I don't own Digimon! (strange, it's the first time I admit that ^__^ )

The Pain of Living and Dying

Hallo, my name is Ishida Yamato and I'm writing this letter to no one in particular. This is just a desperate attempt of trying to come to terms with my life before it is too late.

If you are wondering now, yes, I'm only a few steps away from killing myself. I may be already dead when you read this but right now I'm still alive and I'm currently trying to find a good reason why it should stay this way and therefore I'm writing this letter.

A lot of things have been happening lately and they were greatly influencing my life. I'm not going to try to deny that I'm currently depressed after all it's not the first time that I'm feeling like that. In contrary to what people may think I never was a happy little boy to begin with. I can only remember a few occasions on which I was truly happy and the older I get the lesser they become.

So right now my life is pretty dull. Only now and then there are some special moments breaking through this cycle of monotony and most of the time those few moments are nothing you would wish for.

Maybe this is what you get for wasting your life and the time and patience of other people. In this short time I've been wandering earth I've made more mistakes than others during their whole lifetime. But then, who knows, my lifetime could be running out already and everything was meant to be this way. Maybe I was meant to die young. Or maybe not.

But is this all my fault? Is our destiny something we can change or doesn't it matter in the end how much we struggle? 

Those questions are bothering me greatly and I'm starving for answers but yet at the same time I'm afraid. I fear that the answers to those questions could bring down the world I created so carefully around me.

But maybe I should start at the beginning.

* * *

Well, what do you think? It's short, I know, but it's only a first step. I'm writing this fic for a very personal reason but I would still appreciate your opinion on it. If nobody wants to read that stuff or everybody thinks it sucks I'll stop writing it.

So if you think it's ok and you want to read more: REVIEW! Otherwise I'm not going to continue it.