The Mushroom

Middle-earth's Finest News Source Since 1379 Second Age

Bombadil Trial Dismissed Due to Jury Apathy

Most of jury unavailable for comment due to R.E.M.

In what has been termed both a miscarriage of justice and a well-deserved relief, the kidnapping trial of Tom Bombadil was dismissed after the jury submitted a plea to be released from the defendant's soporific and utterly pointless babble. "Honestly, no one cares about some minor character's idiotic psychological complexes," said jury member Angelica Baggins. "It was taking too much time away from my spa facials."

"Now I can go home," said Eowyn of the Mark, another jury member. "I sent Faramir out to buy shampoo."

Jackson, however, is indignant. "He put me through an ordeal of great suffering, and now he just gets to go skipping along home?"

Goldberry, Bombadil's wife, has filed for divorce and obtained a restraining order.

What Do You Think?

So, enough about the Lord of the Rings movies. What, in your opinions, are some of the greatest movies of all time?

"Definitely Harold and Maude. The joys of love between older women and younger men are greatly underrated."

Aragorn, King of Gondor and Arnor

"I've been a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan since the beginning of the Third Age. In fact, I recently changed my name to fit with my favorite character. What about the debate team? What about the debate coach? What about the podium? They never found the podium!"

Gandalf the Magenta

"We thinks that Monsters Inc. was a very nice movie. We used to hide in the little hobbitses' wardrobes and scare them, but then Mistress took away juicy fish and beats us with nasty cruel knitting needle."

Smeagol-Gollum

"I don't really have a favorite movie, but I hated Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Short, dark-haired, distinctive-eyed orphans who face great challenges and can become invisible at will really annoy me."

Frodo Baggins

"Father of the Bride. Enough said."

Elrond Halfelven

"Some Like It Hot. Not that drag interests me or anything…"

Legolas Greenleaf

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