The Mushroom
Middle-earth's Finest News Source Since 1379 Second Age
Finger Goes to Hall of Heroically Lost Body Parts
After being saved by Gollum, Frodo's finger gets a place of honor
The staff of the Hall of Heroically Lost Body Parts received a letter yesterday from the creature Gollum, offering them the donation of Frodo Baggins's middle finger. "We are sorry we has bit it off," the letter read, "but we were both scared for Precious and very hungry." Enclosed was the severed finger. The Ring, luckily, was left in the fires of Mount Doom.
"I didn't know Smeagol was still alive, actually," said Frodo when the museum contacted him to ask for his approval. "But go ahead, take the finger. It won't do me much good to keep it."
According to Gollum, he managed to grab hold of a ledge after falling inside the moutain, and grabbed the finger before it hit the flames. Unfortunately for the creature but fortunately for the rest of the world, the Ring slipped off of the finger and could not be saved.
Frodo's finger will be in a display case along with Luke Skywalker's hand and Harry Potter's removed bones starting Saturday.
As for Gollum, he was recently tried in court and found guilty of both the murder of Deagol the Stoor and second-degree conspiracy. However, the judge took mercy upon him when his two selves started to argue, and decided not to have him imprisoned. Instead, Gollum was released to the custody of Sam Gamgee and family.
"My wife Rosie's put him to work winding yarn balls and the kids are feeding him taters," said Sam. "They see him as a sort of pet, like."
When asked to comment on this, Gollum merely scowled and spit out the potato skin in his mouth, muttering, "Stupid fat hobbit."
STATshot
A look at the numbers that shape your world
Now That Sauron is Defeated, Who Will Be the New Bad Guy?
19% Pippin…fool of a Took.
7% Aragorn…what an idiot, leaving his wife for a dumb fanfiction writer.
11% Gimli…he didn't get much respect even before Peter Jackson turned him into comic relief.
23% The Nazgul…that is, provided they can ever say anything other than "Shire…Baggins…"
4% That guy at Bilbo's party who yells, "ProudFEET!"…doesn't he know to be quiet when someone is making a speech?
18% Goldberry…I don't know, but it could happen!
6% Arwen…now that she's been spurned, maybe she'll flip out and go on the warpath.
12% The ghost of the rabbit Sam cooked…poor thing, it was killed by Gollum!
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