Disclaimer:  I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; they are the property of Mirage Studios, Inc.  I am only borrowing them for the entertainment of those reading this.  Please don't sue me, I assure you—I have no money.  The other characters are mine, please don't borrow without permission. 

Chapter 7: Leonardo

Leonardo:

A warm wind swept across the rooftop; it smelled slightly sweet and I remembered again how much I loved this place.  If anyone had actually asked me where I wanted to be sent for my 'exile', I'm sure I wouldn't have chosen rural Mexico.  Further proof, I guess, that there are people out there who know me better than I know myself, which is not an easy thing for me to admit.

I finished up my tai chi and prepared to meditate.  I had tried to continue with my training here, but it just didn't work.  Athena suggested taking a break from it for a while, so I did.  I didn't even practice my ninjutsu much anymore.  At first I'd felt really guilty about it, but once I'd gotten over that it was actually really liberating not to train every day.  I never thought I'd say that.  I wondered if Splinter would be disappointed in me.

I breathed deep and tried to clear my mind, which was apparently not going to be an easy task today.  My thoughts were just racing, not about anything in particular really, but it was enough to be distracting.  It almost seemed that the more I meditated, the more I had on my mind.  I recently found myself contemplating things I'd never really thought about before everything happened.

I had always loved being a ninja.  I loved absolutely everything about it—the discipline, the purpose, the challenge, the all-consuming nature of it.  Now I wasn't even practicing anymore, and I thought that would leave me with a huge void, only it didn't.  Sure it felt strange because I was out of a routine that I'd had practically my whole life, but other than that it felt…right.  That left me feeling very confused.  When you've lived your whole life one way and suddenly everything you took for granted is pulled away from you, it does things to you.  Things I didn't really expect.

It had been incredibly frustrating to keep trying and failing with Athena's technique.  I wasn't used to that.  For the first time I couldn't make my body do what I wanted.  For the first time I couldn't reach down inside myself and focus my energy enough to master something.  That scared the hell out of me.  Add that on top of the loss of Splinter, and the huge change in my own body, and I was just coming from a really bad place.  I couldn't control myself the way I used to.

At first when Athena had dropped me off here and explained what was happening, I was furious.  She barely knew us; she had no right to do something like that to us.  With everything we'd been through, we needed to be together.  She'd called every day in the beginning, but I wouldn't talk to her.  She finally stopped calling, and I finally accepted that she'd made a good decision—at least for me.  I needed that time to myself to accept everything.  I needed to not worry about everyone else and what they were doing and how they were doing.  I only worried about what I felt and what I needed.  I think that was the first time in my whole life that I'd ever done that.

The first time Athena stopped by to check in on me, I think she was expecting me to still be angry with her.  I wasn't though.  She stayed for a few days and we had a lot of good conversations, and it was lonely when she left.  It seems like every time I get used to the solitude she or Panaceia shows up and throws everything off.  I suppose I need to work on my ability to adapt.

When I spoke to Athena earlier, she said she'd be stopping by again soon.  She said everyone is well, but she still won't say where they are.  They could be just down the street or halfway across the globe for all I know, but I've stopped arguing with her about it.  She's forcing me to trust her, like it or not.  So far she seems to know what she's doing though, which is encouraging.  At the same time, I can't help worrying about the fact that a 16 year-old is in charge of my brothers and me. 

I sighed and shook my head.  I was letting my thoughts run away with me again.  Another deep breath and a long exhale, it was time to focus…