Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; they are the property of Mirage Studios, Inc. I am only borrowing them for the entertainment of those reading this. Please don't sue me, I assure you—I have no money. The other characters are mine, please don't borrow without permission.
Chapter 3: Conversation & a MovieRaphael:
I shut the TV off. Amazing. I think we got every single channel on the planet and there still wasn't anything good on. I didn't feel like playing video games or listening to the radio either. I felt like blowing off some steam, but I wasn't sure if it was okay for me to leave the room yet. I glanced out the window; it was pouring rain. That didn't exactly make me want to run outside; not that it would have stopped me if I'd really wanted to either.
Something was bothering me, but I wasn't sure what it was. I felt like I wanted to go say something to Athena, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I knew she was upset again about practice. I couldn't really apologize for that; we just sucked. It was frustrating. There wasn't really anything else to say about that. I knew I could probably put in more effort than I did, but sometimes it just seemed like she was asking the impossible.
Add Leo into everything I was feeling anyway and it wasn't pretty. I couldn't help the fact that just looking at him lately made me want to smash his face in. Splinter wouldn't have liked that. He wouldn't have liked a lot of things about me now.
I didn't want to spend any more time on that train of thought, and seeing as I'd never been one to follow the rules, why start now? Fuck it.
Of course, as luck would have it, Athena was heading down the hallway just as I stepped out of my room. I tried to avoid eye contact, you know that whole dog principle—"if I don't look at you, you can't see me." Seeing as neither of us was a dog, it didn't really work.
"Hi Raph."
"Hey."
"Heading out?" I couldn't tell from her expression if she approved or not.
"That depends."
"On…?"
"Whether or not my sentence is up."
"Oh, that. No, you can do whatever you want. You usually do anyway, don't you?" Again I couldn't really tell if she was being sarcastic or not, but it sounded just all too familiar. Of course, being me, I couldn't let it slide.
"Careful Athena, you're starting to sound a little like Leo. And that's not a good thing."
"Maybe it's not a bad thing either."
"Trust me, it is."
"You shouldn't be so hard on him."
"Me?!?"
"Yes, you."
"That's totally not even fair! You have no idea--"
"Well, you know what, I'm getting tired of the 'I have no idea' excuse—so why don't you explain it to me?"
"Say what?" That definitely wasn't the turn I expected the conversation to take.
"You said you're bored, I've got some time and a burning desire to know your side of the history between you two, so indulge me."
"You want me to explain Leo and me to you?"
"Absolutely."
"Right now?"
"No time like the present."
The look in her eye told me she was serious. She wanted me to explain my relationship with Leo, something that I usually considered beyond words, much less explanation.
"I guess, but I don't know how much you're gonna get out of it."
"Try me."
"Your place or mine?" I gave her a grin. She just cocked an eyebrow and gave me that "don't mess with me" look.
"Mine."
"Lead the way…"
***********************************************************
Athena:
Raphael was one of those people who, despite spending a lot of time alone thinking, really didn't have much of a clue what he felt or thought about anything. At least not so much as he could put into words. He was right; I don't know how much I got out of his half-assed explanation, but I wasn't done yet by any means.
He'd become bored with the conversation about 5 minutes into it and had turned my TV on. I didn't care; the distraction actually seemed to help him. It was a topic with which he was obviously not comfortable. He'd told me things that I pretty much already knew: Leonardo was the favored son, the golden child, while he was the screw-up, and how they were just opposites in every way, and Leonardo never left him alone, and always butted into his business. Obviously, they were the rather dysfunctional part of their little family, but what family is really complete without that?
Raphael was attempting to distract himself with some lack-of-plot action movie on TV, but I was determined to get more answers out of him.
"Why does it make you mad when Leonardo asks you where you've been?"
"Hey, I said I'd explain things to you best I could. I didn't come in here for family counseling."
"Just answer the question."
He turned away from the screen and looked me straight in the eye which, to be honest, was something he rarely did with me. I was taken aback for a second, and I realized he was really thinking about what he was going to say to me, if anything at all. He turned back to the screen and picked up the remote. I sighed inwardly and we sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.
Suddenly he turned the TV off and faced me.
"You and I both know this shit's really not your business. Now before you say anything, let me explain. Leo and I are what we are; we act how we act. I really don't think there's anything you can do to change that. Splinter tried for years with no luck."
He paused, taking a deep breath. I knew he didn't want me to respond yet, so I just sat there ready to listen.
"Now, I appreciate everything you're trying to do here with us. I'm aware that it's a big honor to get the opportunity to learn what you know, and I know you had to pull some strings to make that happen. We all know that, and we appreciate it. But I think sometimes you expect too much from us. Somebody fucked with us and trust me, we're still recovering from that, we lost our sensei, and now we're halfway across the globe trying to do shit we never even thought we could do. That's a lot to swallow, Athena. I know it's not your fault or even really you're problem, I'm just telling you. The thing is I don't know why I'm telling you, because I know you know all of this. I can see it in your eyes. I know that you want the best for us. That's cool, and you've done a lot for us already—you and your sisters. Just understand that, and I'm not trying to be mean or anything, most of the time I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, or with my life at all. I guess with Splinter I at least held on to this false sense of purpose and now he's gone and I just don't know what the hell I'm here for."
He paused again, this time looking out the window.
"You know what really gets me? I know Leo's feeling the same way. He's so fucking lost I'm surprised he can still find his way to the shitter when he's gotta go. Yet there he is every day in practice still pulling the "I'm the good son" routine, and there ain't nobody around that gives a shit anymore. He can't just come out and say he doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, you've seen him, I know you have. He sucks just like the rest of us, but you'd never know it from how he acts. He's still trying to tell us what to do, still trying to be the leader. Our fearless fuckin' leader. It's bullshit."
I sat there, taking in everything he'd said. I'm sure he didn't know it, but he just told me everything I wanted to know, and maybe more. It only confirmed what I'd been thinking since my epiphany in the kitchen earlier. Something had to give. I looked up to find him staring at me, apparently waiting for some kind of response.
"I don't know what to say."
"Me neither."
"Well, you just did a pretty good job."
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"Don't apologize; I appreciate your honesty."
He looked out the window again; the rain was still coming down, sheeting across the glass. He ran his finger along the path of it for a moment before turning back to me.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"You gonna have this conversation with Leo?"
"I don't know."
"Don't you want to hear his side?"
"Maybe. Why?"
"Just wondering. Splinter would always have a talk with me after Leo and I got in a fight. I don't think he hardly ever talked to Leo about it."
"Why do you think that was?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I guess I just figure it's because he assumed I started it and it was my fault, and therefore my problem to fix. I wasn't really kidding about the 'good son/bad son' thing."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm not having this conversation with you because I think you're the problem, Raph. I just wanted to hear your side of things."
"Well, you got it."
"Thanks."
"Heh. Don't mention it."
Raphael:
"Hey Raph?"
"Yeah?" I felt drained; I didn't want to answer any more questions, but I didn't want to be rude either.
"Are you done talking about this?"
"Definitely." Thank god.
"Good; one of my favorite movies is coming on next."
"You mean you actually watch TV?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well I didn't know where you'd fit that into your wonder woman schedule."
"Believe it or not, I did actually have some time to myself before you guys came along."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I don't mind."
"So what movie is it?"
"Sliding Doors."
"Chick flick."
"That's rude; don't say that. I bet you haven't even seen it!"
"Of course I haven't; it's a chick flick."
"You know you might actually like it if you gave it a shot."
"Are you asking me to stay and watch it with you?"
"Sure."
"Who's in it?"
"Gwyneth Paltrow."
"Gwyneth, huh?"
"Is she enough to make you stay?"
"Depends. Do I get to see anything?"
"God you can be such a pig!"
"Well, do I?"
"I don't know; I can't remember! Are you gonna stay or not?"
"Throw some popcorn into the deal and I'll stay, but next time I pick the movie."
"Oh, we'll be doing this again?"
"If I survive this? Definitely."
She smiled broadly, and I realized that was the first time I'd seen her do that in a while. It made me feel bad, and apparently it showed on my face.
"What?"
"Nothing."
She frowned at me--so much for the smile.
"So how about that popcorn?"
"I'm all over it."
"Well that should be interesting…"
"Raphael, unless you want a lap full of popcorn, I'd knock it off if I were you."
"Yes, but thank god you're not."
"Amen to that!"
**********************************
Several hours later…"I swear I can't watch any more of this, Athena! I'm gonna fall asleep!"
"No, you're going to miss the best part!"
"I doubt that very much."
"Oh, come on, I sat all the way through your movie."
"Yeah, that's 'cuz it was good!"
"You suck."
"You realize people are probably wondering where we are and why we haven't shown our faces all day."
"Are you worried about it?"
"No."
"You're such a bad liar."
"Whatever."
"Well, if you're going go, and if you're staying, stay because you're interrupting the movie."
"Fine."
"So you're staying?"
"As long as you don't mind me crashing right here."
"Jerk. I'm telling you…you're going to miss the best part…"
"Is there tits or ass involved?"
"Maybe…"
"Oh, alright, I'll watch it."
"You are such a perv, Raphael."
"I know, I know."