Saturday and Sunday trudged along at a weary pace. The discord in
Erin's heart was only made worse by the silence from Robert. He didn't
call, didn't page, didn't bluster into the hospital when she returned to
work. Word must have spread about their falling out though; everyone
seemed to give her an extra-wide berth as she moved through her shift. No
words, just sympathetic eyes, piteous smiles, and gentle, thoughtful pats
on the back. She was reminded of the days after her parents' funeral, when
everyone treated her as if the wrong word or inflection would send her
jumping out the nearest window. It made her nauseous, but she was not sure
if there was anything to be done about it.
She was looking for Verced in the drug lock up when, by chance, Pratt's voice drifted around the corner and found her ears.
".I'll tell you what happened - the Big Giant Head lost the taste for her particular flavor. Either that, or she quit putting it out there the way he wanted it."
"Pratt, you're disgusting." Abby, sounding perturbed.
"I'm serious! Guys like Romano, they're only geared to appreciate one thing in a woman. Either Windsor couldn't keep up the pace, or she started insisting that he look at her as an equal. And that just ain't in his nature."
"Well, I thought they looked pretty happy together." Chen, shuffling paperwork. "I hope they work it out - I hate to see Erin looking so down."
Erin came out of the locker and rounded the corner, just in time to come up on Pratt as he preened and strutted in front of the two women. "Well, I'll tell you one thing, if that sweet little thing needs a pick-me- up, she can find it right here." Chen and Abby paled as they caught sight of her, and Pratt whirled around. "Oh, man."
"So," Erin crossed her arms over her chest. "You think I need a pick- me-up? You think you're the one to give it?"
"Dr. Windsor, I'm so sorry. I.I didn't."
"Didn't know I was standing right here," she nodded brusquely. "Obviously." She withered him with her gaze a moment longer before speaking again. "You know what's funny, Pratt, is that you're right. I do need a pick-me-up. And you're just the one I'd like to get it from." He paled, not knowing what to expect. "Sign out your patients and get the hell out of here. You're suspended until further notice."
"What?! You can't do that."
"Oh, can't I?" He voice was silky. "You're a resident. I'm an attending. That gives me almost as much authority over you as Weaver and, oh, what's his name." She snapped her fingers a couple of times before feigning remembrance. ".Oh, yes. The Big Giant Head."
"Would they say the same thing if I called you out in front of them?" Pratt spoke out of pride and anger, and immediately wished he hadn't.
Erin took a small step closer to him. "Do it," her voice dripped venom. "I'm begging you. Nothing would please me more than to make your little dissertation on Romano public. Especially in front of Romano." She stared at him, unflinching. He yanked his lab coat off and stormed down the hall. Erin's satisfaction at seeing him go was short-lived; she was weary once again before even turning back to Jing-Mei and Abby. "Problem?" She asked. Neither woman said anything. Wordlessly, Erin turned and stalked down the hall.
She was doing chart review in the suture room when the door swung quietly open. Carter walked in slowly. Erin didn't bother to look up. "Want some coffee?" John asked.
No response.
"You hungry? I could run over to Doc's?" He offered lightly.
She flipped to the next folder without missing a beat.
"Want to talk?" He pressed again.
"What is it, Carter? Abby run and tattle on me?"
John pulled a rolling chair over to the gurney where her paperwork was spread. "It was a little harsh, don't you think?"
"It was textbook sexual harassment," she chirped. "I was well within my rights, and the parameters of my job."
"Technically true," John nodded a little. "But."
Erin dropped her pen impatiently. "But what? " "I'm just left to wonder."
She rolled her eyes. "Wonder what?" Her voice dripped sarcasm
"If you would have been so harsh if it wasn't for the problems with. you know."
"Mute point, John," she snapped. "The entire incident wouldn't have occurred at all if it wasn't for the problems with.you know." She mimicked him perfectly.
"Aha! So you admit there are problems!"
"Don't push it, Carter."
"Why you were wasting your time with that guy was always just a little bit beyond me."
"And that's not the only thing." Erin began angrily slamming folders shut, stacking them with a fury that made the gurney shake.
"I mean, come on! He's arrogant, he's pushy, he's rude, he's short."
"Shut up, John!" She rose from her seat and turned her back on him, crossing the room.
Carter pressed forward relentlessly, closing the distance between them. "He's crass, he's prejudicial, he's not even that good-looking."
"I mean it, Carter!"
"And now that he's only got one good arm, he's not even any good for the one thing he had going for him."
WHACK!
John's head rocked back from the force of her blow, an angry red patch flaming on his cheek. Erin clutched her hand to her mouth, unable to believe what she had just done. Amazingly, John's expression was gently understanding. She dissolved into tears, and he took her in his arms. "Oh, God, John, I'm so sorry.I don't know where that came from."
"I do," he murmured softly, stroking her hair. He rocked her gently to and fro as she sobbed against his chest. He listened as the entire story spilled out between her gasps for air, rubbing her back and soothing her tenderly. When she was finished, he still held her against his chest. "Well, I can certainly understand why you're upset," he tilted her face up to his. "But it seems to me like you're ready to forgive the guy." He gestured to his still crimson cheek, and she rubbed it gently.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry about it." He clenched his jaw. "Face of steel." She laughed a little and he wiped the tears from her face. He cocked his head towards the phone. "Why don't you go give him a call?" Erin appeared to ponder his words sadly, then finally shook her head.
" I wouldn't know where to start."
"You could start by telling him you love him."
Erin hesitated, then shook her head again. "What if he decides that, without a little bit of trust, that's just not enough?"
"What if he does?" John probed gently.
"I don't think I could handle that right now."
"Okay. So here's what you do." John led her out of the room and down the hall. "You go home, since your shift ended half an hour ago, and you get some sleep. Then you wake up tomorrow, come in here bright eyed and bushy tailed, and you call Brenda and tell her you and Romano need to 'take a meeting'." As he spoke, he helped her out of her labcoat and into her locker. "With any luck, you'll be," he cleared his throat suggestively, "'adjourning' on that big leather couch in his office."
Erin grinned wearily. "What about Pratt?"
John winked. "We'll let him twist for a day before calling him back. And then we'll make him an offer her can't refuse: he doesn't gripe about his suspension, we don't turn the content of his comments over to Romano."
"A nice, even blackmail?" Erin shrugged. "I like it."
Monday dawned, a crisp autumn day in Chicago. Erin rose early, unsure whether she was prepping for her 9-7 shift or her intended encounter with Robert. She arrived at the hospital ahead of schedule, only to find out he was at a meeting in the Dean's office, and not expected back until after noon. A whole heaping of courage wasted, she thought to herself as she headed down to the ER. A bustle of activity swirled around her as she stepped off the elevator. It seemed like everyone was watching her from the corner of their eye. Probably wondering whom I plan to suspend next. The thought made her snicker a little as she moved to inspect the board.
She spent most of the morning examining people who suffered from the flu, and explaining to them that prescribing antibiotics wouldn't help a virus. At ten o'clock she treated a young woman who had singed her hair and face while getting ready for work near a scented candle ("It's never a good idea to use hairspray around an open flame."). At twelve-thirty, young man brought his father in, complaining of abdominal pain. Erin quickly diagnosed appendicitis, and waited anxiously to see if Robert would escort the transport team. No sign of him. She assisted Carter on an LP and a tracheotomy; that killed about an hour. Finally, at two o'clock, she picked up the phone and dialed Robert's extension.
"Chief of Staff's office. This is Brenda."
"Hey, Brenda, it's Erin. Is he in?"
"I'm sorry, Dr. Windsor, you just missed him."
Erin's heart sank. "Any idea when he'll be back?"
"I'm not sure. He left to run some errands, but he didn't say what."
"Could you do me a favor? Would you pencil me in at his next available time?"
Awkward silence. "Brenda?"
"I.I'm sorry, Dr. Windsor. He specifically asked me not to put you into his schedule."
"He what?"
"He said if you called and tried to get in to see him, I was to tell you no."
Erin fell silent, stunned. Her lack of response unnerved the young woman on the other end of the phone. "He said if he found out I worked you in anywhere, he'd fire me. I'm so, so sorry."
"No, it's not your fault." Erin said numbly.
She dropped the phone back into the cradle without another word. She stalked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She stared at her reflection, willing herself not to break down. She leaned against the sink, clutching the porcelain, knuckles white, tendons in her wrists taut as wire. Suddenly Lily burst through the door. "Dr. Windsor, multiple trauma pulling in. Dr. Kovac needs you."
"Coming." Erin washed her hands and headed out the door, grateful for some purpose.
She moved through the multiple GSW's like an automaton, barely registering any real feeling or emotion. She barely registered when it was all over; all she knew was that she was suddenly alone in the trauma room. She was about to begin tidying up when she caught sight of Elizabeth and Susan Lewis, huddled together across the corridor. A flash of annoyance broke through the fog in her head, and she headed for the ambulance bay, in need of some fresh air. She was just settling onto the bench when she heard Elizabeth calling her name. She pretended not to hear, but the woman moved across the area and sat down next to her.
"That was a nice save," Dr. Corday remarked, referring to the gunshot victim Erin had just sent upstairs.
Erin nodded. "Thanks."
Elizabeth was uncomfortable, but unwilling to leave. "Look, Erin, I know you and Robert are having a bit of a disagreement."
"Elizabeth," Erin turned her head sharply. "I don't want to talk about this."
"I'm sure it's not the most pleasant conversation, but I think."
"Elizabeth!" Erin's voice trebled. She held up her hand like a physical barrier. "I'm the first person to admit that I'm not really rational right now. If I get into this with you, I am going to end up saying something I will regret. I am asking you, as a friend, please don't put me in that position."
Dr. Corday's face was lit with surprise. "Erin, surely you know I would never try to insinuate myself between you and Robert."
Erin's face darkened. "Do I know that, Elizabeth?"
"You must! I'm not the least bit attracted to him as anything more than a friend or colleague! I've no interest in him whatsoever."
"Now, that's not exactly true, is it?" Erin sniffed.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Tell me you don't secretly love it, Elizabeth. Tell me you don't get just the tiniest ounce of satisfaction from knowing that, when push comes to shove, all you really have to do it bat your eyes and the great Rocket Romano is putty in your palm." A flash of guilt crossed Elizabeth's face. "That's what I thought," Erin chided. "Maybe I'm not the only one with jealousy issues."
"How dare you speak to me like that?" Elizabeth gasped. "I've never done anything for you to behave this way towards me! I thought we were friends."
Erin saw the honest misery in Elizabeth's eyes, and her shoulder slumped. "Goddamnit, Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I told you I didn't want to talk about this." The two women leaned against each other and Erin pressed her fingers to her temples. "Look, I don't know how to handle feeling jealous about him. And I don't know how to handle feeling jealous towards you. And none of it matters anyway."
"How can you say that? You're still wearing his ring."
"A technicality." Erin mused sadly.
"Not really."
"Yes, really. Even his secretary is giving me the cold shoulder. I couldn't get him to fire me face to face right now."
"Well, that should tell you something." Erin looked at her curiously. "Have you ever met anyone as gleefully malicious as Robert Romano?" Elizabeth asked. Erin shook her head. "Then tell me this," Lizzie continued, "why hasn't he taken the opportunity to dress you down, either in public or in private?" Erin shrugged, contemplating her words. "His pride is smarting," Elizabeth explained. "Give it time." She put her arm around Erin's shoulder, and the two sat in the cooling afternoon air, waiting to see where the rest of the day would take them.
She was looking for Verced in the drug lock up when, by chance, Pratt's voice drifted around the corner and found her ears.
".I'll tell you what happened - the Big Giant Head lost the taste for her particular flavor. Either that, or she quit putting it out there the way he wanted it."
"Pratt, you're disgusting." Abby, sounding perturbed.
"I'm serious! Guys like Romano, they're only geared to appreciate one thing in a woman. Either Windsor couldn't keep up the pace, or she started insisting that he look at her as an equal. And that just ain't in his nature."
"Well, I thought they looked pretty happy together." Chen, shuffling paperwork. "I hope they work it out - I hate to see Erin looking so down."
Erin came out of the locker and rounded the corner, just in time to come up on Pratt as he preened and strutted in front of the two women. "Well, I'll tell you one thing, if that sweet little thing needs a pick-me- up, she can find it right here." Chen and Abby paled as they caught sight of her, and Pratt whirled around. "Oh, man."
"So," Erin crossed her arms over her chest. "You think I need a pick- me-up? You think you're the one to give it?"
"Dr. Windsor, I'm so sorry. I.I didn't."
"Didn't know I was standing right here," she nodded brusquely. "Obviously." She withered him with her gaze a moment longer before speaking again. "You know what's funny, Pratt, is that you're right. I do need a pick-me-up. And you're just the one I'd like to get it from." He paled, not knowing what to expect. "Sign out your patients and get the hell out of here. You're suspended until further notice."
"What?! You can't do that."
"Oh, can't I?" He voice was silky. "You're a resident. I'm an attending. That gives me almost as much authority over you as Weaver and, oh, what's his name." She snapped her fingers a couple of times before feigning remembrance. ".Oh, yes. The Big Giant Head."
"Would they say the same thing if I called you out in front of them?" Pratt spoke out of pride and anger, and immediately wished he hadn't.
Erin took a small step closer to him. "Do it," her voice dripped venom. "I'm begging you. Nothing would please me more than to make your little dissertation on Romano public. Especially in front of Romano." She stared at him, unflinching. He yanked his lab coat off and stormed down the hall. Erin's satisfaction at seeing him go was short-lived; she was weary once again before even turning back to Jing-Mei and Abby. "Problem?" She asked. Neither woman said anything. Wordlessly, Erin turned and stalked down the hall.
She was doing chart review in the suture room when the door swung quietly open. Carter walked in slowly. Erin didn't bother to look up. "Want some coffee?" John asked.
No response.
"You hungry? I could run over to Doc's?" He offered lightly.
She flipped to the next folder without missing a beat.
"Want to talk?" He pressed again.
"What is it, Carter? Abby run and tattle on me?"
John pulled a rolling chair over to the gurney where her paperwork was spread. "It was a little harsh, don't you think?"
"It was textbook sexual harassment," she chirped. "I was well within my rights, and the parameters of my job."
"Technically true," John nodded a little. "But."
Erin dropped her pen impatiently. "But what? " "I'm just left to wonder."
She rolled her eyes. "Wonder what?" Her voice dripped sarcasm
"If you would have been so harsh if it wasn't for the problems with. you know."
"Mute point, John," she snapped. "The entire incident wouldn't have occurred at all if it wasn't for the problems with.you know." She mimicked him perfectly.
"Aha! So you admit there are problems!"
"Don't push it, Carter."
"Why you were wasting your time with that guy was always just a little bit beyond me."
"And that's not the only thing." Erin began angrily slamming folders shut, stacking them with a fury that made the gurney shake.
"I mean, come on! He's arrogant, he's pushy, he's rude, he's short."
"Shut up, John!" She rose from her seat and turned her back on him, crossing the room.
Carter pressed forward relentlessly, closing the distance between them. "He's crass, he's prejudicial, he's not even that good-looking."
"I mean it, Carter!"
"And now that he's only got one good arm, he's not even any good for the one thing he had going for him."
WHACK!
John's head rocked back from the force of her blow, an angry red patch flaming on his cheek. Erin clutched her hand to her mouth, unable to believe what she had just done. Amazingly, John's expression was gently understanding. She dissolved into tears, and he took her in his arms. "Oh, God, John, I'm so sorry.I don't know where that came from."
"I do," he murmured softly, stroking her hair. He rocked her gently to and fro as she sobbed against his chest. He listened as the entire story spilled out between her gasps for air, rubbing her back and soothing her tenderly. When she was finished, he still held her against his chest. "Well, I can certainly understand why you're upset," he tilted her face up to his. "But it seems to me like you're ready to forgive the guy." He gestured to his still crimson cheek, and she rubbed it gently.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry about it." He clenched his jaw. "Face of steel." She laughed a little and he wiped the tears from her face. He cocked his head towards the phone. "Why don't you go give him a call?" Erin appeared to ponder his words sadly, then finally shook her head.
" I wouldn't know where to start."
"You could start by telling him you love him."
Erin hesitated, then shook her head again. "What if he decides that, without a little bit of trust, that's just not enough?"
"What if he does?" John probed gently.
"I don't think I could handle that right now."
"Okay. So here's what you do." John led her out of the room and down the hall. "You go home, since your shift ended half an hour ago, and you get some sleep. Then you wake up tomorrow, come in here bright eyed and bushy tailed, and you call Brenda and tell her you and Romano need to 'take a meeting'." As he spoke, he helped her out of her labcoat and into her locker. "With any luck, you'll be," he cleared his throat suggestively, "'adjourning' on that big leather couch in his office."
Erin grinned wearily. "What about Pratt?"
John winked. "We'll let him twist for a day before calling him back. And then we'll make him an offer her can't refuse: he doesn't gripe about his suspension, we don't turn the content of his comments over to Romano."
"A nice, even blackmail?" Erin shrugged. "I like it."
Monday dawned, a crisp autumn day in Chicago. Erin rose early, unsure whether she was prepping for her 9-7 shift or her intended encounter with Robert. She arrived at the hospital ahead of schedule, only to find out he was at a meeting in the Dean's office, and not expected back until after noon. A whole heaping of courage wasted, she thought to herself as she headed down to the ER. A bustle of activity swirled around her as she stepped off the elevator. It seemed like everyone was watching her from the corner of their eye. Probably wondering whom I plan to suspend next. The thought made her snicker a little as she moved to inspect the board.
She spent most of the morning examining people who suffered from the flu, and explaining to them that prescribing antibiotics wouldn't help a virus. At ten o'clock she treated a young woman who had singed her hair and face while getting ready for work near a scented candle ("It's never a good idea to use hairspray around an open flame."). At twelve-thirty, young man brought his father in, complaining of abdominal pain. Erin quickly diagnosed appendicitis, and waited anxiously to see if Robert would escort the transport team. No sign of him. She assisted Carter on an LP and a tracheotomy; that killed about an hour. Finally, at two o'clock, she picked up the phone and dialed Robert's extension.
"Chief of Staff's office. This is Brenda."
"Hey, Brenda, it's Erin. Is he in?"
"I'm sorry, Dr. Windsor, you just missed him."
Erin's heart sank. "Any idea when he'll be back?"
"I'm not sure. He left to run some errands, but he didn't say what."
"Could you do me a favor? Would you pencil me in at his next available time?"
Awkward silence. "Brenda?"
"I.I'm sorry, Dr. Windsor. He specifically asked me not to put you into his schedule."
"He what?"
"He said if you called and tried to get in to see him, I was to tell you no."
Erin fell silent, stunned. Her lack of response unnerved the young woman on the other end of the phone. "He said if he found out I worked you in anywhere, he'd fire me. I'm so, so sorry."
"No, it's not your fault." Erin said numbly.
She dropped the phone back into the cradle without another word. She stalked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She stared at her reflection, willing herself not to break down. She leaned against the sink, clutching the porcelain, knuckles white, tendons in her wrists taut as wire. Suddenly Lily burst through the door. "Dr. Windsor, multiple trauma pulling in. Dr. Kovac needs you."
"Coming." Erin washed her hands and headed out the door, grateful for some purpose.
She moved through the multiple GSW's like an automaton, barely registering any real feeling or emotion. She barely registered when it was all over; all she knew was that she was suddenly alone in the trauma room. She was about to begin tidying up when she caught sight of Elizabeth and Susan Lewis, huddled together across the corridor. A flash of annoyance broke through the fog in her head, and she headed for the ambulance bay, in need of some fresh air. She was just settling onto the bench when she heard Elizabeth calling her name. She pretended not to hear, but the woman moved across the area and sat down next to her.
"That was a nice save," Dr. Corday remarked, referring to the gunshot victim Erin had just sent upstairs.
Erin nodded. "Thanks."
Elizabeth was uncomfortable, but unwilling to leave. "Look, Erin, I know you and Robert are having a bit of a disagreement."
"Elizabeth," Erin turned her head sharply. "I don't want to talk about this."
"I'm sure it's not the most pleasant conversation, but I think."
"Elizabeth!" Erin's voice trebled. She held up her hand like a physical barrier. "I'm the first person to admit that I'm not really rational right now. If I get into this with you, I am going to end up saying something I will regret. I am asking you, as a friend, please don't put me in that position."
Dr. Corday's face was lit with surprise. "Erin, surely you know I would never try to insinuate myself between you and Robert."
Erin's face darkened. "Do I know that, Elizabeth?"
"You must! I'm not the least bit attracted to him as anything more than a friend or colleague! I've no interest in him whatsoever."
"Now, that's not exactly true, is it?" Erin sniffed.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Tell me you don't secretly love it, Elizabeth. Tell me you don't get just the tiniest ounce of satisfaction from knowing that, when push comes to shove, all you really have to do it bat your eyes and the great Rocket Romano is putty in your palm." A flash of guilt crossed Elizabeth's face. "That's what I thought," Erin chided. "Maybe I'm not the only one with jealousy issues."
"How dare you speak to me like that?" Elizabeth gasped. "I've never done anything for you to behave this way towards me! I thought we were friends."
Erin saw the honest misery in Elizabeth's eyes, and her shoulder slumped. "Goddamnit, Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I told you I didn't want to talk about this." The two women leaned against each other and Erin pressed her fingers to her temples. "Look, I don't know how to handle feeling jealous about him. And I don't know how to handle feeling jealous towards you. And none of it matters anyway."
"How can you say that? You're still wearing his ring."
"A technicality." Erin mused sadly.
"Not really."
"Yes, really. Even his secretary is giving me the cold shoulder. I couldn't get him to fire me face to face right now."
"Well, that should tell you something." Erin looked at her curiously. "Have you ever met anyone as gleefully malicious as Robert Romano?" Elizabeth asked. Erin shook her head. "Then tell me this," Lizzie continued, "why hasn't he taken the opportunity to dress you down, either in public or in private?" Erin shrugged, contemplating her words. "His pride is smarting," Elizabeth explained. "Give it time." She put her arm around Erin's shoulder, and the two sat in the cooling afternoon air, waiting to see where the rest of the day would take them.