WARNING:
Spoilers ahoy. Just a very well-known one not directly related to L/L.
But spoiler-free folks, beware.
____
Luke takes Lorelai home after their date. They arrive at her house, and get out of the Jeep. Luke walks to his truck parked nearby. Lorelai follows, and they kiss for a moment, in the quiet darkness.
"Hey, I have an idea," says Lorelai. "I'll go in, and if Rory's not home yet, I'll turn the porch light off and on once."
"And if she is home?"
"Then I won't do anything."
"Wouldn't it make more sense just to come out and get me if she's not here?"
"Sure, take all the fun out of it."
"You could do your little morse code trick if she is home. That make you happy?"
"Ecstatic!"
"Ok, I'll wait here for the signal then," Luke says, smiling.
"Ok, do you have your poison tooth ready to go?"
"Huh?"
"You know - your cyanide-loaded tooth. In case you get captured by enemy forces." She looks at him askance. "Duh."
"That's very Reagan-era of you."
She reaches up and kisses him again, "Just in case this is goodnight," she says.
Luke waits in his truck because he doesn't want to look like a stalker. Before he even has a chance to get antsy, Lorelai is back, standing by his window.
"It's not goodnight," she says, and suddenly looks a little nervous. "I mean - do you want to come in for a little while?"
"Sure," he says, and he tries to sound casual. He doesn't really know where this is going. Rory is still an issue. An issue with no obvious solution.
Still...
They don't make it much past the front door; he has barely hung up his jacket when Lorelai moves towards him, and he moves towards her, and then things spin rapidly out of control.
Their fifth kiss? Seventh? Whatever.
They're starting to get more used to each other now, fitting their bodies together more naturally as they stand and kiss. More closely. Less wasted space between them. And as it becomes more comfortable, and less awkward, it becomes more...
Lorelai, forearms slung up around Luke's neck, suddenly breaks their kiss, seems to be probing the muscles of his neck and shoulders with her fingers while Luke tries to catch his breath.
"My god, Luke," she says, a concerned look on her face, "Your neck muscles are like elevator cables."
"Huh?"
"Your muscles. They're all knotted. Doesn't that hurt?"
Luke shrugs. He hadn't noticed.
Still poking at him, Lorelai says "All right. That's it. Come here."
She leads him into the living room, where she moves aside the coffee table, leaving a big empty space by the sofa. She frowns at the hardwood floor, then leaves the room and comes back with a sleeping bag.
"Ok, I don't want to know why you actually own a sleeping bag, do I?" he asks.
She glances at him smiles and says "Probably not." And he realizes: Alex. Mr. Outdoors. Oops.
Oh well. He watches her spread out the sleeping bag, a bit mystified. She throws down some spare cushions from the couch, turns off a couple of lights until it's pleasantly dim without being dark. Then she sits down, cross-legged, and points to a spot in front of her. "Sit," she says. "Face away from me."
Luke recognizes the tone of voice, doesn't argue. He sits down on the sleeping bag, his back to her.
And then he feels small feminine hands hesitantly, then firmly kneading the muscles running along the tops of his shoulders, the sides of his neck. Trapezius? Rhomboids? He can't remember what they're called. But he realizes now they were really tensed up, and he didn't even know.
She keeps rubbing, somehow she finds all the knots, and it hurts and feels good at the same time in the way that only muscles can. Well, really, really good, actually. She digs her thumb gently into another knot, and Luke makes an Mmmmm sound, like Lorelai with her cheesecake - like Lorelai with other things - and this seems to please her. "Feel good?" she asks.
"Mmm-hmmm."
But it feels better than good. As Lorelai massages away years of knotted muscles that Luke didn't even know he had, he feels something else. It's not a sex thing. Rather, a feeling of peace washes over him. And while it seems too cliché to be true, there's no other word for it. It reminds Luke of when he got his wisdom teeth out and accidentally took two of the painkillers the dentist had given him instead of one, thinking it was like aspirin; he feels warm and floaty and euphoric and relaxed.
Aside from that one time, this feeling is completely unfamiliar to Luke. He suddenly remembers Rachel talking about anthropology once, how important human touch was to the species. Something about endorphins. And bonding. He never really got what she was talking about. Now he does.
"How did you learn to do this?" he asks.
"Oh, Rory and I used to pretend we were Swedish masseuses named Olga and Helga, and practice on each other. We had this big plan where we were going to become professional masseuses for rock stars."
"Sounds a little sordid -- Ahh," he says, as she works loose another bundle of tightly-wound muscle. "But you're really good at it."
"Nah," she says, dismissively. "I just know what it feels like. I store all my tension in the same muscles."
He twists around a little to look at her. "I can take a hint," he says. "Turn around?"
"Can I call you Bjorn?"
"If you must."
So they switch positions. Lorelai's dark hair is cascading down between her shoulderblades, so Luke has to sweep it aside gently. Lorelai shivers.
Luke begins rubbing her shoulders in the same way, in the same places, very softly, because she suddenly seems very small and he doesn't want to hurt her. But she says "You can rub a little harder," so he pushes his thumbs in harder, and is rewarded with Mmmm...
Her muscles don't seem that tense, but she definitely seems to be enjoying it, keeps making cheesecake noises. "Nice, strong hands..." she mumbles. "I think I'm keeping you, Bjorn."
Luke doesn't argue.
After a few minutes, Lorelai sighs deeply, and says "Thanks, that was awesome."
"Sure." He stops rubbing her shoulders, and he expects her to turn around, but instead she leans back into him.
So he puts his arms around in front of her, inadvertently brushing the soft swell of her right breast with his forearm. And then they sit there; Luke is entranced by the feeling of Lorelai breathing in his arms.
But after a moment, she disengages and lies back on the sleeping bag, a throw cushion under her head. She looks up at Luke. "Lie down," she says.
"But, Rory..."
"Shh, don't worry about it. I just want to talk. We're going to remain fully clothed."
"Oh."
"You sound disappointed," she says, grinning at him.
"No comment."
So they both lie there on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. It feels a little awkward until Lorelai reaches over and holds his hand.
"What do you want to talk about?" Luke asks.
"Well, there's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I'm afraid it might be too weird."
"Boxers," he says, and she laughs.
"Thanks for the info," she says. "But it's something else."
"Go ahead, ask."
Lorelai is silent for a moment, then says: "How long have you felt... this way about me?"
Luke takes a deep breath. He feels a little edge of panic. He wasn't expecting this. He really doesn't want to tell her the truth. He's silent, trying to come up with a plausible lie, and Lorelai says "I'm sorry. Forget I asked."
And just the fact that she is asking, and apologizing, makes Luke realize that she probably already knows.
So he continues to stare at the ceiling, and says aloud the thing he's never admitted to anyone, barely admitted to himself.
"Years," he says.
Lorelai squeezes his hand. They still don't look at each other.
"Before Rachel came back," she says carefully.
Luke sighs. "It's why she left."
He hears Lorelai's sharp intake of breath. Then she rolls over, up against his side, puts her head on his shoulder. She feels so warm next to him. She puts an arm over his chest; Luke encircles her with his own arms. And they lie there a moment quietly. It feels strangely illicit; there is something much more intimate about lying together like this than kissing, no matter how passionate the kiss. She has a leg thrown over his, and he can feel her breasts against his ribcage every time she breathes. It's very distracting.
Until Lorelai whispers, almost in his ear: "I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't know. About Rachel."
Luke just holds her a little tighter; shrugs.
"And I'm sorry it took so long," she says.
"Why did it?" he asks. "When did you decide?"
Lorelai sighs. "I don't know when I decided, per se. It was this thing that was always in the back of my head, and people were always pointing it out to me, and I was just in total denial. It scared me so much. I don't even know why. So I just didn't think about it. And then you were with Nicole, and I was jealous. And I felt stupid for feeling jealous, for thinking that you would always be there for me, whenever I figured out what I wanted. So I was with Alex one night, and I had just spent twenty minutes explaining why I didn't think Nicole was right for you..." Her voice trails off, and she sighs again, heavily.
"And that was the night," he says. "The night you had me come over."
"It wasn't one of my better plans," she says, and laughs. "But I think we've already established that."
"But that was when you realized how you felt?"
She is silent for a moment. "No," she says.
"When?" he persists. "Come on, I showed you mine."
"It's stupid."
"Tell me."
Lorelai sighs. "Remember when you came to Rory's birthday party a couple of years ago? And you brought the ice? And I hugged you?"
Luke remembers, all right. "Yep."
"It just felt so... right. It was so weird, it was just a hug, but..."
"I know."
"Then my mother noticed and commented on it, and that was enough to stick me into denial for a good year or so. Because, god forbid I let Emily Gilmore be right about something." She laughs. "And after that, there was Max. And Christopher. And then you and I got in that terrible fight over the car accident, and I was afraid things would never be right between us again... And once we were friends again, I still just wasn't ready." She pulls her head away from his so she can look into his eyes. "Were you ready before now? Really?"
Luke thinks about it. He thinks about Rachel coming back, and about Nicole, and the ways those two experiences changed him. "No," he says, "I guess I wasn't."
He kisses Lorelai's forehead.
"Well," she says. "Maybe things really do happen for a reason. Who knew."
***
Luke wakes up, disoriented. There's something warm bundled up against him, and he has the feeling of being watched. He opens his eyes.
He is lying on his side on the sleeping bag on Lorelai's living room floor. With his arms around Lorelai, from behind, her back nestled against his chest. Until a moment ago, his face was buried in her hair. Lorelai is evidently still asleep, breathing deeply.
They must have fallen asleep together on the floor. This isn't good.
He looks up. Rory is standing there looking down at them, chewing on her lower lip. "Um, hi.." she says softly.
Luke's pulse kicks into overdrive. He quickly disengages from Lorelai, trying not to disturb her. She makes a small whimpering sound, but doesn't wake up.
He gets to his feet, looks at Rory sheepishly. Rory holds a finger up to her lips, then covers up Lorelai with an afghan from the sofa, turns the lights out. She gestures for Luke to follow her, and walks into the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Rory is pouring herself a glass of water. Luke leans uneasily against the cabinets. "Sorry about this," he says, in hushed tones. "We just fell asleep. We didn't mean for you to walk in on it."
"No, I'm sorry. I know things are a little weird, with you and Mom and me and Jess. Although, I'm not sure I want to know the story behind the sleeping bag." She smiles.
He returns the smile. "It was more innocent than you'd think."
"Well, I should have just gone to bed and let you two alone instead of just standing there staring. It was just..." She looks uncertain.
"Yeah?"
"Well, it took me a minute to figure out what I was seeing and then..." She trails off again, obviously choosing her words. She looks at the floor, then looks up at Luke, directly. "I've seen Mom with other guys before. Not a lot," she says quickly, "But a couple. Max and Dad. And Alex. I've never seen her look so... trusting."
"Well," says Luke uncertainly, "She was asleep."
"I know, but I can tell. She totally lets her guard down around you. Or else she would have never fallen asleep out there in the first place. With Alex especially, it always seemed like she was just acting out a role."
Luke knows the feeling.
"And you two looked so... comfortable together. I mean, aside from the floor part." Rory smiles at him again.
"So you're ok with this?" Luke asks. "With us? Me and your Mom?"
"Yeah," she says. "I'm really happy for you guys and I hope things work out. And..."
"Yeah?"
Rory looks almost desperate. "I need you to take care of her," she says. "When I go to college. You know?" She frowns. "You don't know how bad things were, when you two weren't speaking."
Luke understands now; and understands why Rory is being so unusually forward with him.
"I would have anyway, Rory." he says. "Even if we hadn't... gotten together. You know that."
She nods at him. "I know. But it's better, like this."
They stand there a moment, and Luke asks "How are things with you and Jess?"
Rory sighs. "Honestly? I'm not sure. I think there was something wrong tonight, but he wouldn't tell me what."
"He's probably nervous about you going off to college."
"I guess," she says, looking dubious. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Yeah," says Luke, making a mental note to whack Jess upside the head next time he sees him. "Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow if you two come in for breakfast."
"Ok. Night."
***
When Luke gets home, he sees that there is a light on upstairs. Jess must still be up. Luke starts preparing the You need to treat Rory better speech as he walks up the stairs. But then he sees Jess, who is holding a single sheet of creased paper and sort of staring through it.
He sees the look on Jess's face.
"Hey," Luke says. "What's that?'
"It's a letter. A letter I got earlier today."
From who?
"My father."
***
Continued in Chapter Nine.
____
Luke takes Lorelai home after their date. They arrive at her house, and get out of the Jeep. Luke walks to his truck parked nearby. Lorelai follows, and they kiss for a moment, in the quiet darkness.
"Hey, I have an idea," says Lorelai. "I'll go in, and if Rory's not home yet, I'll turn the porch light off and on once."
"And if she is home?"
"Then I won't do anything."
"Wouldn't it make more sense just to come out and get me if she's not here?"
"Sure, take all the fun out of it."
"You could do your little morse code trick if she is home. That make you happy?"
"Ecstatic!"
"Ok, I'll wait here for the signal then," Luke says, smiling.
"Ok, do you have your poison tooth ready to go?"
"Huh?"
"You know - your cyanide-loaded tooth. In case you get captured by enemy forces." She looks at him askance. "Duh."
"That's very Reagan-era of you."
She reaches up and kisses him again, "Just in case this is goodnight," she says.
Luke waits in his truck because he doesn't want to look like a stalker. Before he even has a chance to get antsy, Lorelai is back, standing by his window.
"It's not goodnight," she says, and suddenly looks a little nervous. "I mean - do you want to come in for a little while?"
"Sure," he says, and he tries to sound casual. He doesn't really know where this is going. Rory is still an issue. An issue with no obvious solution.
Still...
They don't make it much past the front door; he has barely hung up his jacket when Lorelai moves towards him, and he moves towards her, and then things spin rapidly out of control.
Their fifth kiss? Seventh? Whatever.
They're starting to get more used to each other now, fitting their bodies together more naturally as they stand and kiss. More closely. Less wasted space between them. And as it becomes more comfortable, and less awkward, it becomes more...
Lorelai, forearms slung up around Luke's neck, suddenly breaks their kiss, seems to be probing the muscles of his neck and shoulders with her fingers while Luke tries to catch his breath.
"My god, Luke," she says, a concerned look on her face, "Your neck muscles are like elevator cables."
"Huh?"
"Your muscles. They're all knotted. Doesn't that hurt?"
Luke shrugs. He hadn't noticed.
Still poking at him, Lorelai says "All right. That's it. Come here."
She leads him into the living room, where she moves aside the coffee table, leaving a big empty space by the sofa. She frowns at the hardwood floor, then leaves the room and comes back with a sleeping bag.
"Ok, I don't want to know why you actually own a sleeping bag, do I?" he asks.
She glances at him smiles and says "Probably not." And he realizes: Alex. Mr. Outdoors. Oops.
Oh well. He watches her spread out the sleeping bag, a bit mystified. She throws down some spare cushions from the couch, turns off a couple of lights until it's pleasantly dim without being dark. Then she sits down, cross-legged, and points to a spot in front of her. "Sit," she says. "Face away from me."
Luke recognizes the tone of voice, doesn't argue. He sits down on the sleeping bag, his back to her.
And then he feels small feminine hands hesitantly, then firmly kneading the muscles running along the tops of his shoulders, the sides of his neck. Trapezius? Rhomboids? He can't remember what they're called. But he realizes now they were really tensed up, and he didn't even know.
She keeps rubbing, somehow she finds all the knots, and it hurts and feels good at the same time in the way that only muscles can. Well, really, really good, actually. She digs her thumb gently into another knot, and Luke makes an Mmmmm sound, like Lorelai with her cheesecake - like Lorelai with other things - and this seems to please her. "Feel good?" she asks.
"Mmm-hmmm."
But it feels better than good. As Lorelai massages away years of knotted muscles that Luke didn't even know he had, he feels something else. It's not a sex thing. Rather, a feeling of peace washes over him. And while it seems too cliché to be true, there's no other word for it. It reminds Luke of when he got his wisdom teeth out and accidentally took two of the painkillers the dentist had given him instead of one, thinking it was like aspirin; he feels warm and floaty and euphoric and relaxed.
Aside from that one time, this feeling is completely unfamiliar to Luke. He suddenly remembers Rachel talking about anthropology once, how important human touch was to the species. Something about endorphins. And bonding. He never really got what she was talking about. Now he does.
"How did you learn to do this?" he asks.
"Oh, Rory and I used to pretend we were Swedish masseuses named Olga and Helga, and practice on each other. We had this big plan where we were going to become professional masseuses for rock stars."
"Sounds a little sordid -- Ahh," he says, as she works loose another bundle of tightly-wound muscle. "But you're really good at it."
"Nah," she says, dismissively. "I just know what it feels like. I store all my tension in the same muscles."
He twists around a little to look at her. "I can take a hint," he says. "Turn around?"
"Can I call you Bjorn?"
"If you must."
So they switch positions. Lorelai's dark hair is cascading down between her shoulderblades, so Luke has to sweep it aside gently. Lorelai shivers.
Luke begins rubbing her shoulders in the same way, in the same places, very softly, because she suddenly seems very small and he doesn't want to hurt her. But she says "You can rub a little harder," so he pushes his thumbs in harder, and is rewarded with Mmmm...
Her muscles don't seem that tense, but she definitely seems to be enjoying it, keeps making cheesecake noises. "Nice, strong hands..." she mumbles. "I think I'm keeping you, Bjorn."
Luke doesn't argue.
After a few minutes, Lorelai sighs deeply, and says "Thanks, that was awesome."
"Sure." He stops rubbing her shoulders, and he expects her to turn around, but instead she leans back into him.
So he puts his arms around in front of her, inadvertently brushing the soft swell of her right breast with his forearm. And then they sit there; Luke is entranced by the feeling of Lorelai breathing in his arms.
But after a moment, she disengages and lies back on the sleeping bag, a throw cushion under her head. She looks up at Luke. "Lie down," she says.
"But, Rory..."
"Shh, don't worry about it. I just want to talk. We're going to remain fully clothed."
"Oh."
"You sound disappointed," she says, grinning at him.
"No comment."
So they both lie there on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. It feels a little awkward until Lorelai reaches over and holds his hand.
"What do you want to talk about?" Luke asks.
"Well, there's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I'm afraid it might be too weird."
"Boxers," he says, and she laughs.
"Thanks for the info," she says. "But it's something else."
"Go ahead, ask."
Lorelai is silent for a moment, then says: "How long have you felt... this way about me?"
Luke takes a deep breath. He feels a little edge of panic. He wasn't expecting this. He really doesn't want to tell her the truth. He's silent, trying to come up with a plausible lie, and Lorelai says "I'm sorry. Forget I asked."
And just the fact that she is asking, and apologizing, makes Luke realize that she probably already knows.
So he continues to stare at the ceiling, and says aloud the thing he's never admitted to anyone, barely admitted to himself.
"Years," he says.
Lorelai squeezes his hand. They still don't look at each other.
"Before Rachel came back," she says carefully.
Luke sighs. "It's why she left."
He hears Lorelai's sharp intake of breath. Then she rolls over, up against his side, puts her head on his shoulder. She feels so warm next to him. She puts an arm over his chest; Luke encircles her with his own arms. And they lie there a moment quietly. It feels strangely illicit; there is something much more intimate about lying together like this than kissing, no matter how passionate the kiss. She has a leg thrown over his, and he can feel her breasts against his ribcage every time she breathes. It's very distracting.
Until Lorelai whispers, almost in his ear: "I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't know. About Rachel."
Luke just holds her a little tighter; shrugs.
"And I'm sorry it took so long," she says.
"Why did it?" he asks. "When did you decide?"
Lorelai sighs. "I don't know when I decided, per se. It was this thing that was always in the back of my head, and people were always pointing it out to me, and I was just in total denial. It scared me so much. I don't even know why. So I just didn't think about it. And then you were with Nicole, and I was jealous. And I felt stupid for feeling jealous, for thinking that you would always be there for me, whenever I figured out what I wanted. So I was with Alex one night, and I had just spent twenty minutes explaining why I didn't think Nicole was right for you..." Her voice trails off, and she sighs again, heavily.
"And that was the night," he says. "The night you had me come over."
"It wasn't one of my better plans," she says, and laughs. "But I think we've already established that."
"But that was when you realized how you felt?"
She is silent for a moment. "No," she says.
"When?" he persists. "Come on, I showed you mine."
"It's stupid."
"Tell me."
Lorelai sighs. "Remember when you came to Rory's birthday party a couple of years ago? And you brought the ice? And I hugged you?"
Luke remembers, all right. "Yep."
"It just felt so... right. It was so weird, it was just a hug, but..."
"I know."
"Then my mother noticed and commented on it, and that was enough to stick me into denial for a good year or so. Because, god forbid I let Emily Gilmore be right about something." She laughs. "And after that, there was Max. And Christopher. And then you and I got in that terrible fight over the car accident, and I was afraid things would never be right between us again... And once we were friends again, I still just wasn't ready." She pulls her head away from his so she can look into his eyes. "Were you ready before now? Really?"
Luke thinks about it. He thinks about Rachel coming back, and about Nicole, and the ways those two experiences changed him. "No," he says, "I guess I wasn't."
He kisses Lorelai's forehead.
"Well," she says. "Maybe things really do happen for a reason. Who knew."
***
Luke wakes up, disoriented. There's something warm bundled up against him, and he has the feeling of being watched. He opens his eyes.
He is lying on his side on the sleeping bag on Lorelai's living room floor. With his arms around Lorelai, from behind, her back nestled against his chest. Until a moment ago, his face was buried in her hair. Lorelai is evidently still asleep, breathing deeply.
They must have fallen asleep together on the floor. This isn't good.
He looks up. Rory is standing there looking down at them, chewing on her lower lip. "Um, hi.." she says softly.
Luke's pulse kicks into overdrive. He quickly disengages from Lorelai, trying not to disturb her. She makes a small whimpering sound, but doesn't wake up.
He gets to his feet, looks at Rory sheepishly. Rory holds a finger up to her lips, then covers up Lorelai with an afghan from the sofa, turns the lights out. She gestures for Luke to follow her, and walks into the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Rory is pouring herself a glass of water. Luke leans uneasily against the cabinets. "Sorry about this," he says, in hushed tones. "We just fell asleep. We didn't mean for you to walk in on it."
"No, I'm sorry. I know things are a little weird, with you and Mom and me and Jess. Although, I'm not sure I want to know the story behind the sleeping bag." She smiles.
He returns the smile. "It was more innocent than you'd think."
"Well, I should have just gone to bed and let you two alone instead of just standing there staring. It was just..." She looks uncertain.
"Yeah?"
"Well, it took me a minute to figure out what I was seeing and then..." She trails off again, obviously choosing her words. She looks at the floor, then looks up at Luke, directly. "I've seen Mom with other guys before. Not a lot," she says quickly, "But a couple. Max and Dad. And Alex. I've never seen her look so... trusting."
"Well," says Luke uncertainly, "She was asleep."
"I know, but I can tell. She totally lets her guard down around you. Or else she would have never fallen asleep out there in the first place. With Alex especially, it always seemed like she was just acting out a role."
Luke knows the feeling.
"And you two looked so... comfortable together. I mean, aside from the floor part." Rory smiles at him again.
"So you're ok with this?" Luke asks. "With us? Me and your Mom?"
"Yeah," she says. "I'm really happy for you guys and I hope things work out. And..."
"Yeah?"
Rory looks almost desperate. "I need you to take care of her," she says. "When I go to college. You know?" She frowns. "You don't know how bad things were, when you two weren't speaking."
Luke understands now; and understands why Rory is being so unusually forward with him.
"I would have anyway, Rory." he says. "Even if we hadn't... gotten together. You know that."
She nods at him. "I know. But it's better, like this."
They stand there a moment, and Luke asks "How are things with you and Jess?"
Rory sighs. "Honestly? I'm not sure. I think there was something wrong tonight, but he wouldn't tell me what."
"He's probably nervous about you going off to college."
"I guess," she says, looking dubious. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Yeah," says Luke, making a mental note to whack Jess upside the head next time he sees him. "Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow if you two come in for breakfast."
"Ok. Night."
***
When Luke gets home, he sees that there is a light on upstairs. Jess must still be up. Luke starts preparing the You need to treat Rory better speech as he walks up the stairs. But then he sees Jess, who is holding a single sheet of creased paper and sort of staring through it.
He sees the look on Jess's face.
"Hey," Luke says. "What's that?'
"It's a letter. A letter I got earlier today."
From who?
"My father."
***
Continued in Chapter Nine.