. I can pull a full twelve."
"Well, great. If it's slow, we'll just get you out early."
QUIT BEING SO NICE, Erin's mind screamed. "Thanks, Kerry. And again, I'm sorry."
"Just feel better."
Erin hung up the phone and sank back down into her pillow. She pulled the blankets up over her head and tried, for what seemed like the hundredth time, to fall asleep. Two hours later, she gave up. Rising heavily from the bed, she slowly removed Robert's scrubs and dressed in loose sweats and a T- shirt. She stepped into the bright sunlight spilling into the living room and winced.
Coffee? No. Breakfast? The thought of food turned her stomach.
She made her way to the stereo and switched it on. Yoga.
She pushed the coffee table aside and began the familiar routine of bending and stretching. She was hoping meditation might give her a sense of calm, but the only images that kept rising in her brain were those of Robert's face.
The cocky smile when they were photographed for the journal that published their study.
The intense brown of his eyes when they danced at the Greene wedding.
The relaxed curve of his jaw as he hovered above her after their lovemaking.
The anguish when she had pulled away from him the previous night.
For the first time, Erin abandoned her routine without finishing. She pulled her legs underneath her and hugged her arms over her chest, rocking gently on the floor in time to the music.
Back at County General, Robert wasn't doing well, either. He had blustered into the day, full of controlled rage and cool focus. But the tedious atmosphere of the Residency Review Committee and his view of Dale Edson counseling the nec-fac patient in wake of losing his leg sapped most of his energy. He made his way to his office and collapsed into his chair. Ripping off his arm brace, he began moving his wrist and fingers through their therapy regimen, jaw set, teeth clenched. His brow was dotted with perspiration and his lips were rubbed raw from being pressed together when Elizabeth swung his office door open and stepped inside.
"Robert, I need your signature - good God, what are you dong?!" He ignored her, and she rushed to the desk, pushing the door closed behind her. "Robert, stop it! You're going to do yourself damage!"
"And that's your exclusive territory. Isn't it Elizabeth?" His hiss cut the air like a knife. Dr. Corday reached to physically restrain him, and he jerked away.
"Robert, what the bloody hell has gotten into you?"
"Women, goddamned women," he snarled, rising from his desk and stalking to the window. Elizabeth calmed a bit, now that he let his injured arm alone. She picked his cuff up from the desk and carried it to him. When he made no move to take it, she gently began putting it into place. "Robert, if you're feeling frustrated, why don't you go downstairs and pay your fiancée a visit?"
"She's not there," he snapped.
"Are you sure? The schedule - "
"Jesus, Elizabeth, would you just shut up? I think I would know the work schedule of my own girlfriend, especially when she works in a department of my hospital. Trust me, she's not there."
Elizabeth had been on the receiving end of Romano's tirades many times before, but somehow, this felt different. Before, she had always felt an undercurrent of security. Now, there was only ice in his voice. "Robert, has something happened between you and Erin?"
"Well, give the lady a gold star, folks! Congratulations and thanks for playing, 'Can You Please State the Obvious'!"
"Oh, dear," Elizabeth raised one hand to her brow. "What have you done?"
"Me? ME?!" Romano's face was nearly apoplectic. "I didn't do a damn thing! You know, you estrogen factories, you think you're so clever! You set up these dumbass games that you insist we play rather than just cutting to the chase and saying, 'Oh, hi there, I'm CRAZY!', and then you get all pissed off and shove us out the door because we can't keep the rules straight! And in the end, all you ever have is two people, alone and miserable, trying to figure out how to completely re-wire their lives so that they never have to cross paths again. All this, for just a little sexual gratification from time to time? No wonder we haven't been able to wipe prostitution off the map - it's cheaper." He flopped down on the couch, securing the last few straps on his arm brace.
Elizabeth took a deep breath, trying to absorb his rampage. She sank down on the sofa next to him. "Robert? I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"Well, let me make it very clear for you, Dr. Corday," he turned to her his face full of ire. But when his eyes met hers, he deflated. "I fucked up. I failed her, and God knows if she'll ever be able to forgive me." Elizabeth's face was still blank. "She saw us, Elizabeth. In the lounge, last night." Understanding dawned in her eyes for a moment, then confusion.
"Just what exactly does she think she saw?"
Robert's features hardened. "The same thing you thought you saw." She feigned ignorance, and he felt like exploding. "Oh, come on Elizabeth! Don't screw with me." He rose to his feet, irate. "It's the running joke around here isn't it? How Good Ol' Lizzie's got me wrapped around her little finger, how I'm your little puppy dog, how I would give my arm, no pun intended, to be with you?" His expression was stony. "Well, maybe once. But not anymore. It took seeing you again to make me realize it, but not anymore." His eyes suddenly shone with unshed tears. "And that's what's wrong."
Elizabeth felt her heart in her throat as well. "What do you mean?"
"I should have known it the very first time I danced with her. The first time I kissed her. Hell, I at least should have known it by the first time I took her to bed. But I didn't." He swallowed hard, his voice breaking. "And she hates me for it."
"Oh, Robert," Elizabeth stood quickly and embraced him, feeling for the first time like his true friend. "She doesn't hate you. She's hurt and she's confused. But that's because she loves you." She held him, offering release, but he refused to take it. He pulled away, gently though.
"Please go now, Elizabeth."
"Why don't you just call her?"
"She refused to come to work so she wouldn't have to look at me. How hard do you think it'd be for her to ignore the phone."
"Then go see her."
"She'd never let me get my foot in the door." Elizabeth was suddenly angry. "Goddamnit, Robert, quit making excuses! You've got something really wonderful here! Are you really going to sit on your hands and blow it all, just so you can save your precious pride?"
Naked pain in his eyes. "Is that really what you think?"
"If you don't do something, I guarantee you it's what Erin will think."
She was still so hurt, so dejected that her absence during Robert's moment of misery was so easily filled.
She was angry that he still had not found a way to rise above his ego and reach for her when he really needed her.
But, most of all, she was angry with herself. She looked at the ring on her finger. It should have been enough to salve her wounded pride and quiet her jealousy. But it wasn't. And she couldn't understand why.
She curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. Suddenly, the telephone rang. She reached for it reflexively, then stopped. In the kitchen, the answering machine clicked on, and she heard the empty air of an open line. She had just begun to think that, whoever it was, they had hung up.
Robert's voice, full of gravel. "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me. But I'm hoping you're there, and that you're safe. I promise, I won't push, I won't say a word. Just pick up the phone. Let me know your okay. I could go nuts here, thinking about you, dead in a ditch or wrapped around a telephone pole. Maybe I deserve that."
She picked up her extension. "I'm here."
He kept his word. Silence.
"I just - I need time."
Nothing. She couldn't even hear him breathing.
"Robert, I do love you."
A heavy sigh, a click, and the dial tone. Fresh tears, and her grief swallowed her.
She called in sick for her Friday shift. The thought of facing him was too devastating. Speaking to Kerry, she apologized.
"Well, Carter said you weren't doing to well last night." Paperwork shuffling. "Listen I know you were scheduled to have the weekend off, and I can let you keep tomorrow. But if I have to pull someone in today - "
"It's okay, Kerry. I can come in on Sunday." Robert would not be there.
"Great. Eight to eight?"
"Eight to ten, if you need me."
"Well, I don't know that that is absolutely necessary; I know you've got a lot going on."
Courtesy to an employee, or sucking up to the boss' girlfriend, Erin wondered before cutting her off. "It's fine, Dr. Weaver. I can pull a full twelve."
"Well, great. If it's slow, we'll just get you out early."
QUIT BEING SO NICE, Erin's mind screamed. "Thanks, Kerry. And again, I'm sorry."
"Just feel better."
Erin hung up the phone and sank back down into her pillow. She pulled the blankets up over her head and tried, for what seemed like the hundredth time, to fall asleep. Two hours later, she gave up. Rising heavily from the bed, she slowly removed Robert's scrubs and dressed in loose sweats and a T- shirt. She stepped into the bright sunlight spilling into the living room and winced.
Coffee? No. Breakfast? The thought of food turned her stomach.
She made her way to the stereo and switched it on. Yoga.
She pushed the coffee table aside and began the familiar routine of bending and stretching. She was hoping meditation might give her a sense of calm, but the only images that kept rising in her brain were those of Robert's face.
The cocky smile when they were photographed for the journal that published their study.
The intense brown of his eyes when they danced at the Greene wedding.
The relaxed curve of his jaw as he hovered above her after their lovemaking.
The anguish when she had pulled away from him the previous night.
For the first time, Erin abandoned her routine without finishing. She pulled her legs underneath her and hugged her arms over her chest, rocking gently on the floor in time to the music.
Back at County General, Robert wasn't doing well, either. He had blustered into the day, full of controlled rage and cool focus. But the tedious atmosphere of the Residency Review Committee and his view of Dale Edson counseling the nec-fac patient in wake of losing his leg sapped most of his energy. He made his way to his office and collapsed into his chair. Ripping off his arm brace, he began moving his wrist and fingers through their therapy regimen, jaw set, teeth clenched. His brow was dotted with perspiration and his lips were rubbed raw from being pressed together when Elizabeth swung his office door open and stepped inside.
"Robert, I need your signature - good God, what are you dong?!" He ignored her, and she rushed to the desk, pushing the door closed behind her. "Robert, stop it! You're going to do yourself damage!"
"And that's your exclusive territory. Isn't it Elizabeth?" His hiss cut the air like a knife. Dr. Corday reached to physically restrain him, and he jerked away.
"Robert, what the bloody hell has gotten into you?"
"Women, goddamned women," he snarled, rising from his desk and stalking to the window. Elizabeth calmed a bit, now that he let his injured arm alone. She picked his cuff up from the desk and carried it to him. When he made no move to take it, she gently began putting it into place. "Robert, if you're feeling frustrated, why don't you go downstairs and pay your fiancée a visit?"
"She's not there," he snapped.
"Are you sure? The schedule - "
"Jesus, Elizabeth, would you just shut up? I think I would know the work schedule of my own girlfriend, especially when she works in a department of my hospital. Trust me, she's not there."
Elizabeth had been on the receiving end of Romano's tirades many times before, but somehow, this felt different. Before, she had always felt an undercurrent of security. Now, there was only ice in his voice. "Robert, has something happened between you and Erin?"
"Well, give the lady a gold star, folks! Congratulations and thanks for playing, 'Can You Please State the Obvious'!"
"Oh, dear," Elizabeth raised one hand to her brow. "What have you done?"
"Me? ME?!" Romano's face was nearly apoplectic. "I didn't do a damn thing! You know, you estrogen factories, you think you're so clever! You set up these dumbass games that you insist we play rather than just cutting to the chase and saying, 'Oh, hi there, I'm CRAZY!', and then you get all pissed off and shove us out the door because we can't keep the rules straight! And in the end, all you ever have is two people, alone and miserable, trying to figure out how to completely re-wire their lives so that they never have to cross paths again. All this, for just a little sexual gratification from time to time? No wonder we haven't been able to wipe prostitution off the map - it's cheaper." He flopped down on the couch, securing the last few straps on his arm brace.
Elizabeth took a deep breath, trying to absorb his rampage. She sank down on the sofa next to him. "Robert? I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"Well, let me make it very clear for you, Dr. Corday," he turned to her his face full of ire. But when his eyes met hers, he deflated. "I fucked up. I failed her, and God knows if she'll ever be able to forgive me." Elizabeth's face was still blank. "She saw us, Elizabeth. In the lounge, last night." Understanding dawned in her eyes for a moment, then confusion.
"Just what exactly does she think she saw?"
Robert's features hardened. "The same thing you thought you saw." She feigned ignorance, and he felt like exploding. "Oh, come on Elizabeth! Don't screw with me." He rose to his feet, irate. "It's the running joke around here isn't it? How Good Ol' Lizzie's got me wrapped around her little finger, how I'm your little puppy dog, how I would give my arm, no pun intended, to be with you?" His expression was stony. "Well, maybe once. But not anymore. It took seeing you again to make me realize it, but not anymore." His eyes suddenly shone with unshed tears. "And that's what's wrong."
Elizabeth felt her heart in her throat as well. "What do you mean?"
"I should have known it the very first time I danced with her. The first time I kissed her. Hell, I at least should have known it by the first time I took her to bed. But I didn't." He swallowed hard, his voice breaking. "And she hates me for it."
"Oh, Robert," Elizabeth stood quickly and embraced him, feeling for the first time like his true friend. "She doesn't hate you. She's hurt and she's confused. But that's because she loves you." She held him, offering release, but he refused to take it. He pulled away, gently though.
"Please go now, Elizabeth."
"Why don't you just call her?"
"She refused to come to work so she wouldn't have to look at me. How hard do you think it'd be for her to ignore the phone."
"Then go see her."
"She'd never let me get my foot in the door." Elizabeth was suddenly angry. "Goddamnit, Robert, quit making excuses! You've got something really wonderful here! Are you really going to sit on your hands and blow it all, just so you can save your precious pride?"
Naked pain in his eyes. "Is that really what you think?"
"If you don't do something, I guarantee you it's what Erin will think."