Stu woke up from a happy little dream about sunshine and rainbows,
and where they came from. He somehow seemed to understand everything in his
dreams, but he forgot it when he woke up. It was so frustrating! If only he
could know everything, the world would be perfect. Stu sighed. Why must
everything be so confusing?
He sat up and stretched. As he opened his mouth to yawn, a force tasting of pillow smacked him full in the face.
"Ha ha! You were drooling on your pillow again, Stu!" Stu frowned, and his eyes narrowed. He didn't like being hit in the face with a pillow first thing in the morning, especially by his brother Kent.
"At least I wasn't doing what YOU do before bed!" Kent blushed. Stu didn't know exactly what Kent was doing, but as long as it embarrassed his annoying elder, all was well.
"Fuck off!" screamed Kent, whacking Stu's head with the pillow again. "I know who you were drooling about too, Stu. May! My Goddess, can't you pick somebody with BOOBS? Like Ann...I really wanna milk those teats..." He started making little gestures as if he were milking a cow.
Stu raised an eyebrow. Kent snapped out of his sick little milking fantasy and shook his head. "Anyway," he said, "you really need to find a girl a bit more...mature."
"But why?" asked Stu. "You say yourself all the time that I'm not mature." As he said this, Stu started to wonder what "mature" meant.
Kent shook his head and sighed, putting his hand on his naïve little bother's shoulder. "Stu, you're hopeless." With that, Kent pushed Stu off the bed and ran out of the room laughing.
Stu pulled himself up off the floor. Sometimes he really hated his brother. Kent never answered his questions and he always teased him mercilessly. "Stu!" called a voice from the other room. "Breakfast!"
"Coming, Grandpa!" The small boy walked into the other room and sat down at the table. He stared at the green sludge in the bowl in front of him.
"Uh, Grandpa?" he asked tentatively. "What is this stuff?"
The old man laughed, and Stu noticed that some of the so-called breakfast was smudged on his red robes. "It's my new invention! Herb O's, the tasty breakfast cereal that replenishes your energy! And lactose intolerant people can eat it, too, as all you have to do is add water!"
Stu stuck out his tongue and pushed the bowl away. "Aw, come on, boy! I need you to eat this!"
Kent nudged him and whispered in his ear. "In other words, he needs to test his new drugs on us."
"Kent!" scolded Grandpa. "I heard that!"
Kent grabbed Stu's wrist and pulled him up. "Let's go get some cake from Elli," he said. "It's gotta be better than this Herb O's crap." For once, Stu completely agreed with his brother.
When the two boys got outside, they heard strange noises coming from behind the house. Upon investigating further, they found a stray dog in the process of rutting with their sweet little girl dog.
"Dude!" exclaimed Kent. "Dog porn!" He watched with fascination, and started to do that strange thing he did at night and sometimes during church. Stu had grown used to it. He was much more interested in the wild- looking dog that was sitting on top of their dog. Something clicked in his mind.
"Hey!" he said happily. "That's the stray dog that used to be Jack's!" Then Stu's curiosity stirred. "What's Jack's dog doing to our dog?"
Kent was too busy jacking off to answer his brother, and a little pissed that he was still there. "Fuck off, Stu!" he said, and went on with his business.
Stu was mad. He just wanted his question answered! "Well, well...um..." he searched for a good comeback, and decided to turn Kent's around. "Well Kent, you can just fuck on!" With that, he stomped away, oblivious to the fact that Kent was doing exactly what he told him to do.
Stu went into the bakery and smacked right into Elli. "What's wrong, Stu?" she asked. The boy was never this angry. Stu looked around to see if Kent or May were around, and then he burst into tears and hugged Elli tightly.
"Kent was..." He sought for the word Kent had once used to describe that strange thing he did. "Kent was master debating, and he told me to fuck off!"
Elli was extremely tempted to smile, but she kept her face looking sympathetic. "What did you tell him?" she asked.
"I told him to fuck on!" Elli couldn't hold it in anymore, and she fell to the floor laughing. Stu got really angry at this. Why didn't anyone take him seriously? He looked for something vulgar to say to Elli.
"Go milk Ann's teats!" he shouted, and stamped away. All he could hear as he left were Elli's shrieks of laughter.
The boy ran up to the mountains and found refuge in the cave. "Ello- hay, Confused-boy!"
Stu turned around. "Hi, Bob," he responded sadly. He wasn't very happy at the moment, and he didn't really think the harvest sprite would help.
"Confused-boy have hard day?" asked Bob. Stu nodded.
Bob cocked his head in thought. Then he got an idea, and a little light bulb flashed above his head. "Oops," said Bob. He reached up and switched the light bulb off, and turned back to Stu. "Bob have perfect thing for Confused-boy!" the sprite exclaimed. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little tuft of grass. Stu looked at it quizzically.
"That's just a weed," he said, obviously disappointed.
"Not just any weed," said Bob. "If Confused-boy roll it up in paper, set it on fire, and breathe it, he see things nobody else ever see!" Stu laughed and took the weed happily. Now he'd understand everything!
***
While Stu was off getting stoned with the Harvest Sprite, May was becoming frantic with worry. Stu was supposed to meet up with her at the bakery, but he never showed up! That was really unlike him. He would never pass up the opportunity for cookies at ten AM. What was going on?
May tried to ask Kent what was going on, but he was way too busy moving his hand around in his pants-he did that a lot, especially during church, and May had learned from experience not to bother him while he was doing it or to ask him why he was moaning like that. When she asked their grandpa, all he did was give May a bowl of nasty, mushy green stuff he called Herb-O's. The girl walked all over town in search of her best friend, but he was nowhere in sight. She had just about given up, when she thought to ask her buddy Gray.
May went to find Gray, but felt dismay when she found that he was away. She decided to check the bay. She found her friend Gray, who was watching the ocean sway and chewing a piece of hay.
"Hey, Gray," said May.
"Hey, May," said Gray.
"What brings you to the bay?" asked May.
"I'm digging for clay."
"¿Por que?" asked May.
"No sé," replied Gray. "I thought I'd make Jack a new tray. He lost his the other day. It was shaped like a sleigh."
"A sleigh tray, you say?" inquired May. "Elli had one just today! She's using it to serve cookies, Gray. She must pay!"
"You don't say," said a pensive Gray. "I don't think Elli stole the tray. Maybe Jack didn't put it away."
"I say!" exclaimed May. "He might've dropped the tray on the way to see Cabaret. Then Elli took it away from the play, so she could bake later that day!"
"Hooray!" exclaimed Gray. "Now Jack can get his tray, and all will be ok!" Gray was as cheerful as a sun's ray. He started to do some ballet. May remembered that Stu had gone astray, and asked Gray if he'd seen him today.
"Sorry, May," replied Gray. "I've been at the bay all day."
"Oy vey," sighed May. "I'll go find him right away. Bye, Gray!"
"Good luck, May!" replied Gray. "Ja ne!"
May walked to the crossroads, where she noticed Kent laughing over a piece of paper. "Whatcha lookin' at?" asked May.
Kent looked up and scowled at her. "Nothing you'd understand, dummy."
May put her hands on her hips and frowned. "I would too understand it!"
Kent still refused to tell her. May jumped on his back and started to beat his head with a large rock. "Tell me tell me TELL MEEEEEEEE!"
Kent pushed her off, rubbing a rather large lump on his head. "Ok, you dumb bitch," he said. He held out the paper to her. On it was a picture of a white guy with a Rasta hat. The fake dreads on it hung down to his waist, and it seemed that there was a cat attached to his face. A caption beneath the picture read, "Too much herb."
May raised an eyebrow. "I don't get it," she said.
Kent scowled at her. "Yo mudda scunt," he said, and turned away from her. May took this as a sign to leave.
May skipped up to the mountain, where she ran straight into Maria. "What the fuck?" shouted the usually quiet librarian. "You little bitch!"
Maria took a spatula out of her pocket and knocked May in the head with it, sending her flying into the fisherman's pond. May panicked, as she couldn't swim.
"Help!" she screamed, being the idiot that she is. Her mouth was filled with water, and she started choking. Then, two hands grabbed her where her breasts would be if she had any and hauled her up to the surface. May spit out the water she had been choking on, and turned to face her savior. It was a green, imp-like creature.
"Why girl no have tits?" it asked sadly. The creature sighed, and threw her to the land. "Come drown in pond after be size DD. Or at least A." With that, the imp sank back into its pond.
May looked around, confused. Then she saw a little head full of black hair. "Stu!" she exclaimed. The girl ran to her friend.
Stu looked up at her and smiled, holding out a slightly bent plastic tube. "Hello, pretty no-boob crab. I found you a snorkel. Rugby!" Then Stu passed out. May took the snorkel, put it in her pocket, and dragged Stu home, thinking about happy ponies and rainbows.
He sat up and stretched. As he opened his mouth to yawn, a force tasting of pillow smacked him full in the face.
"Ha ha! You were drooling on your pillow again, Stu!" Stu frowned, and his eyes narrowed. He didn't like being hit in the face with a pillow first thing in the morning, especially by his brother Kent.
"At least I wasn't doing what YOU do before bed!" Kent blushed. Stu didn't know exactly what Kent was doing, but as long as it embarrassed his annoying elder, all was well.
"Fuck off!" screamed Kent, whacking Stu's head with the pillow again. "I know who you were drooling about too, Stu. May! My Goddess, can't you pick somebody with BOOBS? Like Ann...I really wanna milk those teats..." He started making little gestures as if he were milking a cow.
Stu raised an eyebrow. Kent snapped out of his sick little milking fantasy and shook his head. "Anyway," he said, "you really need to find a girl a bit more...mature."
"But why?" asked Stu. "You say yourself all the time that I'm not mature." As he said this, Stu started to wonder what "mature" meant.
Kent shook his head and sighed, putting his hand on his naïve little bother's shoulder. "Stu, you're hopeless." With that, Kent pushed Stu off the bed and ran out of the room laughing.
Stu pulled himself up off the floor. Sometimes he really hated his brother. Kent never answered his questions and he always teased him mercilessly. "Stu!" called a voice from the other room. "Breakfast!"
"Coming, Grandpa!" The small boy walked into the other room and sat down at the table. He stared at the green sludge in the bowl in front of him.
"Uh, Grandpa?" he asked tentatively. "What is this stuff?"
The old man laughed, and Stu noticed that some of the so-called breakfast was smudged on his red robes. "It's my new invention! Herb O's, the tasty breakfast cereal that replenishes your energy! And lactose intolerant people can eat it, too, as all you have to do is add water!"
Stu stuck out his tongue and pushed the bowl away. "Aw, come on, boy! I need you to eat this!"
Kent nudged him and whispered in his ear. "In other words, he needs to test his new drugs on us."
"Kent!" scolded Grandpa. "I heard that!"
Kent grabbed Stu's wrist and pulled him up. "Let's go get some cake from Elli," he said. "It's gotta be better than this Herb O's crap." For once, Stu completely agreed with his brother.
When the two boys got outside, they heard strange noises coming from behind the house. Upon investigating further, they found a stray dog in the process of rutting with their sweet little girl dog.
"Dude!" exclaimed Kent. "Dog porn!" He watched with fascination, and started to do that strange thing he did at night and sometimes during church. Stu had grown used to it. He was much more interested in the wild- looking dog that was sitting on top of their dog. Something clicked in his mind.
"Hey!" he said happily. "That's the stray dog that used to be Jack's!" Then Stu's curiosity stirred. "What's Jack's dog doing to our dog?"
Kent was too busy jacking off to answer his brother, and a little pissed that he was still there. "Fuck off, Stu!" he said, and went on with his business.
Stu was mad. He just wanted his question answered! "Well, well...um..." he searched for a good comeback, and decided to turn Kent's around. "Well Kent, you can just fuck on!" With that, he stomped away, oblivious to the fact that Kent was doing exactly what he told him to do.
Stu went into the bakery and smacked right into Elli. "What's wrong, Stu?" she asked. The boy was never this angry. Stu looked around to see if Kent or May were around, and then he burst into tears and hugged Elli tightly.
"Kent was..." He sought for the word Kent had once used to describe that strange thing he did. "Kent was master debating, and he told me to fuck off!"
Elli was extremely tempted to smile, but she kept her face looking sympathetic. "What did you tell him?" she asked.
"I told him to fuck on!" Elli couldn't hold it in anymore, and she fell to the floor laughing. Stu got really angry at this. Why didn't anyone take him seriously? He looked for something vulgar to say to Elli.
"Go milk Ann's teats!" he shouted, and stamped away. All he could hear as he left were Elli's shrieks of laughter.
The boy ran up to the mountains and found refuge in the cave. "Ello- hay, Confused-boy!"
Stu turned around. "Hi, Bob," he responded sadly. He wasn't very happy at the moment, and he didn't really think the harvest sprite would help.
"Confused-boy have hard day?" asked Bob. Stu nodded.
Bob cocked his head in thought. Then he got an idea, and a little light bulb flashed above his head. "Oops," said Bob. He reached up and switched the light bulb off, and turned back to Stu. "Bob have perfect thing for Confused-boy!" the sprite exclaimed. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little tuft of grass. Stu looked at it quizzically.
"That's just a weed," he said, obviously disappointed.
"Not just any weed," said Bob. "If Confused-boy roll it up in paper, set it on fire, and breathe it, he see things nobody else ever see!" Stu laughed and took the weed happily. Now he'd understand everything!
***
While Stu was off getting stoned with the Harvest Sprite, May was becoming frantic with worry. Stu was supposed to meet up with her at the bakery, but he never showed up! That was really unlike him. He would never pass up the opportunity for cookies at ten AM. What was going on?
May tried to ask Kent what was going on, but he was way too busy moving his hand around in his pants-he did that a lot, especially during church, and May had learned from experience not to bother him while he was doing it or to ask him why he was moaning like that. When she asked their grandpa, all he did was give May a bowl of nasty, mushy green stuff he called Herb-O's. The girl walked all over town in search of her best friend, but he was nowhere in sight. She had just about given up, when she thought to ask her buddy Gray.
May went to find Gray, but felt dismay when she found that he was away. She decided to check the bay. She found her friend Gray, who was watching the ocean sway and chewing a piece of hay.
"Hey, Gray," said May.
"Hey, May," said Gray.
"What brings you to the bay?" asked May.
"I'm digging for clay."
"¿Por que?" asked May.
"No sé," replied Gray. "I thought I'd make Jack a new tray. He lost his the other day. It was shaped like a sleigh."
"A sleigh tray, you say?" inquired May. "Elli had one just today! She's using it to serve cookies, Gray. She must pay!"
"You don't say," said a pensive Gray. "I don't think Elli stole the tray. Maybe Jack didn't put it away."
"I say!" exclaimed May. "He might've dropped the tray on the way to see Cabaret. Then Elli took it away from the play, so she could bake later that day!"
"Hooray!" exclaimed Gray. "Now Jack can get his tray, and all will be ok!" Gray was as cheerful as a sun's ray. He started to do some ballet. May remembered that Stu had gone astray, and asked Gray if he'd seen him today.
"Sorry, May," replied Gray. "I've been at the bay all day."
"Oy vey," sighed May. "I'll go find him right away. Bye, Gray!"
"Good luck, May!" replied Gray. "Ja ne!"
May walked to the crossroads, where she noticed Kent laughing over a piece of paper. "Whatcha lookin' at?" asked May.
Kent looked up and scowled at her. "Nothing you'd understand, dummy."
May put her hands on her hips and frowned. "I would too understand it!"
Kent still refused to tell her. May jumped on his back and started to beat his head with a large rock. "Tell me tell me TELL MEEEEEEEE!"
Kent pushed her off, rubbing a rather large lump on his head. "Ok, you dumb bitch," he said. He held out the paper to her. On it was a picture of a white guy with a Rasta hat. The fake dreads on it hung down to his waist, and it seemed that there was a cat attached to his face. A caption beneath the picture read, "Too much herb."
May raised an eyebrow. "I don't get it," she said.
Kent scowled at her. "Yo mudda scunt," he said, and turned away from her. May took this as a sign to leave.
May skipped up to the mountain, where she ran straight into Maria. "What the fuck?" shouted the usually quiet librarian. "You little bitch!"
Maria took a spatula out of her pocket and knocked May in the head with it, sending her flying into the fisherman's pond. May panicked, as she couldn't swim.
"Help!" she screamed, being the idiot that she is. Her mouth was filled with water, and she started choking. Then, two hands grabbed her where her breasts would be if she had any and hauled her up to the surface. May spit out the water she had been choking on, and turned to face her savior. It was a green, imp-like creature.
"Why girl no have tits?" it asked sadly. The creature sighed, and threw her to the land. "Come drown in pond after be size DD. Or at least A." With that, the imp sank back into its pond.
May looked around, confused. Then she saw a little head full of black hair. "Stu!" she exclaimed. The girl ran to her friend.
Stu looked up at her and smiled, holding out a slightly bent plastic tube. "Hello, pretty no-boob crab. I found you a snorkel. Rugby!" Then Stu passed out. May took the snorkel, put it in her pocket, and dragged Stu home, thinking about happy ponies and rainbows.