Alrighty then, people, this is my first attempt at writing something like
this, so please be nice!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Georgie does. But if he ever finds out how much fun I had with these characters, he'd sue me, so let's keep it to ourselves...
Mucho thanks to Saber, my wonderful bestest and beta!
(J=Jaina, L=Leia, H=Han, CC= Captain Cardboard, AH=Amazing Holostar)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J: Woe is me! Woe is me!
L: Why, what is the matter, dearest daughter?
J: Woe is me! I cannot choose between my lovers!
H: Lovers?!?!
J: Yes! Woe is me!
L: And who might those lovers be, dearest daughter?
J: They are. (fanfare) Captain Cardboard and the Amazing Holostar!!
(J leaves)
(H mutter intelligibly. The only discernible words are "kill" and "carbonite.")
L: What was that, dearest husband?
H: What do you mean, "dearest"? Are you implying that you have other husbands that are "dear" and "dearer?!
L: Whatever do you mean? Just relax, dearest!
H: (walks over to bar) You tell me you have seven other "dear" husbands tucked away in a closet on some backwater planet and my daughter has not one, but two lovers, and you expect me to be calm?!?!
L: (wrings hands) Oh, dear.
H: (sarcastically) He's not here now. Only "dearest" is. (takes a large gulp of whiskey) I (gulp) can't (gulp) believe (gulp) this (gulp) is (gulp) happening (gulp) to (gulp) me. (passes out)
L: (wrings hands) Oh, dear.
*************************
(Scene opens with Jaina seated in the middle of the stage, her head bowed. Around her are starflower petals, and she is currently picking an entire bouquet to pieces.)
J: Captain Cardboard. Amazing Holostar. Captain Cardboard. Amazing Holostar. Captain Cardboard.
(Amazing Holostar, a.k.a. Kyp, bounds onto stage)
AH: Wherefore art thou sittingst there so dejected, mine belovedst?
J: Amazing Holostar! Oh, I love you. I just love your flamboyance, your grandiloquentness, your aptitude for using three hundred words when one will do.
(J and AH kiss)
J: Oh, you're so experienced. You're like the town speeder bike, everyone's had a ride. Oh.
AH: Dost mine most extremely belovedst find my previous, aforementioned affairs of the organ which pumpest life's blood to the body. exciting?
J: YES!!!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
(J slaps AH's face)
AH: (begins crying) Whatever was that (sniff) for, (sniff) belovedst? (sob)
J: Oh, I'm sorry, Amazing Holostar! Here, let me kiss it and make it all better.
AH: (whimper) Very well.
(Captain Cardboard, a.k.a. Jag, calls from offstage)
CC: Jai-na? Jai-na?
J: *gasp* That's Captain Cardboard! Quickly, you must fly!
AH: No! Not withoutst one last, fleeting, passionate, sweetest kiss from the lips of mine most, greatest, beautifullest belovedst!
(J and AH kiss again. And again. And again.)
J: *smothered giggle* Ooh, Amazing Holostar! Ooh! Stop! No. Don't stop!
(Suddenly, Frankenstein-like footsteps are heard offstage)
J: Fly, my love!
AH: Wilt thou promisest to meetst thine one true love, me, Amazing Holostar, underneath yonder tall, dark, foreboding tree when the lunar mass is fullest, at the middle of the nocturnal cycle?
(AH points dramatically off into the distance)
J: Yes, yes, beloved, only fly!
(AH bounds offstage, blowing wild kisses)
J: Woe is me!
(CC walks onto stage)
CC: Good morn-ing Jai-na. Why are you sit-ting there?
J: I was waiting for you, my love.
CC: I love you.
J: And I love you! Your stoicism, your robotlikeness, your mindless obedience. All of your attributes quite whip me up into a frenzy of passionate desire!
CC: De-sire?
J: Yes, desire!
(J launches herself at CC and kisses him)
CC: Why do you kiss my mouth?
J: Because I want to, beloved!
CC: Why not my fore-head?
J: Don't you feel something when I kiss you like that?
CC: Yes.
J: What?
CC: I feel diz-zy be-cause I can-not breathe.
J: Oh, your obliviousness, naïveté, and innocence charm me!
CC: Thank you. Will you meet me by that tree at mid-night?
J: Of course, darling!
(CC kisses J's forehead)
CC: Good-bye Jai-na. I will see you at mid-night.
(CC walks offstage. J sits down. J jumps up as she realizes what she has done.)
J: Woe is me! Woe is me! They shall kill each other! Woe is me!
(Curtain falls as J clutches her breast in agony)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So... what did you think??
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Georgie does. But if he ever finds out how much fun I had with these characters, he'd sue me, so let's keep it to ourselves...
Mucho thanks to Saber, my wonderful bestest and beta!
(J=Jaina, L=Leia, H=Han, CC= Captain Cardboard, AH=Amazing Holostar)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J: Woe is me! Woe is me!
L: Why, what is the matter, dearest daughter?
J: Woe is me! I cannot choose between my lovers!
H: Lovers?!?!
J: Yes! Woe is me!
L: And who might those lovers be, dearest daughter?
J: They are. (fanfare) Captain Cardboard and the Amazing Holostar!!
(J leaves)
(H mutter intelligibly. The only discernible words are "kill" and "carbonite.")
L: What was that, dearest husband?
H: What do you mean, "dearest"? Are you implying that you have other husbands that are "dear" and "dearer?!
L: Whatever do you mean? Just relax, dearest!
H: (walks over to bar) You tell me you have seven other "dear" husbands tucked away in a closet on some backwater planet and my daughter has not one, but two lovers, and you expect me to be calm?!?!
L: (wrings hands) Oh, dear.
H: (sarcastically) He's not here now. Only "dearest" is. (takes a large gulp of whiskey) I (gulp) can't (gulp) believe (gulp) this (gulp) is (gulp) happening (gulp) to (gulp) me. (passes out)
L: (wrings hands) Oh, dear.
*************************
(Scene opens with Jaina seated in the middle of the stage, her head bowed. Around her are starflower petals, and she is currently picking an entire bouquet to pieces.)
J: Captain Cardboard. Amazing Holostar. Captain Cardboard. Amazing Holostar. Captain Cardboard.
(Amazing Holostar, a.k.a. Kyp, bounds onto stage)
AH: Wherefore art thou sittingst there so dejected, mine belovedst?
J: Amazing Holostar! Oh, I love you. I just love your flamboyance, your grandiloquentness, your aptitude for using three hundred words when one will do.
(J and AH kiss)
J: Oh, you're so experienced. You're like the town speeder bike, everyone's had a ride. Oh.
AH: Dost mine most extremely belovedst find my previous, aforementioned affairs of the organ which pumpest life's blood to the body. exciting?
J: YES!!!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
J: (jerks AH's head around) Amazing Holostar, look at me!
(blond bimbo walks by, waggling her. apparatus. AH stares.)
(J slaps AH's face)
AH: (begins crying) Whatever was that (sniff) for, (sniff) belovedst? (sob)
J: Oh, I'm sorry, Amazing Holostar! Here, let me kiss it and make it all better.
AH: (whimper) Very well.
(Captain Cardboard, a.k.a. Jag, calls from offstage)
CC: Jai-na? Jai-na?
J: *gasp* That's Captain Cardboard! Quickly, you must fly!
AH: No! Not withoutst one last, fleeting, passionate, sweetest kiss from the lips of mine most, greatest, beautifullest belovedst!
(J and AH kiss again. And again. And again.)
J: *smothered giggle* Ooh, Amazing Holostar! Ooh! Stop! No. Don't stop!
(Suddenly, Frankenstein-like footsteps are heard offstage)
J: Fly, my love!
AH: Wilt thou promisest to meetst thine one true love, me, Amazing Holostar, underneath yonder tall, dark, foreboding tree when the lunar mass is fullest, at the middle of the nocturnal cycle?
(AH points dramatically off into the distance)
J: Yes, yes, beloved, only fly!
(AH bounds offstage, blowing wild kisses)
J: Woe is me!
(CC walks onto stage)
CC: Good morn-ing Jai-na. Why are you sit-ting there?
J: I was waiting for you, my love.
CC: I love you.
J: And I love you! Your stoicism, your robotlikeness, your mindless obedience. All of your attributes quite whip me up into a frenzy of passionate desire!
CC: De-sire?
J: Yes, desire!
(J launches herself at CC and kisses him)
CC: Why do you kiss my mouth?
J: Because I want to, beloved!
CC: Why not my fore-head?
J: Don't you feel something when I kiss you like that?
CC: Yes.
J: What?
CC: I feel diz-zy be-cause I can-not breathe.
J: Oh, your obliviousness, naïveté, and innocence charm me!
CC: Thank you. Will you meet me by that tree at mid-night?
J: Of course, darling!
(CC kisses J's forehead)
CC: Good-bye Jai-na. I will see you at mid-night.
(CC walks offstage. J sits down. J jumps up as she realizes what she has done.)
J: Woe is me! Woe is me! They shall kill each other! Woe is me!
(Curtain falls as J clutches her breast in agony)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So... what did you think??